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Frank’s first boyfriend is an ass.
Frank is sixteen, bordering on seveteen and he knows he's made a mistake the moment they fuck. It's boring and painful and his partner doesn't give a fuck about his pleasure, too busy chasing his own.
He cheats on him with Abby and cheats on Abby with him.
They're well ridden off him, the both of them. They team up and fuck him over and when the asshole turns homophobic and racist they fuck up his college appliance too.
It’s never been said that Frank Langdon and Abigail Lockwood have let anyone walk over them. They're not going to start now.
Xxxx
Robby looks at him. Frank knows that.
Not just in the “mentor” kind of way, even if the man wants to lie to himself and say it's what that is.
Frank knows better. He knows what these roaming eyes and lingering touches at the end of a day mean. He sees the hungry glint in Robby's gaze and if the attending was willing to be a little bit more honest with himself, a little bit less closeted, Frank would be having a conversation with Abby.
Because he doesn't think he'd be able to say no. Not if the offer was presented to him
He's been half in love with Robby since his first R1 semester. Despite the flaws, despite the casual misogyny and the expectations so high that he sometimes feels like he is going to crumble under the weight of it all. Despite the way he has seen Samira retreats further and further away as the years go by, not even taking his hand anymore when he extends it towards her.
He worries for Samira.
But he doesn't say anything. In this, he is just as guilty as Robby.
He tries. He'd see a patient or two under her name if he thought it would help. But she'd just find that insulting. And she'd be right. So he just tries to ask for her help on things she is better equipped to deal with quickly than he is. Tries to point out her qualities, especially the ones he, himself, is lacking.
He doesn't know if that's enough...
Frank is not blind.
Still, he loves Robby. Profundly, maddly. Dangerously.
Then Robby goes and fucks Heather Collins. And Frank hurts his back, gets addicted to painkillers and tries to wean himself on his own and Robby throws him out.
He wishes he could say he did not expect it. But he kind of did.
Robby's love has always been conditional.
Not out of pure selfishness, no. That would make it easier to swallow. He doesn't think Robby even realizes what he is doing. But he's been hurting them all for a long time now.
Therapy helps.
He never thought it would. But there you go! It does. Not the rehab one, because rehab sucks, and for every good therapist in the program there are nine who are only here to follow the sanctioned demands and willfully or unintentionally harm them. But he and Abby find him another therapist, one that listens.
And he recognizes the patterns now, between him and Robby, the toxicity. He still loves him. Fuck, does he loves him! And Robby nearly kills him… Nearly breaks his spirit.
Then he is gone.
Gone and back and by the time he is in a better place, one from where he can finally meet Frank halfway… Frank isn't there, waiting for him, anymore.
Xxxx
Does Jack Abbot really count? Frank isn’t sure. He is an extension of Robby, in a way.
Kinder, maybe? Less judgemental. Abbot understands what struggling with addiction means. And his approach to it is more empathic.
Frank doesn't know if he deserves this.
He just knows he wants to do his job. And it is easier with Abbot. Less personal.
He doesn’t know when the veteran's staring stops being just about keeping an eye on him and becomes something more. Something messy. At some point, Frank gets out of his own head and finds himself struck by the weight of the man’s attention.
He stays as firmly on the day shift as he can after that. Because the truth is, he doesn’t trust Abbot. Not with his therapy, which he seems to get on and off depending on the mood; not with his tendencies, which still draw a bit too much towards suicidals; and especially not with the constancy he needs.
Ten months is a long time.
You learn your lessons.
Jack is Robby’s oldest friend here, at the Pitt. They’ve gone through hell and highwater together. And that just means that Robby will always be his priority. Frank can’t compete with that. He doesn’t want to compete with that. Robby deserves someone who will care for him like that. Who will put him first.
It is just that… it can’t be Frank’s boyfriend. Not when he already has enough difficulties putting his own needs first when it comes to Robby.
So when Jack shoots his shot, proposing him at the end of a night shift, after he’s just pulled a double, Frank laughs. He doesn’t think about how it sounds when he tells him “You’re nice Abbot, and maybe in another life we could have had something. But here and now? No, no way in hell.”
He is too exhausted to notice the looks of unease that cross the faces of his colleagues. Shen and Ellis both trying to gauge how much damage his terribly honest (terribly blunt) answer has done. Too worn out to even think about getting home, Frank leaves them to catch some sleep in one of the on-call rooms.
