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The concrete chilled his back through his hoodie as he lay, hands tucked behind his head, eyes set to the blackened sky. The only sound was the cacophonous wildlife in the trees surrounding the skatepark, not even a single car was out that night.
“They’re super bright,” Langa commented to himself. His feet rested atop his skateboard, which he would roll back and forth every so often; the light rumbling of the wheels intermittently breaking the silent air.
Responding to the off-handed comment, not directed towards him, “It’s usually pretty clear, especially at night.” Reki then joked upon seeing Langa’s agape mouth, “They don’t have stars in Canada?”
Langa replied, “It usually stays pretty cloudy most of the time. But, up on the mountains, you should see it when it’s dark with light snow fall. It looks like stars are slowly falling towards you.”
Reki turned to look over at him, watching Langa continue to look up at the spread of stars in the sky. “But this,” Langa paused and after a beat of silence he let out a long sigh, “This is…” Was better the right word? No. “Beautiful.”
Reki forced himself to turn back to the sky, knowing if he didn’t, that Langa looking up towards the stars, his eyes shining with wonder, would be the only thing lasting in this memory.
Stars. That nauseating, red, graffitied star taunted him with an evocation of contrition.
Langa was souring so close to the stars, and while every other one around him was burning out, Reki was falling. Bursting into flames that would then shrivel up into useless ash.
He acted so childishly. Reki never was the best at adequately expressing his feelings, especially those that were defeatist in nature. Some part of him believed he deserved the pain, the reminder of his short comings. He was anything but pretentious.
Where it was instinctive for others, being overly positive was not a quality he typically possessed. Most called it optimism; he sees them as delusions.
Realistic, is what he would define it as. He was being realistic.
“Reki?”
Reki was pulled from his thoughts. “What?” He questioned, turning to see Langa’s face turned towards him. “You think so?” Langa asked, “The stars.”
Langa looked back up to the stars not seeing that Reki didn’t follow his lifted gaze as he answered, “Yeah, they are pretty.”
He had never met anyone like Langa, and slowly, before he knew it, he was falling behind and for him. Now after their reconciliation, the latter of the two hitting was him like a speeding train. He put every other person Reki had ever crushed on to shame.
Never in a million years did he think he’d be like those pitiful, love-sick dopes that frequented his little sister’s shoujo manga. All of them so lovelorn and yet unyieldingly infatuated while the person of their affection was so unbearably blind.
It was getting harder to hide with every moment. Reki was naturally affectionate with those he was close to. It just made sense to be, it was his way of showing how much they mean to him without muddled words getting in the way. He could just touch them and they would know.
He loved hugging on Langa, high-fiving him, bumping his shoulder, it was all his little ways of showing just how much their friendship meant, but now… it was growing difficult to not go overboard. His hugs began to linger, his touches softened and he longed for closeness that crossed the line of just friendship.
Reki cut his eyes over towards the pale hand just inches away from his. How many times had he imagined something like this while holding onto that hand, refusing to let go no matter how much his own began to cramp? Far too many times.
He needed to keep his cool. Even if it meant roping his hands behind his back and slapping a thick layer of duct tape over his mouth to keep from saying things that could only come from an utter Neanderthal, he wasn’t going to ruin or take advantage of this in anyway.
Just being here, right by his side and having Langa call him a friend was more than he could ever want.
“Is something wrong?” Langa’s voice was so meek, just above a whisper. “Did I do something?”
Reki turned his head back towards Langa again, “Huh?” Langa was looking at him with this underlying concern burrowing within his eyes. Langa was not the most adequate at conveying his emotions. Any emotion.
To most, there was always that complacent, frozen look on his face with glassy eyes that only reflected what was in front of them.
What a load of bullshit.
His eyes, sure at surface level it looked like he was staring right through you, but if you looked just a little deeper there were feelings so vibrant, feral, a turbulent storm just beneath the surface that was more human than anything Reki had ever known before.
Shying away from the silence, Langa added, “You’ve just been quiet since we got here.”
However, unlike Langa, Reki’s emotions instinctively showed on his face despite his own volition; that of which he was envious of Langa’s phlegmatic disposition.
“It’s nothing dude.” Reki refuted.
