Work Text:
“…that light inside you has made me feel so alive. And all I want now is to be near it. Near you. Together…”
I spin into my mind as Wade is saying these unbelievable words to me…especially in front of his family! I’m present…but not present…eyes open…yet not seeing outside, but inside. It’s dark, yet light, as I lope towards…Wade! There he is! It’s just the two of us, no family or world to worry about.
I let go. We’re running around each other like kids in the park. I bounce up and down…I haven’t felt like this since I was a kid. We run, glide, jump, laugh. Our colors--mine red, his blue--swirl about us. A wonderland.
And then, like kids who like each other, we’d like to touch. To hold hands. To make contact with this friend.
Wade holds his hand up, and I do the same. We begin to lean in towards one another. What could be easier?
But…
…my arm won’t work. My hand won’t work. Suddenly, it’s like there’s this force field that I can’t get through. Why? I want to touch him so much…why won’t my body work?
This is reminding me of something…I can’t tell what it is. Some feeling from long ago of wanting something and having it be mysteriously denied. It hurts.
I push harder…I’m just not trying hard enough, right? Come on…it’s right there…our hands are an inch apart! I’m grinding with every muscle, every nerve...
And suddenly…like I’ve been pushed away from him by a great force, I am dropping, falling through the void, my friend torn away…sadness…not anger, not frustration. But mourning. I fall away and he disappears, and I am alone again in the pitch black.