Chapter Text
High school is painted to be some big league when you're in junior high.
This will not slide in high school. That will not be tolerated in high school.
It is all bullshit.
The cafeteria is loud, people chatting about whatever is trending and some stupid drama. The room is hot, clothing damp and bullets of sweat laying on skin uncomfortably.
Armin huffs. It is supposed to be the season of pumpkin lattes and cold weather but apparently the earth had different plans. As well as faculty. It is like both parties decided; Hey! Let's make these kids roam an oven for the sake of entertainment.
It should be wrong to even let students onto campus knowing half the A/C system isn't even working. Especially the computer lab, the overheated PCs with the shitty sun shining into the room was horrible. It fucked everyone's mood, but what could they do? Work had to be done, and the library is closed until October.
Armin throws his legs over the bright blue bench. The hard metal makes him shift uncomfortably. It's as if his bones are making contact with it. He swore he could stand up and his bones would be out for the world to see.
He places his backpack beside him, zips it open and pulls out a very flat sandwich. The lettuce slid right out and is pressed against the plastic bag.
None of this was convenient, nothing at all. Going to work later totally did not annoy him any further, nope. Not at all.
Armin finally looks up and a couple is in the corner all over each other. Tongues might as well be in each other's mouths with the disgusting way their mouths opened for a moment. Ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew!
Just disgusting.
That would not slide in high school.
Whatever.
"You look upset," Bertholdt says in his usual soft and gentle tone. "Like you're about to barf."
Armin waits for him to sit down before speaking. His eyes ripping away from the eye sore and onto his friend.
"It's just disgusting how they do that with no shame." Armin frowns.
"Hormones?" Bertholdt tilts his head.
Armin shrugs.
If that were true, Armin would have been the same when he was 15. However, he was not the same. He had acne, voice cracks and was insanely awkward that it almost pissed him off. Seriously, these kids were making fun of him for being a loser last year and now they're out here being PDA monsters. Is this junior high again?
Well, it's not like his friends are not guilty.
The PDA monsters of his friend group are not as bad; they got over the honeymoon phase. Thank you, universe.
Ymir and Historia do nothing wrong in the eyes of any of their friends. Call it favoritism but they seriously can do what they want, who cares?
Speaking of everyone else was slowly crowding the table. Body heat was not going to help anybody, but who is going to mention it when something far more important is now the topic?
"Are you guys going to Mikasa's Halloween party?" Connie asks as he places his energy drink onto the table.
Armin quirks a brow up, another party?
The table is full of agreement.
Ever since they became juniors, they have had so many parties. It was almost unreal. Yeah, live out high school with fun and friends but holy shit it feels like there is a new party every other week with his friends.
Mikasa was not the type to care for these kinds of things so to hear she is throwing a party was shocking to apparently not just Armin but also Jean who sat across from him brows knit together and lips pressed into a thin frown. He is lost in his own thoughts. Armin recognizes that face.
A Halloween party was fitting for her. Maybe it'll be a friend gathering rather than a party, parties usually had weed, shitty music and tons of people cramped into a small room.
"Is this like, a party party?" Armin finally asks.
Eren shrugs, "knowing Mikasa it'll be just us. The usual crowd."
Bertholdt shakes his head. "She invited the boxing team."
Jean tenses. Armin's eyes shoot at him. His shoulders rise and his eyebrow is raised. He is so insanely readable.
"Including Annie?" Jean asks. "The girl she is beefing with?"
Bertholdt nods.
For a split second, Jean and Armin lock eyes. A quick knowing look.
They ran through topics and Mikasa never really showed up. It was not unusual; she always ate in the fashion room since it's the only chilly room on campus usually. Not just that but also because Mikasa has been feeling a certain way when it comes to being around the friend group. She never elaborated why, she just said she feels "different" and that there is no beef with anyone. Character changes all around. Armin did not know how to feel.
The bathroom reeked of weed. The smell is so strong that it felt like getting contact high was a possibility. Not just weed but there was a hint of blueberry in the air.
Armin scrunches his nose. Weed gave you a high, you felt something, you feel either amazing or like the world is going to end when you smoke weed. While all vaping does is give you a little buzz, it has no real significance in the world. It simply makes you look like you have something going on and someone who is too scared to pick up a joint.
Performative. Armin hums, then that would make real smokers performative. Perhaps he is wrong.
He won't admit it.
Armin looks at the sharpie doodles on the stall door. Poorly drawn dicks and little notes sprawled against it.
Kiss your homie or be a super senior?
Armin reaches for the marker that sat in the water bottle pouch of his backpack. It is a silver metallic marker, quite thin but it'll do the work.
He pops the cap off the marker and adds an arrow to the thirteen other arrows around kiss your homie. He adds a little more, sloppy style, why not?
He snorts. It is so unbelievably stupid. He returns the marker to its usual spot and pulls his bag up.
Armin reaches for his name tag that sat in his work pants and clipped it onto his shirt. He walks out the stall and makes his way toward the mirror. Shoes slightly squeaking against the floor. He looks at his reflection and brushes his bangs to the side; they're starting to get in the way of his eyes again. He can trim them when he gets home.
The bathroom door swings open and a huff echoes. Armin looks at the door and Jean walks in. Upset and annoyed.
"Hey," Armin greets him like usual.
Discomfort sat at the pit of his stomach.
During their freshman year they did not have the best relationship. Jean would tease Armin for his long hair and interests. Armin would snap back at him and insult him to his face. It was a rocky start. They both can admit that. Still, that sticks with anyone. Guilt for what he has said and also resentment for what the latter has said. Armin will always wonder if Jean is only friends with him because they share many friends. He could be putting up with Armin because he feels forced to.
