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Eddie doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to do this one bit. In fact, his personal hell would maybe involve parading down a runway toward an awkward date with a woman.
Chim slaps the sign-up form against his chest. “Your turn, Diaz.”
“I - - can’t,” Eddie tries. He can’t do this. He can’t.
Chimney groans. “Do none of you care about the children? It’s a bachelor auction, and you, my friend, are a bachelor. Abracadabra, put your name on the list.”
“I can’t,” he repeats. He can’t. He cannot. “I’m not.”
Chimney’s brows raise to his forehead. He pauses. “You’re not?”
Oh. Yes. Yes! He’s not. He’s not a bachelor. If he’s not a bachelor, he doesn’t have to do this.
Eddie nods, gaining confidence. “I’m not.”
“Since when?” Chimney frowns. “Who?”
It’s not Eddie’s fault that, at that exact moment, Buck walks in. It could’ve been anyone — it’s not like Eddie controls who walks in when.
So it’s not his fault that he opens his mouth and says, “Buck.”
Buck grins at him, looking up at the sound of his name. “Yeah?”
The sign-up sheet clatters to the floor beside him. It seems like the entire station goes quiet at once.
“Buck?” Hen repeats, gobsmacked.
Buck frowns. “…yeah?”
Eddie swallows. “Buck,” he confirms.
Buck looks between them, confused.
Chimney bends down to pick up the sign-up sheet. He takes in a breath. He sighs deeply. “Buck?” Chimney says, like he’s hoping the answer might change.
Buck looks between them all like he’s watching a tennis match. “Wait, what?”
This will fix so many of Eddie’s problems. If he’s not a bachelor, he won’t have to date! This is perfect. Why didn’t he think of this sooner?
Eddie reaches out and grabs Buck’s hand, tangling it with his. “Buck,” he confirms.
Buck blinks down at their joined hands. And Eddie - - oh. Eddie really likes holding his hand. It feels right to hold Buck’s hand.
Huh. He squeezes Buck’s hand in his. Buck’s confused frown blinks into a shy smile.
Oh. That’s weird. Eddie’s heart somersaults in his chest. Buck is smiling at him. Because of him. Because he’s holding his hand. A smile breaks out over Eddie’s face that he has absolutely no control over — even he can feel that it’s dopey.
Chimney groans. “Oh, Jesus Christ, look at them. I’m bachelorless.”
“Naw,” Hen grins, nudging Chimney with her shoulder. “They’re in loveeee.”
Buck’s eyes widen comically. Eddie feels the tug of his hand as he tries to pull away, but he holds on tighter. He squeezes as tightly as he can, hoping Buck hears it as please, dear god, go along with this.
Buck opens and closes his mouth, blinking down at their joined hands.
Chimney eyes their hands and sighs deeply. “Alright,” he breathes. “ Romeo and Romeo, my office.”
Chimney leads the way, but Buck doesn’t budge. Eddie yanks on his hand, pulling a stumbling Buck with him toward the office.
This will be fine. Buck can basically read his mind. They just have to get through this, then Eddie will explain, and Buck will understand. He’ll get it. He’ll probably even be happy that he has an excuse not to do the auction. Everyone wins!
Chimney holds the office door open for them, ushering them in and closing the door behind them.
He sighs, again, and heads for his desk drawer. He pulls out an official-looking form and slaps it on the table; the words ‘LAFD RELATIONSHIP DISCLOSURE FORM’ are printed on the top.
Eddie swallows.
This is fine. It’s very official, sure, but it’s fine. They do have a relationship, of sorts. It’s not fully a lie. A formal, documented lie.
“As your friend, I’m happy for you,” Chimney sighs, dropping a pen in front of them. “As your captain, this is a pain in my ass.”
Buck remains motionless beside him, so Eddie reaches for the pen. What’s a little bit of HR fraud between pals?
And, as he said, most of this isn’t even a lie. His name is Edmundo Diaz. His birthday is June 26th, 1992. He does live at 4995 South Bedford Street. It’s barely even fraud.
This is fine.
He continues down the page.
‘Please select the nature of your relationship:’
And, look, this isn’t even Eddie’s fault — it’s a shortcoming of the form. Best Friend isn’t an option. Buck definitely isn’t his parent, child, or sibling, and spouse feels too easy to disprove. That leaves consensual romantic relationship as the obvious choice, really — the logical one. The one closest to the truth. The truth that they’re bending just a little.
He clears his throat. He marks the box with an X.
Buck trips over nothing, catching himself on the desk.
Eddie signs and dates the form.
Buck seemingly chokes on air.
Eddie slides the paper over to Buck.
Buck blinks at the form, then at Eddie, then back at the form.
Eddie hands him the pen. Buck stares at the pen, and then at Eddie. He takes the pen cautiously, as if it might be a pen-shaped grenade. Not sure how else to convey that the pen won’t explode, Eddie offers an encouraging thumbs-up.
Buck blinks wordlessly at Eddie’s thumb, then at the form. He lets out a breath, then slowly, hesitantly, like someone is going to stop him, writes his name next to Eddie’s.
He blinks at their names, then signs the bottom of the form.
Chimney reaches over to grab it, turning it around and adding his signature to the bottom.
“Congratulations. I now pronounce you consenting romantic partners in a formally disclosed relationship,” he announces.
He rounds the desk, heading for the door, but stops, turns, and narrows his eyes at them. “Do not kiss each other in my office,” he adds, pointing accusingly between them. Seemingly happy with his threat, he nods and heads back out to the firehouse, closing the door behind him.
Eddie lets out a breath. That went fine! No one suspected a thing! He does not wish to think about why no one suspected a thing right now, however. What matters is that it went fine!
“We’re - - what?” Buck croaks. Eddie’s attention snaps back to him, and, look — it’s a valid question. He, admittedly, owes him an explanation. But the thing is that, really, he - -
“I don’t know how that happened,” he admits. It’s starting to sink in a little. That got - - it got a little out of hand, really, didn’t it? All he said was ‘Buck’, and somehow he’s now gay and out and in a HR-disclosed relationship with his best friend.
Buck is looking at him like he’s lost his mind. “What happened?”
Also a great question. A really, very good question.
Oh, god. Eddie just came out. He didn’t even mean to do that. How did he do that?
He looks at Buck, panicked. “How did that happen?”
“What’s happening?” Buck asks.
“We - - oh, fuck. We signed forms. Why did we sign forms?”
“Why did we - -” Buck gapes. “Eddie! You wanted me to sign it! You looked at me like you wanted me to sign it! You gave me a thumbs up!”
“I know I did! I did! It - - it made sense!”
“Did it??”
“You signed it!”
“You signed it first!”
“Well, we - - it wouldn’t work if we didn’t sign it,” he defends. They had to sign it. They were in too deep. “They’d know.”
“Know what?”
“That we - - that I - - I’m not a bachelor.”
Buck blinks. “You are a bachelor.”
No. No. No, he’s not. That’s what started all of this. This is how they got here. He can’t be. He doesn’t want to be.
“No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Eddie.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you tell the HR department of the LAFD that we are dating each other so you don’t have to participate in the bachelor auction?”
Eddie swallows. “Not…on purpose. I - - didn't want to be a bachelor.”
Buck blinks. “So we signed the forms?”
Eddie winces. He swears it all made sense 10 minutes ago. “You didn’t want to be a bachelor either!”
Buck scoffs. He spins in a panicked circle. “Everyone is going to think we’re dating! Did you think about the fact that everyone is going to think that we’re dating? How are we even - - we can’t date, Eddie! You’re straight! You’re Eddie!”