“What did we talk about, Reki? I can’t read your mind, if something’s wrong you need to tell me so I can help.”
Reki pouted, even though he knew it was childish. He sat up from the ground, his hands folded in his lap, biting his lip harshly as he looked out into the darken trail beyond the park. Langa was right and Reki knew it, but he couldn’t retort with anything.
Langa, too sat up, his eyes never leaving Reki as he came to gently place a hand on Reki’s shoulder. “Just tell me what you are feeling.”
The words caused Reki to snap his head towards Langa. His bright amber eyes staring at him so intensely, overflowing with all his thoughts that he always wore blatantly on his face.
Turning to fully face him Reki grew quiet, his mouth falling close as he thought. So many emotions were amassing within him, but he didn’t know how to put it into words. None of it would be able to accurately articulate his true feelings, it wouldn’t convey what he wanted to say.
Nothing was coming out; his mind had gone blank as every emotion was begging to usurp control over him.
He frustratedly groaned, roughly ruffling his wild hair. “I don’t know what to say that will make it make any sense.”
Langa gently took hold of both Reki’s hand in his own, making Reki release his deathly grip on his hair and let the tangles side from his fingers. “Don’t worry.” Lange smiled softly. “Everything about you has always made sense to me.”
Every laugh, every lame joke and bout of frustration over the smallest thing. The stupid nicknames he came up with for each board he made, no matter how dumb or lame it was, it was all perfectly Reki.
With a long deep breath, filling his lungs to their farthest capacity, Reki blew out the harsh breath before he spoke. “Skating has been my world for forever; I found something that fully gave me purpose. It connected to me to all kinds if people who love what I love.”
He met so may amazing people, just knowing that if his friend had never introduced him to skateboarding, he would have never met the boy sitting in front of him right now. “And I felt like I was slowly losing it; it was being taken away from me. I was watching my entire life being snatched away from me by people who deserved it more than I ever did.”
He was about eight, maybe nine when he got his first board. It felt as though he could hardly move with the amount of protection his mother forced onto him before he was allowed to even put a foot on it.
The second he tried to push off, the board flew out from underneath him, leaving him slamming into the pavement as the wind was knocked right out of his lungs.
But when he laid there on the cold ground, coughing as his throat was closing and air become nonexistent, he looked to see the board flee from him, running off as if it had a mind of its own.
Instead of feeling defeated, he felt excited, this determination that lit a fire inside of him. He was going to tame this wild creature, cage it under his command and bend it to his every will, his every desire. No matter how much it resisted against him with every fall or scraped knee and broken bone he couldn’t give it up.
Not when it opened the door to a freedom he had never tasted before.
“You know,” Reki chucked, shaking his head with a bittersweet smile. “I completely broke my arm in half when I was about thirteen trying to do a kick-flip fakie off the half ramp. I couldn’t skate for almost two months.”
Reki chuckled, “The doctor said I should wait about another two weeks or so after the cast came off before I start skating again, but me being me, I didn’t listen and I snuck off after I thought it had fully healed and ended up re-breaking it over again in the same spot.”
Langa didn’t ask but he noticed how uncomfortably Reki was rubbing his right arm. “But you know what happened before I totally ate it?” Asked Reki.
Gently, Langa shook his head.
“I popped off the ramp, and I went soaring like I have probably hundreds of times before but then, I felt my wheels hit the ramp. It was only for a second, but when it did, I used to think there was no greater feeling in the world. That there was nothing like it.”
Langa’s smile slowly fell. Cocking his head cutely to the side, he asked, “Used to?”
Bashfully, Reki spoke, his eyes traveling up from Langa’s folded hands to his face, however they didn’t quite meet to Langa’s own eyes. Somewhere just a bit lower, Reki’s gaze lingered. “But then… you showed up.”
Langa’s breath trembled as he forced an exhale through his parted lips. Reki sucked in a harsh breath, caught in an incriminating omission. “And you were amazing!” Reki blurted out instantly. “After I taught you— you could just do all these amazing things, things I never thought were possible. And instantly I saw my place in comparison to you.”
Langa’s opened his mouth to object, but Reki continued to whisper his own deprecations just before Langa’s could speak. “To you, to Miya, Cherry; Joe.” Then ducking his head in embarrassment, “Even Shadow,” he grumbled harshly under his breath. “I felt like I was being left behind, and it was my fault. Because I wasn’t good enough.”
