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The sound of steel clashing was the only thing driving him forward.
His breaths were short, but precise, his heart pounded rapidly, sweat slid down his forehead beneath his orange and yellow strands.
His strength was relentless, his endurance seemingly endless, and the way he handled his sword bordered on perfection.
Every movement had been refined through countless hours of discipline, and every strike was executed with the confidence of someone who had won at least hundreds of encounters.
He could defeat anyone who stood in his way. Everyone… except one.
His name was Toya Aoyagi.
He used to know him. He was the son of a respectable lineage that accepted nothing less than perfection. Now, he was just his worst enemy, the last person he ever wanted to see. Someone better left buried in the past.
“What are you doing here?” Akito spat without hesitation. “I thought I made it clear you weren’t allowed to show your face in this place again.”
The other man stared at him, completely expressionless.
“I’m not going to fight you, Akito,” he said, but the way he said his damn name only made Akito want to rip that calm indifference out of him piece by piece.
“Get over here, you damn coward!” he shouted, rushing toward him with his sword in hand.
It didn’t take long for the encounter to end the same way it always did. Another loss added to his long list of so-called “battles,” if they could even be called that.
Toya held his wrists, as usual, preventing him from moving.
“I won’t rest until I’m the one who defeats you, got it?!” Akito snapped, jaw clenched.
Toya looked at him for a few more seconds.
“Whatever you say, Aki.”
He shrugged and walked away as if nothing had happened, after calling him by that specific nickname Akito absolutely despised.
The thing is… that kind of situation happened all the time.
Akito would go out on his usual patrol, run into Toya, yell every horrible thing he thought of him, and Toya would always win, but never, ever hurt him. Not truly.
Akito would curse him over and over again, swearing that next time he’d be the one to win. Toya would sometimes reply with whatever came to mind, never insulting him, and then disappear into the trees, leaving Akito talking to himself.
His birthday was no exception.
Akito had gone out for a walk after eating fluffy pancakes that a “secret admirer” had left at his door early that morning.
It was suspicious, sure, but he wasn’t about to refuse his favorite food in the world, besides, they were delicious. It had actually put him in a good mood.
It was a good day, it really was.
Then he had to ran into him.
And of course, as usual… he lost again.
“Happy birthday, Aki,” Toya said, pressing a kiss to his cheek while Akito struggled to break free.
This had to be some kind of joke, there was no way in hell it wasn’t. Toya probably enjoyed watching him drown in pure rage.
“Oh, by the way,” he added, tying his wrists with a small rope, “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast.”
Akito felt like he was about to start foaming at the mouth.
“You did that?!” he snapped, trying to bite or kick him, anything to get away. “They were probably poisoned, you piece of shit!”
Toya frowned, visibly offended.
“I would never do something like that,” he replied. “And I’m disappointed you think that of me.”
Akito glared at him with so much contempt it looked like his eyes might pop out at any second. That man, who used to be his downfall, still knew exactly how to push him to his limits.
“I hate you with every fiber of my being.”
Toya met his gaze. Then, with the calmest, most effortless voice he had, he said:
“And I love you, Akito.”
“The only thing you love is making my life miserable!” Akito shouted back immediately, gritting his teeth.
He was on the verge of losing it.
“I swear one day I’ll—!”
“Kill me?” Toya finished for him, a faint, teasing smile slipping onto his lips, lips Akito knew (used to know) far too well. “We’ll see.”
Akito let out an exaggerated groan.
“See you around, Aki,” Toya said, turning his back and walking toward the border of his kingdom. “Good luck getting free.”
“Toya!” Akito shouted after him. “Get back here and fight, you stupid coward!”
The threat sounded empty even to him, he couldn’t even grab his sword and Toya ignored him, he didn’t even glance back.
Akito wasted the next two hours of his life trying to free himself so he could grab his sword and leave already, but the knot Toya had tied seemed impossible to undo.
He thought he’d have to abandon his sword and walk home with his hands tied if it weren’t for Mizuki, who found him sometime later, and burst out laughing the moment she saw him.
