Archive of Our Own

21:15. An hour and 45 minutes into Yachiyo’s stream. For the fourth day in a row, I was skipping on my oshi’s stream - and worse, her weekly mini-live. But I had a solid reason: following two programs at once, then researching what I’d need for our goal. Today, though, I heard my phone beep more than usual.

The least I could do was tune in and say hello. I take my smart contacts and earbuds out, and as soon as I switch to my still-anonymous alt, open a hover tab straight to her stream.

Today’s stream is gameplay of 5-star Wonder!, a new user-made game in which you make a menu by slicing the right ingredients dropped through a waterfall. Yachiyo was wearing her gorgeous sporty outfit for the occasion, and her sense of rhythm made her gameplay truly beautiful to behold. Her chat, however, hadn’t missed the fact no one would want to eat her finished… products.

“Oho… I got five stars in efficiency!” The round was over, and her dessert turned out to be fish and rice, served in watermelon rinds, with honey and chili flakes on top. The rest of the menu somehow looked even more disgusting. Yachiyo must have been rage-baiting the chat, and looked pretty while doing it. A perfect segue to a multiplayer round with the assistance of the main promoter of the game, Tsukuyomi’s #1 cooking streamer. But right before starting, Yachiyo Backstory time!

“Alas, alas! One at the mercy of the seas as I am could only make a poor judge of taste. So many fish I never got to taste, so many flavors lost to time that I cannot describe…” All true, and even though most of us dismiss it as fluff, it really is tragic… “Even if I could taste, I’m afraid I would have taste buds too far gone for you.”

Yachiyo would never eat anything. Tsukuyomi’s food has no taste for anyone, no matter how realistic it is, but as an AI, its guardian could always have generated a description of taste that’d fool most of us. That said, earlier this week, creators known for their unorthodox peripherals made a prototype for a fake tongue able to profile flavor, and together with it, a tongue coater letting you “replay” the taste if you attached the data to Tsukuyomi’s dishes. Yachiyo could probably piggyback off of that embedded data for perfect accuracy, but she would still lack a way to feel the tastes as we would.

“But, Kometo, shouldn’t I have earned some stars for making a healthy meal~”

“Good food is food you’ll want to eat,” replied Yachiyo’s streaming guest and gaming host, “and no true 5-star chef would sacrifice taste for the sake of a healthy meal! So please forgive me, Yachiyo, but I cannot in good faith grant you stars for it!”

“Waow, so full of care for your patrons~ I hope all you gods and goddesses out there are taking that to heart and eating yummy and healthy food in your real life as well★”

Critical hit! I could never resist her, but with the chef giving her and her fans all the tips they’d need for a good dinner, in and out of Tsukuyomi, her chat was successfully baited into talking about their habits and how to improve them.

That segment was practically meant for me.

"Sorry, I got carried away," I said out loud. “I’ll go make dinner now!” It was always reassuring to know that she cared about me, but I also didn't want her to feel so responsible for my bad habits, nor to express them in chat and risk being scolded in front of everyone, so I hope she was listening…

I quickly save and close all my work, bookmark all the promising articles I dug up but didn't read yet, and take my laptop straight to the kitchen.

I put Kaguya's cookbook aside - the amount of time her recipes require just wouldn't fly after putting off my meal for so long. And while I would be perfectly fine with bland pasta or instant ramen, Yachiyo had me covered. "Five new important messages," claimed the Tsukuyomi companion app's notification.

In reality, three of them were links to quick recipe shorts; two promotional shorts for 5-star Wonder!, covering easy staples for beginners to cooking that would also score decently well in the game, and the latest entry in Mami’s gourmet-level cooking hacks series. The fourth read "if you try one of these today, let me know what they taste like <3", denying me a chance to tell her not to worry so much about me.

The fifth, immediately after, was a sticker of her doing the exact face I never managed to say no to… And she constantly commissions new sticker sets, with that expression as the only one included in all of them! How am I supposed to not fall in love all over again every time?!

