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Mafuyu Asahina was going to do it.
Finally, Mafuyu was going to disappear.
She would finally be free from this suffocating prison called life. Finally free from this uncertainty about her own emotions that has been following her for as long as she could remember. All she needs to do is stay here, in the Sekai, and everything will be over.
Mafuyu had tried to save herself, she really did. Tried to find who the person behind the mask truly was. Tried to find a path she could walk for the rest of her life and would feel right. She tried different hobbies; Archery, Music Mixing, Writing Lyrics, nothing could make the numbness go away. Nothing sparked the feeling of a burning passion inside her chest— the feeling of wanting something. Even K's music, something she thought could pull her out of the dark pit she found herself stuck in, could only pull her out halfway through. It was all in vain.
Upon first discovering the Sekai, she thought she might have one more chance. A place created from her emotions should have helped her find something, right? But it didn't. If anything, it only made the hopelessness she was feeling worse. Mafuyu was drowning.
Therefore, she decided to do it. If she couldn't save herself in any way, she could at least release herself from this never ending game of tag after a feeling that had proven itself to not exist.
Miku tried to help her, and Mafuyu was truly grateful for that. Miku brought her comfort when keeping up her perfect, suffocating, persona had become too much. She helped her stay above the water's surface for just a little longer. She even tried to call for help, bringing Amia, Enanan, and K to the Sekai. Though, her attempt at helping was unsuccessful.
Those people really thought they could help her. Those people felt the same way she did. Those people who wanted to disappear just as much as she did. So why, just why did they think they had the right to try and stop her? It was annoyingly foolish. And now, after how she treated them, after she made it clear how she felt and had Miku kick them out of the Sekai, why was K here?
-=-+-=-
Mafuyu was simply walking around the Sekai, her footsteps echoing through the silence, with no real intention of what to do there other than let herself disappear into the nothingness. The Sekai was empty. But rather than looking like a completely empty void— the sort of emptiness she would expect from a place made from her very own emotions— it was filled with ruins. Ruins of something that was no longer there.
The vast gray foggy skies, going further and further for what seemed like infinity.
The ground having remains of what seemed like construction materials that were never used sticking out of it. Something that could have been used, if she had known herself, if she had understood her emotions and would have built something meaningful with them.
And giant triangles that she wasn't sure what exactly they were supposed to convey. Ironic. They were just like her.
This Sekai was Mafuyu's.
And there, right there, lying next to one of these giant triangles, she saw her. She saw K. The same K who wants to save people with her music. The same K who gave her the temporary, sweet hope that she could save her. The same K who failed to do so. That K was right here, in her Sekai.
Mafuyu slowly walked over to her, an unfamiliar feeling throbbing in her chest. "Why are you here?" She said, her voice carried no trace of emotions in it. "I thought I made it clear you were not welcome.”
K didn't move, didn't look up at her. She simply whispered back in a hoarse voice, "To disappear.”
Mafuyu was taken aback. To disappear? Here? Could she not find any other way to do it?
“Find another place to disappear." Mafuyu spat out, her tone rising slightly.
A few seconds of silence passed before K finally looked up at her, not saying anything. She could notice a difference between how the girl's face looked in comparison to their first meeting.
The already existing bags under her eyes seemed to have darkened into a different shade of purple. Hair disheveled, her bangs falling in front of her tired eyes. And her expression blank as if she, too, had already given up.
Neither of them said anything, they simply stared at each other. K looking up at her with an expression awfully familiar to the one she saw every time she looked in the mirror, and Mafuyu looking back with a frown on her face.
The silence stretched for a while longer before Mafuyu turned her back and started silently walking away.
The presence of another person there bothered her' she just couldn't tell why.
Seems like she has to wait for another chance to disappear.
-=-+-=-
Today, Mafuyu was going to disappear.
She went through the whole school day wearing the mask of the picture-perfect student she had shaped herself to be. Got through cram school with the same numbness as always clawing at her chest.
Her mother would be out tonight, her father at work until the late hours of the night. There would be no one to stop her. Tonight, Mafuyu was going to disappear.
