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“Catch you later!” Jungwon abruptly announces, leaving Jake to go walk with Jay.
“Hmm, leaving me for your boyfriend? I see how it is,” Jake playfully pouts at Jungwon. As Jake turns to head toward the direction of his class, his peripheral vision allows him to catch a glimpse of Jay looking at Jungwon like he’s the only one that matters in this world.
If only someone looked at me like that.
Now Jake wasn’t jealous or bitter that Jungwon has a boyfriend. If anything, he was proud that one of his best friends has found a great guy (though the great guy might be a little annoying at times). Jake even proudly takes credit for being Jungwon’s #1 wingman, as he was the whole reason Jungwon had ever met Jay and helped them get together in the first place. Despite that, Jake couldn’t help but feel a little envious because Jungwon never seemed to have trouble finding a boyfriend—unlike Jake.
Jake continued walking down the hallway to his 7th period, occasionally stopping to talk to friends along the way because Jake was undeniably quite the social butterfly. As he entered his history class, he internally groaned as he saw the two assignments he had to pick up from the basket.
“Two assignments!!! C’mon sir, didn’t we just have a test yesterday?” Jake’s friend, Ni-ki, loudly complains.
“Yeah well, we have a lot to cover in this unit.” The history teacher, Mr. Bang, nonchalantly replies. Seriously, this dude could not care less about the class—giving so much busy work while over half his students are failing his class.
“The good thing is you guys can work in partners,” Mr. Bang adds on, probably expecting some sort reaction from students. But really, most students didn’t care. Some were already putting their heads down for their daily nap while others were starting work for their other classes.
Just as Ni-ki starts to pull his chair to Jake, Mr. Bang puts up an assigned seating arrangement on the board. Jake swore he saw Mr. Bang smirk as he did it, like he enjoys watching his students suffer.
“Bro, I have to sit next to Hyunsuk!? He doesn’t even do anything in this class,” Ni-ki grumbles as he stomps his way over to the back of the class. Hey, at least he got to sit in the back.
Jake found his desk, and his stomach dropped.
Next to him, was her.
Blonde hair that has no frizz or tangles. Skinny, but still with large breasts and curves. And most importantly, a button nose.
Oh, Jake hates his nose. He felt it was too large and that it ruins the rest of his features.
Basically, the girl in front of him has everything Jake wished he had.
Just like her boyfriend—Park Sunghoon.
The one Jake never had a chance with.
“Hey!” The girl looks up at him, flashing him the cutest smile.
And the worst part is that she’s so sweet so Jake can’t even hate her. No wonder he chose her over me. If I was straight, I probably would’ve fallen for her too.
“Oh, uh, hey.” Jake greets back, internally cursing himself for his lack of confidence. Though Jake is a social butterfly, he always is anxious about what others think of him.
The girl didn’t seem to mind, and they ended up working separately because the girl was finishing the problems way faster than Jake did. Of course she did. She is truly good at everything.
Before Jake even knew it, the dismissal bell rang and everyone hurries to turn in their assignment. With a sigh, Jake looks down at the one and a half questions he has answered and the innumerable doodles on his assignment. He stuffs it into his crammed backpack, which has God knows how many missing assignments in there.
“Rough day?”
Jake flinches from the sudden voice. He looks back and sees his best friend, Heeseung, along with one of his other best friends, Sunoo. They always come to meet him after 7th period, but Jake thought they would leave since he was lingering too much—but what did he expect? These guys were the same people who stayed with him during his hardest times. What did I do to deserve them?
“Nah, just tired. Let’s go before my mom kills me for being late again,” Jake replies, smoothly brushing off the topic. He truly is having a rough day, but admitting it would mean having to talk about it, and he didn’t want to come across as dramatic. It’s not like they will understand anyway.
Sunoo and Heeseung share a knowing look to each other. Even if they knew something was off, they do a good job pretending they don’t. Sunoo begins talking about his day as they walk out, which somehow turns into a Heeseung vs. Sunoo debate over mint chocolate after Sunoo mentions bringing some for an upcoming club party.
Jake didn’t contribute to their conversations, but it seems like the other boys were too engrossed in their debate or whatever to notice. It would usually bother Jake, but his mind has shut off to the point where he didn’t even know what was going on anymore. And the last thing he wants is to draw attention to himself and bring down the mood just because of him.
Jake didn’t realize that the debate had ended until he hears Sunoo say,
“Guys, guess what? My crush said I looked really pretty today today!”
Jake’s stomach churns. He hates whenever that feeling came, especially when it has to do with one of his friends. He just wants to be happy for them, but all he could ever feel was envy. Though he has received compliments before, it was nothing compared to what Sunoo got.
“Wait, guys, I have to go now,” Jake says, interrupting their conversation, causing Heeseung and Sunoo to give each other that look again.
“I thought we were all going to hang out at my place after school?” Heeseung asks, puzzled by the sudden change of plans.
“Oh, yeah, that—um, I realized I have a lot more homework than I thought. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?” Jake suggests, hoping his excuse sounds believable.
Sunoo seems convinced enough, and Heeseung looks like he’s about to say something else. Instead, he just says,
“Oh alright. Well, text us if you ever want to come later.”
And with that, they went their separate ways—though Jake was the only one who ends up leaving alone.
He slowly walks to his car, each step filling him with regret. He hates how this always happens—him cancelling plans either because he’s too anxious or upset. Why couldn’t he learn to suck it up like everyone else instead of being such a big baby? Maybe Sunoo will eventually take Jake’s place as Heeseung’s best friend, since Sunoo is always the one who accepted his hangouts.
Once Jake settles into his car, he opens his special playlist reserved for times like this. Even rain droplets begin running down the window—how befitting. The rain pounds harder against the window, but Jake didn’t care as the music drowned out the outside world.
Shut up, count your calories
I never look good in mom jeans
Wish I was like you
Blue-eyed blondie, perfect body
He hates how much he relates to every lyric. He hates how that blonde girl in his history class takes up his every day thoughts, makes him insecure, and is practically driving him crazy. But yet, he can’t hate her. So he hates himself for it.
Maybe I should try harder
You should lower your expectations
I'm no Quick-Curl Barbie
I was never cut out for prom queen
And it is all his fault. If only he never confessed his feelings, he would never be feeling this way. And why did he ever think he had a chance with Park Sunghoon anyway? Of course someone so tall, handsome, smart, and nice would go for someone just as perfect like her— not someone who has mediocre grades, not much talent, and not even near as pretty. He probably thinks it was gross for someone like Jake to like him.
If only everything he hates could go away. His jealousy whenever he sees relationship he can never have. His jealousy whenever someone receives a compliment he never got. His jealousy whenever his best friend hangs out with someone else. His jealousy whenever he sees someone nothing like him—someone so beautiful.
If I get more pretty, do you think he will like me?
The last lyric Jake hears echoes through the car before it collides with a tree.
And his last tear falls onto his phone, where a notification lit up the screen:
[bestiehee🦌]: Jaeyunie, I have something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now…