Each name that was spoken caused each respecting individual’s face to unwilling take form in Langa’s mind. How could Reki see Langa as somehow above him? Almost six months ago, Langa repeatedly busted his ass just trying to stand on a board.
He had to hold Reki’s hands just to get his balance the first time. He wished he had an excuse in this moment to hold them now.
Reki shook his head. “That’s why I didn’t get your excitement. Someone with that level of skill and crazy, I didn’t see the point in even trying. I already know the outcome before the race even starts. No point in embarrassing myself,” he coughed lightly, “And I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
Reki thought Langa had gone crazy. Completely blindsided that his vision tunneled.
“So, when you said you were going to race Adam, I just… It felt like you didn’t care, like what happened to me was no big deal. I mean, how could someone have that much disregard for their own safety? I thought you had lost it.”
Langa had picked his limp body, brushed his bloody bangs from his face and from what Shadow had said, attempted to carry Reki into the hospital himself. The doctors couldn’t even suggest that Langa be apart from him for one moment. They all saw the look in his eyes. No matter what they could have said, he wasn’t going anywhere.
Then he wanted to race Adam for what? Revenge. Ego. Whatever the case, Reki refused to watch him disregard reality for some childish attempt at, what Reki perceived to be, redeeming their honor. Possibly wanting to best that man that had hurt Reki, he wasn’t sure what was going through Langa’s head.
All he knew what that Langa wasn’t thinking.
“I don’t think you’ve ever tried to look at it from a different angle.” This gave Reki pause, puzzled by Langa’s meaning.
“Having someone so talented, so skilled is exciting. To know that there are other things possible just out of reach. It gives you something to strive for to be even better.” He had that same excitement in his eyes, when his bangs were soaked to his forehead, withstanding the chilled rain as it poured onto the earth.
That night would forever haunt both of them from beyond the shadows.
But the look in Langa’s eyes this time, some part of it was different. “Even if it takes a hundred times to get it, or over a hundred; and on that one hundredth-and-second try, the joy and relief that you get when you finally do it,” Langa’s hand ran over the deck of his board, the other sneaking between them. “When you finally take that risk and do something you never thought you were capable of.”
Their fingers tip brushed as Langa inched his hand closer without any protest from Reki. The blush spreading across Reki’s cheeks encouraging Langa further, but he couldn’t, his nerves tearing his stomach to shreds. His hand froze. Reki chuckled uncomfortably, feebly attempting to soothe himself. “I understand how you see it that way. How spectacular you are, it’s breathtaking to watch.”
Reki thought he was… breathtaking.
How did Reki not see it? “None of it would be possible without you.”
A sharp gasp escaped Reki’s lips as his eyes rocketed back up, halting when they meet with Langa’s sparkling, crystal eyes. He was so handsome. The thought caused a deeper blush to dust Reki’s cheeks.
With a beaming smile Langa professed, “I told you before, I would have never made it as far as I did with your help. I would have been a laughingstock if it wasn’t for you finding a way to attach my feet to the board. And your idea to let the truck freely spin to fit my style.”
Langa prattled on and every word was causing greater pressure to build within Reki’s chest. He couldn’t believe he was the one Langa was staring at, flashing that dashing (albeit adorably spacey) smile his way, and worshiping him with unceasing praise.
“My success entirely depends on my board being made by you. I am everything because of you.”
Every word, compliment, look, smile, it meant everything to him if it was coming from Langa. He took it all in and selfishly prayed that Langa gave all of it to only him.
Reki nodded. “You told me all this before— and it helped! But it’s that… I still have doubts here and there and I hate it every time.” Reki harshly bit the inside of his cheek and hid his face in his hands. “I don’t want to look at you with jealousy or animosity ‘cause you don’t deserve it. I want…” Reki cut himself off, not finding the words he wanted to say.
He wanted to be happy with the way he was, content with skills he did or did not have, but it was difficult. Did his talents really contribute all that much? Anyone can cut and sand down and piece of wood.
Reki mentally shook out the thoughts, kicking himself. There was more to it than that and he knew it.
