Work Text:
1
Cens 4 as long as they have hollanov @cens4everish 🔁 Hockey Island @hockeyisland
Nooooo my unproblematic hockey player why are you being problematic
Hollander on pay disparity question: “It’s stupid.”
amy watches hockey @amywatcheshockey
Replying to @cens4everish
Did you watch the video?
Cens 4 as long as they have hollanov @cens4everish
Why would I watch the video?amy watches hockey @amywatcheshockey
it’s clickbait just watch the fucking video
[Video of a media scrum after an Ottawa vs Toronto game. Hollander looks happy but exhausted.]
Reporter 1: What are your thoughts on the recent pay disparity discussions coming out of women’s hockey?
Hollander: It’s stupid.
Reporter 2: Are you saying—
Hollander: There are at least two women playing professional hockey in Canada who have better aim than I do, and at least four who have better aim than Rozanov. And Charlotte Boseau is the best goalie in the world right now. Why are we debating whether we should pay them more? Fuck, let them play in the NHL if they want to. The whole thing is stupid.
Reporter 1: Are you saying you think women should play in the NHL?
Hollander: Look, I want to play hockey against the best, and I think people should be paid what they’re worth, and I don’t care what—
[Hollander gestures awkwardly at his body]
Hollander: —whatever. Does someone want to ask me about the hockey game that just finished?
Cens 4 as long as they have hollanov @cens4everish
okay hockey boy i forgive you
2
Posted 4 hours ago
[Video of a coffee shop. The video, shot from close enough that we can hear the audio, is focused on a teenage girl as she walks over towards a man sitting at one of the tables in the corner. He is wearing sunglasses even though he is inside, and he’s looking at his phone.]
Girl: You’re, uh.
[The man looks up. It is Shane Hollander, with a very blank expression]
Girl: You’re Shane Hollander, right?
Hollander: Yeah?
[He sort of smiles, but not like he means it.]
Girl: Sorry to be weird, but I just wanted to thank you for what you said. About, uh. About women playing hockey.
[He blinks at her, and the smile turns a little more natural.]
Hollander: You’re welcome?
Girl: Sorry, I just—
Hollander: Do you play?
Girl: Yeah. Centre. I’m uh. Playing for Canada in the U18 Women’s World Championship this year. Er. Next year.
[Hollander looks genuinely excited for the first time. He takes off his sunglasses.]
Hollander: Congratulations! What’s your name?
Girl: Madeleine Aubin.
Hollander: From Abitibi-Témiscamingue, right?
Madeleine: Yeah, I’m from Ville-Marie. You know who I am?
Hollander: I know most of the players on our national teams. Hockey teams. I couldn’t tell you who plays cricket for Canada. You should work on your passing.
[Madeleine flinches.]
Madeleine: Oh—
Hollander: Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You have a great backhand, but you rely on it too much, so you miss passes because you’re trying to set up so you can shoot from your backhand. Once you get more comfortable switching from forehand to backhand quickly, and shooting forehand, your passing will improve.
Madeleine: Oh. Yeah, my coach has been on me about that for a while, but I just…am not as good with my forehand.
Hollander: You won’t get much better if you refuse to shoot with it.
[Madeleine laughs.]
Madeleine: Fair. Anyway, sorry to bother you, I just really wanted to say thanks. It’s really rare to hear male hockey players say that we’d be good enough to play in the NHL. Not me, but. Women.
Hollander: You’re better than a lot of the guys who are going to be picked in the next draft, and if you improve your passing, it’ll be most of them.
[The door to the coffee shop opens behind the camera with the sound of a bell.]
Voice in the background: Is that Rose Landry—
nwhlwatcher 3 hours
the fact that The Shane Hollander not only knows women’s hockey players but has seen enough to give her feedback on her playing 😭
cregg 14 mins
You know the video is fake right?nwhlwatcher 13 mins
It’s not, I saw people talking about it when it happenedcregg 7 mins
I mean there’s no way Shane Hollander actually gives a shit about women’s hockey it was obviously staged. Like why is someone filming it?Sarahdine 4 mins
noooomisshockey now
don’t do performative allyship gay hockey man
3
Video from the Let Them Play Charity Event: Unstoppable Force Meets Immovable Object
[Video is of Shane Hollander shooting against a goalie, shooutout–style. They are almost perfectly matched. He scores one, they save one, he scores one, they save one.
Someone off-camera is counting under their breath: 18, 19, 20, 21….
At thirty, they both stop, breathing hard. Hollander takes off his helmet, and his gloves, and the goalie does too, revealing a white woman in her late twenties or early thirties.
They shake hands.]
Hollander: Split the donation?
Boseau: Câlice. Split the donation, but you owe me a drink.
Rozanov (somewhere off-screen): No flirting with my husband!
Boseau: Losers don’t get to tell me what to do!
[Rozanov skates over, wrapping a possessive arm around Hollander’s waist.]
Rozanov: You saved one more goal of mine.
Hollander: And this is why I have more Cups than you.
[Boseau laughs, while Rozanov pouts at Hollander until Hollander turns and obligingly lets Rozanov plant a loud kiss on his lips.]
4
[Video of a media following an Ottawa vs Tampa game. Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov are standing next to each other. Rozanov has the start of a bruise on his face.]
Reporter: Last month a video went viral of you meeting Madeleine Aubin. Some people saying that the video was staged. Do you have any comment on the accusation?
Hollander: Why would anyone think it was staged?
Reporter: The fact that you were able to list that much information about a women’s U18 player off the top of your head—
Hollander: You’re a sports reporter, do you not know our U18 national team players?
Reporter: This isn’t about me. People are asking when you would have had time to watch Aubin play enough to know that about her passing—
Hollander: Flights.
Reporter: What?
Hollander: Flights.
Reporter: What?
Hollander: I take a lot of flights.
Reporter: You watch women’s hockey on flights?
Hollander: I watch a variety of hockey on flights.
Rozanov: It’s true.
Reporter: Why are you watching hockey on flights?
Hollander: When else do I have time?
Rozanov: When he’s not on flights he’s busy.
Hollander: Rozanov—
Rozanov (helpfully): With me.
Hollander: Ilya—
Rozanov (more helpfully): In our bed.
[Hollander slaps a hand over Rozanov’s mouth. Rozanov pushes it down.]
Rozanov (innocently): We are resting, of course. Recovering for the next game. What did you think I was saying?
Ottawa Media Manager: Okay let’s wrap this up.