Work Text:
Rui sighed, staring at the ceiling of his room. The faint sound of his heater buzzed from the corner, and the only other sounds were the whirring of his machines and his faint breathing.
He clutched the plush platypus in his arms, its neck adorned with a red ribbon. He stared down at it, looking into its beady eyes.
“What do I get for him, Tsutsu?”
Yes, he named his plush platypus after Tsukasa. How couldn’t he? Tsukasa had gotten him the plush, as well as chocolate, and flowers, and—
Well. Tsukasa had done a lot for him. And he’d done nothing in return.
He sighed, hugging the plush tighter and curling up around it. It was a nice size, large enough to curl his entire body around. Tsukasa had made it just the perfect size.
Goodness, made him it.
How was he able to top that?
Him and Tsukasa had only been together since that early November, and ever since that… day at the park, they hadn’t really kissed since.
Perhaps it was embarrassment, or fear of rejection, that impelled Rui to let down on the acts of love. Tsukasa didn’t seem to mind, at least, an outsider would grasp that much, but Rui was no fool. He caught onto the subtle, longing looks, the reaching, the staring.
Rui was too, too scared.
Gosh, even that Valentine’s Day had felt like a surreal experience…
—
“Rui, wait!”
The inventor turned around at the yell, eyeing the blond that called out to him. He was holding an assortment of things behind him, and Rui tried to peer at them.
“HEY! NO PEEKING!” Tsukasa yelled, successfully catching the attention of the other students departing from the school. Rui tilted his head in wonderment, a confused but curious look on his face.
“What is Tsukasa-kun hiding?~” He sang, a lazy, catlike smile on his face. Tsukasa grumbled, shaking his head, but an amused smile on his face nonetheless.
“If you wanna see, you need to come to the rooftop! I’ll meet you there!” He suddenly exclaimed, running away with the bag of what Rui could only assume were Valentines gifts.
“A-Ah, what?” He muttered, bewildered. He blinked a few times, before shaking off his surprise and chasing his star.
He made his way onto the rooftop, cautiously opening the door. At this hour, only club activities gave the school life, and there was currently no signs of students of the roof.
Until his sight caught onto Tsukasa.
He was standing in front of him, a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates and a large platypus plushie snug into the said bouquet.
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Rui.” Tsukasa hummed, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and subdued.
Rui’s voice caught in his throat, his eyes blown wide as he stared in disbelief. The sunset shone onto Tsukasa, highlighting him.
The star of my show…
Rui was starstruck, literally.
He walked forwards, looking down at the gift. Tsukasa pushed it into Rui’s hands, a soft smile on his face.
“I hope you like it,” he whispered, “I love you so, so much.”
If Rui began to cry, nobody else had to know.
—
He still shoved his face into his hands whenever that memory was brought into his mind. It was currently the 1st of March, and he was yet to recover.
White Day was in just two weeks, and Rui was determined to top Tsukasa’s gift…
In some way. He just… didn’t know how.
He pulled out his phone, opening the hallowed group chat:
—
rui’s mental support squad
the_inventor:
hey everyone!~ i need some help ╭(๑¯⌓¯๑)╮
little-mermaid:
sigh what is it this time..?
amia:
what’s up?
the_inventor:
i’m not sure what to get tsukasakun for white day! he got me so many gifts for valentines i’m not sure how to top it!! ( ･᷄-･᷅ )
amia:
wanna hit the mall and look around?
the_inventor:
nooo that’s not enough! it needs to be special and meaningful!
little-mermaid:
why not just finally kiss him again.
the_inventor:
i mean… i could do that…
BUT ITS NOT ENOUGH!!!
amia:
do u want us to come over and like talk about it??
the_inventor:
yes please~
little-mermaid:
why do i do this to myself…
—
Rui smiled in accomplishment. Yes, he felt a little guilty for bringing those two into all of his issues, but they were obliged to. They were his mental support squad after all.
His smile faltered, remembering the times they’d helped him through rough patches. Guilt squeezed his heart, but he shook his head, remembering the topic at hand.
