Work Text:
It was a regular day at school. The teacher was talking about restors and circuits and everyone was taking notes, except Honami.
Honami was with her head on the desk with her arms around it but Ichika could tell she wasn't sleeping, maybe just tired.
When the bell rang for the end of the school day, both Ichika and Honami went to the bus stop to wait for their bus. They planned to go to Honami's house and Ichika to stay the night too.
“I'm so happy to stay at Honami's house. I love her so much”. Ichika thinks.
You know? Ichika is down for Honami so bad. She fell since they met! Love at first sight, right?
But she couldn't really understand if Honami felt the same way, so never telling about her feelings was a good option.
“What do you want to do after we've done homework?”. Ichika ask.
“I don't know to be honest. I don't even want to do homework, I'm tired”. Honami reply.
“Oh”. Ichika reply.
“Are you ok, Honami?”. Ichika asks with concern.
Honami lately looks always tired, doesn't want to do school related things anymore and always has red eyes, like she has been crying or lack of sleep.
“Yes, Ichika-chan. Don't worry it's just school”. Honami smiles at her, but it doesn't actually reach her eyes.
Ichika could tell she wasn't physically and mentally ok, but she decided to not push it.
She doesn't exclude school for causing her discomfort, but seems like there is something else too… she can't come up with anything yet. But looking at her for example: she hasn't changed her clothes for a week, she uses her pajamas as an under shirt, doesn't listen to lessons anymore and just zone out, draw on the notebook or just put her head on the desk, she doesn't do her homework or just do them random, she has a lot of absences and for last, she always have a little metal box and always at least two packs of tissues. Weird… Ichika genuinely can't think of what those things are for. She's worried about Honami.
They arrived at home. They ate, talked about games, anime and school, and then it was time for homework.
“Honami let's do homework c'mon”. Ichika say.
“Ichika-chan I don't want, they are too hard and I'm tired”. Honami says.
“Honami don't worry I'm here! I can help you”. Ichika say happy.
“Can I directly copy them? I won't understand them anyway”. Honami beg practically.
“Honami, why are you underestimating yourself? Don't you like electronics a lot? C'mon I'll help you!”. Ichika encourage Honami.
“Mmh ok”. Honami say tired.
Ok now Ichika could DEFINITELY tell something is wrong, she's not good but Honami won't tell her what'swrong. She needs to find it out on her own.
Honami got bullied back in elementary school. She got to the point of thinking about suicide just at 9 years old, but luckily when she started middle school she found Ichika. They became close in less than two days, they were always together. Honami was so worried about Ichika leaving her so she treated her like she was the only person she knew for not making her leave, but it wasn't necessary because Ichika already fell hard for her and would have never left her.
But then just at the age of 13 years old they had to choose their next school after 3 years of middle school. High school is very important so you have to choose carefully what you want to do when you grow up. Honami found herself in the worst moment she knew would have come, but she wishes not. That decision means to separate from her best friend, to meet new classmates and teachers, to find new friends. She is scared to meet new people, she's scared to remain alone for another 5 years.
Ichika knew that so she decided to go to the same school Honami chose, even though she already had clear decisions, she still chose her.
Dinner time came and Ichika and Honami went to eat together. Then they changed into pajamas to go to bed. Honami already fell asleep and Ichika took that time to look at her face: dark rings under her eyes, she must be so tired.
Ichika falls asleep too.
.
.
.
.
.
It's 2AM. Ichika needs to go to the bathroom, so she gets up but she notices Honami is not in the room. Is she in the kitchen? In the bathroom? Ichika doesn't know so she decided to go looking for her instead.
Ichika went to look in the bathroom first.
She opened the door.
“Honami, are you there?”.
“Honami is that you- Honami..?”.
.
.
.
“Ichika-chan..”.
.
.
.
Honami has a cutter in her hand.
Her arm is bleeding.
Honami is only with her underwear and bra.
She's…bleeding and she has a cutter in her hand.
“Honami…”.
“...”
“Why? Why are you doing this?”.
“I'm tired, Ichika-chan. I lost motivation to do everything. I don't know what I'm doing, Ichika.”
“What am I supposed to do, Ichika? Tell me.”
“Tell me please Ichika, I don't know what to do anymore. Tell me what to do and I will do it”
Ichika is speechless. She obviously doesn't know what to do. Why would she? This isn't even the real Ichika. This is all Honami's imagination. All this did not happen, Ichika is in a different school studying different subjects, their schools are kilometers away, they take 2 different buses, they get off at different stops, they have different classmates and teachers.
Honami is madly in love with Ichika since they met years ago, it's not the opposite.
Honami is alone at school, she doesn't talk with her classmates, she struggles at school.
Honami misses her best friend so much. She reached a point where she started imagining her and her best friend always together. This is one of them. Honami cuts herself to try to get her attention but she's convinced Ichika actually hates her.
Honami just accepts it. She just go deeper.