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Chloe was holding her sword, aimed towards the Queen of Hearts. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't take someone's life.
Red gently took the sword from her hands. Chloe was so in shock that she barely even noticed the emptiness in her hands.
The redhead jumped forward and stabbed the sword straight into her mother's heart. The queen fell to the ground with a betrayed look.
"I always knew you were worthless."
Red staggered, her mother's last words echoing in her mind. She used them to express her disappointment one more time. Not to apologize, not to admit fault, but to share her disappointment. She fell to the ground, her body trembling with sobs.
Strong arms enveloped her, providing comfort and support. She recognized it is Chloe and allowed her to hold her as she sobbed.
////
Red woke up with tears streaming down her face and Chloe shaking her awake.
"Red! Are you okay?" she asked in a worried tone.
The redhead blinked awake and rubbed the tears from her eyes. She looked up at her girlfriend with watery eyes, meaning she just wanted to be held.
Chloe wrapped her arms around Red, "Well, it's 3am so I think you're only waking up once tonight."
Red nodded into her shoulder, her body still trembling from the memory. It wasn't some nightmare she'd conjured up. No, it was real.
That's what made it worse. That's what made it haunt her.
Chloe held her for a while, then her grip grew loose. She fell asleep holding Red, snuggled into her side.
Red sighed and brushed her girlfriend's hair behind her ear. She didn't want to leave Chloe, but she couldn't live like this.
That memory haunted her. And the last time she looked into her mother's cold, dead eyes.
They were never kind or gentle, but they were never so empty. Her eyes, usually filled with anger, were replaced with the emptiness of a soulless body after someone dies.
Eventually, she passed out from exhaustion, her body exhausted from the little sleep she got. When she woke up, the bed was empty, and the sun was hitting her eyes.
She groaned and pushed the covers off herself before standing up. Chloe was in the bathroom, humming to herself. She had no idea what was going on in Red's head.
When she made eye contact with Red, she scanned her to see if she was better than last night.
She frowned when she noticed the look in her girlfriend's eyes. "Are you okay, Red?"
Red shook her head, "I think I'm just going to stay in the dorm today."
Chloe's frown deepened, and she walked over to Red, gently grabbing her face. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
"No don't skip your classes, Princess. I'll be okay," the redhead said, even though she knew she wouldn't be.
Chloe looked hesitant but kissed her cheek, "Alright but please text me if you need me. I'll see you after swords and shields."
Red swallows as Chloe backs up, "I'll see you later. Bye Princess."
The blue haired girl grabbed her bag and left the room, her eyes lingering on Red until the door shut. When it did Red collapsed back into her bed with a sigh.
The room was silent with the redhead just staring at the ceiling. There was a constant weight on her chest that today was just overwhelming.
It felt like she was going to throw up but she also couldn't bring herself to move. But she had to get up.
She moved sluggishly toward the desk, attempting to blink away the heaviness in her eyes. It didn't work so she rubbed them and blinked a few more times to focus.
Red pulled out her red notebook and collapsed into the desk chair. She shakily picked up the pencil and stared down at the paper.
This was it. The last thing she'd never write. The last thing she'd ever be able to say to Chloe.
It hurt to leave but not as much as it did to stay.
Her hand shook as she wrote but she tried to make it as neat as possible. These were her last words after all.
After her letter was written she read over it a dozen times before setting down the pencil. Her movements were still shaky as she pushed herself off the chair and walked to the middle of the room.
She knew what she wanted to do and that she was getting it done that day but for now she collapsed into the bed. Red let her eyes shut and sleep overcome her.
"I always knew you were worthless."
Red shot up in a cold sweat. She rubbed her eyes and walked to the bathroom. The girl that looked back at her from the mirror looked so pale and dead.
She poked her face, almost not believing she was real. The bags under her eyes seemed deeper somehow even though she'd just slept.
It was like her body knew what she had planned and just... agreed.
Red gripped the sides of the sink closing her eyes and looking down before looking back at the ghost. She didn't feel like herself anymore, more like someone wearing her skin.
The rest of the day she shuffled around the room, moving things or just standing to standing there. It was time to go and her body was just waiting for her to end it.
She walked over the drawer where her pocket knife was hidden and pulled it out. Red slid to the floor and held the knife against her skin.
The cold medal bit into her skin and she pushed it harshly hissing at the sting. Blood poured from the cut and she switched hands, doing the same to the other wrist.
Her ears felt like they were filled with water but she was able to hear the scream. There was hands on her, someone frantically trying to wrap her wrists and screaming.
Then the world went black.
~~~
When she awoke the first thing she felt was disappointment. Just another thing she failed at.
The light in the room was blinding as she blinked awake. Chloe was sitting in the chair beside her bed, her eyes bloodshot.
Guilt ran through Red's chest and she felt tears well in her eyes, "I'm sorry..."
She doesn't know what she was apologizing for. Maybe for trying to leave Chloe. Maybe for failing.
The blue haired girl's matched her own, a few tears escaping her eyes, "Red..."
The words came out so broken it hurt the redhead deeply. Tears flooded her eyes until she started sobbing.
Chloe stood up from her chair and wrapped her arms around Red's neck. She felt her girlfriend's tears hit the top of her head as they cried together, holding each other.
The following days passed by in a blur. Red was mostly out of it mentally. Her brain just checking out for most of the day.
Chloe still attended classes but the rest of time she spent in Red's hospital room. It was usually silent, the redhead not really speaking.
Finally Red was discharged after almost a week in the hospital. The walk to the car was silent, the bitter cold air whipping against their skin.
The blue haired girl entered the car first and when Red got in she locked it but didn't move. Red turned towards Chloe confused while the girl blinked back tears.
"Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" Chloe questioned, her voice small and broken.
When the redhead didn't answer she sighed and pulled out of the parking lot finally leaving the hospital behind. Red swallowed down her feelings and took a deep breath.
"I just couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't keep pretending I was okay. Like I'm some functional human being."
Chloe looked at her, "You still should've told me, Red. I could've helped. I could get you therapy. I don't want you to just give up!"
Red gritted her teeth, "It's hard to give up on something that's barely here anyway! Look at me Chloe. I'm a fucking monster. I feel like I'm just wearing someone else's skin."
A sob bubbled up from the other girl's throat, "So tell me this! Don't resort to killing yourself!"
The sound of a horn honking was the only warning they got before the car was smashed and flipped.
Red was upside down, her head spinning from slamming it against the dashboard. She looked over at her girlfriend only to find her eyes closed.
"Chloe!" She screamed, her voice breaking, "Chloe you can't fucking leave me this isn't fair."
But the blue haired girl's eyes didn't open. Sirens sounded but they were too distant. Red unbuckled herself and hissed as she fell into glass.
She crawled over to her girlfriend, not caring about the glass biting into her hand. She could handle the pain if it meant she could see the love of her life for what seems like the last time.
"Chloe..." she whispered, her voice breaking, "Please..."
The door beside her was pried off while she sobbed into her lovers body, "Please Chloe wake up!"
She felt herself being pried away, knowing it was people trying to help but she wasn't ready to go yet, "Please save her! Please I can't- I can't do this without her."
Red's ears were buzzing but she managed to make out the voice speaking to her, "-in multiple places please come with us ma'am."
The redhead let herself be walked over to the stretcher. She could see from afar as they pulled Chloe from the car.
Her head was smashed open and blood was dripping down her face. Red's own head was bleeding but she couldn't find it in her to care.
"Is she- will she make it?" She asked, her voice breaking. Although some part of her already knew.
The woman in the ambulance gave her a pitying look, "I think there's a chance. Just worry about yourself for right now sweetheart."
Red shook her head, "Please she has to be alright. I- I can't without her."
///
Red still didn't know anything. She'd been in her hospital bed for hours.
Her head had to be stitched and she had a concussion. There were cuts littering her body, some deep enough where they needed stitches.
But she didn't care. She didn't matter. Only Chloe did.
If she died... it would all be Red's fault. If only she'd done it earlier. If only it actually took.
She didn't deserve to be here awake while Chloe was either already gone or fighting for her life. She deserved to be the one who dies.
There was a light knock of the door before a nurse entered with a solemn expression, "You were in a car crash with Chloe Charming correct?"
Red's heart sunk, she knew this was coming. Her wrists itched. She wanted she scratch the cuts back open and watch the blood seep out.
But she didn't. Instead she nodded her head and braced her impact.
"I'm sorry, she passed away this morning."
The redhead's ears buzzed, the nurse continued talking but she could hear a word. Chloe was dead. The love of her life was dead and it wall her fault.
She was the reason they were in that car. She was the reason Chloe was distracted. And now... she's the reason that she's dead.
~~~
Red doesn't remember how she got here. The last thing she remembered was the hospital room.
She was dressed in black, Chloe's smiling face from the front staring back at her.
Ella was making a speech. Red couldn't hear her with her clouded ears, while Charming was beside her, a hand on her arm. After she was done, Red was called up to make her own.
She looked over Chloe friends and family and just couldn't do her. Her mouth opened but no words escaped so she ran.
She ran as fast as possible just to get away. She stopped in any alley way, her chest heaving.
There was a man staring at her with a raised brow. He wiggled a bag of white powder in front of her face, "You look like you need some."
Red snatched the bag, "I don't need this shit leave me alone."
The redhead was going to throw in back in his face but the man snorted, "You look like shit. Take it, on the house."
He disappeared around the corner and Red looked down at the small baggie in her hand. She shook her head and shoved in it her pocket then headed back to the dorms.
Luckily she didn't run into anyone and got to the dorms safely, shutting and locking the door behind her. The silence in the room was loud.
Chloe's side of the room was already cleared. Red suddenly couldn't breathe. A choked sob came from her throat and she collapsed to the ground.
"Why... just fucking why!" Her fists pounded harshly against the floor. As if the hard wood could answer her question.
The baggie flew from her sweater pocket when she aggressively ripped it off her head. She picked it up and moved the power inside around with her fingers.
After fidgeting with it for a minute, she lined it up on the desk just like she'd seen in movies. The powder burned going up her nose and she slide to the ground after the deed was done.
10 minutes passed of Red just staring at the wall before she felt it kick in. Her heart started to race and laugher bubbled up from her throat.
She felt euphoric and like pure dopamine was running through her blood. She felt like there was so much she could do.
Red stood up and spinned before starting to dance around the room. Her body was buzzing as she threw her limbs almost dancing, in a way.
But it was sloppy the only thing keeping her on her feet being the drug. The empty side of the room was ignored as she lined up more and snorted it.
~~~
Time was skipping, Red doesn't remember anything from when she was high which was most of the time. When she was sober the emptiness haunted her too much.
Another line. Snort. Another line. Another bag. More more more.
Half the time she doesn't even wake up in her dorm. Her body sluggishly took her back for more of that life saving white powder.
That man was right, she did really need it.
~~~
It had been weeks and one day Red woke up outside the gave yard. She felt like she was going to throw up as she shakily stood up.
Her legs brought her to a familiar name and she stopped, collapsing in front of the gave.
Chloe Charming
Beloved daughter, sister and-
She couldn't do this. Red stood up and ran.
She ran and she ran and she ran.
Just like the night of the funeral but this time she had a different destination in mind.
Don't worry Chloe, I'll join you soon.