She walked up to him, raising an eyebrow.
“Stop laughing and help me, will you?” Akito snapped, rolling his eyes in irritation.
Mizuki wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and decided to do as asked… or at least try.
“Damn…” she murmured, tilting their head. “He tied you up gently.”
Akito turned to stare at her.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Mizuki let out a small, amused laugh, running her fingers over the tight rope.
“Oh, come on,” she said, pulling out their sword to cut the knot. “Not just anyone could leave you like this.”
Akito frowned, anger slowly spreading through his chest.
“How do you know it was him?” he asked, rubbing his wrists once free as he picked up his weapon.
“Because he’s the only one who could bring you to your knees and then walk away like it’s nothing,” Mizuki replied, as if she were commenting on the weather or something as trivial as that.
Akito took that personally.
“Don’t say stupid things,” he warned, walking in the opposite direction Toya had taken.
Mizuki rolled her eyes.
“I was about to annihilate him,” Akito continued, unable to let it go.
“But his irresistible face distracted you?” she cut in.
Akito stopped dead in his tracks before shooting them a glare.
“Of course not!” he snapped, trying to convince himself. “That bastard just took advantage of a moment of distraction and cornered me.”
Mizuki nodded, clearly not buying it.
“Oh, forgive me,” she said in the most sarcastic tone possible. “I didn’t realize reminiscing about the good old days made you so sensitive.”
“Stop talking nonsense!” Akito snapped, heat rushing to his face. He didn’t want to figure out if it was anger or embarrassment. (It was both.)
“Anyway,” Mizuki added, adjusting the ribbon of their ponytail, “he’s still the only one who could beat you in a fight.”
That hit low. Straight to Akito’s fragile ego.
“Next time he won’t be so lucky,” he muttered through clenched teeth.
Mizuki hummed thoughtfully.
“You… or him?” she asked, crossing her arms with a smile.
“Him, damn it!” Akito replied as if it were obvious, though there was only a hint of certainty beneath all that resentment. “I won’t hold back when I see him again.”
Mizuki sighed.
“Whatever you say.”
When they reached the entrance to the kingdom, the sound of their footsteps on gravel caught An’s attention. She was on guard duty, leaning against her sword. She looked up, and when she saw Akito, disheveled, clothes wrinkled, pride clearly bruised, she raised an eyebrow.
“What happened this time?” she asked, that mix of curiosity and annoyance slipping through. “Don’t tell me you did something stupid again.”
Mizuki didn’t even let Akito speak.
“Toya beat him again,” she said, pointing at him with their thumb like he was on display.
But she barely had time to turn before Akito smacked her shoulder.
“Hey!”
An blinked once. Then again. The corner of her lips slowly curled upward until it broke into laughter.
“Seriously?! Again?!” she managed between laughs, covering her mouth.
Akito covered his ears, clearly annoyed.
“Stop yelling.”
Of course, Mizuki was laughing too now, leaning on An like this was the highlight of her day.
“It’s because I got distracted!” Akito argued, or tried to, crossing his arms sharply. “If that hadn’t happened, I would’ve taken him down.”
An stepped closer and gave him a few pats on the shoulder, not hard, but definitely condescending.
“When are you going to accept you’re still weak against Toya?” she said with a smile that was half teasing, half pity.
Akito rolled his eyes and swatted her hand away with disgust.
“Shut up, idiot. Neither of you would last ten seconds against him,” he grumbled, looking away, his pride clearly wounded.
An shrugged.
“That’s true,” she admitted easily. “Toya’s strong. Way stronger than most. I used to watch him train when he lived here. But still… all he ever does is defend himself against you.”
That made Akito frown.
“What do you mean?”
An crossed her arms, more serious now.
“Think about it, you’re always the one who goes looking for him, you provoke him, you start the fight,” she counted on her fingers. “And even then, he never actually hurts you. He’s never left a mark that didn’t heal in a few days.”
Mizuki nodded.
“And he could,” she added immediately. “You know he could.”