She entered her bedroom. Her desk was organized neatly; her laptop place right in the middle under the light of her desk lamp, study guides filling the shelves, and her school bag hung by a rack on the side of it. A huge calendar was hung on her wall, exam dates circled all over it. And on the other side of her room was her aquarium. Mafuyu liked looking into it. It didn't have any fish inside. It was empty, just like her. Looking inside of it made her chest feel a little bit lighter.
She sat at her desk, turned on her laptop, and opened her saved files. She scrolled down past the music files K had made until she found one called "untitled" and played it, her vision being engulfed by the bright white light.
Here she was, back in her Sekai. Now, she could finally let its emptiness swallow her. Mafuyu opens her eyes, and she sees her again. K is still there.
Had she not moved since Mafuyu saw her there yesterday? She really thought she had made it clear that K needed to leave.
Mafuyu walked over to her, footsteps echoing through the silence. "You're still here." She said, stopping in front of her.
"...Yeah"
"Why?"
K paused for a moment, "To disappear.”
"That's not-" Mafuyu's voice got caught in her throat. She was really letting this get to her. She needs to calm down. "Has Miku come here since yesterday?" She asked, her tone carrying a hint of aggression.
"I haven't seen her."
Mafuyu exhaled in frustration. She'll need to find Miku and talk to her. K cannot stay here any longer. But her mother might be home soon. She pulled out her phone and paused untitled.
She still hadn't disappeared.
-=-+-=-
This time, this time Mafuyu was absolutely going to do it.
Who cares if K was still there? Who cares what will happen to her if she was still in the Sekai when Mafuyu disappears? Who cares if she won't get to hear any more of those beautiful melodies she created? Mafuyu certainly didn't.
She opened her laptop once again, scrolling down to the untitled file, when she heard a mechanical voice calling out to her.
"Mafuyu?”
She turned her head towards her phone to see Miku standing there. Her pink and green eyes staring at her, looking confused.
"Miku. You're here."
Miku simply nodded back. "I heard you were looking for me."
Oh, right. She was.
“Did K tell you that?" She asked.
"Yes. She did."
"I'll come to the Sekai." She said, right before clicking Untitled and letting herself be taken by the bright light.
-=-+-=-
Kanade Yoisaki was going to do it.
Finally, Kanade was going to disappear.
In all honesty, even though she has wanted to disappear for a while, she never imagined it being like this. She had always imagined herself in her room, after she had saved someone, letting herself fade away until she would've been nothing more than a memory. With no one to worry or come looking for her.
But Kanade couldn't even do that. She hadn't saved anyone. If anything, she did the exact opposite. She hurt her dad, took away his music–the thing that mattered most to him. And she failed to make up for her sins. Failed to do the bare minimum and save Yuki.
Her thoughts flickered back to when she first met Yuki face to face. To what she had told her. Kanade had almost saved her. Almost. But her songs weren't enough. Kanade wasn't enough.
She recalled the expression on Yuki's face, one of someone who had already given up. She remembered how Yuki told her to her face that she had failed, how she said her only option was to disappear into the Sekai, right before she had Miku kick them out.
Now, she found herself here again. In Yuki's Sekai. It was empty and lonely, just like it was when she first saw it, but something about it was comforting. It was as if the fog was inviting her to disappear into it, without a trace.
She didn't know how long it had been since she decided to disappear. Her head was foggy, having not eaten anything nor slept properly for at least a few days before she came here. Her ears ringing in the silence of the Sekai, so different from the usual melodies she would blast into her ears. Her bones digging into the cold ground beneath her.
If she stayed here for just a bit longer, will the pain go away? Will she finally be free from her curse, unable to hurt others anymore?
She hoped so.
-=-+-=-
Kanade didn't know how long she had been there, but eventually, Yuki came back into the Sekai.
She noticed Kanade and started slowly walking over to her. Anxiety rising in Kanade's chest at the sound of her footsteps getting closer. How was she going to react? Was she going to kick her out again? That would force her to find another way to disappear. It would be a hassle.
