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Artwork by Lademonessa
The door to Tommy’s office opened without anyone knocking. He looked up from the invoices he was sorting, expecting to see his sister, instead Oliver walked into the office. “Are we meeting for lunch today?” he asked knowing for certain that they didn’t have any lunch plans. Oliver was barely speaking to him.
Oliver sat in the chair opposite from him and reached into his coat pocket. He stretched his arm across the desk and opened his hand to reveal a bottle of pills. Oliver sat back in his chair, “How long?”
Tommy reached for the bottle of pills that he’d been hiding in a pair of his dress shoes in their closet. He doubted that Oliver had been ransacking their home looking for them, so their discovery had probably been accidental. He placed the pills in his desk drawer and cursed himself for not keeping them in his office in the first place. “Ollie,” he murmured.
“I couldn’t find my tuxedo shoes and I thought that maybe they’d been put away on your shelves instead of mine,” Oliver explained.
“Your shoes are with the shoe repair guy. You put a hole through the sole chasing a bad guy through an alley,” Tommy reminded him. “I can pick them up for you before the club opens tonight.”
“I don’t care about the fucking shoes,” Oliver ground out, “how long have you been back on your meds?”
“Ten days,” Tommy ran his fingers through his hair.
“Does Felicity know?” Oliver sounded like he believed the answer to be, yes.
“No, I haven’t told her,” Tommy said truthfully. He’d been waiting for the right time to tell them and there hadn’t been a right time for the three of them since Oliver’s first encounter with the Scarecrow.
Oliver rested his elbows on his knees, “Why didn’t you tell me - us?”
“You and Felicity have your plates full right now and I didn’t want to add to your stress,” he braced for an explosion.
Oliver dropped his head into his hands and his fingers began to tremble, “You should’ve told me.”
A snort of disbelief escaped Tommy before he could stop himself. Oliver Queen criticizing anyone for not sharing their thoughts and feelings was rich. When Oliver raised his head, Tommy waved his reaction off, “You’re right. I should’ve told you. For a few months my mood has been a little off. I decided that I needed to go back on my meds to even out a bit. It’s not a big deal. You don’t need to worry.”
It was Oliver’s turn to snort in disbelief. He pushed air between his lips, “I don’t need to worry? You went back on your antidepressants behind my back.”
“It was hardly behind your back. I just hadn’t told you yet,” Tommy defended himself.
“You’ve been back on them for ten days and who knows how long you’ve been thinking about going back on,” Oliver said angrily. “I have a right to know that something’s wrong.”
“You’re right,” Tommy admitted. “I should have found a way to tell you, but I honestly wasn’t trying to hide it from you.”
“The pills were in your fucking shoes, Tommy. If you weren’t trying to hide it, you would’ve kept them in the medicine cabinet,” Oliver shouted.
“Don’t you dare yell at me for keeping something to myself. I have no idea what’s going on inside your head these last few months because you won’t fucking talk to me,” Tommy shouted back.
Oliver looked taken aback, “Is that what this is about? Are you back on your meds because of me?”
“My depression is about my brain chemistry. It has nothing to do with you or Felicity or our relationship. I was struggling, so I decided to do something about it,” Tommy responded calmly.
“Struggling?” Oliver’s eyes welled up, “Are you?” He swallowed heavily and clenched his fists.
“Am I?” Tommy was unsure if Oliver was asking whether he was struggling with their relationship when he realized what it was that brought Oliver to his office in the middle of the day, “Am I suicidal?”
Oliver nodded his head once and tears spilled from his eyes, “Yes. Do you want to hurt yourself?”
“Ollie,” Tommy stood up and moved to where his boyfriend sat. He pushed Oliver’s chair back so he could kneel in front of him. He placed his hands on Oliver’s thighs and looked up at the man he loved, “I know what I did when I was seventeen scared the hell out of you. I’m sorry that I put you through that and if I could take back what I did so you didn’t have to live with that fear, I would. I am not suicidal. I am not going to hurt myself. You have to trust me that if I ever feel suicidal again that I will come to you.”
Oliver clasped Tommy’s face between his hands, “How can I trust you? You didn’t tell me back then and you’ve been lying to me for at least ten days.”
Tommy grasped Oliver’s wrists, “Aren’t you the one who tells me that it isn’t a lie to withhold information.”
“Aren’t you the one who tells me that logic is utter bullshit?” Oliver challenged with a slight smile.
Tommy gave a small laugh, “I am and it is.” He stroked Oliver’s hands with his thumbs, “I promise. It wasn’t my intention to keep this from you forever. I honestly didn’t want you to worry when you’re dealing with the Crane situation.”
“You are more important than the Crane situation.” Oliver brushed his lips against Tommy’s, “I do worry about you. All of the time. Meds or no meds.”
Oliver’s words washed over Tommy like a balm and for the first time in months he felt like they might be getting back on track. He turned his head and kissed the palm of Oliver’s hand, “I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“It’s my privilege to worry about you. I love you,” Oliver’s voice cracked.
“I love you too,” Tommy leaned forward and kissed Oliver like he longed to since their fight about sex two weeks earlier. He missed the feel of Oliver’s mouth against his and craved his touch. “I hate fighting with you.” He loosened Oliver’s tie and began to unbutton his shirt. His lips landed on Oliver’s neck and he gently sucked on his pulse point. “I miss you, Ollie.” His hands slid inside Oliver’s shirt and he pulled his undershirt free from his pants. His fingers sought the warmth of Oliver’s skin, “I need to feel you against me.”
“Tommy,” Oliver tipped his head back and moaned, “I have to get back to QC for a meeting.”
Tommy’s hands stilled and his lips stopped. His breath ghosted over Oliver’s neck before he pulled away. When he went to stand up Oliver’s gripped his arms and held him in place.
“No,” Oliver shook his head. “I want to make love to you, but I don’t have time to do it right.”
“Right,” Tommy stood up and let out a shaky breath as he tried to get himself back under control, “a meeting.”
Oliver’s hands flashed out, landed on Tommy’s belt and unbuckled it. He looked up at Tommy through his lashes, “I have time to do this right.”
More than anything, Tommy longed to have his connection with Oliver back. He ran his fingers through Oliver’s closely cropped hair, “You don’t have to do this.”
Oliver smiled and pulled Tommy’s shirt free from his pants. He placed a kiss against Tommy’s stomach, “I want to do this.”
Tommy’s will to argue vanished as Oliver lowered the zipper of his pants.
The loose slate roof tiles slid beneath Oliver’s feet and hands. Only by driving a grappling arrow into the roof was he able to arrest his fall. The driving rain was only adding to the treachery of his rooftop pursuit. Dr. Jonathan Crane, also known as The Scarecrow, was surprisingly agile and had proven adept at navigating over rooftops in the Glades. The Scarecrow had proven elusive for months and then had suddenly triggered Felicity’s facial recognition software as he exited a grocery store.
“Talk to me, Felicity,” Oliver said as he pulled himself up the incline of the roof he was hanging from.
“He is one building north of you,” Felicity responded, “and may I just say that I’m still loving Overwatch. You look very sexy from space, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t dangle from rooftops.”
Oliver couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. For his thirtieth birthday, he’d gifted her with her own satellite for the exclusive use of Team Arrow and more than a year later, she was still excited with her present. She’d begun angling for a second satellite as his thirty-first birthday approached. He’d tried to remind her that if she wanted a second satellite, as the head of Applied Sciences, she only had to order one built and have it ‘malfunction’ once it was in orbit. Felicity had informed him that receiving a two-hundred-fifty-million-dollar satellite as a gift was more fun and whole lot more romantic. He had to agree. She’d been very passionate with her gratitude.