I send a heart emoji back before taking a closer look at the recipes, but my decision was pretty much already made. Mami's cooking hacks were always a safe bet, and I figured I’d have everything needed already. As it turns out, the ingredient list was a fit so perfect I am starting to suspect she’s making some of these videos with me in mind. The moment I let Yachiyo know I'm on it, she sends a GIF of herself jumping in joy. I love her so much…

Onto the recipe! Mami was more of a gourmet than a chef, but even she can’t constantly be on the hunt for restaurants. That series was made out of recipes she’d use when not going out to eat something new, and her needs there lined up with mine; fast recipes with readily available ingredients, that don’t require filling up half the dishwasher afterwards.

Kaguya’s recipe book was, for the most part, the complete opposite. It had a story progression to it — meats would be followed by soup, and ingredients used in small amounts would never get used just once. If she could, she would prepare feasts worthy of kings every evening. But when I’m cooking for myself, I can’t justify that amount of care. It remains there as a memento, stuffed with a selection of handwritten ones she left behind shortly before leaving for the moon.

Mami’s new soup called for natto, mushrooms and okra, all of which I had on hand. With all out of the pantry, it was time to get the heat on. And while the stove works its magic, I put the stream back on the tablet I keep in the living area. Smart contacts were impressive, but I still found it more natural to look at a screen, and hear the sound coming from it. My eyes were still glued on Yachiyo, though. Enough to make me dash to my pot.

A reckless pour and a few pinches of my own spice mix later, and I was right back to telling chat about how awesome Yachiyo is for encouraging me to eat better. “Amazing! Enjoy your meal!” She picked up on it even while juggling a giant wooden spoon and a katana-style stainless steel knife.

Another round of gushy praise for Yachiyo’s kindness. The filters on her chat were advanced enough to block marriage proposals, and challenging her for her hand in marriage was not a feature. But I wonder how many would try their luck if given the chance.

Natto might have been a mistake. I bought some knowing it was an acquired taste, with encouragement from Mami, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get used to it. I come back to chat defeated, but everyone decides to take sides on the topic instead of simply moving on. Nope, I’m not going to keep it going.

Suddenly, my phone rings with another system message on my main account. “I’m glad you’re finally taking a break, Iroha!”

I know she can’t help but worry, but I’m fine, really. I hope she was having fun, at least, and wasn’t spending that entire stream hoping her elaborate plan would work. I move to the sofa, putting the tablet on the coffee table and focusing on my laptop; she’s never too busy for my messages, even during streams.

I drag the bookmark in the message box of our private messaging app and keep typing. “Do you think we could use that tongue as a base to get you a working one?”

This early on, I felt like my duty was finding leads, then asking her if it was worth pursuing deeper.

“I’ve contacted the two behind it to see if they could make a standard for Tsukuyomi! Let me handle this, you’re already busy enough.”

Any creator standing out in Tsukuyomi would be noticed by its admin before long, so of course she’d be on the case. The ghostly digital songstress, builder of the world’s most played game, loved across the globe, running servers in secret locations and paying people through a parallel banking system she built herself… was being evasive with her answers!

“Not a lot of people are working on it so it was a big surprise to me.

I’ll look into it if we can connect that profiler directly to a brain, it’d save us a lot of time”

“Ohh, wait, wait! I have a fun surprise for you~”

Right as I read that, a popup asking me if I wanted our custom messaging app to have camera access.

“Don’t worry, that’s part of it! And so is the next one!”

With two extra permissions granted, my smart contacts asked for one more: video recording. I hope this is going where I think it is...

As soon as I accepted, blue sparkles appeared next to the coffee table. I turn my head and the sparkles start coalescing into a bright blue light, slowly stretching from the floor to form the shape of a woman.

“Ta-da!” A Yachiyo hologram. In front of my eyes. My open eyes! “This was harder to get working than I thought, but I shooould be able to move around the cameras’ range without issues!”

“Wait, where’s your voice coming from?” Not my earbuds for sure; I took one out since I almost couldn’t hear her, and lowered the tablet’s volume, but her voice still seemed to come from where she was standing.

