Chapter Text
God I hate the mess hall.
The lights are too bright. The other prisoners are too loud. The food is barely edible.
I still have a hard time believing I’ll spend the rest of my life here.
I’ve been in prison for… a few months? It feels like it’s been so much longer than that. But I guess time moves slowly on a life sentence.
I stare down at the tray of unidentifiable mush in front of me. I fidget with my fork, idly mixing what I think is supposed to be oatmeal. I close my eyes and reminisce before going to prison, when I would cook every one of my meals. I miss cooking. They should put me in charge of the kitchen here. I could make something much more edible than the mystery meat they try to feed us.
I should know better than to reminisce. Thinking about the past always brings me back to… that.
I guess I’ll never be able to forget it.
Every night I’ll wake to the sound of their scream echoing in my mind. Every morning I’ll wash my face and see their blood on my hands.
I regret killing them with all that I am.
I open my eyes to the crackle of static over the loudspeakers. I look to the front of the room, where I see the first interesting thing I’ve seen in months. A tall man in a crisp suit stands guarded by three individuals in military grade armor. The man in the suit holds a microphone. He taps it twice, feedback whining throughout the mess hall.
“Hello, victims of the law!” he yells into the mic. “I am with the Urbanshade corporation, and I am looking for individuals like yourselves to assist us with an incredible endeavor!”
Jesus, his voice is so annoying. I plan to tune out his whole spiel, but something he says catches my attention.
“What if I told you that your years in prison could end today?”
My head flips up and I stare intently at the speaker. I’d give anything to get out of here.
“We need volunteers to assist us in retrieving an artifact from one of our facilities. It recently went on lockdown due to a breach in security. The risk of death is high, but whoever succeeds will be granted a full pardon, a cleaned record, and a large cash sum as a reward. If you would like to volunteer, come forward and speak to one of our lovely guardsmen. They’ll get everything sorted for you.”
A chance at freedom and a fresh start, just like that? It seems almost too good to be true. I either succeed and get a shot at the life I want, or I die. Either way, I get out of here.
And maybe it won’t be the worst thing if I die. A life for a life seems only fair.
What the hell, I volunteer.
* * *
A sudden breath of air fills my lungs with dust and clears my pounding headache. I wake suddenly to find myself back at the plaza. I lay on my back for a moment, tracing my fingers on the spiral of stones below me. A singular star shines brightly above in the midnight sky.
After I’ve caught my breath, I stand. I instinctively check my belt and neck. The cross is still strung through my collar. The flashlight is still looped onto its chain around my waist. But the lantern is not. Beginnings of a panic rising in my throat, I flit my eyes around, searching for the light. I sigh in relief when I see it on the ground a few feet away, orange tinted glass gleaming in the light of the star.
I pace over to the lantern and take it by its worn leather handle. A slim crack laces the glass. Strange. I don’t remember it ever breaking.
Unimportant.
I turn to stare at the brick wall lining one side of the plaza. An endless expanse of ocean sits behind me. What a beautiful picture this must be, framed by stone and sea.
I suppose I should head forward, try my luck again. I’m not used to staying still for this long. Although, the lack of motion is calming. A welcome change from the constant pressure to keep going in the maze. I’ve been at this for so long; I can do with a break.
I turn on my heel and walk to the ledge of the plaza overlooking the ocean. Sometimes I wish I could swim away from here and find my way back home. But then, I wouldn´t earn my salvation if I did.
So I sit on the ledge, my feet dangling above the gentle ripples. It´s peaceful. I’ll take a quick moment to rest. I can only break for so long if I want to reach Him.
As I gaze upon the water, I can’t help but notice something off about it.
It seems deeper than normal, the usual navy blue seemingly replaced with an inky black. What used to be waves has dulled down to the surface barely being stirred. I lean forward in curiosity. Somehow, it seems like its…
Calling.
Before I am able to think, I lean too far forward and tumble off the ledge into the depths below me.
* * *
Death feels different this time around.
I can still feel the cold rush of the water around me, but there’s a surface beneath me. It’s firm, but soft. Am I at the bottom of the sea of the dead? Something also cushions my head. I open my eyes and see Guiding Light looking down on me, my head resting in her lap. Cyan tears fill her eyes, threatening to fall onto my forehead. The warm touch of her hand finds its way onto the side of my face. She sighs.
“Why did you do that?” she whispers.
I instantly remember what had happened. I swallow, a dull pain growing in my throat. I can almost still feel the chain of my necklace wrapped backwards around my neck. Why did I do that? I turn my head to the side, away from Guiding Light’s hand and eyes.
“I’m not upset,” she assures me. “Simply worried. I don’t want you to hurt like this. Please, just tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.”
I feel a single tear land on my temple. And I too begin to cry. “I thought- I thought that maybe–” my voice cracks, and I hiccup. God, words are so hard to get out. “I- I’m sorry. I just want- I want to go home. I’m so sick of all of this. I thought if- maybe I could be free if I–”
Guiding Light slides her arms under mine, pulling me into a hug. “Shh,” she whispers. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t ask for this.” She looks up at the surface of the sea. Light from the stars gently filters down through the water. “If anything, I should be sorry. My entire purpose is to guide you. And this is all I’ve been able to lead you to.”
“I’m scared it’ll happen again,” I say, my voice shaking.
She takes my hand and places her thumb on my wrist. She brushes her finger across the faint outline of a blue crescent moon on my skin. It’s been there since the first time I died here. “If you ever feel that way again, just call out for me and I’ll help you. I’m always here for you, remember that.”
My tears cease. “Thank you,” I whisper.
After a few moments, Guiding Light breaks the silence. “It’s time you returned to your journey, no?” I sigh, then stand. I turn to face her, giving her one last smile, before swimming to the surface.