Once he pulled himself onto the roof’s narrow peak, he took off in a sprint and secured a zip line between the buildings while in motion.
“He’s still heading north,” Felicity anticipated the question he hadn’t asked yet. “Is anyone else asking themselves how a psychiatrist, who, by all accounts, was an unathletic nerd is so good at jumping around on rooftops? Do you think inmates at Arkham are taught how to parkour?”
Her question was a fair one, but not one he intended on answering. “Any idea where he’s leading me?” Oliver leapt to the next roof and seemed to hang weightless in the air for a moment before gravity started bringing him back to earth. He tucked and rolled onto the roof and continued his pursuit. Crane had finally come into view, “I have eyes on.”
“Five minutes out,” Dig said tensely over the comm.
“He’s leading you towards No Man’s Land,” Felicity said, “one more jump and you’re officially there.” No Man’s Land was what Felicity referred to the area of the Glades that had been abandoned by the city after the Undertaking. It was twelve square blocks that had sustained the most damage and the majority of the buildings that hadn’t been leveled by the quake had been condemned. The city had been slowly demolishing the buildings for the past two years but had been focusing the majority of its resources on the parts of the Glades that could be salvaged and rehabilitated faster. There were still about one hundred structures left to be demolished. The criminal class had taken up residence in many of the abandoned buildings since both the SCPD and the SCFD had stopped responding to calls or patrolling the area. Only Team Arrow provided any justice in No Man’s Land, but even they avoided the area unless the criminals started pushing into the inhabited part of the Glades.
“Wait until we get there,” Dig instructed. “This feels like a trap. He waited until you were out patrolling alone before revealing himself. He’s leading you where he wants you.”
Oliver knew that Dig was correct and decided it was time for him to take control of the situation. It was his turn to place Crane on edge. He launched an explosive arrow in Crane’s path which redirected him towards the east. When Crane attempted to resume his path to the north, Oliver let loose another explosive arrow. Felicity sighed audibly in his ear and he felt his lip curl up in a smile. Felicity insisted on paying restitution for any property damage caused by the Team. She felt that the citizens of the city would turn on them if, in their zealousness to catch the bad guys, they left a trail of costly destruction in their wake.
“He’s going to run out of roof if you keep him heading east,” Felicity informed him. “Two more jumps and he’ll have nowhere left to go.”
“This ends now,” Oliver came to a stop, knocked an arrow and let it fly towards Crane’s legs. The arrow Felicity had designed, with some help from Applied Sciences, contained weighted bolas. The shot went off perfectly and the bolas wrapped around Crane’s ankles and legs. The criminal toppled over and began flailing in an attempt to free himself. “Call it in,” Oliver instructed Felicity.
Oliver knelt beside Crane to secure his hands. When he rolled the psychiatrist onto his stomach and moved his arms behind his back, the sound of a pneumatic trigger was the only warning he had. Oliver shifted just in time to avoid being hit with a projectile to his chest, but it pierced the leather covering his bicep. He pulled the needle from his arm and cursed when he saw the syringe was empty. “I’ve been injected with something,” he informed the team. He chided himself for not taking the shot to his chest. The front and back of his jacket were Kevlar and the needle would’ve been unable to puncture it.
He blinked in an attempt to combat his double vision as the city’s skyline swayed in front of his eyes. He managed to slip a tracker onto Crane before he staggered away from him. “Felicity,” he gasped.
“Oliver, I’m here. Dig and Roy are almost there,” Felicity’s voice sounded tinny and far away. “Sit down. Don’t you dare fall from that roof.”
He watched helplessly as Crane freed his legs and his own buckled beneath him.
Crane loomed over him, his Scarecrow mask in place, “Time to play, Green Arrow.”
A series of popping sounds preceded the roof beneath Oliver splintering around him and he plunged into darkness. He landed on his back and all of the air left his lungs in a great whoosh. He looked up at the hole he’d fallen through and estimated he’d plummeted at least ten feet. Oliver cautiously sat up and responded to Felicity’s frantic cries, “I’m all right. I fell through the roof.”
“Can you get out?” Felicity asked.
Oliver staggered to his feet and looked at his surroundings, “I don’t have my bow. I don’t know if it’s on the roof or if it fell with me.” He covered his eyes with his hands as his vision split like a kaleidoscope.
“It’s not on the roof and neither is Crane. He dropped through the hole right after you did,” Felicity said anxiously.
“Copy,” Oliver focused his attention on the sounds surrounding him. The building creaked and groaned around him. He could hear the squeaks and scampering of rodents across the floors and in the walls. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end and alerted him that he wasn’t alone. With his eyes squeezed shut, he reached out with his other senses and turned to block a blow from Crane.
A cackle echoed through the abandoned building as Crane landed a blow against Oliver’s side, “You and your team are predictable and I was able to lure you right where I wanted you, but you’re much stronger than I gave you credit for. If anyone else got hit with the dose I gave you, they’d be curled in a ball shrieking in terror. You’ve learned to face your fears and function with them. I wonder what happened to you? Was it traumatic? Did your mommy and daddy die when you were just a boy? Batman has daddy issues. He’s textbook with his inferiority complex. You on the other hand, something else is driving you. I think you revel in the violence.”
Forced to open his eyes, Oliver managed to get a grip on Crane’s arm and flipped him over his shoulder, “Surrender, Crane. The cops will have this place surrounded in minutes.”
“That might be true, but you’ll be mad by the time they get here,” Crane sneered as he rose to his feet, “but then, anyone who runs around in a mask has to be mad.” Crane moved towards Oliver, “It’s too bad. I would’ve loved to have studied you, but you and your team have become inconvenient.”
“Oliver,” Felicity cried out.
He spun around to find Felicity reaching for him from the shadows, “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to take you home,” she said taking a step towards him.
“It’s not safe,” he placed himself between her and Crane. “Go find Spartan, get out of here.”
“I won’t leave without you,” her ghostly white fingers reached for him from the darkness.
“Damn it, Felicity. Get out of here,” he yelled as he moved towards her.
The sound of Crane’s cackling laughter surrounded him, “Goosey, goosey, gander. Where shall I wander? Upstairs and downstairs and in my lady’s chamber.”
“Oliver,” Felicity shouted in his ear and stopped his movement. “I’m not there. You’re hallucinating. Listen to my voice. Dig and Roy just arrived. Hang on.”
Oliver slammed his eyes shut and tried to fight the effects of whatever Crane had injected him with.
“We’re here,” Dig said over the comm. “The building is all boarded up. There are bars on all the windows and doors. It’s going to take us a few minutes to get to you.”
“I’ll come to you,” Oliver said as he felt along the wall. He could hear the sound of banging below. He just needed to keep his head together long enough for Dig to reach him.
A bright light flashed and then began to strobe in the darkness, “Where do you think you’re going? We’re just getting started. Tell me, who is Felicity? Is she your girlfriend or your wife? Such a unique name, it won’t be hard to find her.”
“Stay away from her,” Oliver shouted as he struggled to keep his feet. His heart was hammering in his chest and sweat was pouring down his back and chest. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe and he felt like the room was tilting. He touched his hand to his side and couldn’t decide if he was hallucinating or if he’d actually been impaled by something and was bleeding.
“Is she pretty?” Crane taunted. “Does she love you despite you being a murderer or is that what attracted her to you in the first place? Does she like it rough? Is there something dark and twisted inside of her that you bring out?” Crane’s laugh echoed through the building, “You strike me as someone who likes to inflict pain. Does Felicity like pain?”
“Shut up,” Oliver screamed as his legs gave way. “Felicity,” he gasped.