Well, that’s - - no. Eddie doesn’t like that.
“We can date,” he frowns. “I don’t have to be straight.”
Buck gapes at him. “You - - yes, you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you - - you have to be.”
“Why?”
“You just - - you have to be.”
“Well, we signed the forms, so.”
“Eddie.”
“The forms say we’re dating.”
“This is - - what is happening?”
“It’s - - it’s a win-win.”
“It’s a win-win,” Buck repeats, baffled.
Eddie opens his mouth, because yes, this is a win-win. How can he not see that this is a win-win? He’s about to convince him of this when he’s cut off by the alarm blaring through the firehouse.
In the engine, four pairs of eyes burn into the side of his skull.
They all think that he’s gay, and that he’s dating Buck. And it feels - - normal. Eddie feels normal. It feels good, almost. He…likes it?
And, well, he’s already dug the grave, so he might as well get cozy in it. He shifts even closer to Buck, pressing their thighs together with a nudge.
Buck swallows.
Hen grins.
Ravi chokes.
“Wait, so, you’re dating?” Harry frowns. “Did everyone else already know that?”
“No,” the entire engine replies in unison. Eddie doesn’t miss Buck’s no, whispered under his breath.
“It’s new,” Eddie offers. “And it’s not a big deal.” He nudges Buck. “Right?”
Buck blinks too many times in quick succession. “Right,” he agrees. “N-not a big deal. For sure. For sure.”
“Right,” Eddie agrees. “So if we can all move on?”
“Do we at least get questions?” Ravi asks.
“No,” Eddie says.
“I feel like we should get at least one question,” Harry agrees.
“I think you should mind your business,” Eddie says.
“If you think about it,” Ravi notes. “It kind of is our business.”
“Leave them alone,” Hen says. “We’re happy for you two. And proud of you, Eddie.”
“Thank you, Hen.”
Ravi narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously quiet, Buck.”
“Am I?”
“Aren’t you?
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Buck shrugs. “We’re not talking about it.”
“Who made the first move?” Harry asks. “Was it Buck?”
“We’re not - -” Buck tries, but Eddie cuts him off.
“No,” he says. “It was me.”
He doesn’t know why it feels so important to say, but it does. It wouldn’t be Buck. Of course it would have been Eddie.
Buck blinks at him, surprised. Eddie reaches for his hand, tangling their fingers together. He squeezes.
“And how long have you - -” Ravi asks, pointing between them.
Eddie sighs. He might as well just - - “I realized I could have feelings for him when he came out. I realized what the feelings were when he took over my lease. I did something about it because he kept trying to set me up with women, and I didn’t want to keep lying to him. So it’s - - it’s new, and it’s not a big deal, and we’ve been keeping it a secret because I asked him to. So. There’re your answers.”
He doesn’t even really think about it. Those are the answers that make sense — he just opens his mouth, and that’s what comes out.
Besides, everyone knows that the best lies are the ones closest to the truth. And if Eddie had made the first move, that would have been why.
And if he had realized that he might, maybe, have some kind of feelings for Buck, that would have been when he realized.
And if he had smothered the start of a sexuality crisis at any point in his life, it maybe possibly might have been when Buck came out to him.
Theoretically.
Hypothetically.
Ravi raises his hands in surrender and blessedly changes the subject.
Eddie looks out the window so he doesn’t have to see what’s happening on Buck’s face.
After that, the rest of the shift is…alarmingly normal. Word spreads quietly through the firehouse, and almost no one bats an eye.
At handover, he overhears someone from B-Shift say, “Yeah, dude. Aren’t they married? They have a kid together. Buckley’s mini me.”
And Eddie actually cannot process that right now, so he stores it away to have a crisis about later. After he gets through the car ride home with Buck.
It’s not that he has been avoiding him, exactly. He just - - doesn’t know what to say yet. And he likes this. He likes people thinking Buck is his. He doesn’t want Buck to tell him that they can’t keep doing this, because he’s not ready for it to stop.
So when they get into the car, finally alone, and Buck opens his mouth and says, “Eddie, I - -” Eddie can’t help it. He cuts him off.
“Chris was hoping you’d come over for dinner,” he finds himself saying.
Buck’s mouth snaps shut. “He was?”
Eddie nods. Has Chris said this to him? No. Could it still be true anyway? Yes! Definitely! Chris loves Buck! And he loves dinner! “Yeah. Yeah, he said he hasn’t seen you much. That he misses you.”
Eddie is aware that this is maybe a new low for him — using his child to aid and abet his web of fables. He doesn’t care. He cannot let the elephant in this car have even a moment to…make whatever sound an elephant makes. He is metaphorically shoving a gag in the elephant’s mouth.
About fifteen emotions flicker over Buck’s face. “Oh,” he breathes. “I-I miss him, too. Yeah. Dinner. Of course.”
“Great,” Eddie smiles. Well, he smiles outwardly. Internally, he tries to piece together a meal with whatever he has in his kitchen. He was absolutely planning on making a grilled cheese and calling it dinner.
Eddie senses the moment the elephant spits out the gag. Buck turns toward him. His body language shifts. He takes in a breath.
“I was thinking of trying a new recipe,” Eddie says quickly, words almost jumbled together. “Changing it up a bit. Can you, uh, can you search?” He asks, waving a hand in the general direction of Buck’s phone. “Search up a new recipe. And I’ll make it.”
Buck blinks at him. “Uh. Okay,” he agrees, fishing his phone from his pocket. “What kind of recipe?”
Eddie shrugs. Whatever the elephant wants to eat. Whatever will keep the elephant chewing and not talking. “Just - - a new one.”
Buck frowns, possibly because they both know that Eddie hates making new recipes — they never go well.
“Okay,” he says. “I googled ‘new recipes’. There are lots of them.”
Thank fuck. They’re so close to the bus stop. Soon, Chris will be here, and the elephant will have to keep its mouth wired shut.
“Read them out,” Eddie requests.
Buck looks at him like he’s lost his mind, but starts listing recipes. Eddie isn’t really listening. He’s just making humming noises every now and then, so Buck doesn’t stop listing things.
He waits until they turn onto the street of Chris’ bus stop to say, “That one. That one sounds good.”
Buck clears his throat. “Oh-okay. Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s good.”
“Do you…have fennel?”
“What?” Eddie frowns. “Why would I have fennel?”
“For the baked halloumi with fennel and carob syrup you want to make.”
Oh. He does not know what any of those words mean.
Eddie blinks. Like an angel appearing in a ray of light, Christopher steps off the bus. “Oh, look! There’s Chris.”
Eddie scrambles out of the car under the guise of helping Christopher with his crutches. He takes Christopher’s backpack and urgently whispers, “I will buy you whatever game you want. Any game.”
Chris frowns at him. Eddie prays to any god who will listen on the journey from the back seat to the front.
He closes the driver’s side door. “Buck is here!” He announces.
Chris blinks. “I see that. Hi, Buck.”
“Like you wanted,” Eddie says, making aggressive eye contact with Chris through the rearview mirror. “When you asked if he could come over for dinner.”
Christopher’s eyes light up. “Oh,” he grins. “And I can ask for anything for…dinner? Dinner with Buck. The one I asked for.” Chris confirms. “Even if you said no last time?”
“Yes,” he confirms through gritted teeth. “Anything.”
“Cool,” Christopher grins. “Thanks for coming for dinner because I asked, Buck,” he says in his sweetest voice. “I really missed you.”
Buck smiles so genuinely that Eddie’s stomach hurts. “I missed you, too, buddy. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Can we have Grandma’s meatballs?”