He just needed time to accept that he meant more than he knew; that something he did mattered. For the seeable future he would need some help in remembering that from time to time.
Langa was more than willing help him see it for himself by any means necessary. As long as it would take.
“You say you don’t understand but I saw the look on your face in your race with Adam. Even though you knew you might not win,” Langa’s shoulders relaxed, “I’ve never seen you skate like that. Like you knew you were going to cross that finish line first.”
That excitement, that rush, Reki recalled the feeling as if he were experiencing it at that present moment. The erratic beating of his heart, echoing in his chest and pulsating down to the very tips of his fingers.
When everything adverse around him slowly slipped away, faded into the background until they were reduced to nihility. The only thing he could see was what lay in front of him, the goal. The sensation of the wind rushing past him and the rumble of the wheels beneath his feet , racing over the ground. It was intoxicating. Putting to rest an inflamed agitation and laying place the final piece he didn’t know was even missing.
He knew exactly that feeling Langa was talking about.
Reki’s eyes lowered, his face following shortly there after.
“What is it?” Asked Langa.
“I only got that way after hearing all your praise. I shouldn’t have to have everyone holding my ego together.”
Langa’s voice went serene, so devout and warm. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it.” His fingers creeping closer, his thumb beginning to rub small circles along Reki’s skin.
Langa was killing him saying all these sappy things, having no clue what they were doing to him. “I want…” Suddenly, like an unconquerable title wave, every word Reki wanted to say flooded his being. “I want to be by your side. I want to be your first thought when something’s bothering you; every time your feet hit the deck. Every morning when you wake up.”
What was he saying? And why couldn’t he stop? He basically just confessed everything little selfish thought he had that he vowed would only stay thoughts.
“I want to be the first and only thing you ever need.”
He felt like he was in a daze; completely entranced. It must be true; he must be, because there’s no way he would have the courage to say anything this saccharine if he were in a right state of mind.
Langa suddenly felt his lungs contract, any and all air being stripped from him in a single moment. “I don’t think you realize what you’ve done to me.” That came out louder than he had intended, Langa had only meant to keep it in his most inner thoughts, but the besotted rasp hung between them.
Langa flinched when Reki fingers drew back, causing his stomach to drop. Reki never shied away from physical affection even when it wasn’t warranted. However, Reki’s fingers curled as his hand raised and Reki’s eyes met his expectingly. Langa’s lips quirked into a shy grin as he too raised his hand, completely their infinity sign.
“Your passion is so infectious, and divine. You woke me up to a world I had been dead to. These feelings that I’ve never had before— in my chest... I’m overwhelmed by it. This beating, like my heart is accelerating just from the whisper of you. Like it’s clawing out of my chest because having infinity with you just isn’t enough.”
Langa’s fingers probed further, until their fingers were intertwined within each other’s. Raging heat radiated from both of their palms and both boys could feel the gut-wrenching nerves that were eating away at them passing through their skin. The contact being the only remedy.
“It doesn’t sound like you’re talking about skateboarding anymore.”
Reki’s face was blood red as he nervously laughed off the electric zing shooting through his body. He couldn’t look at Langa no matter how hard he tried as he swallowed thickly. Reki’s stomach was doing so many heel-flips he felt feel sick.
Langa grinned at Reki’s enflamed cheeks, thinking about how he couldn’t be any cuter. “I’m not.” Langa’s voice hinted towards a teasing tone as he said it.
No way he was implying what Reki though he was implying. Somewhere deep down he assumed he’d be hopelessly pining after his best friend for the rest of their lives.
From the moment they met it was clear Langa was very popular with a lot of the girls from their school. He was handsome, kind and respectful and extremely humble even if it stemmed from oblivion of his own talents and skill.
Yet despite the stares, the shy smiles and flirting; the out right confessions! — Langa never showed much interest in dating, which wasn’t that uncommon. Reki himself, while he was definitely interested in the idea of dating, didn’t hold it as a top priority over the other aspects of his life. He was technically still a kid after all.
Though the more time Reki spent with Langa he started to speculate it wasn’t just ignorance to it all.
It was the way he would talk about some of the prominent male skaters at S, and when Joe would tease them about girls, he’d attempt to be nice but made it clear he was mostly ignoring the conversation.
