Archive of Our Own

Hayden has always been curious. His mom once told him that, as a baby, he had the biggest, brightest, blue eyes and that he kept looking around at everything close to him. According to his mom, all throughout his childhood, he’d always ask her questions about everything all the time. He supposes that when you are born curious, you just stay curious.

So Hayden really thought he couldn’t be blamed for snooping around after his best friend has been keeping something– someone– a secret for years now.

He thought a secret wasn’t even the right word.

There’s this girl that has been making Shane happier than Hayden had ever seen him, and yet at the slight mention of her, Shane freaked out and triple-locked himself into the most secure safe in the world.

And Hayden did what any sane person would do; he snooped through Shane’s phone.

He was not sure exactly what he was looking for as he took the phone while Shane was out for a run. Maybe a hint as to who Lily was precisely, how old she was, who she was, what she was? Was she Shane’s girlfriend, fuckbuddy? Was she actually just a friend and Hayden had been getting worked up over nothing?

Hayden and J.J. had talked about her a lot, always in private. They both agreed that it was uncanny just how cagey Shane has been about her. They had spent months trying to come up with new theories to explain Shane’s protectiveness over his Lily. Maybe he was shy, maybe she was too reserved, maybe she didn’t want to be in the public eye and Shane was too afraid that he or J.J. would spill his secret. They had thought for a while that Shane simply didn’t want a repetition of the whole Rose Landry fiasco that happened a little over a year ago but had scratched that idea after they remembered Shane and Lily had already been texting before Shane and Rose dated.

The only logical conclusion left was that Shane’s Lily was a married woman. It made sense to them when they first thought about it. Canada’s golden boy Shane Hollander being a homewrecker would make the front page of the news, and they were sure Mama Yuna would not be happy about it in the slightest, so they’d kept it a secret, and they’d told themselves they’d wait until Shane was ready to talk about her– possibly only after Lily and her husband divorced or separated.

But Hayden just couldn’t help himself anymore.

He knew he had quite a bit of time on his hands, and he was bored. He was left alone in a hotel room in Toronto, Jackie was hanging out with friends, so he couldn't call her, and Shane had just left him to go on a stupid run at eight o’clock at night, accidentally leaving his phone behind.

He didn’t think he could actually be blamed for snooping around. He had tried to get Shane to talk about this himself countless times before, so Hayden figured he had to take matters into his own hands.

Shane’s phone was left face down on top of his bed, and it had been buzzing constantly ever since he left for his run. It was a surprise that Shane hadn’t realized he left it behind before he left, Hayden had assumed he would’ve at least heard the vibrations echoing on the mattress. But he hadn’t. So Hayden had at least half an hour to snoop through it while Shane was out.

He waited an extra five minutes just to make sure Shane wasn’t coming back for his phone, then took it with the tip of two of his fingers, like Shane’s phone might be a bomb a hair’s breadth away from exploding all over the hotel room.

It took Hayden a few tries before he guessed Shane’s password– December 23rd, 2008, for whatever reason– and immediately opened his messages. The newest one was from just a minute ago; Rose asking him for updates on the talk with Hayden?

Hayden was immediately taken aback by this message. What talk?

He didn’t think he and Shane had anything serious they needed to be talking about, especially something that could require Rose’s personal attention and– Oh God, Rose Landry knows my name.

He focused on the message again, and thought back on how Shane had been acting before he left for his run. He supposes Shane had seemed a bit skittish recently, but Hayden had just presumed it was because of hockey.

Hayden couldn’t help himself from getting worried, what was serious enough for Shane to seem so nervous about? Was he sick? Was he retiring from hockey or– what if he’s finally ready to talk about Lily?

But that didn’t make sense. Why would Shane be so anxious to talk about someone Hayden has been asking about for over a year now?

Hayden decided to move on, not wanting to freak himself out more about something Shane was clearly planning to talk about soon. He exited the conversation with Rose just as another message came in on Shane’s phone. A message from Lily. Hayden took it as a sign and clicked on the newest notification, opening Shane’s conversation with the woman.

As soon as he opened the message, he turned off Shane’s phone again.

There was a very graphic image of a cock staring at him.

Hayden unlocked Shane’s phone a second time, wanting to confirm what he was seeing and– yep, it was still there. He couldn’t help but scroll back up again in the conversation, too curious to know what could possibly make Lily send Shane a dick pic. More recent messages stared at him, and Hayden instantly started feeling worried for Shane.