“Oliver,” Felicity pleaded, “don’t listen to him. Just listen to my voice.”
Crane knelt beside Oliver, “Is that her talking to you? Is she telling you to be strong and that she loves you?” Crane’s hands slid inside Oliver’s hood and pulled the comm from his ear, “She’s a liar. How could she possibly love someone like you? Isn’t that right, Felicity? Once I’m through with him, I’m coming for you.”
Oliver watched as Crane crushed the comm beneath his boot. He lunged for Crane’s legs and knocked him to the ground. They rolled across the floor and crashed against a railing. The force of their collective weight splintered the banister and Oliver found himself falling with nothing to help buffer his landing.
When he opened his eyes again he was surprised that he was no longer in the abandoned building, but in the water treatment plant where Slade had held Felicity and Tommy. His mother’s murderer’s voice echoed around him, “What are you going to do next, kid? Have you come to beg for their lives?”
Oliver stepped around a tank and revealed himself to Slade. His eyes swept the scene before him and his heart skipped a beat. Tommy was on the ground unconscious surrounded by a pool of blood. Slade held a sword to Felicity’s throat and her eyes were wide with fear. Her breathing was fast and erratic but her eyes remained fixed on Oliver’s. She was bravely waiting for his signal to act. Oliver held his bow out to his side, “Let them go, your quarrel is with me.”
“Imagine my disappointment to learn that Laurel’s life had been ended before I could execute my own plans,” Slade sneered. “I wanted to be there to watch you break as the light left her eyes. How many months did I listen to you moon over that girl only to have you turn around and seduce Shado? Do you even know what love means? You’re incapable of it.”
“Is this what Shado would want? You threatening innocent people in your deranged madness,” Oliver answered.
“You don’t get to say her name,” Slade shouted, causing Felicity to flinch. Slade pointed his sword towards Oliver, “You never deserved her. When Sara showed up on Lian Yu, I realized what kind of man you are. A man who cheats on the woman he allegedly loves with her own sister.” Slade laughed and returned the sword to Felicity’s throat, “Then I come here and I discover that your secrets only get dirtier.” Slade used his boot and rolled Tommy onto his back, “You used to cry out his name in your sleep, but I thought you were calling out for your brother, not your lover.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Laurel’s dead. I’ve already lost the love of my life,” Oliver lied.
Fury turned Slade’s face crimson, “You don’t know what it’s like to lose everything.” Slade pressed his lips to Felicity’s ear, “Does he make you promises in the dark? Does he tell you that he loves you before disappearing to whisper the same words in his ear?”
“You’re wrong, Slade,” Oliver said drawing his attention away from Felicity. “I know what it’s like to be so distracted by anger that I lose sight of the danger that is right in front of me.”
Felicity’s hand moved faster than he hoped she could move. He breathed a sigh of relief as the needle plunged into Slade’s neck and he released his grip on Felicity. She dropped to her knees and threw herself on top of Tommy and applied pressure to the wound on his leg. Oliver’s bow deflected Slade’s sword as he brought it down towards Felicity. Oliver used all of his weight to force Slade back. He knocked Slade’s sword to the ground and began to block and parry Slade’s fists. Their lethal dance led them to the roof of the plant and Oliver could feel exhaustion settling in to his muscles. Every swing of his arm burned but he had no choice but to keep fighting. The lives of everyone in Starling depended on him defeating Slade. His former mentor’s fingers wrapped around his throat and Oliver began to see spots in front of his eyes. With the last of his strength he brought his arms up and out and broke Slade’s grip. His own fingers wrapped around Slade’s throat. Before his eyes, Slade turned into Crane and Oliver pulled an arrow from his quiver and drove it through Crane’s chest. The water treatment plant transformed back into the abandoned building and it was no longer Crane who he held off the floor with one hand. Felicity’s lifeless eyes stared at him as her blood ran down his hand and onto the floor.
“No,” he pulled Felicity into his chest and sank onto the ground. “Felicity,” he pressed his ear to her chest. When he didn’t hear her heartbeat he began CPR.
“Go get Tommy,” Felicity shouted at Roy as she and Diggle tried to restrain Oliver.
Roy tore off his mask and dropped his jacket to the foundry floor and ran up the stairs in his leather pants and combat boots. Felicity prayed that no one would be looking that closely at what he was wearing.
Oliver thrashed on the table and screamed, “Felicity,” over and over. Whenever Felicity tried to speak to him he became more agitated. Dig was laying across Oliver’s chest as Felicity attempted to restrain his arms and legs.
“Forget the restraints,” Dig shouted at her. “We need to knock him out.”
“We don’t know how a sedative will interact with what Crane injected him with,” Felicity argued back. “We need to wait for Barry and Caitlin. She told me to wait.”
“I killed her,” Oliver wailed, “I killed, Felicity.”
“Oliver,” Dig said forcefully, “Felicity is alive.”
“I killed her. I killed her,” Oliver cried as he fought to get up from beneath Dig’s weight.
“Felicity,” Dig shouted again, “He’s going to have a heart attack if we don’t get his heart rate down. I’ve got to stop the bleeding. Get the sedative. Now.”
Dig’s words set her into motion and she ran to the med cart. With shaking hands, she found the vial of sedative and a syringe.
Two sets of feet thundered down the stairs. “What happened?” Tommy asked in a complete panic.
“He got injected with fear toxin by the Scarecrow. He thinks he killed me,” Felicity tried to explain without bursting into tears. “He was impaled on something when he fell.”
“Tommy,” Dig pleaded, “talk to him. See if you can get through to him.”
Tommy approached Oliver cautiously as he dodged flailing limbs. He moved to the head of the med table and grabbed Oliver’s face between his hands. “Ollie,” he said, “it’s me, Tommy. I need you to look at me. Can you do that, buddy?”
Oliver stopped thrashing and he blinked his eyes, “Tommy?”
“Yeah, Oliver, it’s me,” Tommy pressed his lips to Oliver’s. He wiped the tears from Oliver’s eyes with his thumbs, “Everything is okay. You’re safe.”
Though calmer, tears continued to flow from Oliver’s eyes, “I’m so sorry. I killed her, Tommy. I killed her.”
“No,” Tommy gently stroked Oliver’s head, “she’s safe. Crane drugged you and you’re confused. You were injected with his fear toxin. Try and remember. Felicity is right here.”
Tommy pointed to where Felicity stood by the med cart holding a syringe full of sedative. Before anyone could react, Oliver jumped from the table and put himself between Tommy and Felicity. He pulled a flechette from his gauntlet, “You stay away from them, Crane. You might fool them, but I see you.”
Dig stepped in front of Felicity and put a cautioning hand up, “Oliver, you need to listen to me, man. You’ve been drugged. Put it down before you do something you will regret.”
“John, get away from him, please,” Oliver begged. “I can’t lose anyone else.”
Tommy stepped in front of Oliver and covered his hand holding the small but deadly weapon, “Look at me,” Tommy said firmly. When Oliver lowered his eyes from Dig and Felicity, Tommy gently lowered Oliver’s hand towards the floor, “Keep your eyes on me.” Tommy quickly unlaced Oliver’s gauntlets and tossed them away. He took the flechette from between Oliver’s fingers and dropped it to the floor. “That’s it, keep looking at me. Let’s get you out of this,” Tommy sounded as if he were talking to a small child as he slid the wet leather from Oliver’s shoulders.
Oliver doubled over and clutched his head as he moaned in pain, “No, he’s got you all fooled.” Oliver pushed Tommy to the side, sending him crashing into Dig’s workstation and knocking his computer to the ground. Oliver dove at Dig and tackled him to the concrete floor.
Roy grabbed Felicity and pushed her towards the alley exit, “Get out of here.”
