Work Text:
Pumasok ako ng Bahay ni Kuya to learn more about myself. It wasn’t going to be easy and I already knew that. I’ve come out of my shell over the years in the industry, but being around new people can still feel like pushing against a quiet resistance; something I have to work through rather than naturally move with. Pero okay lang. I won’t say no to an opportunity to grow and understand myself through others. Even if the masses would only see the narrative that Philippine TV would choose to tell. At the very least, I can hold on to what it could potentially give me: the moments, the lessons, and the new connections I might carry with me when I walk out of those infamous doors.
“Oh, si Cap!,” I found myself saying out loud. Caprice Cayetano – I know of her. Of course I do. Not just because she’s also a child actress like me, but because I’ve watched her on TV before and had been in awe of her acting. She’s signed to a rival network, so working together never felt possible, but it was something I quietly hoped for. I was younger then, and somewhere along the way, that dream slipped out of mind. But seeing her there sparked something in me. I want to be her friend.
I’ve enjoyed most of my days there. With the exception of eviction nights. Time and again, I faced the fact that my time in the Big Brother House may be cut short, and my confidence frayed under that relentless weight. Deserving ba ako to even stand here amongst people this good? Maybe someone else would’ve done a better job at making this spot worth it. Those were thoughts that kept me awake some nights. But I was very fortunate to have made friends who eased my doubts, to feel the support of those who voted for me to stay, and to know that my family stands firmly behind me in countless ways.
During all that, I was still drawn to trying to befriend Caprice, albeit failing a few times. We can’t seem to get past the “How are you, Cap?” “Kumain ka na, Cap?” “Go, CapCap!” stage. It feels like there’s a depth I’m inexplicably drawn to discover. She’s so graceful in how she carries herself, thoughtful in how she expresses her opinions, and unwavering in standing her ground. She’s genuine, unafraid to speak her mind, even with the knowledge that it might invite criticism from other fans. When she nominated me in person, I wasn’t hurt. I was there to learn and by calling me out, she gave me a chance to work on myself. I admired her for being able to even stand in front of everyone and said what needed to be said. I thought to myself, “If only we can have longer conversation, I’m sure marami akong take away from them.”
It’s never easy seeing fewer faces as the Big Night draws near. Saying goodbye to my closest friends stung. I wanted to be celebrating with them as part of the Ultimate 8. But it also gave me the chance to finally reach Caprice, to break down her walls. We were together more, chatting more, even had chosen our duo name – CapTal; even though Kuya robbed us of that chance. I could talk to her for hours. Her heart is so pure it feels like a canvas I’d be too afraid to touch, yet she managed to splash colours across mine and the other housemates'. She was a truly a Big Winner and I feel like a winner myself for finally beginning a friendship with her.
In the end, lumabas ako ng Bahay ni Kuya with a better understanding of myself, and I’m confident the public is far smarter than the industry gives them credit for. I’ve realised that, despite the unseen moments and unheard conversations, the friendship that Caprice and I have will speak for itself and prove any false narrative that the media tries to impose wrong.