Hayden stared at the messages, the only thought going through his mind was Shane’s gonna get beaten up by Lily’s husband.

It made sense to him. Shane had been so private about Lily, there was no way she wasn’t married to another man already. Whoever Lily’s husband was probably found her messages with Shane and threatened him. He didn’t quite understand the use of the cock picture, but he assumed Lily’s husband was using it as a way to assert dominance or to seem more intimidating. It sure as hell was working towards Hayden. By the size of the thing, the man must be massive as well.

Before he could start to panic even more, he put Shane’s phone back down on the bed and decided to text J.J. on his own.

Hayden barely had time to wait before J.J. was knocking at his room. He rushed to open it, and J.J. barged in, “Hayden, I’m gonna need you to go back a few steps right now. Also where’s Shane?”

“Uh– So, Shane went for a run–”

“Did he call you? Why didn’t he call me?”

Hayden was confused, “How would he call me?”

J.J. was now the one looking at Hayden like he had just grown a second and a third head. Hayden couldn’t quite understand why J.J. seemed unable to comprehend what he was saying. Why would Shane be here and why would he be calling Hayden if Hayden had his phone? Did J.J. get concussed without him noticing?

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before J.J. spoke again, “I feel like I missed a few seasons here, Hayden.”

“Okay so remember Lily–”

“How could I not? We’ve talked about her more times than we’ve talked about your children, I think.”

“First of all, I’m sure that’s not true at all, and secondly, stop interrupting me,” Hayden continued. “Anyways– I was getting curious about Lily again, and Shane randomly left on a night run– which he usually never does– so now imagine me, left alone in a hotel room in the middle of Toronto.”

J.J. sighed at him, and Hayden quickly realized he had to hurry on with the story before he was left alone, again, and had to face Lily’s angry husband by himself.

“Sorry, wait. Basically, Shane left his phone behind, and I saw it as an opportunity to get more information on who Lily is.”

“Hayden, you what?”

Hayden knew he shouldn’t be proud of snooping through Shane’s phone, and he wasn’t, but he had to make J.J. understand how serious the situation was. If they didn’t help Shane soon, they could lose their friend. And captain, obviously, but that seemed way less important to Hayden right now.

He imagined having to tell Jackie her gossip partner was gone, beaten to death by an evil man whose wife was cheating on him with the nicest guy who’s ever stepped foot on Earth. Worse, he thought of telling his kids that their uncle Shane wouldn’t be coming back to play with them anymore. Oh God, what was he going to tell Shane’s parents–

“Hayden,” J.J. snapped him out of his thoughts. “I can see you spiraling, stop it. Just explain to me how you got from snooping in Shane’s phone to him getting threatened?”

“I’m not sure either!” Hayden exclaimed. “One minute I was trying to get more information on Lily, the other Shane was receiving threatening messages from Lily’s husband saying he’d beat Shane up until he couldn’t walk.”

“Hayden, give me the phone,” J.J. asked while sticking his palm towards him, “I wanna see the messages for myself.”

Hayden wasn’t sure why J.J. wasn’t just trusting him on this. He felt like he’d managed to explain the situation pretty well, but he still handed the phone over for J.J. to see for himself.

He laughed as J.J. made a face to what he easily guessed was the picture Lily’s husband had sent Shane. Hayden was about to make a comment about it before J.J. broke out in the biggest fit of laughter Hayden had ever heard come out of his friend.

It took a good five minutes for J.J. to calm down, before he looked at Hayden’s confused face and started laughing all over again. “Okay, now I’m confused,” Hayden said.

“Text with Creator's Style turned off, Hayden. You can’t actually be this stupid,” J.J. continued laughing at him. “Do you seriously think there’s any threat going on here? You really saw an actual dick pic on Shane’s phone and you first thought is that he’s getting threatened?”

“Well, what else could it be?” Hayden wondered out loud, “Is there another reason why Lily would be sending him pictures of a dick that I’m missing?”

J.J. took a deep breath and looked straight into Hayden’s eyes as he said, “Have you ever thought that Lily might not actually be a girl?”

It took a few seconds for Hayden to start processing those words. He had an idea of what J.J. might be trying to say, but he can’t lie and say he had ever actually thought about it before. The thought of golden boy Shane Hollander dating someone who’s not a girl was– weird. Not that Hayden was against it, but it felt like it was against everything Shane’s brand stood for. He was expecting a married woman, not– “You think Lily’s non-binary?”