He stood up from his bed, tidying his room (barely) and attempting to fix his disheveled appearance. He looked no better than a sickly, underfed child. He sighed, shaking his head once more. He totally hadn’t lost sleep over this or anything…
“Ruuuiii~ We’re here!”
Rui smiled, going over to the garage door and opening it. Mizuki and Nene stood outside, the pinkette with a wide grin and the other girl engulfed in her video game.
“Hello Mizuki, Nene. Please do come in.” Rui held open the door, inviting the two girls into his room. Mizuki hummed, skipping into the room and getting comfy on the couch. Nene followed, quieter and calmer. The diva shut off her game after her victory and reluctantly placed her phone into her pocket. Rui sat between the two.
“Okay Rui, tell us what you’re thinking!” Mizuki prompted, folding their hands over their lap and peering into Rui’s soul.
Eek…
“Well, I’ve been brainstorming several ideas on how to reciprocate Tsukasa-kun’s Valentine’s Day gift, but I’ve been coming short. Each idea seems like too little, and I can’t help but point out each tiny imperfection in my mind. It’s become tiresome, really…” He ranted, his voice quieting toward the end. Nene blinked at him slowly.
“Is that why you look so beat up?” She spoke bluntly.
Rui froze, staring at his hands. Did he really look that bad…? He looked at the ugly callouses of his hands, he felt the heaviness underneath his eyes, was aware of his bruised skin, his slim stature, how did Tsukasa and Nene and Emu and Mizuki even like him-
“Rui, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.” Nene muttered, placing a hand on top of Rui’s. She frowned, a worried look on her face. Rui stared at her for a moment, then nodded. Mizuki frowned from the other side of the couch.
“It’s alright. But, uhm, that’s where the issue stands now…” He spoke, attempting to change the direction of the current conversation.
“Well Rui, you’re in luck! I come with a year of dating experience!” Mizuki declared, standing proudly. They walked in front of Rui and Nene, clearing their throat to begin their proposal.
“I say,” they began with an almost comical deep and serious voice, “you take Tsukasa-senpai on a little… adventure.” They said, clasping their hands. “A date, but with a ton of locations and activities, and at the end, POW! Surprise him with a huge gift, like y’know, a kiss or something.” They finished with pizazz, smirking confidently.
Rui’s eyes lit up. That could work…
“I like it,” he said, nodding his head with enthusiasm, “it’s perfect.”
Mizuki let out a shout of victory, sitting back down next to the other two. Nene nodded as well, thinking about the whole entirety of the idea.
“The real question is,” she pondered, “is where you’re supposed to take Tsukasa, and how you’re supposed to hide this whole thing when you spend almost every waking moment together.”
Rui paused his excitement, taking Nene’s points into account. If he were to plan this out, he would have to make it perfect, with absolutely no mishaps. He’d need Tsukasa to enjoy it, all of it. And in doing so, hide this whole plan for another 3 weeks.
Aaa… this was going to ruin Rui. But anything for his beloved Tsukasa-kun, correct?
—
“-and then Saki was like ‘wait, but I thought you loved peppers,’ and I like- gasped in shock because she’s my dear sister and she can’t even remember my dislike for those bitter things! I’ll eat every vegetable but peppers!” Tsukasa droned on, not even touching his lunch since their break had started because he was so engrossed in his little story.
Rui smiled. It was adorable.
“Aaah, I can’t believe Tsukasa-kun also shares my hatred for vegetables! I thought I’d never see the day!” He teased, eliciting a glare from Tsukasa (which held no true anger).
“I just said I’ll eat every vegetable but peppers Rui, that means I still eat vegetables, as you should!” Tsukasa remarked, pointing a finger at Rui. The inventor sighed, placing his head on Tsukasa’s shoulder.
Wow. He could do that now, huh?
He continued to rest during the last 10 minutes of their break, the faint sound of ruffling papers meaning Tsukasa was probably studying his lines. After a while, Rui opened a single eye to look over at his boyfriend.
“Tsukasa-kun? Have you touched your lunch? I ate mine during class but I don’t think I saw you even open it all day.” Rui asked, watching Tsukasa’s focused expression turn to a slightly shocked one.