Since his time in El Paso, Christopher has been requesting foods from Eddie’s childhood that he had very purposely not brought into Chris’ childhood, because they’re a pain in the ass to make.
Buck lights up. Perhaps because he likes cooking, or perhaps because meatballs mean he won’t have to eat Eddie’s version of baked halloumi with fennel and carob syrup. “What are Grandma’s meatballs?”
“Swedish meatballs,” Eddie sighs, resigning himself to making so many meatballs.
“I’m one quarter Swedish,” Christopher tells him.
“That’s cool,” Buck grins. “I don’t think I’ve had Swedish meatballs before.”
“They’re really good,” Chris grins. “And you eat them with mashed potatoes!”
Fuckkkkk. He’s gonna have to peel so many potatoes.
“We’re gonna need to go to the store,” Eddie says.
“I have potatoes,” Buck shrugs. “And I probably have the things for meatballs.”
“And you have a hot tub,” Chris notes.
“And I have a hot tub,” Buck grins.
Eddie can’t argue with that. He changes lanes and heads for Buck’s.
This was a terrible mistake. Eddie has made a very bad, no good, terrible mistake.
Eddie forgot about Maddie.
Maddie, whose car is already in Buck’s driveway.
Buck climbs out first.
“UNCLE BUCK!” Jee squeals, running and slamming into Buck’s legs. Nash waddles behind her, wobbling as he goes. Behind him stand Maddie and Chimney. Eddie is going to have to make so many fucking meatballs.
“Princess Jee!” Buck grins, leaning down to scoop her up. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m going to be your flower girl!” She gasps, delighted. “At your wedding!”
Eddie, who had just opened Chris’ door to help him out, closes his eyes in resignation.
“Two video games,” Eddie whispers.
Chris looks at him, then at the scene behind him.
“Evan Buckley,” Maddie says. “Eddie Diaz. Why did I find out that you two are dating from a secondary source?”
Christopher blinks. “Ten.”
“Three.”
Jee appears at Eddie’s legs. “Uncle Eddie, can flower girls wear a princess crown? I want to wear a princess crown when you are husbands with Uncle Buck.”
Chris grins. “Twenty.”
Eddie lets out a breath. “Ten,” he agrees, handing Chris his crutches.
Buck jogs over, Nash in his arms. “Eddie,” he breathes. “I forgot. You - - everything happened, and I forgot.”
God, Buck looks so good holding a cute baby. Eddie has to tear his eyes away from the image to meet Buck’s eye.
“Forgot what?”
“My parents,” Buck breathes, wide-eyed. “My parents are coming here.”
“What? Why? When?”
“Now. Right now. In an RV.”
Eddie blinks. Oh, god. He - - “I don’t think I can peel this many potatoes.”
“They’re going to think we’re together.”
“And you need at least six meatballs per person. That’s too many meatballs.”
“Eddie.”
“You have to roll each one by hand.”
“I know what meatballs are. I will peel the potatoes. My parents are going to think we’re dating.”
“We’re going to need to go to the store.”
“Eddie.”
“There’s no way you have enough potatoes.”
“Uncle Eddie?” A little voice says. Eddie looks down to find Jee still looking up at him, her hands on her hips.
“Yeah, honey?”
“Can I wear a princess crown when you marry Uncle Buck?”
Eddie swallows. He looks at Buck helplessly, then back down at Jee. “Sure, sweetheart,” he agrees. “Whatever you want.”
“And, uh, you remember Eddie?” Buck asks, scratching at his neck. “And his son, Chris.”
“Hello,” Buck’s parents smile, perfectly polite. Eddie has met them before, a few times, but never when half of the people in the room think he’s dating their son.
Eddie reaches out a hand. “Hi,” he says. “Margaret. Phillip. Nice to see you again.”
“I’m going to be the flower girl!” Jee announces, twirling. “Uncle Eddie said I can wear a princess crown!”
“Oh,” Margaret smiles at Eddie. “How lovely. You’re engaged?”
“Uh. No,” Eddie manages. Chimney is right there. Chimney signed the HR forms. He has no other choice. He bravely presses a hand against the small of Buck’s back and adds. “Not yet.”
He watches Buck’s parents notice the movement — watches their smiles falter as they put two and two together.
“Oh!” Margaret says. “I see. Well, that’s - -” She blinks.
“Wonderful,” Phillip offers, and he’s smiling, and it kind of seems like he means it. Margaret looks - - confused, mostly. Eddie is fairly sure she has no idea who he is — every time he’s met her, she has had no idea who he is.
“Yes,” she agrees. “Yes. It’s wonderful that you’ve found someone to share your life with.”
She would know, if she’d been paying attention, that they’ve been doing that for half a decade.
Buck blinks. “Y-Yeah,” he stammers. “Uh, thanks. Um. Eddie is making meatballs!”
Eddie sets Chris up in the guest room with his homework, because asking him to lie is one thing, and asking him to make awkward small talk with Buck’s entire family is another.
He tracks down the meatball recipe his mom sent him a few weeks after Christopher came home, and uses the stupid delivery app and pays the stupid delivery fees to get the groceries delivered.
He said he was going to make meatballs, and god help him, he’s going to make meatballs.
His meatball motivation falters when the groceries arrive, and he sees the number of potatoes with his own eyes. It’s so many potatoes.
He really, actually cannot peel this many potatoes.
He’s staring at the pile of potatoes, peeler in hand, when Maddie finds him.
“Hey, Eddie,” she says, eyes sparkling. “You okay? You look a little… overwhelmed.”
“Big day,” he offers.
“And lots of potatoes,” she notes. “I’m a pretty good potato peeler.”
Oh, thank god. He gratefully hands over the peeler and turns his attention to the meatballs. Or, the stack of ingredients that are somehow going to be turned into meatballs. He has made this recipe one singular time.
“My mom is Swedish,” he says for some reason. “Chris requested Swedish meatballs.”
Maddie smiles. “And here I thought Buck was the chef in the relationship.”
“Don’t speak too soon.”
“Is your mom a good cook?”
“Yeah,” Eddie shrugs. “I guess so. My abuela was always the chef in the family.”
“I was sorry to hear about your abuela,” Maddie smiles sadly. “Buck spoke so highly of her.”
“She loved him,” he chuckles. “The two of them - - it was sweet. She was - - yeah,” he breathes. “That was a tough loss. Still is.”
Maddie hums. He knows she’s no stranger to loss. “How’s Chris doing?”
Eddie swallows down the urge to cry at the thought of it. “That kid,” he sighs, shaking his head. “He’s incredible. It was rough at first, but he’s doing really well. Yeah. He’s really good.”
“You raised a great kid,” she smiles. “And I’m not just saying that because I’m technically his aunt now.”
It feels - - wrong, to talk to Maddie about this. To lie to her.
“We-we’re not actually engaged,” he manages.
“I know,” she says. “But you’re family. You both are. You already were, but it’s more official now.”
Eddie looks up at her, and he’s struck with gratitude that Buck has her. That he’s always had her. That he’ll always have her, even if Eddie fucks all of this up.
“This isn’t a shovel talk, I swear,” she continues. “I’m really happy for you, and for Buck. I had hoped - -” She cuts herself off. “I’m sure it hasn’t been easy for you to get here. And I - - I just want to thank you for being brave enough to love him how he deserves.”
Eddie swallows. “He - - uh. He’s worth it.” Which is true — it’s not a lie.
She smiles. “He is.”
Maddie picks up another potato as Buck stumbles into the kitchen, wide-eyed. “Jee said you were in here,” he breathes, staring at Maddie. “With Eddie. Together.”