The final nail in the coffin was one night that Langa slept over at his house, they decided to sit up and watch a movie Langa had suggested on Reki’s laptop.
It started off as little comments here and there about the actor playing the male lead. Then without so much as a tumble over his words, he just said it plainly, about how he had a crush on the character when he was younger, watching the movie as many time as he could over and over again.
Langa Hasegawa was definitely gay or at least attracted to men in some way.
That didn’t make Reki think he had more of a chance then he did before, so he chose to suffer in silence, letting the thick tension suffocate him every time they were together.
Reki swallowed thickly, attempting to joke back, “Where’d you learn how to be all coy?” But his heart was beating so hard it was difficult to focus on anything else.
Smiling, Langa replied, “From the best.”
He wanted to kiss him so bad, and little did Reki know Langa was thinking the same thing.
All too soon Langa drew his hand back, much to Reki’s disappointment which he vocalized with a small grunt, one that he thought was hushed enough for only himself to notice.
Langa scooted towards Reki, raising onto his knees, his hands setting flush against the rough concrete as he crawled closer. Reki saw Langa’s eyes flicker down to his face, staring for a moment before continuing.
Was Langa about to kiss him right here, right now, in this public skate park?!
Well, it was almost midnight, and they had been the only ones around for hours. Reki felt himself innately rear his head away slowly as Langa got closer. He was slowly moving in closer, his breath fanning across Reki’s face and Reki could only wrench his eyes closed tightly, his lips pursing in anticipation.
Reki’s eyes popped opened when Langa pushed his headband up out of the way, pressing a kiss to the middle of his forehead. The little kiss sealed into Reki’s head, the skin tingling long after Langa had sat back.
“I’ve always wanted to do that?” Langa muttered under his breath, drawing back.
Langa was smiling so joyfully and Reki felt a hot rush through his body that engulfed his skin. “Oh…” he stammered, “Oh, yeah, I thought…” Reki nervously rubbed the back of his neck; this was embarrassing. “Never mind.”
Why would Langa properly kiss him? They haven’t even approached any type of conversation about potentially dating and now he wanted to start kissing. God he was so delusional!
Reki slapped both palms to his cheeks, the sharp stinging that followed snapped him back to the present. He wasn’t sure if it was the kiss or the smack to his face that was the continued cause of his flushed cheeks.
Pinching his lips tightly he rocketed his eyes away, but Langa’s piercing gaze was still burning into the side of his head.
Langa questioned after a short pause, “Did… you want me to kiss you on the mouth?” He nodded in thought, stating, “I can if you want me to.”
“Dude!” Reki yelled with a harsh shove to Langa’s chest, pulling his headband over his eyes to save himself some dignity. Reki felt the head band sip from his eyes, Langa pulling it back up out of his face, his feathery bangs being pushed aside as well.
Sitting up, Langa sat back down on his knees, clearing his throat before speaking, “Is it alright if I kiss you?”
This made Reki raise an eyebrow and he grinned. “Ok, Mr. Prim and Proper.”
“My mom always told me that I should always be a gentleman and ask before I ever tried to kiss someone like that.” Langa explain curtly.
Reki choked out a laugh. He was so serious, and damn was it cute. “You’re so weird.”
It grew quiet, both acutely aware of the conversation that had occurred. The were so close, sitting just mere inches from one another. Both were hesitant of what they should do next.
“I’ve never done this kind of thing before.” Admitted Reki apprehensively.
“I have, but it was only the one time.” Langa shrugged.
What?! Reki was sent spiraling. Of course he’s kissed people before, look at him! Reki had never kissed anyone in his entire life, what was he supposed to do? He was terrible at talking to girls, but with guys it was even worse. He wouldn’t realize his feelings for them until it was way too late and sit up late a night smacking his face into his pillow afterward. Looking back, it was always so obvious to the point it was painful.
It was more painfully embarrassing to find out his mom knew he was bisexual long before he came out to her. He was egregiously obvious.
“Really…” Reki gritted through his teeth with a tight grin stretched across his face. What if this kiss was bad, especially knowing now that Langa had something to compare it to? Should he keep his lips together or open them a little? Maybe he should keep them closed since it would most likely just be a peck on the mouth, and in case his breath smelled.
