Chapter Text
The voice drones on and on, the syllables almost slurring together.
"Now, the ideal time to take these is whenever you feel the patterns emerging more clearly than usual. They'll always be there, obviously, but if they start becoming more prominent, and less like background noise, that's the best time to try to cut them off. Two at once."
I look over to the green-haired girl. Marina, was it? She gives me a smile and a thumbs up.
"Other than that, one pill in the morning and in the evening is the typical dosage. Do let us know if you suddenly develop any adverse symptoms besides the ones already mentioned. We don't have the biggest sample group to work with, so any new patient is an opportunity to learn."
I nod along, half-paying attention. When Marina first offered to help me, I was skeptical. That skepticism grew to paranoia when she told me that help would come in the form of mysterious pills from the institute. Now, my feelings lie somewhere in-between deep discomfort and outright alarm. Am I even gonna get out of this apartment alive? There's no way what they're doing here is legal, right? Why the hell would they put their ass on the line for my sake?
… Still, taking this risk is better than the alternative.
"—So, did you get all that?"
I snap back to attention. "Oh, uh. Yeah, sure—"
"She didn't get any of that, Lev," Marina sighs. "Honestly, would it kill you to inject a bit of enthusiasm into your voice?"
'Lev' doesn't respond, instead grumbling something before tossing me the pill bottle and walking off into his room.
"Eh, don't mind him." Marina walks up to me, a clearly-fake smile plastered on her face. Trying to lower my guard? "I'll keep watch over you and make sure you don't accidentally overdose or something, 'kay?"
Her? 'Watching over' me? The disdain must show on my face, because she almost immediately responds.
"Hah, you don't trust me?" she says, her look almost smug.
"No, not in the slightest."
"Wha—, how rude!"
What? Was she seriously expecting me to answer something else? 'Oh yes, dear Marina, I simply feel oh so safe here in this shady apartment being dealt out drugs that officially don't exist, in a town that you need government approval to even know about, much less visit.'
"Whatever. Thanks for the pills I guess. Hope they're not laced." I head out towards the exit, picking up and throwing on my jacket as I walk.
"I'll walk you home!"
"No thanks, I know the way—"
"Hey." Marina puts her hand on my shoulder, and in an instant I twist around, darting back several steps. Is this where she reveals her true colors?
"Jeez, no need to be so paranoid. Look, we're taking a risk helping you out here, alright? Least you can do is let me walk with you. Would you ordain me the privilege of keeping you company?" She says that last bit with a distinctly sarcastic drawl.
"… Fine. Do whatever you want."
True to her word, she follows me out the door, down the stairs and out onto the cold streets of Vorkuta-5. At what point should I start getting concerned? Maybe I should stop by a random building first, convince her I live somewhere else than I actually do? Then again, it's such a small town it might not make a difference. Even worse, what if she ends up doing some sort of stakeout outside, and I have to wait hours before I—
"So~, got any hobbies?"
… What?
"Jeez, no need to look so confused. No one ever made small talk with you before?"
Is this girl for real? Okay, maybe I was overestimating her. Maybe I should start thinking about her as a bumbling idiot rather than some cunning kidnapper. Why else would she risk her and her brother's peace and quiet for some random girl she barely knows?
"… I like reading books, I guess?"
"Oh! What kind?"
"… Historical."
I don't elaborate any further. She'd probably just make fun of me if I told her the truth.
"… Not much for conversation, are you?" she comments.
"I don't do this kind of thing often, ya know."
Once again, her smug expression returns. Something tells me I'll be seeing it a lot from her. "What, hanging out in other girls' apartments?"
"Talking. I'm more of a, uh, lone wolf type."
Marina goes quiet, a serious expression befalling her face. She almost seems to study me, for a moment, and the silence drags on an uncomfortable amount before—
"Pfft, ahahaha! You're serious, aren't you?!"
I feel my cheeks redden. "W-what? What's so funny?!"
"'Lone wolf'? Humans are social creatures, dummy. If you seriously intend on going that route, I doubt it'll end well for you."
Who the hell does girl think she is? That almost sounded like a threat.
"You know, I've got no problem leading you to the outskirts and ditching you out in the snowbanks."
Marina just laughs. "Yeah yeah, I can tell when I'm unwanted, I'll let you walk the rest of the way alone. I'll be seeing you next week, then. Same time and place."
Not even phrasing it like a question. The nerve of this girl. I'm almost wondering if I should ditch her out of spite, at this point. There's no way these pills are worth putting up with that kind of personality. I'd sooner claw my eyes out. Who knows, maybe I will, depending on how out-of-control my episodes get.
…
Aha. That's not that funny, actually.