She snorts, amused. “Here I am,” she agrees.
“What - - what are you two talking about?”
“I’m peeling potatoes,” she says. “And catching up with Eddie.”
“C-catching up with Eddie,” Buck repeats. “What’s - - what’s there to catch up on?”
“Buck,” Eddie tries, trying to convey ‘everything is fine. You don’t need to freak out’ in one word.
“Since my little brother has been keeping me in the dark about his love life, I’m going straight to the source.”
Buck blinks, panicked. “Well, I - - um.”
“I know,” she says, a gentle hand on Buck’s arm. “I get it. And we both know I’m not exactly surprised.”
Buck chokes. “You - - yes, you are.”
Maddie hands him a potato and the peeler. “I didn’t suffer in silence while you two made heart eyes at each other for seven years to be accused of being surprised, Buck. Peel some potatoes. I have to go save my husband from Dad’s detailed opinions on black tank maintenance.”
Huh. Eddie hadn’t - - he hadn’t ever really considered that Buck might have thought about this before. That he might have talked to Maddie about it before. It makes him feel giddy.
“Heart eyes, huh?” Eddie teases.
Buck looks up at him like a kicked puppy. “Eddie, I’m so sorry.”
Eddie can’t help the laugh/scoff hybrid that comes out of him at that. “Why are you sorry?”
“I forgot - - and my whole family is here. This is - - this isn’t what you meant. And Chris wanted - - and now it’s this whole thing. And there are so many potatoes.”
“I’m fine, and Chris is fine,” Eddie assures him. “Everything is fine. Except for the potatoes. There are so many fucking potatoes.”
“I don’t think we need this many potatoes.”
“Well, there’s going to be lots of meatballs,” Eddie reasons, gesturing at the giant bowl of meatball mixture in front of him.
“Jesus Christ. How many meatballs are you making?”
“There are lots of people!”
“Jee and Nash will eat, like, one meatball between them. If we’re lucky.”
“Oh,” Eddie blinks. He may have miscalculated the meatball-to-person ratio. Eddie, honestly, doesn’t really know how to make meatballs. “Right.”
Buck snorts. “Here,” he says, handing Eddie the peeler. “You peel some potatoes, and I’ll make the meatballs.”
“You have to - -”
“I know how to make meatballs,” Buck assures him. “We’ll divide and conquer. Those potatoes aren’t going to peel themselves.”
Buck’s parents announce they’re getting divorced about three meatballs in, and the whole night goes to shit.
Beyond almost choking on a meatball, Buck doesn’t really react much. His parents head out early; they don’t even stay for dessert.
Christopher helpfully offers, “It’s always hard on the kids,” which Eddie knows is supposed to be a joke, but does not land as one.
Jee screams about ice cream. Maddie rants about divorce. Nash falls asleep faceplanting into Buck’s cowboy duck pillow. Buck remains creepishly upbeat.
Chim slides up next to him, patting him on the back. “I think we might head out,” he offers, calm, like this isn’t his first Buckley family disaster dinner. “If you look after your Buckley, I’ll look after mine.”
Eddie looks at the chaotic scene in front of them. “Divide and conquer,” he agrees.
Chimney nods. “Divide and conquer.”
Christopher waits exactly 30 seconds after the Buckley-Hans walk out the door to download one of his new games to his Switch — Eddie’s bank app alerts him to the charge while he’s washing the dishes.
He rolls his eyes, but the sound of Buck and Chris playing the game makes his heart somersault.
He finishes up the dishes and wanders into the living room to find Buck and Chris enrapt by whatever game they’re playing.
As Eddie walks in, Buck drops the controller and raises his hands like he’s guilty. “Chris said you said he could play this!”
Eddie sighs. It’s probably fine. Whatever damage these games are doing to his kid is probably no worse than his dad asking him to lie for free video games. “Yeah. It’s fine.”
Buck blinks, surprised. “Oh,” he says.
“He thought I was lying,” Chris adds.
Eddie snorts. “And yet you still joined him, I see.”
“Well,” Buck shrugs. “It looked cool.”
Eddie shakes his head. “I don’t even want to know.”
Chris hands him a controller. Eddie sighs and joins them.
The game is violent, and there’s a lot of swearing, but Eddie has to admit it’s fun. It’s so fun that he completely loses track of time. On a school night.
“Oh, shoot,” he says, blinking down at his watch. “It’s late. You have school tomorrow.”
Chris yawns. “Can we just crash here?” He tries and fails to hide a smirk behind his hand. “You guys are dating now, right?”
Eddie levels him with a look.
“You - - yeah, of course,” Buck says. “If you want to. Of course you can. I have a guest room.”
“Great,” Chris grins, reaching for his crutches and pulling himself up off the couch. “I’ll take the guest room. Night, Dad. Night, Buck.”
“Um,” Eddie blinks, watching Christopher disappear down the hallway. “I can sleep in with him.”
“You can - - yeah,” Buck swallows. “Or there’s the couch, or, uh, my bed. Whatever’s easiest.”
This is - - awkward. It feels awkward. Fuck. Eddie gagged the elephant and made everything awkward.
“We should probably talk,” Eddie sighs.
Buck lets out a breath. “We probably should, yeah.”
But the elephant is so tired. He’s had such a long day.
“But it’s pretty late.”
“It is pretty late.”
“We could talk in the morning?”
“I love the morning.”
“I, uh - - Chris is probably already snoring diagonally on the bed. And I’ll probably fuck up my back on the couch.”
“You should - - my bed,” Buck suggests. “I have a bed.”
Eddie snorts. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“No. Not if you don’t.”
“Okay. Yeah. Thanks.”
This part is easy. They’re used to existing around each other like this. They take turns brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed, easily weaving around each other like it’s choreographed.
Getting into the same bed is less familiar. They’ve done it before, plenty of times, but never like this.
Into the darkness, Eddie asks:
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. Yeah. I’m great! I’m - - I’m good. How are you?”
Eddie bites down a smile. “My parents didn’t just drop that they’re getting an unexpected divorce.”
“Oh,” Buck says. “That. Yeah, that’s - - whatever. They’re divorcing each other, not me.”
“It seems like Maddie took it hard.”
“Oh. You think so?”
“Seemed like it.”
“Huh. I should - - I’ll invite her over tomorrow. See if she’s okay.”
“It’s okay to not be okay about this.”
Buck hums. “Dinner was really good. The food part of it.”
Eddie snorts. “I made way too many potatoes.”
“I told you.”
“Your parents seemed okay. About us.”
Buck stills beside him. “I mean - - yeah. They knew about Tommy. I think it’s more of an indifference than anything. But they - - yeah. It was nice, what they said.”
Eddie lets out a breath. “I don’t think my parents would have reacted like that.”
He says it because it’s all he’s been able to think about since it happened. It just - - wasn’t a problem. They didn’t really care. He’d pictured the situation in reverse — if it were his parents at the door, and he’d been hit with an overwhelming wave of nausea.
Buck looks at him in the dark. “No?”
“No,” he breathes. “Not if it were me.”
“Not if what were you?”
“If I were dating a man,” he clarifies. “I don’t think they’d care if you were dating a man.”
“Oh,” Buck breathes. “That’s kind of shitty.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees.
“What if Chris is queer?” Buck asks. “Or one of their other grandkids?”
“Or one of their kids,” Eddie says. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? In the dark, Buck beside him, what’s the point in running from it? “I’m going to tell them,” he decides.
“What?” Buck chokes.
“I’m going to tell them we’re dating. Everyone else thinks we are, I want them to think so, too.”