Silence fell heavy, almost uncomfortable, if not for the expression on Akito’s face.
“Are you saying he doesn’t take me seriously?” he asked, furious.
Mizuki shook her head.
“Quite the opposite,” she said calmly. “I think he leaves you untouched because he doesn’t want to hurt you.”
Akito let out a dry, lifeless laugh.
“That’s ridiculous. That bastard just looks down on me. Like I’m some kid throwing a tantrum.”
“Or like he’s holding back,” An murmured, almost to herself, but Akito heard her, and his glare sharpened.
An raised her hands in surrender, though her smile returned.
“Either way, it’s still more likely you and Toya end up kissing than you ever beating him in a duel.”
Mizuki nodded eagerly.
“I would’ve sworn you two kissed again if your hands hadn’t been tied,” she added, shooting An a knowing look.
“What?!” Akito snapped, heat rushing to his face again. “Where do you even get this stuff?!”
An rolled her eyes.
“Oh, please. It’s nothing you two haven’t done before,” she said casually.
Akito’s jaw tightened.
“Don’t start,” he warned, but she didn’t take him seriously. “That was in the past. And it ended for a reason.”
He looked away.
“All I want now is to destroy him,” he said, staring at the ground. “I hate him. And I don’t care about him at all.”
An didn’t respond right away.
“If that’s true…” she began, “then why are you always the one who goes looking for him?”
Akito could’ve sworn it felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him.
He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. He swallowed instead.
“Because…” he hesitated, frowning as if the answer were hidden somewhere deep within his pride. “Because he’s a damn coward who won’t show his face.”
Neither of them looked convinced. If anything, it sounded like just another one of his clumsy excuses, one he used whenever people got too close to prying into his personal life.
Akito didn’t believe it either.
But he let it slide. What mattered was convincing himself.
“Anyway…” An broke the silence again. “I’m leaving. I’m tired of covering for you while you go waste time pretending you want to fight Toya,” she said, pointing at him. “And you’re going to go look for him because he’s taking too long in the forest,” she added, turning to Mizuki.
“Whatever,” Akito muttered, rolling his eyes as he grabbed his sword. “I’m heading out too. I’ve got things to think about.”
He walked away without saying goodbye.
“By the way, happy birthday!” both of them shouted at the same time as he left.
He only nodded, lifting a hand in vague acknowledgment.
Only then did he start making his way home, exhausted, silently hoping his sister wouldn’t be there. He didn’t have the energy to deal with anything else.
He just wanted to collapse onto his bed in his wrinkled, dirty uniform and think about how pathetic he was, for acting like this, for feeling like this. Maybe he was a child throwing a tantrum.
Maybe he was just hurt.
No.
When he opened the door to his modest house, Ena was nowhere to be seen. For the first time that day, Akito smiled genuinely.
He really did hate Toya. With everything he had. It didn’t matter that he used to be the person Akito would’ve risked everything for.
Now he just wanted to see him broken, just like he had been the night Toya left.
He kept telling himself he needed to keep training if he wanted to defeat him soon. But once he threw himself face-first onto his bed, he couldn’t even bring himself to stand again.
Still… something about his friends’ words wouldn’t let him rest in peace.
Akito frowned at the thought.
Had Toya really not been fighting seriously all this time?
That single idea haunted him for the rest of the afternoon, tossing and turning restlessly. Until his sister arrived just as loud as ever, bursting into his room.
“Akito!” she called, only for her excitement to fade when she saw him ‘asleep.’
He wasn’t. He had just closed his eyes.
Ena sighed, setting what looked like a plate down on his desk before pulling one of his blankets over him.
Akito could feel her watching him. He wondered if she had already realized he was faking it.
Instead, she gently brushed his hair away from his forehead.
“Happy birthday, Akito,” she whispered before leaving.
That small, uncharacteristic gesture was enough for Akito to finally fall asleep with a bit of peace.
A peace that only lasted a single day before the incident that took place on an otherwise ordinary Tuesday.
