Chapter Text
Derek
All I could feel was dread I could smell the blood from the body infront of me, Boyd's blood, the same blood that now tainted my hands while I stared at them. I can't move I don't wanna look behind me and look at the faces of the rest, pity, anger, disappointment. I know I have failed, for gods sake I have failed Boyd and Erica two kids who trusted me, a trust I didn't deserve.
I'm so caught up in my guilt that I don't see him approach me until he has knelt beside me. Softly he tries to call for my attention, but I don't anwser or even akknowledge it.
"Hey Der"Stiles tries again, this time grabbing my shoulder. I look at him as if even the slightest movement could exaust the little energy I have left.
I don't know what he sees in my eyes, but he grabs my arm carefully and says calmy, "come on, lets get you somewhere safe"
I don't stop him when he pulls me up, taking most of my weight or after, when he leads me with a hand in my low back and the other one in my arm.
I look at the floor feeling the stares of the rest, making me wanna cry and just hide, I have to go somewhere, anywhere else.
Before I can realise what is happening I hear the click of the door of stiles jeep and he is encouraging me to get in. I slide in and let my head lay against the window.
Stiles drives in silence looking casually from time to time, but I really just want to fade and stop feeling, stop the train of thoughts that's drowning me.
How many people have died because of me, my family, my friend paige, my sister, two innocent teenagers who only wanted to be taken care off. The list of people I have failed to is becoming to long to breathe.
The jeep suddenly stops and stiles gets out, opening my door. He takes my hand to get me out and leads me into his house.
I cannot feel another heart beat which isn't weird as the sheriff lives practically at the office with the deputy shortage after all of the murders.
I am still looking anywhere but my bloodied hands when we reach his room.
He lets go of my hand and grabs a towel and some baggy clothes. I don't move I just keep staring at the same spot.
Stiles seems to notice cause he gets infront of me and grabs once again my arm.
He doesn't seem to mind all the manhandling that he is having to do, and he does it with the natural ease that only a natural caregiver can have.
He looks at me with soft understanding eyes and gets me to the bathroom setting the clothes and towel in the cabinet next to the tub.
He turns and says " get clean up, take the time you need, I will be making dinner downstairs so tell me if you need anything"
No, no he cannot leave, he cannot leave me, please, I can't think I cannot move properly, I don't know what to do, im not the alpha that can lead I cannot even lead myself, I cannot keep anyone safe.
I look at him but I cannot tell him, I have this big lump in my throat that keeps me silenced while I feel my eyes water.
He looks at me back with confusion, probably because I haven't moved from where he left me, but then realisation washes over him and comes closer.
"Do you need help?", "do you want me to stay?"
I suddenly feel embarrased, I'm a grown man, I should be perfectly able to deal with this, Boyd is not the first person I have failed I should be able to put myself together.
But instead, I just look to the floor, not meeting his eyes.
He steps closer and cup my hands in his,"it's okay, I can help, let me take care of this"
He sits me in the toilet and start filling the tub while I just look at him.
Once it's read, he helps me undress with naturality, as if this was normal, and helps me into the clean water. I pull my knees to my chest and he kneels by the side of the tub.
He grabs a wet cloth and cups my hands, softly wiping all the blood, the blood of an innocent. I stared at the bloddy water tears gathering at the corner of my eyes while my mind spirals. But stiles touches my cheek with his finger making me come back and look at him, he just smiles softly, lingering his finger on my cheek for a couple of seconds.
He finishes and moves to my hair which is sticky with blood and mud. He sits at the edge of the tub and starts massaging my scalp with champu and rinsing it from time to time while humming a soft tune.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, feeling inexplicably safe, letting my eyes close, knowing I was not alone, even if it was just temporary.
Once it's done he wraps me in the towel, and I suddenly feel a little bit self concious. He must have noticed cause he touches my forhead with his finger saying, " it's okay sourwolf, you would have done the same for me if it was the other way around" and I could'nt deny it cause it was true, he might not be officially from my pack, choosing to stay by Scott's side but I trusted him, he had always come back for me when I was stranded in a fight and just for that he had earned my care and trust. Not that it was much, taking into account everyone I care for ended up dead if I'm honest.
I dress myself with little help and watch as my hands get completly covered by the sleeves. God, I normally would'nt notice but I can't help but realise how much stiles had grown up, he was tall now and wasn't just skin and bone.
All done, we go downstairs and I sit at the kitchen table while he mades some pasta. Dinner, I have to admit it was really good, and though I really could'nt stomach much, he did'nt seem to care.
We go to his room feeling really tired and I can feel my eyes starting to feel heavy when he says " we can share the bed as it is big enough or i can go and sleep in the couch, don't worry"
" no, please, it's okay" and it comes a little bit more soft than what I intended.
With that, we settle on the bed and he turns off the lights with a soft good night. I try to anwser, but everyting feels heavy, and I fall into a heavy sleep.
Stiles
I wake up to movement by my side, Derek has ended up cuddling me, hiding his face in the crook of my neck, curled up in a ball, he is whimpering, probably some type of nightmare, god, he looks so vulnerable I just want to wrap him in my arms and make sure nothing harms him ever again, so that's what I do, hugging him completly while I whisper soothing words in his ear. He starts to calm down and just curles up even closer , craving contact. I wonder if someone has realised how touch starve he is, or even if he even acknowledges it
While I pet his hair absentmindently, I cannot help but appreciate how small he looks, not physically, although curling into a ball kinda gives that effect, but emotionally, he looked so hopeless and I imagine how he was before the fire, before he had the pressure of being an alpha that was never meant to be his.
He looks calm and I have to admit, safety suits him, he keeps letting little sighs out and pressing closer and I just wish I could take all the pressure and responsability from him.
And with that thought I drift to sleep.