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“When was your first time?”
Niles chuckled, running his hands up and down his wife’s thighs as she sat astride him, her arms crossed with her elbows on his shoulders. “Oh we’re up to that now, are we?”
“You were the one that pointed out how many gaps we have in our knowledge of each other,” she smirked. “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“You first, then.”
CC rolled her eyes. “You are such a wuss.” She leaned back slightly, unfolding her arms and placing her hands on his chest for balance. “I was 25, and he was an actor in one of our productions.”
Niles’ jaw dropped. “You were 19 when we first met.”
“I was,” she agreed.
“You were still a virgin?”
“You don’t have to sound so surprised,” she frowned.
“I’m sorry, it’s just I always assumed… you always had the attitude of someone who took what they wanted, when they wanted it. It never occurred to me that you hadn’t…”
“And if you’d known, would you have done anything with that information?”
He pursed his lips in thought. “I might have.”
“You’re a terrible liar, Rochester.”
“How was it?” he asked a little more seriously.
She tilted her head back for a moment, recalling the memory. “He was… kind. To me. In that moment.”
Niles frowned. “Just in that moment?”
“It was… complicated.” She ducked her head back down, avoiding his gaze.
“How so?” When she still refused to look at him, he put a finger gently under her chin and turned her face towards him. “I’ve already married you, Babcock,” he said softly. “Nothing you say will chase me off now.”
She sighed deeply. “I’m not proud of it.”
“I love you anyway. Tell me.”
“He was a decade older, and he was seeing someone else at the time,” she winced. “He told me that they had an open relationship style arrangement. Sort of like swingers, you know? I convinced myself that was okay. He was nice to me, he listened to what I had to say. He was the first man to actually show an interest in me that wasn’t about the money. And he made it all seem okay.” She paused for a moment; it was a lot harder talking about it than she’d thought it would be. “We shared a room when we did the preview shows out of town and slept together. I don’t regret having him as my first experience; it went a lot better than it could have with someone impatient. I regret getting involved in the situation at all, and being so naive about it.”
Niles gently took her face in her hands and pulled her down for a kiss. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” he murmured.
“Right,” she slapped her hands down on his chest softly, signaling the end of her story. “Your turn.”
“Oh Babs do we-“
“I told you mine.”
“Yes and now I just was to hold you and caress you and-“
She put her finger over his mouth to stop him talking, frowning at him. “Niles, what don’t you want to tell me?”
He kept his eyes on her, unblinking, until she finally pulled back. “Is it worse than mine?” she asked quietly, and he shrugged. “Were you-“
“Her name was Clara,” he cut her off, voice quiet. “She worked for the Sheffields at the time.”
Her brow furrowed slightly in confusion. “I mean that’s not surprising. You and Maxwell didn’t move to the states until you were what? 24?”
“Something like that.”
“So what’s the big deal? It’s not like we’re talking about his teacher or his nan-“ She stopped mid-sentence as she realised what she was saying. Maxwell’s nanny was called Clara. She remembered the visit from six years ago, how she’d looked at Niles and how he’d trailed after her. “Clara Mueller?”
He nodded.
“But that’s ridiculous! You’re not that much older than Maxwell! She would have been-“
“32.”
“Right! And that would make you… you’d have been…” It wasn’t hard to work out how old he would have been. The nanny had been in her seventies when she last visited. Even so, she didn’t want to believe it. “Niles, how old were you?”
“I was young.”
“Niles.”
“13. Almost 14.”
She felt her heart stop in her chest. Memories of fawning over that woman, of praising her and trying desperately to get Maxwell to replace Nanny Fine with her, instantly soured. “You were a boy,” she whispered.
“I knew what I was doing,” he shrugged. “We carried on for years, right up until Mr Sheffield went to Eton.”
“You were a child.”
“I was a horny teenager, and an experienced older woman was willing to show me the ropes. Not unlike an older actor taking a young woman through her first time.”
“That’s completely different! I was 25! And you-“
Niles caught the hands she’d started waving about in her ranting, and brought them back to his chest. “It was a long time ago now. I didn’t suffer for it, so please don’t upset yourself over it.”
She swallowed down her rage. “Did you sleep with her when she came to visit the family a few years ago?”
He rubbed his thumbs up and down the backs of her hands. “Do you really want to know the answer?” he asked quietly.
“No, but I need to know.”
“Yes.”
“Do you love her?”
“A part of me thought I did once. Even right up to seeing her again. But ultimately no. I have only really truly deeply loved one woman in my entire life, and she’s currently sitting in my lap. Wearing my wedding ring, and carrying my child.” He brought her hands up to his lips. “She was the first, but you are my last. My only.”