Xxxx
“You're getting a divorce?” Cassie sounds surprised at the news and Frank honestly can't understand why. He says as much to his fellow doctor, knowing that anyone within earshot is listening in.
Perks of working in a crowded ED. And of nosy coworkers he guesses.
“It’s just… After all you've been through together… to separate now?”
“Abby and I were never going to stay together, Cassie. We got married to get the hell out of our town and get our folks out of our hair! Now we've got the kids we wanted, our parents have their long-awaited grandchildren and my addiction actually sent both families further away than we ever managed by just being ourselves. We called it a win. Time to get papers out. We'll be celebrating by the way, so tell me when you're free if you want an invite.”
He isn't sure he understands why everyone is looking at him like he's just stomped on their puppy but there they are! Even the night shift can't seem to be able to put their head around what he just dropped on them.
“But… but…” Wow. Frank doesn't think he has ever seen Ellis speechless before. “What about the dates night?!” She screeches. At the same moment Robby adds “The PTO you took because she just wanted you home?!” And Dana “why stay for your rehab then?” And it is a testament to how far they've come that the only ones to wince at the mention are Robby and Jack.
Then, a younger voice, male, arrogance not yet beaten out of him. “Does that mean you're on the market?”
Frank has to admit, he is a little bit scandalized by their reactions. He throws them all a judgemental stare.
“Are you all telling me” he starts, voice low, his cadence made slow by the incredulity he is experiencing. “That you think the only reason I would have to do all of these things for her was if I loved her romantically or if she put out?”
They all scramble to justify themselves after hearing the way he understood them. Assuring him that they only meant that these are usually the action of a person in love. He interrupts them. “But I do love her. Just because our partnership is not the most conventional doesn't mean I don't. And she stayed for my rehab because we don't plan to be out of each other's lives. We're still a team. We're just… taking advantage of the freedom we finally found.”
He tries to keep it vague, not wanting to get into his and Abby's relationships with their families. For all that they still love them, there is a reason they ran several states away. From behind Santos, he can see Mel beaming at him.
And then, he remembers the last question. “And no, Ogilvie. I am not, on the market. Because I am not a piece of meat. Nor a craddle-robber.”
Laughter erupts around him. Still, Frank catches a peek at Robby's face. The man doesn't look amused.
No. If he was to guess, Frank would say he and Jack look guilty.
Xxxx
Frank is busy discussing the latest papers on neurodivergence and its care in the medical world with Mel when Shen approaches him.
It is not exactly unheard of for the two of them to hit it off sometimes, they both have the same cringy sense of humour after all. And Frank had always found Shen's ability to destabilise Robby hilarious. What is unexpected, on the other hand, is the man's fidgeting. John Shen is not someone easily rattled.
“Can we talk ?”
Oh.
Yeah, Frank knows exactly what that is about. “Not sure what there is to talk about. I think you made your feelings pretty clear.”
“I don't think I did, actually.”
“Dude. You ghosted me. I can take a hint. But don't worry, it's not like we went far enough for feelings to get involved. We can be professionals about it.”
“I didn't…!” He stops himself just in time not to make a fool of himself. “Yeah, ok I ghosted you. But it wasn't because I wasn't interested! I was just… kinda overwhelmed?”
“Overwhelemed?” Frank repeats, not sure he understands where Shen is going. The man motions to his entire body and Mel stiffens by his side.
“Well, yeah… you're… you're a lot you know.”
Frank blinks. And blinks again. He can feel Mel’s worried gaze on him. His voice is low when he finally answers the night shift member.
“Is this about my addiction ?”
Panic blooms in Shen’s entire posture. Full on, bumbling, speech lost in his panic! “What?! No! No, that's not! I’d never! Why would you think that?”
“You tell me. What the hell am I supposed to understand when you say shit like that to me ? Is it because I come with kids then?”
“No!”
“Then what is it? Because you can't have suddenly found yourself all shy and tongue-tied because of my looks. One, I am not that pretty. Two, you've seen me change in the locker room for years! And… No, you know what, I don't want to know. Let's just forget about it and keep this civil and professional, okay.”
He redirects his attention towards Mel, who has been growing increasingly agitated as their conversation sank into a too personal matter. “Sorry about that. Maybe we should get back to work.” She nods fervently, favoring him with a relieved smile before hoping from the table they'd been sitting on to lead the way.