Langa was unmindful of the agony Reki was being consumed by when he answered, “Yeah, it was for some school play.”
Reki was snapped away from his own thoughts. “A play?” He questioned. He couldn’t picture someone like Langa in anything like that with his wonted, deadpan expressions, inscrutable face and monotonous way of speaking. Not that he thought any of that was a negative thing, Reki found all of it frustratingly endearing and adorable.
“I was the only guy they could convince to do it so I kind of had to be one of the leads. It was supposed to be a fake kiss at the end, you know, when you put your thumb over your lips.” With his other hand Langa reached crossed himself, cupping his own cheek with his thumb resting over his lips, demonstrating.
Apprehensive, he continued and explained, “But the girl that was playing the princess was super nervous and thought we had missed our cue, so she just grabbed my face and kissed me.”
Reki was going into this with no experience. None! Well with his luck he should have expected this.
Wait… girl playing the princess?
Did that mean Langa played the Prince Charming? That was not a mental image Reki needed playing on loop in his head right now, he already felt his body scalding.
That was all he was going to be thinking about while trying to get any sleep tonight. He could picture it, Langa in a pristine, powder blue waist and tailcoat detailed with gold and a long decorative blue cape with fur trim; stoic and regal.
Reki realized he hadn’t yet responded, just staring as the scene played out in his mind, before reality slowly faded back in. “Oh, I’m sorry…” Reki muttered, trying to keep a lid on his lovey-dovey fantasies.
“She was too; she kept apologizing days after it happened.” Reki watched how Langa rolled his lip in on themselves, clearly not realizing that Reki was apologizing for spacing out.
Langa looked back at those memories from his Canadian middle school fondly, particularly one girl he became acquainted with in his last year during a school play.
A girl named Yuzuki. She was a sweet, timid girl; not one to say much or hold a conversation on her own in most situations.
She was a very respectful and respectable young girl despite how nervous she tended to be. Always making sure everyone was comfortable, specifically Langa with any scenes they shared. She always asked him his opinion, how he felt about certain scenes they shared or if he was comfortable.
Despite the excessive assessments coming from a place of anxiety, he appreciated it, nonetheless.
Though her attempts to convince the director to allow just a peck on the cheek, or no kiss at all were denied she still took every possible opportunity to make sure he was alright.
Everything had run smoothly, apart from a few technically errors and stumbled over lines the night had gone as well as most of them could have hoped, until the finale.
He was shocked; confused. It was over within a moment that he hadn’t realized what happened until he heard the cheers of the audience and saw her completely red face, her hands still holding onto his face so tightly it ached. Her brows were pinched into a worried expression that she was mediocre at concealing even from the stage.
“It wasn’t bad I guess, it just felt weird. To be honest…” Langa tittered, shaking his head and letting out a harsh sigh, “…I didn’t like it.” He grimaced.
That caused Reki to pause, now hesitant. “Look, dude, don’t feel like I’m pressuring you. If you don’t wan-“
He was unable to finish with Langa quickly interjecting with confidence, “I want to.”
“Ok…” Reki forced a shakily smile, he muttered under his breath over and over, “Ok, ok, ok.”
His stomach was twisting into impossible knots, slowly being squeezed into the hollow of his throat. Jaw clenching painfully tight as he pushed down a crushing wave nausea. Chest heaving, Reki’s jaw clenched, eyes frantically darting between Langa’s face and anywhere else he could when meeting his eyes grew too intense.
How did Langa look so calm. Even confident? His sight was entirely locked onto Reki’s face, never once breaking the one-sided eye contact or saying a thing, just patiently waiting. Why did he feel frozen? Reki wanted this more than anything but now that Langa was sitting in front of him just as ready, it all came washing over him how real it was.
He couldn’t take the next step, only able to stare at his shaking hand pushed flush against the concrete, willing it to move though unable to.
Langa took hold of Reki’s hand. Lifting it from the ground with swift ease, he placed it over his chest. His heart was beating just as fast as Reki’s which put him at ease, knowing Langa was feeling everything just as immensely as himself.
When Langa’s eyes flickered back to Reki’s, a small twitch of his lip quirked upwards, causing one to take to Reki’s. An understanding with just a single look.
Eyes falling to his hand overtop of Reki’s, Langa muttered, “Your hand is pretty sweaty.”