“You noticed? Haha, of course you did! Only my boyfriend would be so perceptive!” Tsukasa bragged, and while Rui would have usually blushed and hugged Tsukasa tighter, that did little to quell his worries. If anything, it worsened them. Tsukasa was clearly deflecting.
“Mmm, you should eat it, Kasa. You always tell me to eat more so I can become big and strong.” Rui explained, opening both of his eyes and attempting to cajole Tsukasa into eating his lunch.
But his star just shuffled nervously.
“I’m not very hungry Rui, really! I’ll eat at practice later, okay?” Tsukasa said anxiously, his smile crooked and stressed.
Rui’s brows furrowed, taking in Tsukasa’s awkward state. Something was wrong, Tsukasa hadn’t been like this since their performance with the Phoenix Stage so long ago.
“…Okay.” Rui muttered, and as the bell rang, the two walked back to class in silence.
—
Rui had been on his computer for about an hour, logging onto it the moment practice ended.
Tsukasa hadn’t ate anything.
With this new information in his mind, Rui began to research small cafes. Because Rui was going to take Tsukasa on this little “adventure,” he was going to make sure his star was well taken care of.
He’d made sure to look for cafes with light food options, so as to be able to coax Tsukasa into eating something without his star beginning to count the calories. Really, Rui had thought Tsukasa had let go of this, but something must have brought it back up.
Rui frowned, adding a bullet point underneath the cafe idea.
⁃ talk to tsukasakun about his ed (if he’s comfortable!!)
He wanted to make sure Tsukasa didn’t have to harbor these disturbing feelings. He doesn’t like to think about it too much, but he can still remember Tsukasa’s empty eyes and bony frame from when he’d continued his “water fasting” even after his role as Rio. It had taken a lot of effort to pull him out of that tar pit of feelings, and this time, Rui wanted to stop it before it reached the same level as the last time.
Rui sighed, staring at his shaking hands. He didn’t want to feel responsible for it all again. He’d told himself last time that if Tsukasa took it too far he would stop him, but Rui didn’t stop him, and Tsukasa could’ve been so badly hurt, he was badly hurt.
Rui scrunched his eyes tightly together. This wasn’t the time to think these thoughts. He needed to create a date plan for him and Tsukasa. That was it. He was not going to go into his guilt complex.
“Cafe… then, after, I should take Tsukasa-kun to see a show.” Yes, good idea Rui!
And that was how he spent the rest of his all-nighter, researching upcoming shows and attempting to shove back the image of Tsukasa nearly dead in his mind.
—
If Rui had woken up the next day with even deeper eye bags, not a soul needed to or would ever know. The gift of concealer hid the dark patches.
He walked onto the school campus, smiling when he heard the familiar yelling of his name.
“RUII!!! GOOD MORNING!!” Tsukasa yelled, and at this point nobody batted an eye because the whole school was used to their shenanigans. Rui giggled, waving back at the blond.
“Good morning, Tsukasa-kun~” he hummed,
“it’s so wonderful to see you.” Tsukasa smiled his usual smile, and some of Rui’s previous worries washed away. Maybe this wasn’t as bad as Rui was making it out to be.
(Tsukasa looked up at him from the tiled floor of the bathrooms held backstage, his eyes sunken, empty, and tired, his slender, blue tipped fingers clasping the white porcelain toilet bowl as if it were the only thing grounding him to reality.)
It’s all fine. Really, it’s all fine. Rui doesn’t know why he’s worrying so much. Tsukasa looked happy, healthy, and sounded boisterous as ever.
“C’mon Rui, let’s get to class now! I have something I’d like to show you, but I’d rather we be sitting.” Tsukasa explained, pulling Rui by the hand and dragging him over to the classroom.
Gosh, Rui was so horribly in love. How was it that everything Tsukasa did made Rui’s stomach flip and cause butterflies to zoom across his insides?
“Okay, Tsukasa-kun! I’m coming!”
A new idea formed in his head, their adventure date was going to be amazing!