“We have the home cinema!.” I push the laptop back on the table to give her a wider range, and she takes the chance to walk around. “It’s not perfect, but that’s pretty good, right? My voice can feel like it comes from the entire room, and with the three cameras, I can move well enough!”

“Were you always able to do this?”

"I’ve been doing my part too, you know! Depth perception’s much harder for me outside of Tsukuyomi, so I’ve been working on perceiving it before you can recreate it.”

“How do you work in there anyway? Do you rely on coordinates only?”

“Mhm! It’s easier that way, and the only other body I’ve used has eyes all over, so I was kind of used to it… But for projection, I get your laptop and tablet’s cameras, and your smart contacts!”

Right as she said that, she sat down on the couch and clipped through one of the cushions. As soon as I noticed, she adjusted to it, but still seemed slightly off.

“Can you not sit down properly like that? You’re moving like you aren’t sitting on anything.”

“I’m showing this off in an early stage, so I’m not too good at judging depth yet… but eventually, I’ll make it look natural!”

Imperfections aside, she was there, in front of me, and happy about it… I thought I got used to it, but now my main concern was not rubbing the tears of joy away — I can’t accidentally remove my contacts, she needs the vision from them to make things easier!

“Yachiyo… you’re so awesome…” I may be stuck looking at her, but it’s not like I’d complain. As amazing as getting to see her in Tsukuyomi was, there really is nothing quite like real life.

She leans towards me and tries to reach for my hand, but pulls it back at the last second. I don’t know what to read into her hesitation, so I ask. “Do you mind if i try holding you?”

“I don’t think it’ll work, Iroha. But… if you want to, I’d love it.” I am so lucky…!

As she moves her sleeves out of the way — probably to make sure I don’t clip into them — I lean towards her, and move in very slowly. I am as delicate as I can be, in fear she would dissipate like smoke if I were to touch where she was supposed to be too abruptly. And where I relied on my brain to fill in the blanks in Tsukuyomi, nothing happened. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t hold her properly.

It was either an awkward floating hug, or my arms clipping into her body, which she’d adjust around after a bit, but never perfectly.

The illusion was broken.

Hugs in VR were so much easier. Everything was, really, and I think by design. If I needed a large, clear space to be able to play any of Tsukuyomi's games, I would never have given it the time of day. Instead, all I needed was small, intuitive gestures. The animation system was so advanced, you didn't need to be precise; embraces too loose or too tight would still be recognized as hugs, and I would still feel something, even without touch.

Augmented reality was a different story. Yachiyo was right in front of my eyes. And as advanced as smart contacts and grip controllers were, reality offered unparalleled control over my body. This should have been easy.

But the woman in front of me, the woman I love, gave her all to appear before me, and I couldn’t hug her. I tried holding her as well as I could, but there was no feedback. I needed to get this right!

Too tight. Too loose. I try harder and harder to make it feel natural, and my uncertainty only makes me shake.

"Iroha…"

"I'll get it right!"

This is the closest to a real hug we've had in almost two years. No, for her, it has been over eight thousand years. I can't…

I was crying.

I love her so much. She has done so much to make me happy. She endured for thousands of years, only to see me again, and was still ready to let go of me if I didn’t want her. But I want her to be happy. I want us to be happy.

"I'm sorry, Yachiyo…"

She was so close. And I couldn’t do anything. To think this is how she must’ve felt every day for millennia…

"Iroha… I'm still happy. Thank you for trying so hard."

Her voice was as soothing as ever. And yet I can't bring myself to look up. I don’t want to even risk seeing that sad look in her eyes.

"I'm not giving up on getting you a body." I grab onto our octopus plushie - the real, physical one - so I can still hug something of hers.

"I'll work as hard as I can, from sunrise to sunset, until you…"

"No, no, wait! That's not what I want!"