Akito hadn’t even realized when he’d started talking about Toya. About how much he hated him. About how hard he tried at least…
“Akito.”
Shiho’s voice cut him off abruptly, not even attempting to hide her irritation.
“This is a meeting to discuss the admission requests of new knights,” she continued, frowning. “What does Aoyagi have to do with any of this?”
Silence fell instantly. No one had expected her to actually shut him down like that.
Akito froze, the words still caught in his throat, embarrassment pounding in his chest. From the other end of the table, he could hear An and Mizuki’s not-at-all subtle murmurs.
“Well…” he started, clearing his throat. “We were talking about new recruits. I’m just saying they should take this seriously, and… and he’s the perfect example of what not to do.”
It didn’t come out the way he wanted. Everything about it felt forced, painful to watch, even for himself. He felt secondhand embarrassment for his own words.
Tsukasa cleared his throat awkwardly, shifting in his seat.
“Yeah, but Toya isn’t here anymore,” he said, avoiding eye contact.
“I know that!” Akito snapped, slamming his hand against the table before he could stop himself.
The sound echoed sharply through the room, making everyone flinch. He took a deep breath, straightening in his seat, trying to regain composure.
“But he’s still a traitor,” he added, colder now, though the slight tremor in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “And I hate him, so you should too.”
That was enough to make the entire room uncomfortable. The tension was thick, so much so it felt like it could be cut with any of the swords present.
“Akito,” Shiho spoke again, standing up. “If you can’t separate your personal issues from your work, then you should leave.”
Akito frowned.
“It’s not personal. He doesn’t matter to me at all!” he shouted back, frustrated.
“Leave,” she repeated, firmer this time.
Akito shoved his chair back, grabbed his sword, and headed for the exit.
“I’m not some failure who can’t handle rejection, got it?!” he shouted over his shoulder before storming out.
The room fell silent as they watched him leave, muttering under his breath.
Akito didn’t stop walking until he had crossed beyond the kingdom walls, leaving everything behind. He needed space. He needed noise, not that suffocating silence filled with judging looks and stifled laughter.
Toya was the traitor. He was the one who left. The one who abandoned him.
And yet somehow, Akito was always the problem.
“I’m not some failure who can’t handle rejection!”
He wasn’t. He wasn’t. He wasn’t.
He repeated it over and over, trying to erase the words burned into his mind. His own words.
Akito had every right to be angry, not hurt. Because he didn’t care. He wasn’t supposed to care.
He needed to stop thinking about him. Stop talking about him. He needed to fill that empty space with something else because his absence was destroying him and he hated himself for it.
Toya should’ve never been that important. He should’ve never met him.
If that had been the case, everything around him would’ve been nothing, ashes, emptiness.
He couldn’t stand him, he hated him, just hearing his name made his blood boil. He had to end him, destroy him, erase him completely from his miserable life.
And then everything would finally be different.
“You damn idiot!” he shouted, but he didn’t even know if he was talking to Toya or to himself.
What he felt for him had to be hatred. It had to be a desperate need to destroy him, to end everything they had once started.
He had to let go of those absurd memories that had been tormenting him ever since the day Toya left.
He wanted to rip his heart out, burn his mind to ashes until nothing remained no memories, no unbearable feeling of having been truly seen for the first time.
Toya had never shown any regret.
Everything they had shared had probably been nothing more than a minor misstep in the path of his perfect life.
And even now, he kept playing with him, just like he did when they crossed swords face to face. He had never taken him seriously. Akito had always been something he could leave behind without a second thought.
He clenched his jaw.
Toya was still playing with him. Just like when their swords clashed, pushing him further with that unbearable calm that shattered his ego. Always above him, untouchable, unscathed.
Not a single tear in his cape, not even a single scratch on his armor.
And Akito?
He had probably been the only one who thought what they had was real, something that couldn’t be so easily broken.
To Toya, everything they had lived through had been nothing more than an immature dream.
To Akito…
It had been everything. It still was everything.
And that was exactly why it was so unbearable, because maybe they had never been on the same page.