Reki’s laughed and he slipped his hand out from under Langa’s hold, not so subtly drying his dampened palms on the legs of his pants.
Reki’s could always count on the fact that he was so, totally smooth and cool in any circumstance, not matter the pressure… Completely.
The neck of his hood started to feel restricted, the cloth being pressed to the skin of his neck and he tugged at the neckline, working up his nerve as he scooted closer on his knees. His heart was drumming in the depths of his ears, making known how scared he was in this moment.
Reki nodded, fighting to not shy away from Langa’s gaze this time.
Langa’s hand came to rest on Reki’s cheek before he slowly swooped down and connected their lips gently. It was soft, their lips simply placed onto one another, clearly Langa was also nervous, not wanting to be overzealous.
For the first few seconds Reki was completely in his head. His hands supporting him as he leaned into Langa. A shaking hand came up and cautiously came to rest of Langa’s hip. This is what he was supposed to do, right?
It felt right, and it seemed to put Langa’s anxieties aside as his shoulders dropped their tension and he melted into the short kiss.
Langa was the first to pull away and Reki waited, but he wasn’t sure what for. He wished Langa would say something because he knew if he didn’t, he would just start thanking Langa like and idiot, but Langa just sat there, staring at him wide-eyed without so much as a murmur.
Langa’s hand still cupping his left cheek, Reki’s hand still perched to Langa’s waist.
Weakly, Reki began, “Uh…. Lang—“
Langa launched himself onto Reki, smashing their lips together again as Reki was knocked onto his back and Langa landed onto top of him. Reki groaned after Langa pulled back again, seeing how Langa’s eyes were sparkling with a glint of elation Reki’s only seen a small number of times.
Panting, Langa couldn’t help but smile and wet his lips. “I liked that one much better.”
If he had been fully listening Reki would be a melted puddle by this point, however, a familiar ache in this tail bone pulsated. “That’s the second time you’ve done this to me.”
It still hurt a little, a small twinge lingering in his back after Langa jumped into his arms and tacked him to the ground in a reverent embrace. The bruises on his hip and back were just beginning to heal.
A flush began to take to Langa’s snowy skin. “I couldn’t help it,” he mumbled, dropping his head, his icy blue bangs falling over his face and shielding his eyes from Reki. Reki looked up to the sky, his hand that wasn’t holding onto Langa came up to tangle in his hair, just letting it rest atop Langa’s head. Subconsciously, he nails began dragging circles within his hair.
Reki shimmied under the weight, attempting a comfortable position as he stared off upwards, the sky slowly dissolved as memories began to play like a movie right before his eyes; working his finger through a wind fostered tangled.
He took every little detail in. Langa’s deodorant mixed with the lingering spice of some cologne Joe had gifted him for his birthday, his even paced breathes, how he sighed when Reki’s nails would scratch along his scalp. How frigid Langa’s skin always felt compared to his own.
Completely overwhelmed by how close all these familiar things to him now were, taking each of them in with an entirely new meaning, a new purpose. A purpose of never forgetting them now that he had them back.
“Reki.”
He never got tired hearing Langa say his name. Reki hummed in acknowledgment.
“You’re thinking really loud.” Said Langa.
Reki snorted a laugh, draping an arm over his face. Langa could feel the vibration of Reki’s chest from the small giggle just under his cheek. “I’m gonna sound crazy but, I’m so happy you raced. I knew you’d win against that creep.”
It was a dream, watching Langa’s wheels roll over the faded finish line just milliseconds before Adam’s. Everything that happened afterwards was a bit of a blur when looking back on that night except the sight of Langa barreling forward and leaping off his board, arms stretched out and colliding into him.
Langa shrugged, lifting his head and resting his chin on Reki’s sternum. “It wouldn’t have mattered if I won or not. You would have been there cheering for me either way.”
Reki’s lips stretched int a dopey grin. “I’m just glad you came back to me.” He brushed some of Langa’s fallen, crystalline bangs back from his eyes.
Langa merely huffed a short laugh and plopped his head back down onto Reki’s chest. The rise and fall of Reki’s chest was soothing and caused a trance-like easiness that Langa had never quite experienced before.
