Work Text:
Journalists were pricks. Everyone in the music scene knew it. Rather everyone in the world knew it.
However, that never stopped the general population from eating it all right up, feasting on newspapers and tabloids like it was their last meal.
Getting paid to write gossip, it must be a nice career. You'd need to have a pretty sad life to end up in that career, but it seemed nice. There wasn't many downsides really, no one would really give you shit as a journalist - you'd be the one giving it to other people.
I could be a journalist, Liam thought often. He'd never actually do it though, god no. As stated before, you would need to have a sad life to end up as a journalist. And if Liam Gallagher lacked anything, a sad life was one of them. At least, not the kind of sad pathetic life journalists had.
He was a rockstar after all. That's the only reason journalists were even on his mind, because there was one in the corner on that fateful day. Looming, a beat up notebook in one hand, a biro in the other. He didn't say much, it's not like he was an interviewer. No, this boy got paid to sit and observe.
Paid to eavesdrop.
He was lucky too, he got given a great situation to spectate.
Because of course, it was the NME photoshoot of 1995, featuring both Oasis and the Southern Softies themselves, Blur, all in one room. It didn't even need to be said, no matter what happened, headlines were going to be made. And whatever was written in those tabloids, well it'd all be written by this pathetic journalist.
Liam was wary of this, cautious. He knew he had to be careful, things could always spiral out of control whenever the headlines mentioned Blur and Oasis in the same sentence. It was the nature of a rivalry after all. It's the only reason any band ever really had rivalries. It was all a press thing at the end of the day.
Although, god that Alex James fella could irritate Liam.
But whatever. Careful. Liam needed to keep that word in mind. He needed it engraved into the lines on his brain. Careful, careful, careful. Noel needed to remember that too - oh god Liam hoped Noel was remembering that too.
The photo shoot began, just the Blur lot in front of the cameras at first. It was fine — good even. It gave the Gallagher’s a chance to talk before they had to slap on their best tabloid smile to pose with the Blur lot.
“How much are you willing to play with the media?” Liam asked, half kidding, half serious.
“I’m willing to go all the way.” Noel shrugged. “Fuck it y’know? Might as well have a bit of fun. I’ll see if Coxon or Damon will get any photos with me.”
“Fuck off!” Liam exclaimed with a laddish sort of cheek. “Nah, I’m not getting any photos with any of them. Absolutely not.”
“Oh come on, why not?! D’ya not fancy taking the absolute piss.”
“Nope.” Liam shook his head. “Don’t like their band, y’know?”
“Bullshit.” A voice across the room called.
Liam and Noel’s heads shot up. Where of course, they were met with the sight of that god damn blond boy and his god damn smirk.
”Huh?” Liam raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘Bullshit’? I don’t! I don’t like your band! Your full of shit and I’m not getting any photos with yous!
Damon’s face remained frozen with that bloody nonchalant grin.
So, Liam of course, stood up, approaching him. Not in an intimidating way, but approaching him nevertheless.
Cautious. That word was still on Liam’s mind. He hadn’t forgotten it. He was still being cautious. But at the same time — he had to step it up a notch. It’d be a pretty fucking boring tabloid if all it said was “Blur and Oasis got on for 15 minutes”. He wasn’t going to kick off, or start anything, it was all banter and everybody knew it. It would give the journo enough to made a decent paper, but not enough for him to turn it into something which would spiral out of control either.
“Oh come on!” Liam began. “Look you don’t seriously want a photo with me either! I’m just the one being honest here.”
“I do want a photo with you though.” Damon spoke, his accent too appealing for his own good. “And with Noel.”
”Well yer not getting one!” Liam hissed and turned his head. “Right R’kid?”
Noel shrugged. “I don’t mind. Like I said, let’s have a bit of fun.”
Liam’s eyes widened and his jaw hung open.
Betrayal! He jokingly thought to himself.
”Whatever!” Liam tossed his arms in the air. “I still don’t want a photo with you!”
”Really?” Damon purred, as he stepped closer to the mancunian boy — a feet apart at most.