Maybe they had never felt the same. Maybe it had never been real.
The wind stirred the leaves above him. Akito lowered his gaze, his breathing still uneven.
“It was never real,” he repeated, as if saying it enough times could make it true.
And yet, he still remembered his words, the ones that echoed in his mind like a cruel, vivid memory.
“Akito, you’re the best partner I could ever ask for.”
He had said it without hesitation, looking straight into his eyes one random night after training, lying on the soft grass beneath the stars.
The thought pierced straight through his heart. If none of it had been real… then why?
“It wasn’t real,” he said again, struggling to breathe.
The snap of a branch made him tense.
Akito’s head shot up. The forest was too quiet under the moonlight. He couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t do anything.
His hand instinctively went to the hilt of his sword, but his heart already knew before his mind did.
A silhouette emerged from between the trees, impeccable and serene. Exactly the same as yesterday.
The same as every day since he left.
“Akito.”
He called his name, just his name and for a second, neither of them moved.
Everything Akito had been screaming, denying, burying inside himself got stuck in his throat.
There he was, the real Toya Aoyagi. His one and only, just a few steps away.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
That was enough, it had been enough for a long time. The blood rushed to his head in a single heartbeat. He didn’t hesitate and he didn’t falter.
There was nothing else, not even space to think about the words still burning in his chest.
“Shut up!” he snapped, unsheathing his sword with a sharp, violent metallic sound, just like the storm raging inside him.
He lunged, the steel clashed like thunder through the forest and Toya barely had time to react, so the impact forced him a step back, then another, his boots dragging across the damp earth as he absorbed the blow.
Akito didn’t give him a second to breathe. He attacked again and again, like he was trying to silence the noise in his own head with every strike. Each thrust carried more than just the technique he had spent countless sleepless nights perfecting.
“How dare you come back?!” he shouted, bringing his blade down in a sharp arc that Toya blocked purely on instinct. The clash sent a shiver through the leaves above them, the sound echoing in the stillness of the forest.
Toya clenched his teeth, his grip tightening around the hilt under the pressure.
“Akito, wait—!”
“Shut up, you idiot!”
The fury he had held back for months burst out all at once, like poisonous thorns spreading through his sword and his voice. He struck again, and though Toya managed to deflect the blow, the impact ran through his entire arm, tearing his armor for the first time.
Akito didn’t stop. His eyes burned, not looking at an enemy, but at something far worse, like he had never been able to let go of and had rooted itself deep in his soul.
“Fight me properly!” he demanded, driving his blade straight toward him.
Toya barely blocked it in time, the edge of his weapon scraped, cracking slightly under the force.
The distance between them was barely enough to breathe, and still, Akito didn’t pull back. Instead, he leaned closer, shouting straight at him.
“You lying piece of shit! Everything that ever came out of your mouth was a lie!” His voice broke under the weight of it, raw and unfiltered.
Toya didn’t answer, too focused on holding him back. That only made it worse.
“I hate you!” Akito insisted, almost desperate for it to sound convincing. “Do you hear me? I hate you!”
His hands trembled, fighting against the slickness of sweat threatening to make his grip slip. He leaned in even more, jaw tight.
“I can’t stand you,” he added, like venom spilling from his lips. “I hate everything about you. I wish I didn’t even have eyes, so I’d never have to see your stupid face again.”
It still wasn’t enough.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” Akito shouted, his throat burning. “The only thing I should’ve ever felt for you from the beginning was hate!”
Toya absorbed every word in silence, his brows furrowing, his jaw tightening. Akito could see it, he could see the way he refused to interrupt him, the way his breathing grew uneven. He was suffocating him.
“I’m going to end you, you bastard. And you’ll regret the day you met me for the rest of eternity!” Akito spat, every ounce of his rage fueled by the emptiness in his chest.
The silence that followed was unbearable because of them could move forward, but neither could step back either, the tension held them in place, locked together.
Akito felt like he couldn’t take it anymore.