Felicity’s feet had barely started to move when she was pulled from Roy’s grasp and Oliver’s fingers wrapped around her throat. She tightened her grip around the syringe as memories of another madman threatening her life flashed before her eyes. She hadn’t hesitated with Slade, but she couldn’t bring herself to inject the man she loved. They needed to wait for Caitlin. She couldn’t risk introducing something else into Oliver’s bloodstream. Felicity dropped the syringe and moved her hands to try and pry Oliver’s fingers from her neck.
Hildy barked frantically and was trying to squeeze herself between Oliver and Felicity’s legs. Roy, Dig and Tommy all grabbed hold of Oliver in an attempt to break his hold on Felicity. Her eyes remained on Oliver’s, trying to find some hint of recognition in his eyes. All she saw was pure, unadulterated, hatred.
Oliver’s hand relaxed for a second and Felicity was able to move her head enough to see Roy sticking his escrima stick into the wound on Oliver’s side. When Oliver lurched backwards, Dig landed a right hook to his partner’s jaw that sent him crashing to the ground, unconscious.
Felicity’s legs gave out and she clutched at her throat trying to get air into her lungs. Tommy was instantly at her side and pulling at her hands to get a look at the damage done by Oliver. Hildy was whimpering and nuzzling Felicity’s side.
“Tommy,” Dig said sharply, “we need to get him restrained before he wakes up.”
Dig, Roy and Tommy moved Oliver from the floor back to the med table where they began to secure him with leather restraints around his wrists, ankles and chest.
“We need to get a blood sample for Caitlin,” Felicity croaked out as she rose to her feet.
Dig nodded his agreement and Roy quickly grabbed the necessary supplies. “Let’s start him on fluids, start a transfusion and get him hooked up to the heart monitor,” Dig instructed Roy.
Tommy intercepted her as she tried to approach Oliver. “Hey,” he took her hand and led her back towards her desk, “let me take a look.”
“I’m fine,” she rasped as she watched Dig begin to fill one of five vials with Oliver’s blood. Tommy’s hand on her cheek brought her eyes to his and she gasped, “You’re bleeding.” Blood was dripping from his hairline.
Tommy touched his head and winced, “It’s fine. Let me look at you.”
Without looking up from his task Dig said, “Tommy, get her an icepack. We need to keep her swelling down. Once Barry and Caitlin get here, we’ll take her to the hospital for x-rays.”
“I’m not going to the hospital,” Felicity told Dig in no uncertain terms.
“Stop talking,” Tommy instructed. “I’m getting you ice and then we’re going to the hospital.” Without waiting for her reply, he sprinted back up the stairs to the club.
Dig finished drawing blood and turned his attention to his other partner as Roy hooked up Oliver’s I.V. and a transfusion. He gestured at her chair and she sat down with far less control than she’d have liked. Dig knelt in front of her and began to gently feel her neck. “I don’t think anything is broken, but I would feel better if a doctor looked you over.”
“Caitlin will be here soon,” she reminded him.
“If she says that you don’t need a hospital, fine, but if she does, you’re going. Even if I have to carry you over my shoulder,” Dig promised with a sad smile.
“How am I supposed to explain being strangled? I can’t tell them the truth. They’ll have to report it to the police,” Felicity needed Dig to see reason. “If it were you, you wouldn’t go.”
John shook his head, “You aren’t Oliver or me. You’re more important – to all of us. As for the cops, we’ll call Lance and ask him for his help.”
A strong gust of wind and a flash of red light announced the arrival of Barry and Caitlin.
“Thank god,” Felicity said as she pushed off of her chair and stood on her wobbly legs.
Barry pushed back his mask and looked around, “What the heck happened here?” Felicity blinked and took in what the foundry looked like. Tables were overturned, equipment was scattered everywhere and a monitor lay sparking on the ground.
Caitlin was immediately at Felicity’s side. She handed her bag to Dig so she could examine Felicity’s neck, “Did Oliver do this? Did you lose consciousness? Is your vision blurred? Do you have a headache?”
“Yes, it was Oliver. No, to everything else,” Felicity winced as Caitlin pressed against her throat.
“He thinks he killed Felicity and believes that Felicity is Crane,” Dig explained.
“I want you to get x-rays,” Caitlin told her, “just to be safe.”
“I’ll go when you’re done with Oliver,” Felicity had no intention of leaving until she knew that Oliver was going to be okay. “Please, help him.”
“We took blood samples,” Dig steered Caitlin towards Oliver. “We didn’t give him any sedative. I had to knock him out the old fashioned way. I’m worried about his heart rate and blood pressure. This wound also looks nasty, but it’s the least of his worries at the moment.”
Tommy reappeared with an icepack and redirected Felicity back to her chair. “Thanks for coming,” he told their guests.
“Of course,” Barry said as he stood over Oliver. “Do we know where Crane is now?”
Felicity held the icepack to her neck and turned to face her monitors. With one hand she checked to see if the tracker Oliver had planted on Crane was working. “He’s at Adams and 8th. It’s an old apartment building that was condemned after the Undertaking.” Barry stood over her shoulder and studied the map. Felicity grabbed his hand, “He likes to use booby traps.” She hoped that his metabolism would be able to burn the toxin out quickly if he got dosed.
“It’s a good thing I’m fast,” Barry winked at her before pulling his mask back on.
“We’ll go with you,” Roy offered.
“I’d feel better if you guys were watching Oliver.” Barry squeezed Felicity’s shoulder, “It’s time for this bastard to go down. Tell Lance to expect a delivery.”
Before Felicity could respond, Barry was gone.
“Barry,” Caitlin said, “if you can find a sample of whatever Crane used, that would be helpful.” She paused as she listened to his reply over her comm, “Thanks, be careful.”
Felicity could feel the adrenaline that had been flooding her system start to dissipate. She knew it wouldn’t take long before she began to crash. “Sweatshirt,” she said to no one in particular.
Roy draped one of Oliver’s gray hoodies around her shoulders, “Can I get you anything else?”
She put her arms through the sweatshirt’s sleeves and inhaled Oliver’s comforting scent. “I’m good, thanks, but take a look at Tommy’s head.” Felicity tapped into the Flash’s communication and tracking programs, “The tracker is still showing that Crane is inside. I can’t give you a floor,” Felicity informed Barry.
“I’m going to do a sweep before I grab Crane,” Barry replied.
Felicity grabbed the cell that they used to contact Lance. He picked up on the second ring, “Good evening, Captain.”
“Are you all right?” Lance asked her with concern.
“We had a run in with the Scarecrow tonight. The Flash is going to be making a delivery to your back door in the next few minutes,” talking was becoming increasingly painful.
“Okay, I’ll be waiting,” Lance said.
“I’m going to need your help,” she said as she swiped at a traitorous tear.
“Name it,” Lance said gently.
“I’m going to need help with a cover story when I go to the hospital.”
“Once I secure Crane, I’ll meet you at Glades Memorial,” Lance disconnected the call.
“Crane isn’t inside,” Barry said over the comms. “He left plenty behind, including his tracker. Do you want me to CSI it or do you want to call in the cops? Lance is going to need to send in a hazmat team before he can let anyone in here.”
“Are there any samples of the toxin?” Caitlin asked hopefully.
“He left behind quite a bit. Most of it is unlabeled,” Barry said guiltily.
Caitlin jumped in, “Take everything that could possibly be linked to the toxin.”
“I’m going to take another look around before the cops show up. I’m hoping he has a cookbook hidden around here. I’ll let you know when you can call it in,” Barry’s comm clicked off.
Caitlin approached Felicity and Tommy, “While Oliver’s blood is spinning, we need to make some decisions before Oliver wakes up.”