“Are you…sure that’s a good idea?”
“It shouldn’t make any difference, right? You’re supposed to love your kids the same, no matter what. No matter who they are.”
“Sure,” Buck agrees. “But you’re not - -”
“And like you said, what if Chris is queer? What if he feels like he can’t tell them?”
Buck frowns. “I mean - - I think you might be getting a little ahead of - -”
“You are my family. You’re part of our family. Me and Chris. Abuela knew. So it’s - - it’s the same, really. And they should know.”
“Maybe, um, sleep on it,” Buck suggests. “It's been a long day.”
And, to be fair, Eddie does sleep on it. He sleeps on it until he wakes up at 5 am, staring at the ceiling for an hour. And he - - he’s going to do it. He’s going to tell them.
He types out a quick message before he can talk himself out of it. He looks over at Buck — face slack with sleep — and hits send.
He’s about to throw his phone across the room when it lights up with a message, and then another.
Sophia: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I LOVE THIS FOR YOU SO MUCH I’M SO PROUD OF YOU YAY
Adriana: eddie EYE am supposed to be the coolest, chicest sibling how am I supposed to compete with a gay big brother with a hot husband
Eddie: We’re not engaged yet
Sophia: YETTTTT!!!!!!!
Adriana: this is terrible news for me and my brand. happy for you tho or whatever ❤️❤️❤️
Dad: We love you, mijo. Even if we don’t always understand.
Adriana: boooooooooooooo dad what’s there not to understand buck is HOT
Sophia: Dad??? Are you literally homophobic? Ew???
Dad: I am not homophobic
Dad: I love my homosexual son
Sophia: Jesus Christ dad
Mom: If this is who you are, Eddie, then of course we will support you. My hairdresser’s daughter is a lesbian and she is a lovely girl.
Adriana: ??????
Adriana: mom what
Mom: Sandra’s daughter, Lyla. She has a girlfriend.
Adriana: lmao ok??
Mom: Sandra Walsh. Lyla was a year below you in school.
Adriana: oh my god
Sophia: We are all so proud of you, and happy for you, and love you so, so much, Eddie. Please bring your adorable family to visit ASAP so I can squeeze you so tight.
Adriana: LOVE YOU SM EDDIE AND HOT BOYFRIEND BUCK
Eddie: Ok thanks. Love you too.
Eddie is sipping his coffee, and Buck is panicking about breakfast options for a teenager when Christopher stumbles into the kitchen.
“Um. Dad?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Did you…come out to Grandma?”
Buck drops the box of expired Pop-Tarts he’d rummaged out of the back of the pantry.
Eddie takes a sip of his coffee. He hums. “I sent a text in the group chat.”
Chris frowns. “Oh,” he says. “Are you actually dating? I thought you were pretend dating?”
“We are,” Eddie says. “Pretend dating.”
Chris blinks. “But you’re actually gay?”
Eddie pauses. There used to be so many reasons why he couldn’t be. He wouldn’t even let himself think about it, because there were so many reasons why that was something Eddie couldn’t be. But, somehow, in the last 24 hours, they’ve all just…disappeared? He’s already pretend come out to everyone, and it all went…fine, really. It’s fine. He’s gay, and it’s fine. No one’s treating him differently, the ground didn’t open up and swallow him, god didn’t smite him from above.
He puts down his mug. “Yeah,” he says. “I’m actually gay. Why? What’s Grandma saying?”
Buck, who is reaching back into one of his mystery cupboards, hits his head with a loud thunk. “Ow, fuck! I mean - - ouch.”
“She asked me if I was okay with it,” Chris says. “I don’t get why I wouldn’t be okay with it?”
Eddie hums. “Me neither, kiddo.”
Chris looks between them. “But you’re not dating?”
“I wouldn’t actually date anyone without talking to you about it first.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “But it’s Buck.”
“Exactly,” Eddie agrees. “He’s too important to both of us. I’d talk to you first.”
“Okay, but I don’t really want you to date some random guy when you could just date Buck. That would be weird. They wouldn’t fit on the couch.”
“You worry about getting to school on time, I’ll worry about couch capacity.”
“Do I have to reply to Grandma?”
“No.”
“Even though it’s rude to ignore her?”
“Yes.”
“She’ll probably call me.”
“You can ignore it.”
“Cool.” He looks over at Buck. “Is he okay?”
Eddie looks at Buck. He’s standing, frozen, staring at Eddie, arms overflowing with pancake mixes, Pop-Tarts, breakfast bars, and an assortment of other mystery boxes. “You okay?”
Buck blinks. “Y-yeah,” he says, clearing his throat. “Yeah.”
Eddie nods. He turns back to Christopher. “He’s okay.”
“Okay,” Chris shrugs. He turns to Buck. “Do you have any juice?”
Buck blinks. “I have juice,” he confirms. “And I have chocolate milk.”
“Chocolate milk, please!”
Eddie frowns. “Why do you have chocolate milk?”
“For the kids. And Harry.”
Eddie snorts. “I’ll do the juice.”
“What would you think about me dating Buck?” Eddie asks, as casually as he can, not even an hour later. He’s driving Chris to school, and it just seems like the right time to do it.
“Oh my god, Dad,” Chris groans.
“Your opinion is important. You get a say.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re already actually dating, and you and Buck are the only ones that don’t know it. Why are you even pretend dating?”
“There was a - - thing for single firefighters. It was easier.”
“If you say so.”
“It got a little out of hand,” Eddie admits.
“I think you should probably date Buck, Dad.”
“Yeah?”
“It doesn’t seem very fair to pretend to date him if you actually want to date him. He’ll think you don’t actually want to date him.”
Eddie blinks. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” Chris shrugs. “But if a girl I liked only wanted to fake-date me to make someone else jealous or something, that would kind of suck.”
“That’s not - -” Eddie wants to say, but - - oh god. Oh no. What if Buck thinks - - “Oh no.”
Chris sighs. “I don’t know how you ever survived without me.”
Eddie all but speeds back to Buck’s house, groaning when he spots Maddie’s car in the driveway.
Of course. Of course, the one time in the past 48 hours when he’s wanted to be alone with Buck, the universe has other plans. But he can’t - - what if Buck thinks - - he has to tell him.
He finds them in the backyard. Buck is working out. Maddie is pouring vodka into lemonade.
Maddie doesn’t seem surprised to see him. “You want one?” She asks.
“Sorry. I should - - I’ll come back. I’ll let you two - -”
Maddie tuts. “Eddie, sit down and watch your boyfriend get all sweaty. We’re day drinking.”
“Oh - - kay,” he says, doing as he’s told.
“Don’t you think it’s weird that our parents are getting divorced?” She asks. “Statistically, if they were going to get divorced, they should’ve done it after we lost Daniel. How do you get through that and then just give up for no reason?”
Eddie downs half a glass of lemonade. “I don’t know,” he offers.
“And why are they traveling together in a confined space if they’re so sick of each other? It doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s a good point,” he notes.
“I don’t think it’s hit Buck yet,” she says. “All he’s done all morning is work out.”
“Yeah, he - - he didn’t want to talk about it last night either.”
She hums. “Buck!” She calls out. Buck squints at them, blocking the sun with his hand. “Come over here and be cute with your boyfriend. Remind me that love is real.”
Buck goes bright red. Eddie probably isn’t faring much better.
Eddie, in a move he didn’t know he was going to make until he makes it, pats his lap as Buck approaches.
Buck blinks at him. Eddie grabs his arm and pulls him down. Onto his lap.
Maddie smiles. “Thank you,” she says. “Do I get to know how this finally happened? I hear you were being tight-lipped about the details.”