“Jesus, Hayden, I’m saying Lily’s a man, that Shane’s gay,” J.J. started. He had to take yet another big breath– it felt like he’d been doing that a lot since he stepped foot in the hotel room– before he continued, “Think about it for a second and it’ll all start making sense.”

And Hayden did think about it. He supposed it did make quite a bit of sense, quite a lot of sense, even. Not that Lily being a married woman didn’t, but Lily being a whole man did explain why Shane had always been so cagey about her– him. He understood why, in a world where Shane’s secret fling was actually a man, Shane would keep it secret from his best friend. There was still one tiny minuscule detail that Hayden couldn’t get out of his mind, “I’ve never met a man named Lily though.”

“It’s a fake name, Hayden.”

“Oh. So Shane’s really gay?”

J.J. sighed, “I’m guessing so, I mean, it would make sense.”

“What about Rose Landry though?” Hayden asked.

“Which straight man do you know could break it off with her and somehow manage to stay friends?”

Hayden took a few seconds to process the question before he realized how much of an idiot he was. Who sees a picture of a man’s dick on their friend’s phone and assumes their friend is getting threatened? He’d never think J.J. was getting threatened if he saw a picture of tits sitting around in his messages. “Well, what do we do now? We can’t tell him, he’ll get mad at us for snooping in his phone, and he’ll confide in us even less now.”

“Well, I’m not the one who had been snooping through his phone, you’re the only one he’d get angry at,” J.J. said. “But either way, you’re right. We can try to show more support for gay people, and like, hope he’ll tell us eventually.”

“Do you think we should reach out to Hunter?”

“And do what? Tell him we’ve got a closeted friend who’s stuck in a homophobic environment and won’t come out to us? Hayden, we’d just be outing Shane. Hunter’s not as dumb as you, he’ll easily guess who we’re talking about.”

Hayden thought about it for a second, “Then we’ll just have to find other ways to discreetly show our support.”

When Shane came back to Hayden and his hotel room, he was surprised to see both him and J.J. sitting on Hayden’s bed, seemingly watching something on the TV. He barely had time to step a foot through the door before the both of them snapped their heads towards him and let out a long united, “Hey, Shane.”

“Hey, guys. What are you watching?”

“Just this TV show– uh. It’s called Rupaul’s Drag Race,” J.J. started, looking directly into his eyes.

“It’s super fun!” Hayden exclaimed, “Lots of gay people, man. So cool.”

Shane looked at them both before blurting out, “Am I missing something here?” He felt like both J.J. and Hayden were in on some kind of inside joke that he just didn’t get. “What’s a drag race, is this a new sport?”

“Jesus,” Hayden let out a laugh, “How are you gay and don’t know what drag is?”

Shane felt a rush of panic as he briefly saw J.J. punch Hayden in the side before going back outside the room, closing the door behind him. He heard J.J. yell out a Wait! before turning back and rushing back inside the room. “How did you know?”

“We snooped through your phone,” Hayden explained. “We’re so sorry, Shane, we didn’t mean to. We were just getting too curious about Lily, we had to do something.”

“Stop saying we. Shane, I promise I had nothing to do with this. Hayden did it all on his own.”

“Then how did you find out?” Shane asked J.J.

“Let’s just say Hayden severely misunderstood the messages and asked for my help. He told me you were getting threats.”

Even if getting the confirmation that Shane’s friends were supportive of him being gay helped calm his nerves for a little bit, the possibility of them seeing his messages with Ilya immediately sent him into a panic again. “Just– uh. Just how much did you see exactly?”

“Way too much, buddy,” Hayden confirmed with a laugh.

“So you know–”

“That your boyfriend has a massive cock? Yeah, we do.”

“Jesus, Hayden. That’s too much,” Shane said. “I mean, do you know who he is?”

Both Hayden and J.J. glanced at each other before turning their gazes back to Shane. J.J. sat a little straighter, “Are we supposed to?”

Shane thought about it for a moment. He supposed it wouldn’t be so bad to finally have people other than his parents to talk to about his love life, “I think I want you to, maybe? I’d have to ask him though, he’s not out yet.”

“Well, take your phone and hurry up, please,” J.J. said while handing him back his phone.