And stupidly. Liam’s heart picked up it's pace, blood pooling towards his cheeks involuntarily. It was pathetic, he thought. Why was he acting like this? It's not like Damon was going to batter him or anything, Liam could probably easily beat him in a fight. But the nervousness Liam was feeling, it wasn't like a fear, it was more of a flustered guilt.
"Y-yeah! Really!" Liam barked, turning his head away from Damon, all of a sudden extremely aware of the camera pointed at him and at the screaming presence of the journalist in the room, who was scribbling rapidly in his notebook.
Damon took a small step closer. They were practically touching, an inch away now.
Damon leaned into Liam's ear and whispered ever so quietly: "Drop the act Liam. Now, can I ask, are you alright if I make us a headline really quickly?"
"What?" A stunned Liam muttered. "What do you mean?"
"I'm asking, can I make us a front cover? Y'know, on a newspaper or summit."
Liam thought for a moment, pondering what Damon was possibly about to do. He considered declining the mysterous offer, playing it safe. But then, suddenly, an impulsive urge took over and Liam shrugged.
"Fuck it." He whispered. "Make us a cover then. I'm too fucking intrigued by you Albarn."
A smirk stretched across Damon's face as he placed his hand's on Liam's jaw.
Then, he kissed him.
And the camera flashed - quite a few times.
And Liam could feel his face growing even redder, even hotter.
It wasn't a long kiss, their lips made contact for about two seconds at most. However that was enough time to get a few photos of the situation. It was enough time to stun everybody in the room. Noel's eyes wide, Graham's jaw hung open, Alex and Dave laughing, stunned.
Oh a headline was certainly about to be made.
And Liam, didn't know how to feel. Not because of the battle, not because a 'Blur vs Oasis' story was going to get made out of this. No, he didn't know how to feel because he had just been kissed by Damon fucking Albarn. A boy who he never really had any issue with, but didn't particularly care that much for. Until now. Why did he feel so sweaty, so uncertain? Like this kiss meant something? It didn't, of course it didn't. It was for the press. For fuck sake Damon was a bloke! A bloke! Why was Liam thinking about it so much?!
And why did he want it to mean something?
"Liam?" Damon raised an eyebrow, noticing Liam's panicked expression. "Are you alright? Sorry did I take it too far-"
"No." Liam shook his head, plastering a smile on in the process. "Nah you're good! The girls will fucking love that one! Now give us a minute, I'll be back shortly." He said, swiftly leaving the room
Everyone in the room turned to look at eachother, then all their gazes were on Damon. Not a single person in that room knew what had just happened. Well, Noel had a rough idea.
***
Wrong, wrong, every bit of it, it was all wrong. It all felt so wrong. The faint taste of Damon on Liam's lips felt like acid although tasted like heaven. The blood which rushed to his face, Liam couldn't help but whisper that he'd rather slash his face and let it escape. At least then the horrible feelings, the sin, it wouldn't bury itself under his skin. It could leave his body, his soul.
His heart was beating fast now, maybe it's because he had just sprinted to the bathroom or maybe it's God trying to give him a heart attack in an attempt to punish him. He shouldn't feel such guilt, he didn't initiate anything. Hell, he didn't ask or hint for the kiss. But it happened and god would Liam be a liar if he were to say he didn't secretly love making such contact with the beautiful southern softie front man. But it was wrong, so wrong, he shouldn't.
Liam Gallagher was a straight man, right? He was the straightest in the scene, wasn't he? I mean, Oasis, compared to the likes of Pulp, Suede and Blur, they were obviously the straightest lot, surely? Young boys, they looked up to Liam and Noel in a way they didn't with the others. Young girls swooned over Blur's prettiness, but Oasis showed young boys like them that they too can make it big even if it seems unlikely. And those same young boys, would not look at Oasis in that light if any of them were gay to any degree, especially Liam Gallagher.
So, he wasn't gay, he couldn't be. For himself, for his band, for his fans and for his tainted sense of faith. He couldn't like boys. Liam never felt particularly faithful to the religion he was brought up with, but he was surrounded by it so much he picked up on a few habits along the way. He'd prey occasionally, some biblical stories would fascinate him, he'd tend of fixate on them quite a bit. To some degree, he would say he was religious. Usually that didn't affect him much. This is different though.