—
Another night riddled with the memory of Tsukasa’s starved body was occurring. So Rui brought it upon himself to continue his planning. So far, he had booked a reservation to the cafe, and he had bought tickets to the show Tsukasa had been talking about.
Now, he wanted to take Tsukasa to another special place! The park!
One, it was like their little stargazing hangout (or makeout, said the little Mizuki in his head which he then proceeded to pelt with rocks), and two, it would be something Tsukasa enjoyed, especially because it was where they got together.
Rui grinned, typing another line of words
- make some little sandwiches and stuff, ask nene for help!!!!
Wonderful, this plan was coming along nicely. By the time the show ended, it would hopefully be around sunset.
And then, finally, Rui would kiss Tsukasa again. It was only what his star deserved. It was scary, for sure, and as intoxicating as their first kiss had been, Rui had been unsure on how to initiate another one. He was quite inexperienced, and the only reason he’d really kissed Tsukasa like that was out of pure desperation. Now that he was dating Tsukasa, he didn’t feel that same need for a kiss.
But it would still be nice. To kiss Tsukasa again.
So for the rest of his second all-nighter, he began researching good kissing techniques.
—
Rui was very tired. Maybe he should sleep more? He’s had about 4 days of no sleep, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to take Tsukasa on a date when he could barely function himself.
Today’s the day. No use in doubting himself when he’d already planned this out to a T. He even recruited Mizuki to help him pick his outfit.
He stood outside of Tsukasa’s house, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He decided on lilies, devotion and pure love. He smiled to himself. Even after confessing to Tsukasa, he continued to give the star a flower every once in a while.
He knocked on the door, his palms sweaty and his smile shaky at best. He had to hold it together. Their first date needed to be perfect, he simply couldn’t settle for less.
The door swung open after a moment, and an excited Tsukasa stood on the other side. He looked simply divine.
“RUI!! I’m so excited, you don’t understand! I’ve been waiting by the door for ages, Saki even got worried!- Ah, are those white lilies? Rui, you really didn’t have to!”
He was going to kill Rui someday if he kept this up.
“You’re too adorable, Tsukasa-kun…” Rui whispered, loud enough for Tsukasa to hear. A hue of red spread across the blond’s cheeks, and he tried to shove his face into the bouquet to hide the blush.
“A-Ahem, we should get going if we want to be on time for whatever you’ve planned, correct?” Tsukasa muttered, trying to change the topic. Rui looked down at his watch. Tsukasa was right, the show started in about an hour and a half, giving them some time to get to the cafe.
“You’re correct, Tsukasa-kun. Let’s get going, shall we?” Rui held a hand out for the actor, as he was still above the stairs on his patio. Tsukasa laughed at his antics, grabbing Rui’s extended hand and walking down the three steps.
The two walked together, bantering aimlessly with their hands still intertwined.
“Can you at least give me a hint as to where we’re going?” Tsukasa begged, a small pout on his face. Rui hummed to himself.
“Alright, it’s a place you’ve never been to before,” Rui teased, successfully frustrating Tsukasa further. “That didn’t help at all!” Tsukasa protested, placing his free hand on his hip.
“You didn’t say it had to help though,” Rui replied smartly, continuing to swing their hands as he hummed louder. Tsukasa tried to chastise Rui, but after noticing his ignorance, stopped his yelling and sighed in defeat.
“You’re impossible, you know that?” Tsukasa sighed, with no true anger behind his words. Rui smiled calmly.
“If I was possible, I’d be quite the boring puzzle to solve, hm?” He asked, more to himself than anything. An impossible puzzle? It was a fitting definition to the anachronism that was Kamishiro Rui. Sometimes he found he couldn’t figure himself out, and he should know himself best. Alas, he does not, and he sits aimlessly in the constant loop of life wondering where his making went wrong.
“You’re thinking too much again. You always get lost in your head, huh? I imagine your brain as a giant rose maze sometimes,” Tsukasa commented randomly. Rui couldn’t help but snort, and Tsukasa looked at him in both shock and wonder. And after that, Rui doubled over in laughter from the oddness of it all.