"Why are you here? I thought I made it clear you were not welcome." Yuki's voice echoed
Why is she here...? That really was a great question. Because she failed at her only duty. Because she was forever cursed to hurt those around her. Because she deserves to disappear in a place where no one would find her, so she couldn't burden anyone anymore.
"To disappear." She whispered, practically feeling the other girl glare at her.
"Find another place to disappear into."
Kanade finally looked up. Her bangs fell over her eyes and her vision was blurry, but she could still see Yuki, just staring at her silently with a frown on her face.
Kanade couldn't blame her for the irked look in her eyes. She had given her false hope, failed her, then barged into her Sekai despite not being welcome. Yuki had every right to hate Kanade.
She watched as Yuki turned around and left without saying a word, leaving her alone in that empty world, perhaps letting her disappear silently.
-=-+-=-
Kanade was going to disappear.
She could feel as her body was slowly losing its strength. As her vision was growing blurry, her ears ringing so loudly it was painful, her breaths shallow as she lay on the ground.
It was a cruel way to go, pained and alone, but it was what she deserved. Kanade would've chosen this punishment upon herself over and over again if she had the chance.
There was something weird about disappearing like this. She didn't feel scared, didn't feel sad. It felt right, to simply vanish without a trace.
It was painfully similar to how she started shutting herself away in middle school, disappearing from school without a trace to completely devote herself to music, alone in her empty house. Now, she found herself giving up on music, in a familiar way.
Her thought process was cut by the sound of footsteps echoing once again. She looked up to see Yuki there, walking up to her.
"You're still here." She stopped in front of her."...yeah."
"Why?"
She paused for a moment before answering. "To disappear."
"That's not-" Yuki spat out, "Has Miku been here since yesterday?"
"I haven't seen her."
Yuki exhaled in frustration before pulling out her phone and leaving the Sekai, not saying anything else.
Kanade stayed lying there, alone.
-=-+-=-
It's been two days since Kanade had come to the Sekai to disappear. Since she had given up on the idea that she would ever be able to save someone with her music and surrendered to the thoughts she tried so hard to ignore until now.
She found herself wondering about various things in all the time she was left alone with her thoughts in the Sekai's silence. She wondered if anyone would come looking for her. Wondered how Ms. Mochizuki would react when she came to do her job only to find Kanade missing. How Enanan and Amia would react to her not joining their meetings anymore. How the nurses at the hospital would react when she stops coming to weekly visits for someone who doesn't even remember her.
It seemed like she would never know the answer to those questions.
Suddenly, she heard a robotic voice behind her.
"Uh..Kanade..?"
She knows that voice, "Hm..? Miku…"
"Yes. You're here again."
“I am." She responded in a horribly hoarse voice.
Miku's pink and green colored eyes almost looked like a tiny bit of hope had sparked in them. "Are you here to try to stop her from disappearing?"
Kanade paused, just the thought of it made her stomach churn. "Not exactly…"
"Oh..." Miku's expression remained as empty as ever, but Kanade could swear she saw a hint of disappointment in her eyes.
"Yuki. She was looking for you. You should go talk to her."
"I see. Thank you for telling me."
Miku's voice was comforting, Kanade thought as she watched her walk away.
Yuki was probably going to ask Miku to kick her out. That would be a shame. She's in no state to get up. She would simply lay on her bedroom floor until Ms. Mochizuki would find her.
It would be an unfortunate situation. One that Kanade herself knows.
-=-+-=-
When Mafuyu found herself in the Sekai again, she was faced with the same familiar sights.
Gray skies expanding far beyond her sight, ruins all over the place, giant gray triangles, and K lying next to one of them.
Well, that wasn't going to last much longer now that Miku was here. She'll have her kick K out again. Then, Mafuyu would be left alone. She could finally disappear.
She immediately spotted Miku walking over towards her and K.
"Miku."
"Mafuyu."
"Miku, get her out of here." Mafuyu gestured with her head to K. "I want to be left alone."