“I’m gonna need you two to leave the room now. I’m not calling him in the hallway where anyone could come out of their room and overhear me talking to my boyfriend.”

Hayden and J.J. ran out of the room faster than Shane had ever seen them skate during a game, and Shane instantly opened his phone to call Ilya, who picked up after just one ring, “Liked my picture so much it took you an hour to call me?”

“Shut up,” Shane smiled. “Hayden and J.J. saw it. They know I’m gay.”

“That’s good, Shane. I mean, you wanted to have a talk with Hayden soon, no?”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Shane started, “I just wish I got to tell them myself, and I wish they hadn’t found out by seeing your dick on my phone. Fuck, that’s so embarassing.”

Ilya let out a laugh in his ears, “Well, at least they know I can take good care of you. They won’t have to give me the talk.”

“The shovel talk? They probably will once they find out who you are– which brings me back to the reason why I called you. They want to know who you are, and I kind of want them to as well. I still wanted to ask you first, I don’t want to do this if you don’t want to.”

The line went silent for a few seconds before Ilya replied with a quiet, “You can tell them. I trust you.”

Shane smiled to himself as a soft blush spread to his face, “Okay,” he replied softly, “Then I’ll tell them now. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ilya said. “Now go reveal to your friends who your big, bad boyfriend is.”

Shane laughed at Ilya as he hung up the phone, the word boyfriend still making him feel giddy, even months after making it official. He walked to the door and opened it to find Hayden and J.J. pressed against it like they’re some sort of cartoon characters.

“Really?”

“You said you loved him,” Hayden gushed. “That’s like– serious serious.”

Shane looked at Hayden for a beat, “Well, yeah. We’ve been seeing each other for years now.”

J.J.’s mouth dropped before he asked, “How long exactly is years?”

Shane hesitated before telling them. Part of him still wanted to cling to the secrecy of his relationship with Ilya. He had spent so long keeping it to himself that he was afraid revealing the details of Ilya’s relationship would be too much on his friends. The other part wanted to brag about his boyfriend now that he finally had the chance. He thought that, by opening up about the truth of his relationship with Ilya, it might make it easier for his friends to accept them. “Since the summer before my rookie season,” Shane admitted. “It wasn’t official until a few months ago, though.”

Both J.J. and Hayden’s jaws dropped even wider before Hayden spoke up, “Well, now this is just making me sad. This long and, what, nobody’s known until today?”

“Well, my parents know–”

“Your parents met your boyfriend and we didn’t even know he existed until today?” J.J. asked. “Who is this guy?”

Shane let out a breath before deciding he simply needed to rip the bandaid off.

“It’s Ilya Rozanov.”

Shane saw the two men before him observe him closely, like they couldn’t quite get a grasp on whether Shane was just messing with them or not. J.J. seemed to come to a conclusion before Hayden.

“You’re being serious.”

“I am,” Shane answered calmly. He needed them to understand that this, his relationship with Ilya, was as serious as Shane’s entire life was.

“I need to sit down,” muttered Hayden. “Like the Ilya Rozanov? The hockey player from the Raiders?”

“Soon the Centaurs, but yeah–”

“The Centaurs?” They both looked at Shane like they weren’t sure if he was still speaking English.

“I just want you to know how serious this is for us,” Shane started. “I love him, and I’m hoping you guys can learn how to like him, at least a little bit, eventually.”

Shane tried to have a neutral expression on his face, not to show just how anxious he truly was about his friends’ reactions to this. He was probably doing a terrible job at it though, because in just a few seconds they were both at his sides, giving him a pat on the back.

“Of course, buddy,” Hayden said. “I mean– we’re talking about Rozanov here so I can’t make any promises, but I promise I’ll try.”

He turned to look at J.J. who gave him a smile, “Yeah, I’ve always secretly found him super cool, and he’s like really hot–”

“J.J.!” Shane and Hayden exclaimed.

“What? You saw him, and you saw his dick. I mean– wow, Shane.”

“Okay! Conversation’s over for the night,” Shane declared. “God, I can’t believe you saw my boyfriend’s– his– him– before I could even come out to you. And I can’t believe you thought he was threatening me.”

“In my defense,” Hayden started, “I’ve never– and I would never– talk to Jackie that way.”

“You should see the other things he sends me,” Shane muttered.

“Shane– Jeez!”