Tommy’s hand landed protectively on Felicity’s shoulder, “Okay. What types of decisions?”
Caitlin wheeled two chairs over to Felicity’s desk and gestured for Tommy to take a seat. “I’ve given him something to bring down his blood pressure and heart rate, but the effects will only be temporary as long as he has the toxin in his bloodstream. From the samples you provided me with before and the information Joe received from his contacts at the Gotham PD, I developed an antidote.”
Felicity let out a sigh of relief and clutched Caitlin’s hand in thanks, “I knew you could do it.”
“Felicity,” Caitlin squeezed her friend’s hand, “it hasn’t been tested. I don’t know if it will help him or kill him.”
“It’s like Mirakuru all over again,” Felicity said to Dig with tears in her eyes.
“Oliver chose to give me the cure without testing it first,” Roy reminded her.
“Not at first,” Dig said quietly. “He wasn’t willing to test it on you.”
“What changed his mind?” Caitlin asked.
“Amanda Waller and a drone with a payload big enough to take out all of Starling,” Dig responded.
Felicity rose from her chair to get a better look at Oliver. He was still unconscious, but he was twitching and his brow was furrowed like he was watching something. She feared that he was trapped in another one of Crane’s induced nightmares. Felicity laced her fingers through Tommy’s. “What would you do if you were us?” she asked the doctor.
“Oliver was still suffering from the aerosolized form of the toxin months after he was dosed. I don’t know how the toxin works when it is injected or if it is even the same toxin. I have no idea how much he was dosed with yet.”
“Will the bloodwork you’re waiting on help us make a better decision?” Felicity asked.
“More information is always better, but I know that isn’t what you’re asking.” Caitlin looked up at the ceiling for a beat of three before looking at Felicity. “The bloodwork will tell me if the chemical compound he was injected with tonight is similar to what he was dosed with before and what Crane was using in Gotham.”
“How have his victims been treated before now?” Tommy asked.
“With sedatives and antipsychotics that have had varying degrees of success,” Caitlin said clinically. “About seven percent of his victims from his last assault on Gotham remain in a psychiatric facility three years later.”
“How’s your antidote different from what they used in Gotham?” Dig asked when it became clear that Caitlin’s news had left Tommy and Felicity speechless.
“Instead of treating the symptoms, it is attacking the chemical compound that is causing the reaction and breaks it down. The antidote should flush everything from his system so he doesn’t have lingering side effects.”
“Or, it can kill him,” Tommy countered.
“In the worst case scenario, yes, it could kill him,” Caitlin agreed.
“Oliver wouldn’t agree that death is the worst case scenario,” Felicity said to Tommy. She held her neck and then pointed to Oliver, “He would say that we are in the worst case scenario right now.”
“I agree,” Dig responded.
“We’re not injecting him like a lab rat,” Tommy said with alarm.
“I read the same reports Caitlin did. We’ve watched him struggle for months with lingering side effects. A lifetime on antipsychotics isn’t what he’d want,” Felicity said confidently.
“I’m sorry,” Roy interrupted, “but if Crane has victims in a hospital in Gotham, why aren’t we testing the antidote on them? Can’t Barry run there, inject them and then run back?”
“It isn’t that simple. The antidote isn’t an injection. It is an intravenous solution,” she answered. “Besides, the antidote won’t work on the Gotham victims. The toxin is long gone from their systems. The damage sustained to their amygdala and adrenal glands is irreversible.”
“The amygdala is in the brain, right? Brain damage?” Tommy asked with alarm. “How long does Oliver have until it’s irreversible?”
“I don’t know. It could be minutes or hours or already too late. We don’t know enough about how this toxin works,” she said apologetically. “We do know that it eventually causes lesions to form on some of the victim’s amygdala. I don’t know if the lesions form with higher doses or if something else is in play.” She took a deep breath, “I also have concerns because Oliver’s amygdala already showed signs of stress.”
“From the prior dose?” Felicity asked.
Caitlin looked around nervously and shook her head, “No, I believe from his five years away. PTSD is visible in the amygdala. When I ran a CAT Scan on Oliver last year after his fight with Barry, there was evidence of trauma to the left side of his amygdala.”
“What does that mean?” Tommy asked with alarm.
“I think some of Oliver’s post island behavioral traits can be linked to his amygdala,” Caitlin squeezed Tommy’s arm. “I was never overly concerned about it before. He didn’t pose a danger to himself or others – well, unless you’re a criminal and then he’s very dangerous. I imagine he isn’t the easiest person to live with,” she said in way of a joke. Tommy gave her a small smile in appreciation of her attempt. “I don’t want him to have additional damage because then we might have a real reason to be concerned.”
“Like what?” Tommy asked.
“Paranoia, anxiety, depression, hypersexuality, hypoemotionality, increased aggression, inability to recognize social cues, loss of fear…”
“He already exhibits some of those behaviors,” Felicity said as fear clutched at her heart.
“Give him the antidote,” Tommy said. “Let’s not wait.”
“Tommy?” Felicity asked with disbelief.
“If the toxin he was injected with is immune to the antidote, Caitlin won’t be able to create a new one in time to help him. How long has it been since he got injected?” Tommy asked.
“Forty-six minutes,” Dig supplied.
Tommy turned to Felicity, “I won’t make this decision without you. Yes, or no?”
The thought of a toxin eating at Oliver’s brain made Felicity feel sick. He already battled so many demons, she didn’t want him to have a bigger burden. She glanced at Oliver and the look of agony on his face made her decision for her, “Give him the antidote.”
Two hours later, Felicity gently sponged Oliver’s chest clean. Caitlin’s antidote was still slowly dripping into Oliver’s I.V. In addition to the antidote he was receiving saline and his second blood transfusion. Caitlin and Dig had performed surgery to remove a piece of wood that had pierced his side, but had, luckily, missed anything vital.
Tommy was assisting Caitlyn and Barry with the analysis of what Barry had retrieved from Crane’s hideout. Dig was sorting through some of the other items Barry had retrieved in the hope of finding a lead to locate Crane. Felicity’s eyes flickered between her task of cleaning Oliver and his heart monitor.
A gentle hand landed on the small of her back and she leaned into it. Tommy pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “Let me take you to the hospital.”
She shook her head, “I’m fine. We need to be here.”
“When he wakes up and finds out that he hurt you, wouldn’t you like to be able to reassure him that a doctor looked at you and officially gave you the all clear?” Tommy knowingly played on her worry for Oliver.
She turned her head to look at him, “That’s not fair.”
“I know, but I really want you to agree to go to the hospital,” he brushed a loose strand of hair from her eyes.
“Tommy’s right,” Dig said gently. “Oliver won’t rest if we can’t tell him in no uncertain terms that you’re okay.”
“Fine,” she ran her hand over Oliver’s head.
“We need to talk first,” Dig gestured back towards her desk.
Felicity returned her sponge to the basin she was using and Tommy pulled Oliver’s blanket back over his chest. They followed Dig back to her desk and all sat down. “Crane knows your name,” her friend said simply.
“What?” Tommy asked with alarm.
“He knows that the Green Arrow was talking to someone named Felicity. He doesn’t know my last name,” Felicity said with less conviction than she felt.
Dig raised a lone eyebrow, “How many Felicity’s do you think there are in Starling?”
She shrugged, “A few.”
“How does he know your name?” Tommy asked again.
“Oliver was hallucinating. He was calling her name,” Dig explained.
“If he googles, Felicity and the Arrow, you know your name will come up,” Tommy said as he ran his hands through his hair.
Felicity nodded, “I do.” It was part of the public record that Lance had brought her in for questioning after the break in at Merlyn Global.