—
Tsukasa found Rui very beautiful. Not only in looks, because of course he could talk on and on about every curve and feature Rui had and never run out of things to say. It was moments like these, where Rui laughed and wheezed and sounded so happy, that Tsukasa felt it.
The fluttering in his chest, the pang that just screamed “I’m madly in love with this man” because it was true. Tsukasa was undoubtedly in love with Kamishiro Rui.
And so, in this love for him, Tsukasa of course takes notice of the little things that change in Rui, like the new addition of bags underneath his golden eyes, or the way his boyfriend will zone out for a moment, and his eyes would glaze over as if he was on a different planet.
Rui hadn’t been sleeping enough, and the fucked up part was Tsukasa knew he was the reason. He knew this the moment they reached their destination.
“A… cafe?” Tsukasa mumbled, looking at the small eatery tucked in the corner of Scramble Crossing. He then looked to his right where Rui stood, noticing the concern in his gaze.
“A-Ah, do you not like it? The reviews said it was nice and I thought you’d like to try it, they even have really good ginger fried pork, and I know that’s your favorite- oh, and if you’re not up for that, they have light stuff like salads-“
“No, Rui. I love it! There’s nothing wrong with it, I just thought you weren’t the type of person to take your partner to a cafe for a date. I was thinking more ‘let’s explode Tsukasa-kun,’ but this is obviously leagues better!” Tsukasa cut Rui off, successfully stopping the train of guilt chugging through his boyfriend before it reached its next stop. Rui sighed in obvious relief, and smiled at Tsukasa again.
“Okay then, let’s head inside.” Rui replied, leading Tsukasa into the small cafe. The star scrunched his brow in worry. He wasn’t sure if he should be eating anything, especially considering the fact he hadn’t eaten since 11am the day before.
But… he was hungry. And he was on a date, with Rui, so who cared if he ate something? He’d just order something healthy, like a salad.
In all honesty, Tsukasa didn’t know how he managed to get back to this point. After the last time he’d attempted a diet, it had gone horribly. He’d worried all of his friends and nearly died. But, he was trying to be a tad more responsible this time. He was just trying to lose a bit of weight, right? He wasn’t doing anything necessarily wrong.
But when he ordered the salad and looked up at Rui, who was obviously concerned because why the hell didn’t Tsukasa order the ginger fried pork when he salivates at the mouth for it, and his entire view shifted. Because, he was hurting others too, wasn’t he? He felt Rui’s piercing gaze on him, and that pang of love quickly turned into a thick pool of cold and sticky tar. Rui’s tired and crippled visage was because the director was worried about him. Because no doubt Tsukasa had traumatized Rui when he starved himself and of course he was dumb enough to try to do it again.
Rui knew. Rui knew, and now he was taking Tsukasa on a date to try and fix everything because Tsukasa piled guilt upon guilt onto Rui’s already heavy shoulders because he was a selfish piece of shit.
“Tsukasa-kun. You know you can always talk to me, right? I’m here, and I care for you so much. I’ll never judge you.” Rui reassured the blond, his gaze filled with worry. Tsukasa’s hands balled into fists as he looked down from Rui’s gaze onto his lap.
He wants to tell Rui everything so badly. To tell him how much he hates this stupid body he’s stuck with and how he also hates himself for resorting to this stupid habit every single time like a stupid, whiny bitch. He’s so weak for running away like a coward and refusing food like a picky toddler.
His breath shuddered, and his entire being was tightly bunched together like a freezing baby penguin.
“Rui, none of this is, or ever was, your fault,” he forced out despite his chest constricting his words and making them sound quiet as a mouse. “It’s all because of me. Because I’m never going to be satisfied with myself. Because every time I look at myself, I see things that need improvement. Not only with my body, but with my acting, with my personality, with every little detail,” Tsukasa took in one last long, grounding breath,
“I’m never going to be enough to myself. Ever. I can say over and over and over again that I’m good at acting, or that I look nice today, but it’s never enough. And I still can’t believe that- that you’re sitting here in front of me, exhausted after planning an entire date because you love me. It’s so hard to understand that you aren’t going to just up and leave because I’m imperfect. I just- I just want you to know that none of this is because of you. It’s all my fault.” He finished, his body shaking fervently and his gaze glued to the folds of his pants. He’d already tuned out the rest of the cafe ages ago, and at this rate didn’t care for who saw.