Buck tenses. Eddie tightens his hold. He can do this. He can confess his true feelings to Buck while also keeping their cover. Probably. “I was an idiot,” Eddie says. It’s both true and a solid start.
Maddie snorts. “You were the idiot?”
“Hey!” Buck huffs.
“Sorry. Continue.”
“We were - - we were out. And someone tried to hit on me. And I panicked, and said I was with Buck. Like, together.”
It’s close to the truth. It’s close enough that surely Buck will know.
She grins. “No way.”
“Yep. And he just went along with it. Didn’t miss a beat.”
Maddie cackles. “Of course, you two would never do anything the normal way.”
“So I - - I reach out to hold his hand, to prove my point, and I just - - it felt right. Holding his hand,” he says, pressing a kiss to Buck’s shoulder. “And I’d somehow accidentally come out to this poor woman, and it was - - fine. The whole world didn’t shift; I still felt like the same person. And that’s when I realized that maybe I could actually have this,” he says, squeezing his hold around Buck. “And it - - it wasn’t fair, to Buck, to pretend that I was pretending to love him, when I actually do.”
Buck sucks in a breath, and oh god — Eddie thinks he might have done it. He presses another kiss to Buck’s shoulder, hiding his smile there.
Maddie grins, wiping a few stray tears from her face. “Sorry,” she laughs. “Sorry. I’m just - - I’m so happy for you,” she sniffs. “And then what? How did you tell him?”
“I just told him,” Eddie shrugs. “I couldn’t wait.”
Maddie pouts, like that’s the most romantic thing she’s ever heard. Buck turns in his arms to blink at him. Eddie smiles, squeezing his hip. Buck ducks his head, a shy smile breaking over his face and - - oh holy shit. He’s done it. Eddie told him how he feels.
He’s dating Buck.
“You two can never get divorced, okay?” Maddie declares. “And you are going to have to get married, because Jee has not stopped talking about your wedding.”
Eddie snorts, but he’s fully, 100% on board with Jee’s plan.
Actually dating Buck isn’t quite what Eddie expects it to be. It’s, funnily enough, very similar to pretend dating Buck.
Buck comes over the next night for a redo dinner with Chris — he feels bad that their first attempt turned into an extended family affair. Eddie makes spaghetti, Chris shows Buck three of his new video games, and Eddie feels like a teenager again because his crush is here and they’re actually dating. For real.
They don’t really touch any more than usual, but Chris is right there, so it makes sense. Eddie does take the opportunity to press up behind Buck, hooking his chin on his shoulder, while Buck tries the sauce. Buck turns to look at him, an adorable crease between his brows, and Eddie wants to kiss him. He wants Buck to kiss him.
Instead, Buck ducks out of his hold, scurrying away to the pantry for sugar and more oregano. And he’s right — the sauce turns out delicious and perfectly oregano’d.
Buck and Christopher keep cracking each other up at the dinner table — every time, Eddie’s heart does backflips in his chest. Because this is what he wants. He wants his nights to look exactly like this for the rest of his life.
Chris insists they play one of his new, expensive video games after dinner, until, eventually, Eddie has to be the responsible adult and usher Christopher off to bed.
Buck says goodnight to Christopher, then, absurdly, starts gathering his things.
Eddie frowns. “You’re not staying?”
It’s not that late. Sure, Eddie pushed bedtime as long as he could without feeling like a terrible parent, but, still, he thought Buck would sleep over. He was really hoping Buck would sleep over.
Buck blinks. “I…can? I just thought…”
“You should stay.”
Buck scratches his neck nervously. Eddie is endeared, honestly, that Buck is nervous. His Buck — confident, back-flipping, Casanova Buck. Somehow, it makes Eddie less nervous. It makes Eddie want to kiss him.
“Okay,” Buck agrees.
“Okay,” Eddie nods. “Should we…bed?”
Buck blinks. “Your bed?”
“…yes?”
“Uh. Okay.”
So they brush teeth, change into PJs, and get ready for bed, and Buck doesn’t kiss him. Buck doesn’t even touch him.
They climb into bed, and Buck still doesn’t kiss him. Eddie really wants Buck to kiss him. And it’s - - it’s Buck’s domain. Eddie can’t kiss Buck.
Instead, settled into bed, Eddie works up all the courage he has to lean over and press a kiss to Buck’s cheek.
Buck inhales sharply. “W-what was that for?”
“I had a really nice time tonight.”
Buck lets out a breath. “M-me too.”
“I love watching you and Chris together. Even when you gang up on me.”
Buck snorts. “You’re an easy target.”
“I don’t mind. I love how easily you can make him laugh.”
“I’m sorry we haven’t had dinner in a while. I don’t want it to go that long again.”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” Eddie chuckles. “You’ll probably be sick of us soon.”
“Never,” Buck says, like he means it. Which is good, because Eddie means it, too.
“Are you - - still feeling okay about this?” Eddie asks. Because it’s totally fine that Buck hasn’t kissed him, he’d just really like him to.
“Uh. About the - -”
“The dating thing.”
“Y-yeah. I mean. We signed the HR forms, so we kind of have to commit to it now.”
Eddie snorts. “I never knew you were such a romantic.”
“You’re not - - having regrets?” Buck asks.
“What?” Eddie frowns. “No. It’s been - - it’s going well, isn’t it?”
Buck looks at him. “Yeah. I - - I think so. I don’t think anyone is going to make you do the bachelor auction, at least.”
Eddie chuckles. “I sure hope not.”
“It would’ve been fun, though,” he says. “To see you up there.”
Here we go. Eddie grins. “Were you gonna bid on me, Buckley?”
Buck chokes. “No, I - - not unless you wanted me to. I probably couldn’t afford you. You’d break the record.”
Eddie scoffs. “Please. You would’ve broken your own record. Done a back handspring or something.”
“Yeah, well - -” Buck whispers. “That’s not me anymore. I’m - - I’m ready to settle down.”
Eddie smiles into the darkness. Ah. Buck is taking it slow on purpose — because he wants this, because it’s important. Eddie loves him so much. “Yeah,” he breathes. “That sounds nice.”
Eddie brings Buck coffee in bed because he loves him and he deserves it and he wants to settle down with him for the rest of his life. He hands it over with a kiss to his cheek. Buck blushes, and Eddie feels like he just won a gold medal in Boyfriend.
“Are you practicing for work?” Buck asks, looking at him curiously.
“Is that your way of requesting the doting boyfriend package on the clock?”
Impossibly, Buck’s blush deepens. “I mean - - I wouldn’t say no to you bringing me coffee on shift.”
Eddie leans down and presses a kiss into his wild curls. “Noted,” he smiles. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Eddie spends the whole drive to Christopher’s bus stop hyping himself up to do it. He can do it. He’s a big, brave firefighter. He has a silver star. He’s been shot a bunch of times.
Christopher throws a half-hearted “love you!” over his shoulder as the car door slams behind him, and it’s now or never.
Eddie reaches over the console and does it: he places his hand on Buck’s thigh.
Buck’s leg flinches beneath his hand. Eddie looks over and finds him sitting ramrod straight, staring straight ahead.
Huh. He seems nervous again. Maybe he’s nervous about their first shift as a proper couple? He squeezes his thigh supportively.
“You okay over there?”
“Huh?” Buck blinks. He clears his throat. “Y-yeah. Yeah. I’m good. Why? What’s up?”
“You seem nervous. Are you nervous?”
“Um. N-no. Not nervous, exactly. I guess I’m just a little…surprised?”
“Okay,” Eddie nods, squeezing his thigh again. “Surprised about what?”