“We need to find Crane,” Dig stated the obvious. “Is there anything we haven’t tried before?”
She looked at her friend incredulously, “Do you honestly think I was holding anything back?”
John leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hand over his face, “Of course not. I was just hoping that you had an idea that you hadn’t been able to execute yet. As long as he’s out there, you can’t go home. Neither of you can.”
“Do you guys have a change of clothes?” Barry asked Felicity and Tommy. “You’re both covered in Oliver’s blood.”
Felicity looked at Tommy and then her own clothes. Barry was right. Showing up at the hospital covered in blood that wasn’t hers, would be a good way to be asked questions they didn’t want to answer. “Yeah, I have something down here and Tommy has something in his office.”
“When the police ask you what happened, tell them Crane attacked you. He wanted access to equipment at Applied Science,” Barry coached her. “When he gets arrested and tells the police that the Green Arrow is working with someone named Felicity, it will already be on record that he assaulted you and they’ll assume he’s trying to deflect attention away from himself.” Barry’s fingers gently shifted Felicity’s collar, “Do you still have access to SCPD’s systems?”
“I do,” she answered.
“Oliver squeezed hard enough to leave fingerprints – kind of like Solomon Grundy did with Oliver. We’re going to need to destroy the evidence after they collect it.”
Felicity’s eyes welled with tears. She looked at Tommy, “He’s never going to forgive himself.”
Tommy squeezed her hand, “We’ll worry about Oliver’s overdeveloped sense of guilt later. Right now, I’m worried about you.” He stood up and held out his hand, “Let’s go change and then we’ll meet Lance.”
Felicity looked to Oliver and was about to protest when Dig squeezed her shoulder, “We won’t leave his side.”
Tommy sat in a small circle of light at his desk in his office at Verdant watching Felicity. It had taken a lot of convincing, but Felicity had finally relented and agreed to sleep on the sofa in his office instead of keeping vigil in her chair in the basement. She was sleeping off the pain meds the hospital had given her for her neck. Luckily there wouldn’t be any permanent damage, at least physically, from Oliver’s attack. She had some painful bruising and swelling, but she would be able to speak normally in a few days. Oliver remained unconscious on the med table in the basement. Caitlin was still administering the antidote and had decided to keep him sedated until his blood work came back normal. It appeared that the toxin the Scarecrow had administered was the same chemical make up as what Oliver had been dosed with before. Caitlin was feeling a lot better about the chances of the antidote being effective than she had been when they first started his treatment.
It was three in the morning and, despite his exhaustion, Tommy was wide awake. For the first time, in a long time, he was at a loss for what to do. Even after the earthquake, he’d been able to get out of bed every day and put one foot in front of the other and do what needed to be done. He might not have slept or ate, but he looked after Moira, Thea, Verdant and the dismantling of the Merlyn estate because someone had to do it. When Oliver woke up, Tommy knew that they would be faced with a crisis and he wasn’t sure what his next move should be. It would be an uphill battle to get Oliver to forgive himself for hurting Felicity. But it wasn’t just Oliver that had him worried, until they caught Crane, they would be unable to go home. If Crane was able to identify Felicity, it would lead him straight to Oliver, Tommy and Verdant. Crane was an intelligent, if deranged, man and he would realize that one of the two men Felicity lived with had to be the Arrow. Tommy couldn't risk having Verdant, his employees or his customers become targets of the Scarecrow. He would need to discuss security at Queen Consolidated with Diggle to ensure the safety of Oliver’s employees. Tommy logged into his computer and sent a note to all of his employees to tell them that due to a leak, Verdant would be closed until further notice and that everyone would be paid while they were closed, including their tips. He felt better for having taken some type of action, but Oliver wouldn’t be as easy a problem to solve.
Felicity sighed in her sleep and Hildy lifted her head and seemed to be waiting for Felicity to open her eyes. When Felicity remained asleep, Hildy dropped her head back onto Felicity's leg. Tommy was going to need to find alternative living arrangements for his girls, they couldn't live in his office while they waited for Oliver or the cops to catch Crane. It had been months and the team wasn’t any closer to catching him than when he’d first appeared in Starling. If anything, they were in a worse position with Oliver so compromised. There was a part of Tommy that was angry with Oliver for putting them in this position. Once again, Oliver had put the needs of the city over those of his family. From the moment Tommy had learned the truth about Oliver’s secret identity, he’d struggled with Oliver's choice to take up the hood and the bow. He still didn’t understand how Oliver thought that violence could bring about positive change. In Tommy’s experience, violence only brought more misery and fear. Oliver had done a lot of good things for Starling City and Tommy was proud of him, but he often wondered if one good man in a mask had given birth to all of the bad guys in masks that had popped up in their city. Was a lunatic like Crane drawn to the city because of the Arrow, or was the city lucky to have a mask to defend it from a madman? It was the eternal question of, which came first, the chicken or the egg? The heroic vigilante or the villain? Tommy knew that Oliver found solace under the hood and that it soothed a part of him that had been wounded by his time away, but at what cost to himself and the people who loved him?
Tommy rose from his chair and looked through the window overlooking the empty club. In the darkness, the club had taken on a more sinister air. There were plenty of shadows for a monster like Crane to hide in and he fought the urge to raise the house lights. It reminded him of his childhood need to sleep with a nightlight so his father couldn’t sneak up on him. A sudden gasp had Tommy nearly jumping out of his skin. He turned around to find Felicity wide awake.
Felicity was sitting straight up and panting for breath, “I think I know how to find Crane.” She stood up and moved towards the door.
“What?” Tommy asked as he followed her.
“Epinephrine and cortisol,” she said as he opened his door. “How could I’ve been so stupid?”
Tommy and Hildy followed Felicity as she ran down the stairs to the club and then punched the code into the basement door, “Felicity, what’s going on?”
“We’ve been so focused on the epinephrine because of Oliver’s bloodwork, we forgot about the elevated cortisol levels,” she rasped as she ran down the basement stairs.
The clattering of their feet on the staircase woke Caitlin, Barry and Dig. “Is everything all right?” Dig asked.
Felicity rushed to her computers and began to frantically type, “Nine months ago, Dr. Vincenza Spalding was found dead in her car. Her post mortem was inconclusive and there was no clear evidence of foul play, so her cause of death was said to be natural.”
Dig pulled up a chair and sat next to Felicity, “Why do you remember a death from nine months ago that wasn’t related to one of our cases?”
“She interviewed at Applied Sciences the week before she died. She was a cancer researcher at Bay University who specialized in glucocorticoids,” Felicity responded as she continued to open and close windows on her monitors.
“Cortisol,” Caitlin said under her breath as she leaned on the desk to get a better look at Felicity’s monitors. “Did she have any connection to Crane?”
Gotham University Medical School’s website came up on Felicity’s monitor, “They went to medical school together.”
“Crane hasn’t been in Starling for nine months,” Tommy said.
“That we know of.” Felicity turned to Dig, “What if Crane came to town to look up his old classmate who happened to be doing research on one of the fear hormones for her cancer research? Maybe he killed her to gain access to her research.”
“Or maybe he broke into her lab to steal her supplies,” Barry finished. “Last fall, the CCPD received a bulletin from the SCPD about a break in at a lab at Bay University. They thought that there was a possibility that someone was selling lab supplies on the black market.”
“If she was studying glucocorticoids, she probably had everything he needed to create his fear toxin,” Caitlin said straightening up.
“Damn it,” Felicity ran her fingers through her hair, “I missed it because I didn’t go back far enough. The earliest we thought Crane had come to Starling was seven months ago.”
