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Caitlyn McBride hurried from Holodeck One. Other crewmembers smiled and greeted her, but she nodded back distractedly and kept going towards her quarters. At this point in time she simply could not cope with the requisite small talk of one of Voyager's parties. Right now she just needed to be alone - but not to just sit in her quarters and mope. Moping with a book or music would do her no good at all, so when she arrived at her quarters she changed her clothes quickly, checked her computer console, and then left again.
She went to Holodeck Two by a round-about way, and in doing so managed to avoid meeting any other people on her way.
'Computer - load program Swim1.'
'Please define parameters,' replied the computer.
'Twenty five meters, two meters deep, water at twenty eight degrees.'
'Enter when ready.'
Kit walked in, pausing for a moment to look at the simulation. She dipped her hand in the water to test the temperature - it was perfect. She quickly stripped down to her bathing suit, tucked her hair into a cap, and pulled on her goggles. Then she dove into the pool.
It had been a long time since she'd gone swimming. She could feel it in her muscles as she stretched out her arms, stroking through the water. The first two laps felt good, and she was able to revel in the feeling of exercising - the water cool around her, preventing the tears from falling that Kit knew were just below the surface. But after those first two laps, she began to struggle again, her stroke feeling as though she was trying to swim through molasses. But she forced herself on, knowing that this was the best way to clear her head.
And after what had happened at the party, she needed her head to clear.
* * *
Saint Valentine's Day was one of the old human celebrations that Neelix had dug up in the early years of Voyager's journey in his role as morale officer. It had become a fixture of the Voyager calender, and traditions had sprung up around the occasion. There was always a dance, and one couple was voted the Voyager Valentina and Valentino - titles that, if Tom Paris had anything to do with it, stuck for the rest of the year. To Caitlyn, the festivities had always been fun, if a little 'much'. Through their ten years so far on Voyager, she had had very few romantic relationships - and those few had been either utter disasters, or quite short-lived. As a result, Kit tended to view the focus of Valentine's Day on romance as somewhat irrelevant to her own life. This year, she had been intending to be the on-call officer for the sick-bay, so as to avoid the party as much as possible. But as her great friend, Tilly Watson, had said, with characteristic pragmatism, a party was a party - and it was the duty of every Starfleet officer to enjoy all the parties they got.
So Kit had gone to the party. And it had been enjoyable - the dancing was fun, the music mellow jazz, and the food quite good. A party with Tilly Watson could not possibly be dull, and Kit was drawn into the circle of engineers and some of her own bio-med colleagues. Not surprisingly, B'Elanna joined the group soon after she and her new husband arrived at the party.
'So - are the newlyweds going to be this year's valentines?' asked Joe Carey, laughingly.
B'Elanna answered with just a trace of a blush on her cheeks. 'Oh, I doubt it. I'm sure old married couples aren't supposed to be romantic valentines.'
'What about old, unmarried, not-quite-couples?' asked Crewman Gia, one of the other Bio-med Technicians.
'Who are you suggesting, Josie?' asked Tilly, with a look of a practiced matchmaker in her eye.
'Who do you think?' replied Gia, nodding towards the door, where the Captain and First Officer were just entering.
'Well, I don't know about reality,' said Tilly, 'but there's no way those two would be chosen as the Valentines - remind me, Josie, who does the award presentation?'
'The Captain.'
'Well, if I know the Captain, she would announce someone else no matter whose name was on that padd. But come on, B'Elanna, give us a hint. Who is it this year?'
'I honestly couldn't tell you,' replied the chief engineer. 'Tom handed the job off to Harry this year.'
'Well, that's cut him and Megan out of things,' said Gia.
'Megan Delaney and Harry?' asked B'Elanna. 'Since when?'
'Oh, I don't think there's anything serious in it,' replied Gia. 'But she spent a lot of time with him in sickbay after that last away mission of his.'
'Oh, those two are just friends,' said Tilly airily. 'Megan was just one of Harry's myriad juvenile crushes - they're friends now. Just like he and Seven are friends.'
'But this is Harry we're talking about,' said B'Elanna. 'He hasn't been without a crush on someone in known history - isn't that what you told me, Kit?'
'Yes, sad, isn't it,' agreed Kit. 'Ever since his first day at the Academy as far as I can tell.'
'So who is it at the moment?' asked Gia
'You're nosy tonight, Josie,' said Tilly. 'I'm sure you can do your own gossip legwork for once.'
'Speaking of gossip,' Joe Carey broke back into the conversation, 'have you quite finished? If not, I'm leaving. There's only so much gossip I can handle, you know.'
'Aw, poor Joe,' said Kit, grinning. 'Feeling outnumbered, are you? Well, here come Tom and Harry - that will even things out a little.'
'And Kester Davies, too,' added B'Elanna. 'I wonder what he wants?'
'Evening, all,' said Davies. 'Chief,' he nodded at B'Elanna, 'Watson,' he continued, his tone cooler. Then he turned to Kit. 'Caitlyn - care to dance?' When Kit hesitated, he held out a hand. 'Just for old times' sake.'
'All right, Kester. For old times' sake.' Kit accepted his out-stretched hand and they moved onto the dance floor. Kester was very friendly, but not overly so. Kit was almost able to forget what a disaster they had been as a couple. Halfway through the second number they'd danced to, Kester was tapped on the shoulder. He turned around, and Kit saw Harry standing behind Kester, smiling.