Buck swallows. “I guess I didn’t expect you to be so…tactile.”
“Oh,” Eddie frowns. That is not what he was expecting him to say. “I didn’t - - is that okay?”
“Y-yeah,” Buck says, slowly. “I just - - I guess I didn’t expect it.”
“I - - I liked holding your hand,” Eddie confesses. “That first time.”
Buck blinks at him. He blinks down at his hand on his thigh. “Oh,” he breathes. “Yeah.”
“You can…” Eddie tries. “You can touch me, too,” he says, because maybe that’s the problem. Maybe Buck isn’t sure if he’s allowed. “If you want to.”
“Oh. Yeah,” he says, like he hadn’t even thought about it. “Of course, yeah. Sorry - - I just - - I’m not used to it.”
Eddie smiles. They’re doing it. They’re figuring it out. He turns his hand palm side up on Buck’s thigh, wiggling his fingers. Buck swallows and hesitantly threads their fingers together. “It’s okay,” Eddie promises, squeezing his hand. “We’re figuring it out.”
Eddie brings Buck a coffee five minutes into their shift, delivered again with a kiss on the cheek.
“Nuh-uh!” Chimney chides, pointing at them. “No PDA in the workplace.”
“Chim,” Hen tuts, rolling her eyes. “A kiss on the cheek is sweet.”
“Disgustingly cute,” Ravi agrees, like even he is annoyed to admit it.
“You jealous, Chim?” Eddie grins. “You want a smooch on the cheek?”
Chimney grimaces. “Not with the same mouth you use to kiss Buck, I don’t, Diaz.”
Buck chokes on his coffee. Eddie wishes this were a mouth he’s used to kiss Buck.
“You should be so lucky, Chim,” he throws back, planting himself down beside Buck and reaching for his hand.
Chim sighs. “I need a team vote on hand-holding. All those in favor raise your hand.”
Everyone raises their hand, including Eddie, who raises the hand he is using to hold Buck’s. “Fine,” Chimney says. “I am but a romantic at heart. You get two kisses on the cheek per shift, and three hand holds.”
“Unlimited hand holds,” Eddie barters. “You can hold hands platonically. It’s only fair.”
“Fine,” Chimney agrees. “But I reserve the right to revoke my permission if you wield this power irresponsibly. And absolutely no footsies.” He points a finger at Buck. “No footsies, Buckley. You got it?”
Buck throws his hands up in surrender. “Why are you looking at me!”
Chimney narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously quiet. And I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all.”
Buck rolls his eyes. “I’m drinking my coffee.”
“You’re planning something devious and unsettling.”
Buck scoffs. “Thank you for my coffee, honey,” he says, leaning into Eddie and glaring at Chimney over the top of his coffee mug. “You’re the best boyfriend in the world, sweetheart.”
Eddie grins, genuinely delighted, even under the circumstances. Eddie brings their joined hands to his mouth and kisses the back of Buck’s hand.
“Okay, no!” Chimney groans. “None of that. None of any of that in the workplace. Did you even read the forms?”
Eddie shrugs. “You did say we could hold hands.”
They also definitely did not read the forms. There was a lot going on.
Chimney sighs, long-suffering. “You know what?” He says. “I actually don’t care. Just don’t make me have to do any more paperwork.”
The week continues like that. They hold hands, Eddie kisses Buck on the cheek, and increasingly notably, they don’t kiss. They still have not kissed.
Eddie is going to make a gesture. A romantic gesture that says, I would like to kiss you on the mouth, please.
A date.
A romantic one.
He asks Hen for a good date night spot, makes a reservation, and tells Buck to dress nice.
The host walks them to their table — candle-lit and private, exactly what he was hoping for. Eddie orders a bottle of wine that he can pronounce, looks down at his menu, and Buck says:
“I can’t do this.”
Eddie blinks up at him, dimly lit across the table.
“…what?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
An elevator crashes right through his heart and lands like shrapnel on the floor of his chest. “Oh,” he says. “Huh. That is - - not what I thought you were going to say.”
“I’m sorry,” Buck says, and, to his credit, he looks incredibly sorry. “I really tried. I want to, but I - - I can’t.”
Eddie can’t even say he’s surprised — not really. Who was he to think he could have something like this?
“No. No, of course. You don’t have to. I guess I kind of just assumed, didn’t I? That’s - - I’m sorry. I - - is there - - is it something specific?”
It’s embarrassing, it feels like begging, but if it’s something he can change, he’ll do it. He will. Because he knows, without a doubt in his mind, that Buck is it for him. There’s no one else.
Buck looks devastated. “It’s you, Eddie,” he manages. “I don’t know how to do this with you.”
Oh. Jesus fuck, that hurt.
“Oh. Right,” he blinks. Wow. Who knew something could hurt more than getting shot in the chest? “Okay. Can we - - we can just go back to how it was? We can still be friends?”
“I’m sorry,” Buck groans. “I didn’t mean to make it weird. I really tried to not make it weird. But you kept saying all these things, and being so…romantic, and I just - -” He huffs. “I can’t pretend with you.”
“I don’t want you to pretend,” Eddie says. He’s numb. He can’t feel his body. “I wouldn’t want that.”
Buck blinks. “Isn’t that…exactly what you want?”
Eddie frowns. “No. I - - this is my fault. I just assumed we both felt the same. I thought - - it doesn’t matter. It’s fine. I can get over it.”
He won’t, but it’s fine. It’s not Buck’s problem. He’ll deal with it.
“I’m sorry,” Buck repeats. “I wanted to help you, but I - - you get what I’m saying, right? Why I can’t?”
Eddie frowns. “Sure. You don’t want to be with me.”
Buck blinks 15 times. “…no.”
“No?”
“No. I do want to be with you.”
“Buck,” Eddie sighs. “What?”
“I…have feelings for you. Real ones.”
Eddie blinks. “I - - okay. So why are you breaking up with me?”
Buck looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Because I have real feelings, and you have pretend ones?”
Eddie scoffs. “Buck. What? I’m in love with you!”
Buck frowns. “You’re pretend in love with me. It’s a little different.”
“No,” Eddie disagrees. “I’m real in love with you. I thought you - - I told you! We’ve been - - we’ve been dating!”
Buck blinks. “Eddie. What? No. We’ve been pretend dating. We’ve been - - what do you mean you’re in love with me?”
“Oh my god,” Eddie whispers. Still, he doesn’t dare to hope. “Okay. Fuck. Hold on. Can we just - - are you breaking up with me?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know what’s happening!”
“I’m in love with you. And I thought we’d been dating, for real, since lemonade with Maddie.”
Buck gapes like a fish.
“And I am under the impression that you are breaking up with me right now because you’ve just been pretending to be in love with me.”
Buck chokes. “No!” He says. “No. I’m not - - I am in love with you. I was - - I couldn’t keep fake dating you because I’m in love with you, and it’s been killing me.”
Eddie lets out a breath. Oh, Jesus fucking christ. He’s on the verge of needing a fucking defibrillator. “So you’re not breaking up with me?”
“No! Why would I break up with you!”
“You just tried to!”
“I didn’t know we were dating!”
“Oh my god,” Eddie breathes, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m so fucking bad at this.”
“Wait. Eddie. Wait,” Buck says, hand darting out to grab Eddie’s wrist, trying to pull his hands away from his face. “What? We’ve been dating?”
“I thought so!”
“I - - oh my god. I didn’t know.”
Eddie lets out a breath. “Okay,” he says. “Okay. Let’s just - - let’s start again.”
Buck nods.