“Did Dr. Spalding own a home?” Oliver asked, causing everyone else in the basement to jump.
“Oliver,” Caitlin cautiously approached her patient, “how are you feeling?”
“Better,” Oliver said without taking his eyes from Felicity.
“I’d like you to sit back down so I can check your vitals and draw some blood,” Caitlin gestured towards the med table. “I want to make sure the antidote has removed all traces of the toxin.”
Oliver stepped around Caitlin, “In a minute.”
Tommy moved to stand between Oliver and Felicity. He was relieved when Diggle stood at his side. It appeared that they were of like minds when it came to trusting that Oliver was in his right mind. “What do you remember?” Tommy asked.
“I remember killing Felicity in the abandoned building,” Oliver’s voice quavered as he rubbed his fingers together.
Felicity stepped around Tommy and Dig, “You didn’t kill me.”
Oliver winced and he reached out for her, but Tommy put out his hand and Oliver stopped his approach. “I did that,” he stated as he pointed to her neck.
“You thought I was Crane and that you’d already killed me,” Felicity explained.
Oliver reddened with shame, “I’m so sorry.”
Felicity shook her head, “It wasn’t your fault. You were under the influence of some really nasty stuff.”
Oliver’s gaze dropped to her throat and Tommy sighed. Felicity’s words were having no effect on Oliver when his fingers had left purple outlines on her alabaster neck. Oliver pointed to Felicity’s monitor, “Did Dr. Spalding have a house?”
Felicity returned to her chair and the basement went silent. It took her a few minutes before she found what she was looking for, “She owned a home in the Heights. She died without a will and it appears that her siblings are suing one another in court for their sister’s assets.”
“So, the house is vacant?” Oliver inquired.
“It’s supposed to be,” Felicity looked to Barry.
“I’ll be right back,” the speedster promised.
Five minutes later he reappeared, “Someone is definitely living there now. Crane wasn’t there, but there were fresh groceries in the fridge.”
“Maybe her siblings are staying there,” Dig offered.
“It’s unusual for people to wander around the streets at three in the morning,” Tommy said. “If the siblings are staying at her house, why aren’t they there and asleep?”
“I also found this,” Barry placed a familiar looking vial next to their mass spectrometer.
“Way to bury the lead,” Felicity grumbled.
Oliver ran his hands over his head, “Okay, so Crane frequents the house. We need to start surveillance.”
“It’s nearly dawn,” Dig said as Oliver picked up his jacket.
“Not to mention,” Tommy pointed to the bandage on Oliver’s side, “that is where you were impaled by something.”
Caitlin blocked the stubborn vigilante’s path, “Oliver, as your doctor, I’d advise that you rest today. We can evaluate how you are tonight.”
“I’ve had worse,” Oliver shrugged.
“And yet, that reassures none of us.” Tommy pointed towards the back of the foundry, “May we speak to you?”
Felicity slipped her hand into Tommy’s and they followed Oliver towards the mats. Oliver greedily took in their appearances. He lifted a hand and traced from Tommy’s hairline down to his cheek, “I hurt you too.”
“I lost my balance and fell,” Tommy said.
“You lost your balance because I pushed you,” Oliver looked towards the work table he’d shoved Tommy into. The foundry had been straightened up while he was unconscious and there was no proof of the altercation except for the bruises and cuts on Felicity and Tommy.
“You thought you were protecting me from Crane,” Tommy placed his hand on Oliver’s chest.
Oliver took a step back from his lovers, “Don’t. Don’t make excuses for me.”
“You were hallucinating. You would never hurt us on purpose,” Felicity’s voice strained to get her words out clearly.
He carefully unwrapped the scarf she’d placed around her neck and dropped his forehead to hers, “I could’ve killed you.”
Felicity’s fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist, “But you didn’t. I know it looks terrible, but it’s only some bruising. I went to the hospital to get checked out and I’m going to be fine.”
Oliver stepped away in frustration and scoffed, “I don’t care if you’re going to be fine. I laid my hands on you. On both of you.”
“Let’s temporarily stop the guilt train,” Tommy took hold of Oliver’s arm. “You were seriously injured last night and poisoned with a fear toxin. You need to rest. You’re in no condition to face Crane.”
“He needs to be stopped,” Oliver growled.
“I don’t disagree, but maybe it doesn’t have to be by you. Barry’s here, you have a team and the city actually has a police department,” Tommy reminded his boyfriend. “It’s okay to ask for help.”
“This ends today,” Oliver said with detachment. He stepped around his lovers and spoke to Dig, “Get Roy back here. We need to map out the area surrounding the doctor’s house and figure out the best place to surveil from. We’ll need eyes on the ground and Felicity’s satellite.”
“I’ll move Overwatch into position,” Felicity said as she walked back to her desk.
“I’ll go get us some breakfast,” Tommy offered and placed a kiss to the top of Felicity’s head.
Dig intercepted him at the stairs and spoke quietly so as not to be heard, “You can’t go out, man. If Crane figured out who Felicity is, Verdant might already be under surveillance. He might think that you’re the Arrow, just as easily as Oliver.”
“Clearly, he’s never seen us with our shirts off.” When the comment didn’t even earn him a slight smile he sighed, “Fine. I’ll go put some coffee on.”
Fear is a funny thing. It can change over time. There are things you fear at twenty that make you laugh at thirty. As you age, you begin to fear things that you’d never even thought of when you were younger. Oliver had feared a lot of things over the course of his life, but the fear that had always stuck with him and had grown exponentially as time progressed was loss. Loss of someone he loved was the fear that had him waking in a cold sweat, gasping for air. In his dreams, sometimes his loved ones died by his hands, but, more often than not, his loved ones died because he failed to save them. Over the years, Oliver had learned to suppress his fear by exerting control over his environment and other people. Oliver craved control, because when he had control he could keep everyone he loved safe. He struggled to give up control, because if he took his eye off the ball for even a moment, he could lose everything. When Jonathan Crane decided to bring his Gotham level of crazy to Starling City it reminded Oliver of who he was and who he wasn’t. That’s the thing about fear, it exposes the lies we tell ourselves that help us sleep at night.
Oliver’s fist slammed into Crane’s face and the man crumpled to the ground. He tore the Scarecrow mask from over the former psychiatrist’s head and was disappointed to find the man unconscious. By sheer luck, Oliver had been alone when Crane had finally showed up at Dr. Spalding’s home. He’d caught the doctor by surprise and had knocked him out with an injection arrow full of sedative. Oliver had wanted to dose Crane with his own fear toxin, much as he’d delivered an overdose of Vertigo to the Count, but then he remembered that only three arrows to the chest had actually ended the Count’s poisoning of the city. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake with Crane. There was no rehabilitation of the Scarecrow. Crane’s time in Arkham had proven that his madness and delusions only increased with time and no amount of therapy or medication would make the slightest difference. When Crane had regained consciousness tied to a chair and began to taunt him with the name, Felicity Smoak, Oliver knew what he had to do. Monsters could often only be defeated by other monsters and Oliver was a monster. He’d allowed a fantasy to trick him into believing that he could have a life, be loved and know true happiness.
The plain and simple truth was that Oliver was a murderer. Amanda Waller had seen it in him before they’d even met. He didn’t get pleasure from taking another life, but he was good at it. Amanda had taught him about cruelty and how much the human body could endure. He knew what wounds would kill, maim or just hurt like a son of a bitch. Crane had been experiencing the benefit of Oliver’s training before he’d lost consciousness. The arrows sticking from his arms and legs weren’t enough to kill Crane but they were positioned to maximize his pain. Once he’d made the decision to take Crane’s life he should’ve killed him quickly but a dark and twisted part of Oliver wanted him to suffer as all of Crane’s victims had. Tommy believed that mercy should be shown to even the worst amongst them, but Oliver didn’t believe that. He believed that Crane should be put down like the rabid animal he was. There were people in the world who were just beyond saving, Oliver should know, he was one of them.
