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"Itadori-kun," Yuuta says, looking towards him as their group is returning to the temporary home-base. They both have drifted toward the back, the distance between them and the rest increasing with every step.
Itadori hums in response, turning his head towards Yuuta's direction while keeping his eyes fixated on the same spot in front of him, as they had been the entire night. Yuuta isn't sure what exactly he's seeing, but he can guess.
"It wasn't your fault," Yuuta asserts for the sixth time since meeting him. This seems to bring him closer to Earth, as his distanced and focused expression scrunches into something pained, but present.
"I can't go over this with you again, senpai," Itadori says, words sticky with guilt. It's starkly out of character, from what his classmates have told him about Itadori in their letters.
"You cannot be responsible for what Sukuna does with your body," Yuuta plows through Itadori's weak protestations. He needs to understand. He is going to drown himself in memories of blood at the rate he's going if something doesn't change.
"I was responsible for eating the first finger, and I was responsible for letting go of control," Itadori says, repeating arguments he's hashed out many times before with many different people. The cycle of it aches with familiarity.
"You couldn't have known what would happen if you ate it, and unless you let go on purpose, I don't see how that was your responsibility either," Yuuta retorts, effortlessly refuting arguments he's heard before.
"I lost against Mahito,"
"You didn't intend to fail,"
"I wasn't strong enough, or fast enough to protect them," Itadori is getting desperate, his voice thick with emotion. He's losing the argument, again, but with how steadfast Itadori remains in his guilt, Yuuta wouldn't say he's exactly been winning it. Itadori will talk himself backwards in a circle, and Yuuta will talk with him, as long as it takes for him to understand. Although, defense is proving to be too ineffective. It might be time to switch tactics.
"When I was a kid, I cursed my best friend. I didn't know what I had done at the time." Itadori looks weary at the sudden change in focus. "Rika was protective, but too powerful for me to control. Many people were hurt. Some were killed. Was that my fault?" Yuuta knows what Itadori will say, even if he doesn't always believe it himself.
"No," he says so fast, Yuuta isn't even sure he's fully processed the words. He takes a beat to blink.
"You hold yourself to such high standards, Itadori-kun, and only for yourself. How is my situation any different than yours? Would you hold me to the consequences you hold for yourself?"
"It is different," Itadori insists, worn, but not ready to give up yet. The limitless physical stamina he's heard so much about has its applications in fixating on memories. Yuuta takes a risk and pushes further. It's a reckless game, walking so boldly into a situation like this, but he's learned to take risks over the months he's been a sorcerer.
"No, it's not," He says, doing his best to channel Maki-san's incisive bluntness. "I hope for you and your friends' sake that you understand that sooner rather than later. Sitting in it is only going to hurt them more." He keeps an eye on Itadori, ready to stay or walk away, depending on how receptive he is.
He accidentally does walk away, even with the sluggish pace he had maintained, because Itadori had suddenly stopped walking. Yuuta turns around just in time to watch his gaze darken, a wall rebuilt behind his eyes. He almost doesn't hear him when he speaks.
"You're right," Itadori whispers at his bloodied shoes. He looks up, and repeats himself, a brittle strength coating the words. "You're right. We are the same. You should have been stronger."
By now everyone else has made it back inside, giving them concerned looks, but ultimately leaving the two to their conversation. No one is left to see Yuuta take a step away, or to see Itadori clench his hands into bone creaking fists.
It had taken a long time for Yuuta to get over the guilt he felt about Rika. Even now, he had days where he would lie paralyzed on the floor while Rika would whisper small invitations to play as distractions, unknowingly making the voices in his head worse. When he finally gained control of his limbs again, he'd run. Large amounts of cursed energy were dangerous, especially so when the person it was emanating from was unstable too. The even thudding of his shoes on the pavement and the clank of his katana against his hip was grounding. Eventually, he'd come to a stop at one of the few areas devoid of humans within running distance, calves tingling from the blood and mind numb. Miguel had some sort of sixth sense for when he was like this, and would come to sit with him mere minutes after he arrived at his destination. He'd talk with him, just like Yuuta had been trying to do with Itadori. With time they grew to be less frequent and more pleasant. Although, even their earlier talks hadn't ended quite like this.
"…What?" Yuuta says, intending to hide his panic better than he knows he achieved.
"You should have been able to stop her.
Yuuta can't speak.
"Those kids died,"
He was a kid.
"Because you were weak."
They both were.
"It doesn't matter if you didn't know what you were doing,"
But doesn't it? There was nothing that could have prevented it, even if he did have the wherewithal to understand what had happened. Itadori was lucky he had any control at all.
"People got hurt because of you."
Itadori ends his slow march forward by collapsing, and begins to sob. He's scratching at his hands and wrists. His tearful manic eyes track the blood that beads up from thin scratches, using blunt fingernails to open them wider.
Yuuta is on his knees in front of him and reaching for Itadori's hands before he thinks of the possible consequences. Itadori is breathing hard. He weakly tries to pull his hands out of his grasp, but he isn't committed to the action enough to succeed. A few aborted tugs later, and all of the fight has left Itadori's body. Shaky apologies warble out of his lips. The blockage in his throat dissipates at the sight.
"We may have hurt people," Yuuta intones softly, "but we will learn, and we will grow. You don't need to fix everything right away." Yuuta draws up reversed cursed energy and pushes it into the wounds on Itadori's hands. He shivers as the flesh knits itself back together, but stays quiet.
They sit on the detritus strewn pavement for long enough for Itadori's tears to dry and Yuuta's feet to go numb. Itadori draws his hands away from Yuuta's again.
"I'm sorry I said all of that, Okkotsu-senpai," Itadori says, not looking entirely absolved, but at least a little lighter than before.
"I forgive you," He says in return, for the sake of clarity. "I should have backed off sooner, anyway. Besides, I don't believe that was all just for me."
Itadori's face twists, then relaxes with a sigh. "I'm ready to go inside now," he says, standing up with newfound energy more inline with how Yuuta's been told he usually acts. "Thank you," he finishes.
Yuuta sighs and smiles in return. "Lead the way."