He had never been this close to anyone before, and now that he had it, his fix satiated, he didn’t think he could ever let it go again.
Langa had always been unheeding in the aspects of romantic endeavors. But this feeling, it was too intense to be ignore.
He struggled to articulate what feelings he felt; intense emotions were all consuming and yet he was unable to find a way to communicate them, so he was cursed to feel everything all at once so deeply with no escape from them.
Especially when it came to Reki.
This fervent desire to be close to him was prodigious.
Reki sighed harshly, looking up to see the splay of Langa’s hair just under his chin, Langa was curled around him, holding onto him so tightly as if Langa feared he would be ripped away at any moment.
Groaning, Reki let his head fall back to the pavement. “Not that I don’t mind it, but you’re kinda heavy.”
He rolled off Reki, falling quietly back onto the ground. Reki greatly protested until all of the weight lifted and he could take in a deep breath again. For a few short minutes they simply lied there, resuming their absentminded star gazing, However Reki found it hard to think about anything else their than how Langa’s skin was still burning into his, the tips of a single finger, brushing against each other.
“It’s late. We should probably head home.” Langa sat up, looking out at the blackened water out in the lake, reflecting the faint twinkling of the stars, just past the lakeshore.
Pushing up from the ground, grabbing his board, Reki rubbed the back of his neck. “You can stay at mine tonight; it’s closer anyway.” This was all so new. Despite the fact he’s asked Langa to stay over a dozen times before, as he asked his throat felt constrict, his palms dampening.
The lump in his throat released when he saw Langa shake his head. Langa popped his board into his hands after coming up to stand. “Yeah. Will your mom be ok with that?”
“She should.” Hand freezing when his hand sunk into his empty pocket, Reki panicked, frantically checking both pant pockets again before searching in the large hoodie pocket. “Crap! I left my phone at home!”
Langa chuckled. “She’d going to kill you. We’ve been out for hours.”
Reki his behind his hands, letting one drag down his face before it fell limp at his side. His mother was going to lecture him again, while Koyomi stood just behind her, arms crossed and a satisfied grin and his little ankle biting sisters laughed from the floor all while in front of his first boyfri—
Did Reki almost refer to Langa as his boyfriend? They shared one kiss, and he was already planning to showcase Langa as his boyfriend to the world.
“Reki.”
Reki snapped to attention, spine stiff, shoulders set back and pulled taut with his chin set to high. Did Langa even want to be his boyfriend? Was Langa even wanting to start dating? He wouldn’t have kissed him if he didn’t, right?
“I said I was going to call my mom to let her know I’m staying over.” He said, showing his phone which was already delicately vibrating, waiting for Mrs. Hasegawa to answer.
Reki’s mumbled, “Yeah, yeah.” He cleared his throat as Langa raised the phone to his ear. “Sounds good.”
“Mom,” He started. Langa reached over, grabbing onto Reki’s hand while he continued silently as Mrs. Hasegawa’s muffled voice sounded over the phone.
Every word out of Langa was distorted, as if Reki’s head were completely submerged beneath water. He could hear Langa’s words but none of them were intelligible as he stared down at their joint hands, Langa’s thumb swiping back and forth over Reki’s skin absentmindedly while he spoke.
“She said she was ok with it an—“
Reki pressed a sharp kiss to Langa’s cheek, catching the boy by surprise as to how quick and firm it was. “That’s payback,” Reki informed briskly with a small pout, “for earlier.”
Langa asked, slightly addled. “How is that payback?”
“It just is, ok!” Squeezing Langa’s hand for emphasis, he tugged him along and before long they were both running out of the park.
He cut into the trees, Langa continued to attempt to catch Reki’s attention to only fail. “Reki!” He called out again, but Reki cut in, “This way’s faster.” Langa tried to stop in, to reason with him, however he yelped, groaning afterward when his face plowed through a hanging branch. Reki’s was in too much of a hurry to notice.
“Reki!”
Reki’s shot his head back, blinding stumbling out of the wooded area and into the adjoining parking lot just outside the park. Lange panted out quickly, “Shouldn’t we skate. It’d be faster.”
Reki’s threw a smile over his shoulder, still running like hell, dragging Langa behind him by the hand. “Then I’d have to let go.”
This was it. Just a little step closer into their infinity.