They never speak on their own, only in group settings. This may be the first time in a long while.
"Hi." Jean says with a bit of an awkward tone to it.
Armin looks back in the mirror; he takes a handful of his hair and ties it into a little ponytail before topping it off with his work hat.
"I was on my way out," Armin speaks carefully. "Sorry."
Jean shakes his head, "nobody is rushing you."
Armin pauses.
Okay.
That is definitely new.
Okay...
Armin looks at Jean in the mirror and nibbles his lower lip.
"Are you okay?" Armin asks with a tinge of hope that his worry did not spill out.
Jean shrugs, "I mean, Yeah? I think I'm good. I hope I'm good."
Armin furrows his brows. His lips move downward and his lips part to speak but Jean beats him to it.
"Do you have a minute to listen?"
Oh wow.
Armin did not think he would be experiencing anything new after having the same set of people around him for years.
"I have work in an hour," Armin presses his lips together. "Unless you want some ice cream to go along with whatever you want to talk about?"
Jean nods.
So, he follows Armin out the bathroom and the walk out of the hall is enough to make Armin's chest tighten.
The heat is scorching hot and Armin is sure he was going to die before he can even figure something out about Jean. What a shitty start to junior year.
"So." Jean finally speaks. "I kind of fucked up."
"What did you do?"
Jean slightly pouts. His words are quiet with a hint of flushed ears.
Armin looks ahead, heat causing waves against the pavement feet away from them. Cars zoom passed, kids in the park laugh and scream as they run around - playing tag or something. He huffs; he could feel the sweat dampen his work uniform beneath his arms. The movement was enough to make Armin uncomfortable. Maybe it was the conversation he was about to have with Jean.
"I was just thinking," Jean starts. His head is pointed down. Still, due to their significant height difference Armin can see his eyes held guilt in them. "I was kind of an asshole in the past."
Armin clicks his tongue.
"What makes you say that?" Armin asks, too scared to directly ask if he is talking about his relationship with Armin or something completely different.
Jean hums, he places both his hands on the straps of his backpack. He rubs his thumb against the padded area of the strap and gulps.
"Just- The whole Mikasa thing," Jean was finding the words to say. The way he paused gave it away. "I feel like a lot around us is changing and honestly it had me thinking. I mean, like, you know- Mikasa is trying new things, Reiner is preparing for college when he was sure he did not want to go and Eren actually talking to me. I feel like everyone is just a new person in a way?"
Armin knows exactly what he is talking about.
Reiner being one of the oldest in their friend group he would talk about taking a gap year so that he can hang out with them and go to college all together. It was stupid. Still, he had no ambitions, he did not want to do much with his life since his mom so badly wanted him to join the military for its benefits so that was exactly what he was doing. Obeying his mom like a child.
It was not until last semester when he and Bertholdt were talking at the ice cream parlor. Armin heard bits and pieces. Something about not really wanting to go to the military because he wanted to experience things before fully committing. Bertholdt mentioned doing something he actually enjoyed and that was when he proposed the idea of Reiner getting into college football. Play on a team and enjoy four years of college before deciding to listen to his mom's dreams.
He listened and he got scholarships from universities in Trost and Marley. Marley being his birthplace, he decided on going there.
Armin was happy for him of course, everyone was. The only thing was that a lot of them planned to stay in the Maria district or the Rose district. Their time together was limited. That may be the reason everyone is off right now.
As for Eren and Mikasa, Eren was never fond of Jean recently though, their arguments grew into banter, and they started hanging out more. Armin knows that Eren only tolerates Jean now because he is under the assumption that Jean apologized to him. Mikasa was still a mystery to Armin, but Jean did have a point, she was trying out something new, and he is happy she is.
"Anyway, my point is, I never apologized to you for being an ass."
Armin sighs, that was not what he wanted to hear.
"We are passed that point," Armin says flatly. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"That is the issue, Armin."
Jean stops walking, he tugs on Armin's arm forcing him to turn around face him. They stood across the street of the ice cream parlor; Armin is sure his co-worker can see the mess that is about to unfold.
"There is no issue." Armin furrows his brows and pulls his arm out of Jean's grasp.
"Armin, you avoid me. You hardly look at me, and you talk to me like that all the time." Jean's voice is so much softer compared to how he usually talks.
Jean is loud, he laughs loud, his voice is always harsh. Now, his voice is dull, quiet and only for Armin to hear.
What the hell is happening?
"Fine, if you want to talk about this, let me start." Armin huffs as he starts to walk again. "You are the biggest asshole I know, I have come to accept that you are now a part of my daily life and somewhat of a friend even though we never talk to each other. Still, I do not like you for what you did but I can admit that I do not hate you."
Armin places his thumb against the traffic light button and presses. Jean stands beside him waiting for him to finish talking.
Armin's chest tightens.
"I do not know what your issue was, but it sticks. When someone points out your biggest insecurities, it sticks. I don't hate you because you did not know."
Jean sighs, he knows Armin is right.
"Armin," he says cautiously. "I did that because I thought you were cute and finding a dude cute was so strange to me at the time."
"You sound like the forty-year-old dudes who come into my job." Armin scrunches his nose. "Are you gay?"
"What?" Jean's voice raises a pitch. "No! You do not look like a girl now."
"Now you really sound like them." Armin shakes his head with a slight laugh.
He wants the conversation over immediately.
He pulls the glass doors open and Jean follows inside. He stands on the other side of the counter and watches Armin clock in before ordering two scoops of rocky road.
The hum of the freezer buzzes into Armin's ears, it's loud and annoying. The chill that runs down his spine with the gust of wind that comes out as he opens the freezer is refreshing and exactly what he needs to take his mind off the nightmare he just lived.