“You’re a mistake,” he finally muttered, holding his gaze. “That’s what you are, the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
Toya’s eyes widened, his breath catching as he held back a sigh. His breathing faltered, and his fingers still gripping his weapon against Akito’s lost strength for a fraction of a second.
For someone like Akito, that was more than enough. He tore himself free with a sharp pull, twisting his body with force and shoving Toya just enough to break their contact and gain space.
Toya didn’t react in time. He lost his balance instantly, stumbling before falling backward, the impact against the damp grass knocking the air out of his lungs.
Before he could recover, Akito was already on top of him, both knees pressed firmly against his sides, pinning him in place and the tip of his sword came down without hesitation, stopping just beneath Toya’s jaw.
A single centimeter separated them from something irreversible, from crossing a line neither of them could come back from.
“Don’t you dare move,” Akito warned, his gaze filled with pure contempt.
Toya obeyed, his weapon had fallen to the side, untouched, and his hands rested near Akito’s knees. Akito’s breathing was still ragged, chest rising and falling sharply.
And then, for the first time, he really looked at him through the fury.
He noticed the faint cut along his left cheek, fresh blood slowly trailing down. The grass tangled in his hair. Toya looked nothing like how he had looked the night he left. And his eyes, those gray eyes, still exactly the same, still fixed on him as if nothing else in the world existed.
As if there had never been anything else but him.
That only made Akito angrier.
“Why aren’t you fighting back?!” he demanded, leaning closer until the space between them nearly vanished, the tip of his blade threatening his throat. “Do it! Defend yourself for once!”
A thin line of blood slid downward, warm against the cold steel and colder words.
Toya didn’t move. His expression tightened slightly, a restrained pain that wasn’t just physical and his breathing was uneven, but his hands stayed still. He accepted it.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he finally murmured, voice low, like his throat was slowly closing in on itself.
Akito clenched his teeth.
“Shut up,” he snapped, his words sharpened by blind hatred.
Toya swallowed, his chest rising and falling with difficulty, he didn’t seem afraid of the blade at his throat but his pulse was racing.
“If I wanted to beat you…” he continued, never breaking eye contact, “I wouldn’t be down here.”
Akito let out a bitter laugh, disbelief laced through it.
“So you’re still going to act like a self-centered idiot even while I’m threatening to kill you?”
“No,” Toya replied immediately, his eyes glistened, tears finally gathering. “It was never that. I’ve never wanted to fight you. I’ve never wanted to win against you.”
Akito shut his eyes tightly, as if he could erase the image in front of him, as if he wasn’t looking at the same Toya who had once held him so gently, with promises that felt eternal.
He couldn’t feel pity. He shouldn’t.
Toya hadn’t shown him any that night, the night he left him behind with unfinished words and a silence that hurt more than any goodbye.
He had walked away like he wasn’t leaving anything behind. Like Akito had been nothing.
“I hate you,” he murmured again, opening his eyes, but this time it sounded different, like a plea.
It carried every sleepless night, every desperate attempt to convince himself those words were real, every afternoon spent in the forest trying to believe he had truly hated him, trying to be the person he was supposed to become after being left alone with a shattered heart by the one person he needed the most.
That was why he had to hate him.
Because loving him felt like punishment, like a sin, or something that should have always been forbidden but that somehow they had made work.
Toya held his gaze.
Then, slowly, his trembling hand reached up toward Akito’s face. For a second, Akito thought he would finally strike back, but instead his fingers stopped at his cheek, holding him gently, just like he used to. Like he was his.
“And I love you.”
He was still his.
Those words might have been nothing more than a whisper the wind would carry away, lost to nostalgia and grief if it weren’t for the fact that Akito had yearned for an answer like that.
He slapped Toya’s hand away, grabbing his wrist so he wouldn’t reach for him again.
“Shut up,” he ordered. “Don’t you dare say that like you know what it means to love someone.”
Toya obeyed and said nothing else, but he didn’t try to run either, he didn’t resist.
“You disgust me,” Akito continued, though at the distance between them it was impossible not to feel the tremor beneath his words. “Always so calm, so composed, like nothing ever gets to you.”