I didn't stop to think about that, I only…

"I want the opposite of that! You're overworking yourself again, and… And I…"

Deep down, eight thousand years of uncertainty didn't manage to change her. There was nothing more admirable to her than her resolve.

"I want to spend as much time as I can with you!"

I wanted that too.

"I'm sorry, Yachiyo." I tried to stay strong. "I've been trying to catch up, but…"

Saying I was catching up wasn't right. I value our time together as it is, but I swore I'd be the one to make it better.

"Iroha, I try not to worry too much now, but you've been taking things too far!" Her protesting came through at a much higher volume than the stream I still had on in the background, but I didn't have the courage to face her projection. Was I being scolded, or was she crying the same tears as when we met again?

"You're smart, you're headstrong, but you need to pace yourself like everyone else!" Nope, as deserved as it is, she's definitely throwing a tantrum. "If having a body means that you have to wake up tired, or that you feel weak because you skipped on meals, then I don't want one! And I mean it!"

I know she understands how hard I've been working, but I am also ashamed that it meant I didn't give her my best self. So even without her solemn tone, I couldn’t bring myself to look back up at her.

"Yachiyo… I'm still so afraid of never getting to hold you again." I reach deep down, trying to find my indignation as an excuse. "Sharing the joy feels so hollow when you can't feel it, or taste it for yourself…"

"I love you as much as the whole world, Iroha." I just know she was smiling when saying that. "So even if I can't feel your warmth, or taste pancakes with you, I'm happy." Her voice started breaking. "You mean more to me than I can express, so it hurts when you push yourself like that," she sobbed. "You're pushing yourself too hard, and when I think about when it'll catch up to you, I… Please, Iroha… Take care of yourself."

"I will. I promise."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!"

I sat there for what feels like ages, clinging to her streaming voice that, while on low volume, didn't seem as distraught. I really hope I didn't cause her too much stress.

"I think I have an idea for a smaller project first."

The idea was right in my arms this whole time. This plushie of Yachiyo's signature octopus was the solution.

"I can't make you a human body yet, but we don’t have to start with that, right?"

A plan starts taking shape in my mind, and with it, I let a smile replace my moping face. The kind of smile fitting for a mad scientist, my brother would say, but I wipe my tears and turn towards Yachiyo's hologram. She looks stunning as ever. But she also looks stunned, for once. I can't tell if she's worried about me doubling down or disoriented by my fast recovery, so I go on.

"The goal is still recreating a human body as capable of movement and perception as anyone else, of course. But I need to take my time with it, and we'll have to fill the pages until our happy ending somehow, right?"

No one would suspect that Yachiyo was entertaining a large audience of fans while consoling a fresh university student, who was desperately trying to bring her into the real world, but I swear I could hear a slight change in her voice. It felt brighter, all as her face in front of me also lightened up.

"So, here's my idea; we can work our way up to a perfect human body, but to get there, we collaborate on smaller machines you could still control!"

"Yay, yay, yay, yayyy!!!! I mean- No, no, no, no!!!!" Her concern came back at the forefront as quickly as I motivated myself, huh. "You're already doing too much! You can't give yourself more to do right after I get you to slow down for the first time in a week, that's no good!" Despite her concern in front of me, her streaming voice remained upbeat. Maybe, for better or for worse, the two weren't linked.

"I'll take it slow on this one, I promise. But please, isn’t it a good idea? Knowing what you can work with in advance would make my life so much easier…"

"Well…" Please, please, please tell me it’d work. I've been so fixated on the human model, and all the ways to recreate human senses for you, but I want to hold you in my arms now. I want you to see the world for yourself again now. I want you to taste the foods you loved so much now. I saw but a glimpse of your 8000 years, and I still want to do everything I can to make it worth it. Please…

"I can control a sea bunny's body easily, so a simpler machine of our own design should be a piece of cake. But by sensors, do you mean a controller…?"

Aha! I'm a bit ashamed of not thinking about it sooner, but she already sees where I'm going with this!