Frank pats Shen on the shoulder on his way out. “No hard feeling man. I just don't think this is a good idea after all.”
He doesn't see Shen bonk his head on the doorframe after he is gone, groaning at himself.
Xxxx
Park was never going to be one to share. Frank had known that from the beginning.
He'd known that long before they actually got together.
He’d known on his first day back after rehab, when the surgeon had clocked him on his way out of the ED, changed directions to pass him by and swatted his ass like it was an everyday occurrence. “Langdon! Good to see you back! Never leave again. This place sucks without you.”
Frank would never forget the look of furious disbelief on Dana's and Mel’s face at the action.
“Park. How many SH complaints are you at now?” He’d bitten back, reveling in the sharpness of their game.
The surgeon had leaned into him, nose brushing his hairs, a smile full of teeth. “Why? Want to compare with the number of pills you stole?”
And Frank… Fuck! For the first time that day Frank had snorted a true laugh. “You'd still be higher than me I’m afraid. But feel free to try and check.”
The bigger man had curled a hand around his waist, gripping tightly to keep him close, his eyes roaming over the place, his presence still controlling the room while he rumbled into his ear. “Oh. And should I check you over to do that? Get you out of these scrubs and bend you over not to miss anything ?”
Scoffing, Frank had gotten himself out of his hold, slapping his hand against a firm chest. Not wanting to risk Robby going nuclear at the sight of his fallen star playing nice with the dreaded Ortho surgeon. Park's comment on his return was already going to cause enough havoc as it was.
“Go back to playing masonry, you troglodyte. You wouldn't recognize lorazepam from xanax anyway.”
Chuckling, the asshole had done just that. But not before copping a feel of Frank's ass while looking at the ED's chief attending right in the eye.
Thankfully for the resident, Mel had descended on him before Robby, who was walking thunderously towards them, could reach him. Her genuine worry at the way Park had handled him stopping the man from lashing out. “Are you alright?!”
Frank had stared at her in bemused confusion until, finally, he’d remembered that she had never seen him interact with the surgeon before. And that, no. I promise you, I did not mind it. Park and I, we go wayyyy back. This isn't something you need to be worried about.
Robby had been frozen in his tracks, and to this day, Frank still did not know why. Whether it had been the fact that his R3 had truly been worrying about a potential assault whereas all he’d wanted at the time was to rip Frank a new one or the knowledge that he and the Shark knew each other enough to be this casual in their banter, the senior resident wasn't certain. Whatever the reason was, at least it meant that Frank had escaped a new lecture.
So yes, Frank knows, and has always known, that Brendon is never going to share. Hell! The man could barely play nice on a good day!
But maybe, just maybe, it is exactly what he needs. A man who demands all of him. Who was never going to be happy to settle with just a part of what made Frank, well… Frank. Who wants him feisty and biting, who will will take his good days and his pain and his fuck ups without a question.
As if doing anything less was the epitomy of stupidity.
Which has to be how Frank finds himself ensconced into these big, strong arms at the next event PTMC hosts, Brendon having insisted for him to come, Robby’s and Jack’s presence be damned!
He suspects that their presence is even one of the reasons B wanted him to come as much as he did. The surgeon is not usually this interested in mundanities.
What he is, on the other hand, is a show off. And that’s exactly what he is doing, coming to an event so full of their peers with Frank by his side, his hands never straying too far away from the young man. Always chasing after him, circling his waist like the possessive asshole that he is.
When he sees the sour look on both attending’s faces, Frank tries to get the surgeon to tone it down a little bit. There is no point in shoving it under their nose anymore than they already have. But his partner is nothing if not stubborn. He tightens his hold on Frank, eyes challenging any of their colleagues to say anything. He rumbles in his ear. “You think I care? Let them all see. What they’re missing, what they could have had. If they didn’t want you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best. This. This is not them being unhappy to find you here. This is them being fucking jealous when they've got not right to be. And it is fucking hilarious.”
And he turns Frank around to kiss him, deeply, fully. Like he might not get the chance to do it again.
“You're mine. And I have every intention of making sure you never have to doubt that even once.”
Frank melts a little.
The next day he accompanies him on his way to handover and kisses him senseless in front of every one of his coworkers.