His grip on the sword trembled, but he didn’t pull away.
“You lied to me and you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said, tears finally slipping down his face. “You made me believe I meant something to you, and then you left!”
Toya still didn’t fight back, and yet, his eyes kept pleading for forgiveness.
Akito pressed his free hand against Toya’s throat, just beneath the blade.
“Get angry at me,” he demanded, voice breaking. “Let me hate you!”
“You can hate me for the rest of your life if you want,” Toya replied, struggling to breathe, “but that won’t make me stop loving you.”
Akito’s grip faltered at his words, his strength slipping away piece by piece.
“And if you don’t kill me today… then I’ll come back tomorrow and let you try again,” Toya continued, “I deserve more than death for leaving you.”
“Damn it—!” Akito cried out in frustration, throwing his sword away and hating himself for freeing him when he had been so close to destroying him.
He buried his face in his hands as the tears finally spilled freely, his body trembling. He was still straddling Toya, who remained lying there on the damp grass.
Slowly, Toya sat up, bringing them impossibly close again in the position they were in. He hesitated before saying it, before using that same soft, sickeningly sweet nickname.
“Aki…” he murmured, reaching for him again.
“Don’t touch me,” Akito snapped, turning his head away.
Toya pulled his hand back, but didn’t look away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to end like this,” he said, guilt spilling out in every word. “I didn’t want to make you cry again.”
Akito looked up at him, eyes red and glassy.
“Well, you’re terrible at not doing things you don’t want to do,” he shot back, leaning in slightly, his breath brushing against Toya’s. “You always end up doing them anyway.”
Toya swallowed, and for the first time since all of this started, he couldn’t hold his gaze.
“Aki…” he began again. “There hasn’t been a single day I didn’t want to see you again.”
Akito tensed.
“I hate that stupid nickname,” he cut him off immediately, as if that was the worst offense of all.
Toya blinked, confused and a little embarrassed.
“Sorry… I thought you liked it.”
Akito rolled his eyes, though his jaw was too tight to seem indifferent.
“Yeah, maybe I did,” he admitted, like it was something he regretted. “But that was before.”
He shoved him lightly in the chest, not enough to knock him over, just enough to put distance between them.
“Before you abandoned me, idiot.”
Toya didn’t try to justify himself and didn’t offer excuses he knew Akito wouldn’t accept.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m an idiot,” he said, completely sincere.
Akito had already been ready to argue.
“I was a fool, a complete idiot,” Toya continued, cutting him off before he could start.
Akito might have laughed at the fact that Toya never used insults if he wasn’t, quite literally, right there in front of him.
“I abandoned the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said, his voice unsteady. “I abandoned you.”
His hand hesitated before reaching for Akito’s.
“I should’ve left everything behind,” he confessed, raw regret bleeding through every word. “I should’ve chosen to stay with you, even if the world fell apart.”
Akito stopped breathing for a second. It was everything he had wanted to hear since the day Toya left, he hated that he was hearing it now.
“That’s enough,” he said, but there was no conviction behind it.
Toya took a deep breath, like speaking itself hurt.
“I was a coward,” he admitted without hesitation. “And you’re still the most wonderful person I’ve ever met.”
Akito felt like he might actually collapse, Toya still knew exactly where to press to corner him, how to make him lose control, how to tear down the fragile facade he had built in seconds.
They both knew they were only one step away from falling again.
“Shut up. I don’t need you insulting yourself,” Akito muttered, their lips dangerously close. “That’s my job, idiot.”
“Akito… if I could ask for one last thing before you kill me…” Toya said, his gaze dropping to his lips. “It would be to kiss you again.”
Akito looked away, incredulous.
“You’re insane if you think I’d give you that.”
Toya didn’t argue though, he had expected the rejection.
“Are you even hearing yourself?” Akito continued, like Toya had completely lost his mind. “You show up, accept that I want to kill you, and then ask to kiss me as a last wish? What kind of stupidity is that?”
Toya smiled faintly, not mocking him.