“Buck,” he says, as clearly as he can. “I am in love with you, and would like to date you, romantically. Do you also want to do that?”
Buck blinks. “Yes,” he says. “Yes, please. I’m in love with you, too.”
“Fuck,” he breathes, slouching back into his chair in relief. “Okay. Can you please never do that to me again? Or at least give me a warning next time you’re going to break up with me?”
“I’m literally never going to break up with you.”
“You did.”
“I didn’t mean to! We didn’t - - we didn’t even kiss!”
“I kissed you on the cheek!”
“I would have kissed you a lot more, Eddie. A lot more.”
“I thought you were taking it slow!”
“Why would I want to do that?? Look at you, Eddie! I mean - - obviously, if you want to take it slow, we can do that. Of course we can - -”
“I do not want to.”
Buck blinks at him. “So this whole time we could’ve been - -”
“In my defence, I have never claimed to be good at dating.”
Buck cackles a little maniacally, and, yeah, Eddie kind of feels like that, too. “That’s okay,” he says. “I’m really good at it.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “Big talk coming from a guy who didn’t even realize we were dating.”
Buck gapes. “I - - you - - I thought I just wanted it to be real so much that I was reading into it! You could’ve asked me.”
“Buck.”
“Yes, Eddie.”
“Would you please date me for real?”
Buck huffs. “Are you going to tell everyone about how I didn’t know we were dating?”
“Not if you don’t tell everyone that I made you commit HR fraud.”
“Deal,” he says. “And yes. Obviously. But thank you for using your words.”
Eddie snorts. “Thank you for not breaking up with me.”
“Eddie,” he pouts, his shoulders sagging. “You were being so nice about it.”
“Yeah, well,” he shrugs. “I want you to be happy.”
“I would never be happier without you.”
“Good,” Eddie says. “'Cause I was being brave about it, but it would’ve really fucking sucked.”
Buck grabs his hand over the table and squeezes. “You really love me, huh?”
“I really do.”
“Cool,” he whispers. “That’s - - neat.”
Eddie snorts. “Yeah,” he says. “It is.”
“Can we - - we should go home.”
“Okay. Yeah.”
“I’m going to kiss you when we get there.”
Eddie chokes. “Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.”
“I’m going to kiss you so much, Eddie.”
“Yep. Got it.”
“I don’t think you do. Like, a lot.”
“Y-yeah. Okay.”
“I have to make up for lost time.”
“Mhm.”
The waiter looks at them like they’ve lost their minds when he brings their bottle of wine, and Eddie asks for the check. Eddie could not care less.
In record time, they’re breaking out into the cool night air, hand in hand, pressed side to side.
“Are you nervous?” Buck asks.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Have you ever kissed a dude?”
“When would I have done that?”
“I don’t know. You surprise me sometimes.”
“I haven’t.”
“I’m good at it.”
“I bet.”
Buck grins. “You been thinkin’ about it? How good I am?”
“Buck.”
“I’m just sayin’. If we’d been dating for a week and you hadn’t kissed me, I would’ve been thinking about it.”
“Are you enjoying this?”
“I really am,” he grins. “You don’t need to be nervous.”
Eddie lets out a breath. “I’m not nervous.”
“You seem nervous.”
“I’m not.”
“You seem antsy.”
“Fine,” Eddie huffs, dragging him through the parking lot toward the truck. “Fine. I’m antsy.”
“Oh,” Buck grins. “You’re eager. That’s hot, Eddie.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, scrambling into the passenger seat. “Can you shut up and drive, please?”
Eddie has been very patient. Buck has no idea how patient he has been. He thinks he’s allowed to be a little eager, a little antsy. They’re going to go home, and Buck is going to kiss him.
Buck grins, planting a hand on Eddie’s thigh and squeezing. “Oh, hey,” he says, pointing into the distance. “What’s that?”
Eddie frowns, following his pointed finger out the window. It looks like a parking lot.
“What’s wh - -” he tries to ask, turning back to look at him, but he’s being kissed. Buck is kissing him. Buck is really kissing him. Eddie fucking knew this would be Buck’s domain.
Buck kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him, until, eventually, Eddie is no longer being kissed.
He blinks his eyes open. Buck is looking back at him, flushed and very pleased with himself. “Did you just… fake me out?” Eddie breathes.
“I did. Sorry. I got nervous.”
“That’s okay,” he breathes, blinking at Buck’s mouth. “You can - - you can do whatever. Uh - - whatever you want.”
Buck grins. “You, um. Liked it?”
Eddie nods, utterly dumbstruck. His brain has just - - fully stopped working.
Buck lets out a breath. “Jesus Christ, Eddie,” he whispers. “You’re gonna kill me.”
Eddie is still staring at his mouth. He has such a pretty mouth. “You have - -” he starts. “Um. Your lips are really pink. It’s pretty. I never really noticed.”
Buck’s head thunks back against the headrest.
“Oh,” Eddie breathes. “It matches your birthmark.”
“We have to go home,” Buck whispers, turning the car on and putting it into gear like they’re being chased. “Right now. We have to go right now.”
Eddie nods. He loves being at home with Buck. They can kiss at home. Buck reverses out of their parking spot and starts driving them toward home. Where they can kiss. “You’re so smart. So pretty.”
“Jesus fuck. Eddie. You have to - - you have to stop looking at me like that. Or I’m gonna cause an accident.”
“Buck?”
Buck looks over at him, lit by passing street lights, and he smiles. He’s the most beautiful thing Eddie has ever seen.
“Yeah?”
Eddie smiles, small and pleased. “I kissed a boy.”
Buck melts. He squeezes Eddie’s thigh. “You did,” he agrees.
“Guess what else?”
“What?”
“We don’t even need to fill out any HR forms.”
Buck snorts. “You’re so efficient.”
“We are. We committed fraud together, baby.”
“Like Thelma and Louise.”
Eddie snorts. “Thelma and Louise?”
“But gay.”
“Thelma and Louise is gay.”
“It’s about friendship.”
“This is making so much sense. You couldn’t have gone with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid at least?”
“I haven’t seen that. Is it gay? It sounds gay.”
“Oh my god. But you’ve seen Thelma and Louise?”
He shrugs. “I watched it with Maddie. You haven’t seen it?”
“Of course I’ve seen it. Can you drive faster?”
“That’s a very Thelma and Louise thing to say, is all I’m saying.”
“Because we’re in a car?”
“And we’re best friends.”
“We’re driving home so we can have sex.”
Buck frowns. “But I’m still your best friend, right? You’re still my best friend. I can do both.”
Eddie rolls his eyes. Buck pouts. “Yes, Buck. I haven’t found a new best friend in the last five business days.”
“That makes it sound like you’re looking for one. Don’t look for one.”
“Oh my god, Buck. I’m not going to get a new best friend.”
“I really can do both. Like, if we’re fighting, you can just ask to speak to Best Friend Buck, and I’ll tell you that your boyfriend doesn’t deserve you.”
Eddie shakes his head, endlessly endeared.
“Or I can offer boyfriend privileges while you play video games.”
“Buck.”
“A regular best friend can’t do that.”
Eddie chokes. “Can you please drive faster?”
“It’s just something to keep in mind.”
“Yeah,” Eddie says tightly. “It’s - - it’s in my mind. It’s top of mind.”
“I’m good at it.”
“Buck. Please.”
“Hey, Eddie?”
“Yes, Buck?”
“Your best friend is really proud of you for kissing a boy.”
Eddie melts. He leans across the console and presses a kiss to Buck’s cheek.
“And your HR-disclosed consensual romantic partner is really proud of you, too.”