'Sorry, Davies, but can I cut in?'
'Surely,' said Kester. 'Thanks, Caitlyn. Enjoy the evening.'
'Now why'd you do that, Harry?' asked Kit, as Kester moved away.
'Why not? I wanted a dance with my old Quad senior. Besides, you weren't in the middle of a romantic dance with Davies, were you?'
Kit ignored his question. 'If tradition is anything to go by, you want advice about women, right?'
'Who better to go to?'
'How about Tom - he's married now. He should be able to give you all the pointers you need to make a good catch.' Kit finished the sentence sarcastically.
'Oh, come on, Kit,' said Harry, with a pained expression.
'So, who is it, Harry?'
'No-one!'
'You aren't sending Valentine's Day cards to anyone? No date for tonight?'
'No!' Harry grinned. 'I've got too much to do tonight to have a date - do you have any idea how much work the Valentine award is?'
'No,' said Kit. 'Because it isn't hard at all. All you have to do is collate the votes…'
'Throw out the winners because the Captain would have my neck if she and Chakotay were ever announced the Valentina and Valentino…'
'And then prepare the envelope for the Captain to open later tonight. Doesn't sound too stressful.'
'You have no idea, my dear Lieutenant.'
Harry spun Kit around, and she started laughing. Harry started laughing, too, and as the number ended, they hugged, and then Harry leant down and kissed Kit on the cheek.
'Happy Valentine's Day, boss. I've got to go talk to the Captain.' Harry drifted away into the crowd, and Kit sought the closest chair and sat down. She thought stupidly that one kiss on the cheek from a man she had considered a friend, and as someone to whom she had frequently imparted romantic advice, should not affect her like this.
Kit sat there, unnoticed, as the party went on. B'Elanna and Tom were named Valentina and Valentino, and the two of them danced, spotlit and alone on the dancefloor. Then the party got going again, and the Captain and the Commander mingled separately amongst the crew. About half an hour later, Kit saw Voyager's command team leaving the Holodeck. Protocol now allowed crewmembers to leave, and Kit was about to make her escape when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
'Something wrong, Kit?' asked Tilly.
'Nothing,' Kit said, then shook her head. 'Everything.' She stood up.
'Kit?'
But Tilly was left in Kit's wake as Kit left the Holodeck without a backward glance. Tilly shook her head. 'I think it's finally hit her. Praise be!' And she headed towards Harry, standing on the other side of the holodeck.
* * *
Finally, Kit felt herself slip into a good swimming rhythm. She was high in the water, her arms seemed to cut through the water like a hot knife through butter. She felt that she had regained the style that, back at the Academy, had led her to a single victory in her senior year in the Academy Swim Meet. And having regained that rhythm, she just swam.
She swam, and she thought. She analysed every conversation with Harry that she could remember, back to the day Harry arrived at the Academy, the day she had introduced him to her best friend, Libby Lattimore, their first night on Voyager - a midnight feast in his quarters with him and Lyndsay Ballard. Dear Lyn, how she missed her. All the times Harry had asked her for advice on how to attract Megan Delaney, or Seven. And their dance flashed through her mind again and again.
Why now - why anytime? She'd never thought of Harry as anything but a friend, but now, with just a kiss on the cheek, her mind was whirling everywhere and nowhere all at once. Why did it have to be Harry? This was totally ridiculous.
She swam until she had lost count of the laps she had done - until she lost the sequence of breathing and kicks she had been working on - until she had truly exhausted herself. She crouched in the corner of the pool resting, soaking in the feel of the water on her skin, trying to decide whether to keep swimming or to go back to her quarters. Trying to decide whether this whole evening had been caused by stress, and what she would say to Tilly the next time she saw her. Harry was far less of a problem, but Tilly was too observant for her own good.
As she rested, the holodeck door opened behind her.
'I wonder who left the program running?' Kit heard the captain say. 'Oh, well, I'll just run some modifications. Computer, add Spa, temperature thirty-two degrees.'
The holodeck shimmered, and the Spa appeared at the other end of the pool.
'Looks good,' said a deep male voice, and Kit realised with astonishment that it belonged to Commander Chakotay. 'What a lovely way to end St Valentine's Day, sweetheart.'
There was silence, and Kit guessed that Voyager's command team were probably kissing. She flushed with embarrassment, and then pushed herself off the pool wall to swim another lap. She splashed her kick a lot more than usual, and when she reached the end of her lap, she was not surprised to see Janeway standing alone at the end of the pool.
'Captain!'
'Caitlyn - Neelix said you left the party early.'
'I did.'
'There's nothing wrong, is there?'
'No, captain. I just felt like a swim - needed to clear my head.'
'Your head must have really been fuzzy. It's 0100 now.'
'Goodness!' said Kit, pulling herself from the pool. 'I'm on duty in sickbay first thing. I'd better go. Enjoy your swim, captain.'
Just outside the holodeck doors, Kit came across Chakotay, whistling casually as though he was just on a late wander around the corridors.
'Good evening, lieutenant. Been for a late swim?'
'Yes, sir,' replied Kit. 'It's a lovely way to end the day. Goodnight, commander.' She could feel his bemused gaze following her as she headed back to her quarters. Kit smiled briefly. She had the feeling that the captain was going to enjoy her swim quite a lot.