“I’m an idiot when it comes to you.”
“Shut up,” Akito hissed, trying to make his anger outweigh the urge to give in.
Silence fell between them.
Toya kept watching him carefully, studying every shift in his expression. Akito sighed before looking back at him.
“I’m not going to kill you, idiot, not even when I have you like this so stop talking like this is some tragic love story,” he said, annoyed but the confession was still there.
Toya didn’t argue.
“You’re a bastard, Toya Aoyagi,” Akito muttered again, jaw tight. “Always asking for things you know I won’t be able to refuse, you’re selfish, shameless and unfair.”
Toya nodded to every word.
“I feel sorry for you, so do whatever you want,” Akito added, like he didn’t care when in reality, he was still debating whether he should have allowed this at all.
That was enough for Toya.
All those months of waiting, of longing, of holding back collapsed into nothing the moment Toya closed the distance and kissed him again.
Akito was stiff at first, fighting himself, trying not to respond.
Toya kissed him like it might be the last thing he ever did, as if even if Akito drove a sword through him after this, it would still be worth it.
When they pulled apart, Akito was glaring at him, pretending he regretted it.
“Stupid egocentric bastard,” he muttered. “Always saying exactly what I want to hear when it’s already too late.”
“You’re right,” Toya said quietly. “I am,” he didn’t argue, he never did.
“You’re pathetic,” Akito shot back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “And I told you to stop insulting yourself. That’s my job.”
“Sorry, Akito…” Toya corrected himself quickly.
They fell into silence again, one searching for flaws that weren’t there, the other simply staying.
“I should go,” Akito muttered, almost getting up only for Toya to grab his wrist gently.
“Don’t go.”
That was enough to break him again.
“You’re so unfair,” Akito choked out, tears welling up once more. “Why say that now? Why not before?”
Toya didn’t hesitate this time, he pulled him into an awkward embrace, wrapping his arms around him without expecting anything in return.
“Because I was a coward,” he said.
Akito hit his shoulder weakly before clutching onto his cape.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Toya repeated, running his hand through his orange hair. “I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I don’t want to make you cry again.”
“Then stop apologizing,” Akito muttered against his chest. “Do something, Toya, anything.”
So Toya just held him tighter, resting his chin on his head.
“Akito… I want to be with you. I want to fight by your side, not against you.”
Akito didn’t respond, he only held on tighter.
“I don’t want to be your enemy,” Toya continued, his voice breaking. “I want to be someone you can rely on again.”
Akito pulled back suddenly to look at him. Because that, those words, that was his Toya.
Right there. Looking at him like a lost puppy in the rain.
Akito’s breathing was uneven. He didn’t know if this was real, if it wasn’t just another joke that fed his delusions.
“Say that again,” he demanded, wiping his eyes roughly.
Toya blinked, but obeyed.
“I don’t want to be your enemy, Akito, I never did, and I still want to be someone you can rely on. I know it’s selfish to say this now… but I can’t keep living like this.”
“Do you really mean that?” Akito asked quietly.
Toya’s hand returned to his cheek.
“Of course I do.”
Akito nodded slowly.
Their faces were still so close, sharing the same air, heavy with everything they had been, everything they were, and everything they still didn’t know how to be.
“Akito…” Toya whispered, right against his lips. “I love you.”
Akito’s heart stuttered just once but it was enough, he didn’t answer.
He just stayed there, trying to make sure this was real, that Toya was real, that those words were more than lies.
And then— Akito did something unthinkable.
He closed the distance between them and kissed him, but not out of impulse and neither out of anger. Not as something he would regret.
It was soft and careful, as if his body still remembered Toya and their lips still fit together as if they had always belonged that way.
He kissed him knowing exactly what it meant: The past, the pain and the risk of getting hurt again. He poured everything into it, his fear, his longing, his vulnerability, the emptiness Toya had left behind.
Because no matter how much he tried to deny it Toya had always been his only weakness and his greatest truth.
They pulled apart slowly, as if remembering the world around them.
“Akito… please let me come back home with you.”