“Okay." Miku walked over to K, a sad look in her eyes.
"Please...don't..." K whispered.
"What?"
"Please, let me disappear here."
Mafuyu felt an uncomfortable feeling in her chest. As if someone poured a bucket of freezing water all over her heart.
"No. I've already told you to find another place to disappear into. This is not your Sekai, I can't disappear if you're here!" Mafuyu spat out.
"Why…?"
"I don't owe you an explanation. I want to disappear, and I can't do that if you're here. You're just being selfish by staying here."
"I'm sorry...please, just let me disappear here."
“Why??" Mafuyu yelled at her.
"I'm tire-"
"Why are you trying to disappear!?"
Kanade blinked in confusion. "Huh..?"
"Didn't you say you want to save people with your music? How is disappearing going to save anyone?!" Mafuyu shouted at her, letting out ragged breaths.
Kanade just stared at her back for a moment, her eyes glossy with what seemed like tears welling up.
"I-" her voice got caught in her throat, "I can't save anyone...!" A single tear slid down her right cheek. "I tried; I really did. But...but I- I'm not capable of saving anyone!"
She looked away from Mafuyu, unable to face her. How can she after what she just admitted? This whole time they worked together Kanade thought that maybe with Yuki's help she could save someone. For a short while, she even thought she had saved Yuki. But she couldn't do neither. How could she face her after such failure?
"That's not true. I said you almost saved me didn't I!? Why are you giving up??" Mafuyu's tone was aggressive.
Kanade could feel the shame welling up on her chest. "But–but you said it yourself, didn't you? I failed! I was close to saving you but I couldn't. Why does it matter if I disappear now?"
"Because– ugh, I don't know! What if you kept trying and succeeded?"
Kanade looked at her, eyes red. "What are you saying?"
"I..." Mafuyu couldn't explain herself. She didn't know why. She had already given up; there was no point for her to keep trying if she couldn't be saved either way. It didn't matter what she would do. Disappearing is her only option. So why did it feel like she might still have a chance?
Before she could say anything, a melody cut through the Sekai's silence. A soft piano, accompanied by a gentle guitar, and a whisper voice humming along.
Kanade's eyes widened slightly as she listened to it. "Is that..." She recognized that melody. The piano. The guitar. That voice. "...my song…?"
Mafuyu didn't reply to her, instead she shifted her attention to Miku.
"Miku, why is that song playing?"
"This Sekai is made of your true feelings." Miku said. "It might have something to do with your emotions."
"My emotions? "
"Then..." Kanade interrupted, "If my song is playing here, does it mean it reached you?"
"I…I don't know." Mafuyu replied
"Since it's playing here," Kanade tried to slowly stand up. "Does it mean I might still have a chance to save you?"
Mafuyu stared back into Kanade's eyes. It looked like a tiny spark had appeared in them. "I'm not entirely sure…"
"If I'd try to save you again, would you give it another chance?" The difference between the girl who was just lying on the floor, trying to disappear, a minute ago, and the girl now standing in front of Mafuyu, begging to be given another chance to try and save her was surprising. It was as if a switch had flipped. But Mafuyu had lost hope already, she could not reciprocate the hope in K's eyes.
"But what if I can't be saved at all!? You'd just be cursing yourself with false hope!" Suddenly Kanade intertwined their hands. Although the girl's hands were freezing, it somehow made Mafuyu feel warm.
"Then, I'm fine with that." She sounded determined.
"Huh…?"
"I'll keep composing and trying to save you. I'll make sure you won't ever feel like disappearing is your only option ever again." Kanade tightened her grip on Mafuyu's hands.
“B-but- even you want to disappear!"
K paused for a moment before answering,"You're right, I do..." She lowered her eyes, before meeting Mafuyu's gaze, "that's why if I ever look like I'm going to disappear myself, I want you to remind me I haven't saved you yet."
Mafuyu could feel tears welling up in her own eyes. "Why…why would you go that far?"
Kanade smiled at her, a stupid gentle smile. "Well... I'm just being selfish.”