I stare down at the pill bottle.
I take my first dose.
========
The teacher drawls about… something or other. I'm not actually entirely sure what subject it is right now, and it's not like I really care, either.
What's more important is that simply being here isn't outright painful.
The chalk scraping against the blackboard, the pen scratches of the other pupils taking notes, the casual chatter breaking out as the teacher tells everyone to divide into groups…
On any other day, it would all probably be a bit too much for me. Right now, though? It… doesn't feel too bad. That alone feels like an achievement.
… I mean, that doesn't entail I'll pay attention, obviously. It's just. Nice, ya know? Baby steps, or whatever.
"Ugh, if I have to sit through even one more lesson of this fucking class, I think I'm going to lose it."
"Hah, careful. Don't wanna end up like Kaplan did."
"Oh god, don't even joke about that!"
While the sentiment of being incredibly sick of school is relatable, it is still unfathomably grating when coming from Garin and his group of local dipshits. Too bad they don't make any pills to deal with noisy assholes. Well, actually, I guess there's poison, but too bad there are so-called 'consequences' for that. Life can't ever be easy, can it?
"I-I don't think Russian is that bad."
A shy voice tries to insert itself into the conversation, and it sounds so dissonant from the rowdiness of Garin and his group that I can't help but idly turn my attention to the scene, to see who said it.
There, near the corner of the classroom, sits a girl with slightly messy light-brown hair. She looks like she'd rather be literally anywhere else. Why the hell would she speak up if she didn't want the attention? Idiot.
"Is that so, Shubina?" Garin turns to her. Shubina? Right, Asya Shubina. I think I remember hearing her name called on sometimes during class. "I suppose it's not a surprise from the local bookworm. Made any new imaginary friends lately?"
God, Garin's voice is such a pain to listen to. After how good the rest of the class had been so far, having to put up with this is a remarkably shitty turn of events. Would it kill him to keep his mouth shut every now and then?
"A-ah, no. I-, um, I-I don't have those…"
"Damn, can't even make friends in your fantasies, huh? Don't worry, we'll gladly be your friends, Shubina."
His friends immediately react with a mix of both snotty laughter and gawks of indignation. It's all so incredibly grating. I don't understand, why the hell am I getting so worked up over this today of all days? Garin's always been annoying as hell. Is it just because the rest of the day has been so mild, even baseline grievances seem worse in comparison?
Yeah, that sounds about right.
"I, uh—"
"What, you don't wanna be friends, Shubina? Am I that bad? That really hurts, you know. I didn't know you were capable of such cruelty—"
"Do you ever shut the fuck up, Garin?"
Garin and his group immediately go dead silent, turning towards me. Some of the neighboring groups who had been half-paying attention also go quiet, and like a cascading chain of dominoes, so does the rest of the classroom, sensing something is off.
"Excuse me?"
I spare a glance over towards the teacher. He seems completely clocked out. Means I could probably get away with more than usual.
"If I have to listen to you and your goddamn mouth breathers holler and squawk for another—" I look towards the clock. "— thirty minutes, I'm gonna be leaving the classroom in handcuffs."
"The fuck? What the hell did I do to make you this pissed off? Mind your own business, Grachevskaya."
"Hey, get back to work!"
The teacher finally seems to leave his fugue state and notices the change in atmosphere. A few groups seem to follow his order, and turn back to their work, not-so-subtly keeping an eye on me and Garin.
Garin lowers his voice a touch. "Honestly, Grachevskaya, if you're that concerned for the resident weirdo, I'm sure taking her out for a date and some flowers would do plenty more for her than interrupting one of her few chances of socialization."
His friends snicker behind him.
"I'm not doing it for her, dumbass. Making you quiet is a pursuit with the equivalent worth of world peace."
"I dunno, seemed quite clear to me. You wanted to be her knight in shining armor~"
I should've known better than to deny literally anything in Garin's presence, he pounces on that like a shark to blood. Doesn't help that every time I look to Asya, she's staring at me with a weird expression, her mouth slightly agape. Did her brain break or something?
"Tch, whatever."
I turn back around, opting to ignore whatever happens next. It's not my damn problem.
Slowly, the classroom turns back to its usual business. Pen scratching, idle chatter. I can hear the whispering, though. It feels more pronounced. More definite.
… More irritating.
Damn it, the day was going so good, as well.
I stand up from my desk, and storm out of the classroom. I hear the teacher call my name behind me, along with some threat or another about telling my parents, but I ignore him. A smoke sounds good right about now.
Next time I see Garin, I'll punch his damn teeth in. I thought things could finally get better now, with the pills having an effect.
Guess life is never as picturesque as in the books.