Oliver easily lifted Crane from the floor and returned him to the chair he’d fallen from. He raised his bow and aimed an arrow straight for the villain’s heart. No one would need to know what happened to Dr. Jonathan Crane. The building they were in was scheduled to be demolished the next day. The charges had been set and the building cleared. Crane’s body would be obliterated along with the building. The Scarecrow would become a scary tale the children of Starling told one another at sleepover parties. Oliver took a deep breath and Felicity and Tommy flashed in front of his eyes. He would never say that he killed for them because it was a lie and they didn’t deserve to carry the burden of his choices. Oliver was a selfish man and his decision to kill Crane was only for himself. He would do anything to never lose Felicity or Tommy to death. Crane should never have admitted that he knew who Felicity was. The arrow left his bow as he exhaled and found its target with ease. Oliver checked for a pulse, set some additional charges and then sealed Crane in his tomb.
Twenty-four hours later, Oliver walked through the front door of their Cobble Hill home to the sound of Tommy’s laughter. He moved silently through their home and stood just outside the kitchen and watched the two people he loved more than anything. Felicity was seated on her stool at the kitchen counter with a glass of red in front of her. She was tossing cherry tomatoes at Tommy who was doing his best to catch them in his mouth as he cooked something on the stove. He was missing more than he was catching, but that was mostly due to Felicity’s terrible aim.
After Oliver had killed Crane the night before, he’d returned to the foundry to tell everyone that he’d surprised Crane and that they’d fought and he’d killed the Scarecrow in self-defense. Only Dig suspected that he was lying. Before Oliver drove Tommy and Felicity home, Dig had asked if Crane’s body would ever get tied back to him. He promised that no one would ever find Crane. He’d woken early and joined the crowd that had gathered to watch the implosion of another building in No Man’s Land. When the building came down, he was relieved to know that Crane was nothing more than dust and ash.
Felicity looked up and smiled, “There you are. Where have you been all day?”
He stepped into the light of their kitchen, “Just had some things to do.”
“You’re just in time for dinner,” Tommy grinned. “Would you mind setting the table?”
“I’m not staying,” Oliver said.
The smiles fell from both of their faces. Felicity narrowed her eyes at him, “What’s up? Did Lance call about something?”
He shook his head as he rubbed his fingers together, “No, everything’s quiet.”
“Good,” Tommy’s grin returned, “you can eat and then take a night off. You still have a hole in your side.”
“I’m not staying,” Oliver said more for himself than for them. He needed to stay strong because it would be so easy to allow the fantasy to take hold of him once more.
Tommy turned off the stove and moved towards Oliver. He leaned against the counter and stared at Oliver. He let out a heavy breath, tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes, “You’re leaving.”
“Yes,” Oliver said as icy fingers wrapped around his heart.
Felicity looked between her two boyfriends and the color drained from her face, “Leaving? Us? Our home?”
“Yes.”
“No,” Felicity turned away and took a sip of her wine.
“No?” he asked with surprise.
“No.” She turned to look at him, “No, I don’t accept that. You’re upset about Crane. You’ve been poisoned by fear toxin and impaled by the world’s largest splinter. You feel guilty about this,” she pointed to her throat and then Tommy’s head. “Set the table. We’re having dinner.”
“Felicity,” he said with a sigh.
“Don’t,” she stood up, “say something that you can never take back. We’re happy. You’re happy. You need to put Crane behind us.” She walked right up to him and placed her hands on his chest, “I know, Oliver.”
He looked at her face and the look in her eyes told him that she knew what happened in the basement in No Man’s Land. “Overwatch,” he whispered.
“Thermal imaging. You didn’t skimp.”
“If you know, then you know why I can’t stay,” he stepped away from her warm touch and understanding eyes.
“You killed someone. I know what that costs you, but we chose to be with you knowing the body count you came with,” she said gently.
“I can’t be what either of you need – what either of you deserve,” Oliver said angrily. “I laid my hands on both of you.”
“You were hallucinating,” Felicity started.
“Which makes me even more dangerous to be around. My first instinct is to kill. If we had been alone, you would be dead.” With every word he felt more certain of his decision.
“You promised,” Tommy accused with tear filled eyes.
The pain in Tommy’s eyes was too much. Oliver was forced to look away to regain his own composure. “I’m sorry. I should never have promised you something that I’m not capable of. I can’t give you what you need. I’ll never be able to give you what you want from me. We both know that I’m the reason you’re back on your meds.”
“What?” Felicity turned her back on Oliver and was instantly at Tommy’s side.
Tommy laced his fingers through Felicity’s and smiled softly at her, “I’m fine. I was going to tell you tonight. I didn’t want to worry you while you were looking for Crane.”
Felicity ran her fingers through Tommy’s hair, “It’s okay. I appreciate that you were worried about me, but you will always be my priority.”
Oliver’s heart ached to not be a part of their intimate scene, but it also gave him the conviction to continue. Tommy and Felicity had each other. They would miss him, but they’d move on without him, together. He began to slowly back away from them as they were lost in each other.
“Wait,” Tommy halted his retreat, “don’t go.”
“All I brought back from that island was pain, misery and darkness. The only way I know how to fight the darkness is to be the darkness.” Oliver smiled sadly at them, “I love you both, so much, but I won’t bring that darkness into our home, into our bed, and especially not into your hearts. I thought I could be normal and share a life with the both of you, but it was a lie I told myself. I can see the truth and I know what I am. You both have given me so much and I’m grateful for the time we’ve had together, but it was just an illusion. You deserve more than a broken man with hands dripping in blood. If I stay, one day, I will be the reason for your deaths. I can’t live with that.”
“Oliver,” Felicity flew across the kitchen and carefully wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed her ear against his chest, “You’re upset and not thinking clearly. You’re still recovering. Let’s eat dinner and go to bed. You’ll feel differently in the morning.”
He stroked the back of her head, “That’s the problem. If I stay, I’ll never leave and I have to, for both your sakes.”
Felicity’s arms tightened around him and she began to cry, “I won’t let you do this.”
He gently unwrapped her arms from around his waist. He brushed the hair from her eyes and kissed her gently, “I will always love you, Felicity.”
Tommy wrapped an arm around Felicity’s shoulder and hugged her against his chest. “If you do this, you can never undo it. You will have always left us.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Oliver stepped closer to Tommy.
“Then don’t, Ollie,” Tommy grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him against them.
Oliver looked into the eyes of the man he’d spent a lifetime loving and hurting. Leaving, even though it would break their hearts, was the right decision, for all of them. Unable to deny himself one last kiss, he brushed his lips against Tommy’s. He meant for the kiss to be brief, but Tommy’s lips parted beneath his. Remembering words spoken in whispers long ago, he held Tommy’s hand over his heart, “It will always sing to you. I love you.”
Tommy’s hand fisted in Oliver’s shirt before he let go and wrapped both arms around a weeping Felicity. “Go,” he said with a broken voice, “before I say something I’ll regret.”
Oliver turned away from them and felt himself detaching from his emotions with every step he took away from them. Hildy was sitting in front of the front door looking at him with sorrowful eyes. He knelt in front of her and scratched behind her ears, “You’ll have to watch over them for me now.” She nuzzled his neck and he gave her a squeeze before he stood up. “This is the right decision,” he told her. Hildy moved away from the door and headed towards the kitchen. She stopped at the sound of the front door opening and looked over her shoulder and watched him as he left.