He then felt a warm hand grasp his shaking one.
“Tsukasa. I know this won’t do much, but I want you to look at me momentarily. I’d like to list the plethora of wonderful traits about you I’ve collected since we’ve met. I find comfort in data, and I hope you may as well.”
…What?
Tsukasa, confused, still abided and looked up at Rui, despite the fear coursing through his veins.
Instead of distaste, though, he saw overwhelming warmth. Rui smiled reassuringly at the actor, and began his list.
“I love Tsukasa-kun’s orange eyes. They fade from orange to a pink, like a sunset. I also love Tsukasa-kun’s hair, which matches his eyes perfectly. Tsukasa-kun has pretty, dainty hands,” Rui emphasized this by lifting one and running his thumb across it, “his hands play piano so wonderfully, but sometimes get ruined when stitching together costumes for shows. Even so, Tsukasa-kun always takes care of his hands with lotion. So responsible!”
Tsukasa swallowed, blush forming on his cheeks and spreading across his face like a plague.
“Tsukasa-kun also has wonderful acting skills. He stands on stage like he owns it, and brings smiles to the faces of the entire audience. He even brings smiles to me.” Rui explained, leaving a kiss on Tsukasa’s knuckles. “He runs across the stage so gracefully, and his body is fit and perfect.” Was Tsukasa beginning to cry? What was this warm feeling?
“And last but certainly not least, I love Tsukasa-kun’s bright, loud, and confident personality. I also love his happiness, and I hold it close to my heart. Tsukasa-kun is who I love, and if anyone would ever try to take him, they would not see the light of day again.” Rui finished, his gaze still gentle and sickeningly loving. He lifted a hand to wipe the tears from Tsukasa’s face, and kissed a few of them away.
“I love you too,” Tsukasa whispered, and Rui just grinned and kissed Tsukasa’s hand again.
—
After a plethora of events, including Rui feeding Tsukasa a slice of his cake and watching an amazing show (which totally didn’t make Tsukasa cry again!), it was time for the duo to head over to their final stop: the park.
Tsukasa ran over to the swings, standing on them and nearly falling over.
“When I was younger, me and Shizuku would bring Saki and Shiho to this playground, and Shizuku would push me on the swings,” Tsukasa blurted randomly, cutting the silence that was only filled with the occasional sound of crickets.
The moon shone onto Tsukasa and made him look like an angel. How was it that no matter the time of day, Tsukasa still managed to leave Rui speechless?
“Was it because Tsukasa-kun’s legs were too tiny?” Rui teased, eliciting a groan from Tsukasa. The star shook his head, exasperated but a smile was still on his face.
Now was the moment, Rui was sure of it.
He walked closer to Tsukasa’s spot on the swings, where he was now seated and at eye level with Rui. Rui placed his hands on Tsukasa’s waist, bringing them close enough for their foreheads to meet.
Up close, Rui could count every individual freckle on Tsukasa’s face, and map out their various constellations. He stared into Tsukasa’s endless amber eyes, and his dewy, soft lips, which just begged to be kissed by Rui’s. Tsukasa’s smile soon turned into a docile expression, and it was clear they were both thinking the same thing.
No words were needed as Rui leaned over and captured Tsukasa’s mouth in a kiss. Tsukasa made a quick, shocked sound, which made Rui smile against Tsukasa’s lips. He adjusted the tilt of his head, still inexperienced but learning.
Tsukasa grasped the hair at Rui’s nape, pulling his impossibly closer and wrapping his legs around Rui’s lower body from his place on the swings.
“I love you so much,” Tsukasa mumbled against Rui, opening his eyes barely as they split apart from their kiss. Rui kissed Tsukasa’s nose.
“I love you more than anything, Kasa. Never forget that, okay?”
Tsukasa nodded, slowly as if still drunk by the kiss, and Rui smashed his lips against Tsukasa’s once more.