It was silly, but he found himself thinking of a weird alternate future where he happened to fall in love with a man. He couldn't help but feel a deep pit in his stomach when he realised what that would entail. He would never be able to tell anybody about it - especially his family. It'd be humiliating whenever anyone would ask about partners and he would have to conceal or lie about their identity or awkwardly drop in that he's got a boyfriend.
One more sin leads to another and he'd find himself in a spiral of lies and deceit all whilst he would be feeding into the lust and want inside him in which he believes is a sickness handed to him by the devil.
Liam was lost, hurt and confused and all he could do about it was weep on the bathroom floor whilst he propped himself up against the wall.
And then, he placed his hands together and he prayed. He prayed to be cured of this diseased, he prayed that this feeling would finally go away and he could just be normal like everybody else he knew, like his brother. He prayed for forgiveness, for understanding, for a chance.
The only thing that snaps him out of his trance is a knock on the thick door. It was a desperate urgent sort of panicked knocking. Rapid with no real rhythm to it.
"Liam?" A familiar voice called. "Is everything alright? You've been in there a while."
Pathetic tears developed in Liam's eyes when he realised who it was and they spilled aimlessly down his cheeks.
"Yeah, I'm alright." Liam wiped his face and preyed you couldn't hear the sobs from outside the door. "I'm fine Albarn."
Saying that name nearly caused him to lose it.
"You don't sound it you know." Damon spoke softly. "You sound... sad almost. I'm really sorry if-"
Liam knew he had one choice in this moment, so he crawled over to the door and reached up to twist the lock.
"Come in." Liam sighed. "If yer gunna be a twat and want to talk then we're doing it in here."
Damon then slowly opened the door as if he was scared as to what he was going to find. However to his surprise, when he opened the door there was no overdosed Liam on the floor, no drugs insight at all actually. Just Liam. Although, he looked weird. Vulnerable, weak.
"Fucking hell." Damon muttered, quickly covering his mouth at the slip of words. "I'm so fucking sorry man, I should have told you what I was doing first and-"
"I'm not annoyed that you kissed me Damon." Liam stated, breath slightly shaky. "I'm not- I don't care if that photo makes the front page tomorrow."
Damon raised an eyebrow and sat down next to Liam on the floor of the small bathroom.
"Why the bloody hell are you hiding in here then? Why do you look so... tired? Upset even."
"I'm not." Liam wiped his face yet again. "I'm not upset, I don't get upset."
"Cut the act Liam it's just us." Damon sighed clearly fed up of all the acting. "What's the matter, Noel's getting worried and to be honest I am too. I want you to be honest for a moment. Even if it's a bad high, tell me that."
Liam, for a moment, feels himself sink into a deep darkness beneath him. This wasn't helping, it was making him worse if anything. The patience, it was too kind, too generous, too fucking gentle. He liked it a bit too much and god did that only grow the guilt which was rooting itself between his ribs.
"It's nothing like that. I don't think you would get it."
"Oh yeah?" Damon grinned. "Try me."
But Liam didn't need to. He knew Damon didn't grow up religious, he knew Damon was open about his bisexuality, he knew Damon kissed blokes all the time without any guilt. He knew Damon wouldn't get it.
"Do you believe in God?" Liam asked, a broken voice.
Damon was taken aback, stunned hearing such a sentence from Liam Gallagher.
"Erm... Yeah, I think there's maybe a god out there. Maybe a few. But I don' think they can be conceptualised in the way human's imagine, you know?"
Liam burst into a few more quiet sobs. Damon remained silent, however wrapped his arm around Liam to provide support. However, this only caused the ache in Liam's soul to grow more furious.
"If God is real, why does all that bad stuff happen?" Liam asked, and he sounded like a kid with how pathetic his voice was and how insane the question. "Why, does hate and hell exist if God is real?"
Damon just sat in silence for a moment.
Before giving a pathetic shrug.
"Is hate getting to you Liam? I didn't think it would. You're Liam fucking Gallagher after all! Coolest rockstar about."
Liam couldn't help but let out a pained scoff. "Yeah, I didn't think it would either."