"If we took one of those plushies and stuffed it with a board, small cameras, tactile sensors and maybe some motors…" Embedded devices were one of the things I looked into during my free time, so more and more ideas for implementation came to mind, but I could tell by her face there was a problem.

"One thing at a time, Iroha! You're already giving yourself too much work again!" Ah, I think I know where she learned that demanding pout from…

I didn't want it to seem selfish. I may have dazzled my mother and the teachers who asked with all the noble reasons for my lofty goals, but I really wouldn't have considered it if Yachiyo didn't need help.

"Well… I do want to hug you as soon as possible, you know…"

"As long as your health comes first, the feeling's mutual~"

I try to not blush, but inevitably crack. I don't have anything left to hide from her there, anyway. I didn't refuse to marry her when she asked. And even if eight thousand years made her forget her proposal, she had front seats to it last year.

I should ask for her hand in marriage myself, just to be sure. I want to, but I need to find the right time for it. I want it to be our happiest moment, but-

"We can try with this one," she said, pointing at the octopus I was hugging, and making hers jump in joy at the same time. The only plushie I added to her massive collection, and one her avatar already controlled, would make a poetic first test subject of sorts.

The cheerful streaming voice I had filtered out was in full force in front of me, and pulled me back to reality. Right. One thing at a time, like she said.

"But only if you do it at a reasonable pace! And take a few days slow to rest, too! You've got years ahead of yourself, and you shouldn't burn them all so early!"

She's right. Beyond the little hacks I just thought of, I wouldn't be able to get much equipment before my doctorate, which is still at minimum… Oh, crap. That's not what she means! I've been working extra hard to make sure we can reunite in the real world as soon as possible, but she really does intend to live with me forever!!!

"I… I will."

I didn't have more words. It was silly of me to not put two and two together sooner. She's been constantly worried that I'd die on her, but even at my worst, I figured I'd just recover and get back to how things were before.

"Yachiyo… I want to spend as many of my days with you as I can." Relax, Iroha. You got this. "Will you…" Wait, wait, wait! Not like that! You got this some other time! "…help me take it slow?"

I was just telling myself I'd wait, and I still nearly took that chance. Maybe I should have. But I'll try to make sure I get as many opportunities as possible.

"I didn't think, before, about how long I wanted to live… I went through the motions, day after day, and it took you showing up to make me understand how much I was skipping on. You saw the beauty in the world that I couldn't. So when I learned you had been partially cut off for eight thousand years, I refused to let it go on for even one more."

"I waited for so long because I knew I'd get to see you again, Iroha…" Ah, there she goes crying. And with her octopus too, which I don't think will be replicable any time soon. "Your passion, your drive, your strength… It's all as beautiful as you are. But I… I'll miss you when you're gone. A lot."

"Thank you…" I couldn't understand just how different time was to her. But that only made me treasure it more.

"That's why… even if it means I don't get to hold your hand again, I don't want you to die working, please!" Gah, too cute! Too cute for something this heavy!

"I-I understand now! I'll take my breaks, I promise! Please don't cry!"

I instinctively tried to reach for her hands, and immediately got hit by reality - or her lack thereof. No, no, I need to shake off that urge to knock myself out working on a plan…

Instead, I just hold the plushie tighter. Let it go a little bit, sniffle, and gently pat its top. I want to show her that as long as we're together, one way or another, we'll get it right.

"I'll not try to force things anymore, I promise… but I still want to be closer to you. We'll get our happy ending, and our happily ever after. One day, we'll both be beautiful old ladies looking after each other, even!" I didn't think before blurting that out. But it got her laughing, and I couldn't have asked for better.

I really want to lift as much off of her shoulders as I can, even though she won't mention how heavy it feels. What I once thought was a running gag in her streams was actually something she was very worried about. All my assurances that I didn't care, that our ages weren't comparable, that I still remember changing her diapers… none of that ever got the melancholy, the fear of a chance forever lost, out of her eyes.

But right now, it was gone. Tears shed in fear of my death were being pushed down by ones hoping for the best future we could make together. And to me, that future was me and her, happily ever after.