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Fount carefully shut the door behind him, as if there were anyone around to bother with his noise. There wasn’t, but it was almost comforting to pretend there was.
The knife in his hands wasn't quite sharp, but it did exactly what it needed to.
Sitting down on the floor, he glared at his reflection in the blade. He looked like a complete mess.
Whatever.
He pressed the blade up against his arm, pressing as hard as possible, pulling it across his wrist, over and over until it bled. And then over again until there were cuts all the way up to his elbow.
It hurt.
It really hurt.
He bit his lip, trying to keep down a whine.
This was what he deserved. It was all he deserved and it didn't matter what he wanted and it's not like it would really matter if he bled out on the floor right now. Right? Right.
Fount stared at the small puddle of his own blood on the floor. It was still running down his left wrist, dripping more onto the tile.
Why was he like this?!
He covered his face, not caring for the blood he got on his cheek. He just wanted it to stop.
All of it.
Just.
stop.
There was no real reason for him to be here, right? Sure, he was supposed to be the Fount of Knowledge, but he’s practically failed at that anyway. What else is there for him to do?
“Well, this is just great,” he said to the empty room, standing up to grab the small damp towel he’d left on the counter. It instantly bloomed a dark blue as he began to clean up the blood off the floor, then on his own arm with the remaining clean parts.
There was no use in cleaning himself up, really. He’d just end up doing it again. Still, having dried blood all over your wrist wasn’t a good feeling either. It was… better than leaving it.
After cleaning his face off, he finally pulled his sleeve down, pushing himself on the counter. It felt like he was going to pass out, but that didn’t matter.
Maybe he could just go write.
He nudged open the door to his room, settling down at his desk and pulling out the supplies he had, sparing a glance at the calendar.
Hm. Healer was supposed to come over later today. That’d be nice.
It's not like he'd deserve to have him around anyways.
Whatever. For now, he'd just write for a bit until he—
“Fount! …Are you here?!”
Oh. He was…early.
“I'm coming?!”
He slid out of his chair, nearly tripping over his robes as he stumbled through a portal, only to get surprised by Healer immediately kissing him on the cheek.
“I missed you.” Healer set his staff to the side, leaning it against the wall.
“Missed you too, orchid.”
Healer chuckled, laying his head on Fount's shoulder as Fount grabbed both of his hands, hoping he wouldn't notice he was injured.
He'd always seemed to be able to sense when someone was hurt. Fount didn't know if it was magic or what, but it clearly served him to be able to know.
“Are you alright?” Healer asked, tilting his head, “You seem… awfully quiet.”
“Hm? I'm fine. I've just… had a lot to do lately.”
Healer kissed him on the cheek once again.
Fount chuckled “I love you…”
“I love you too, starlight,” Healer muttered, leaning back onto Fount’s shoulder.
“...I still have some writing I need to do, though.”
Healer nestled further into his shoulder.
“Though, you can still sit on my bed, you know. I was hoping to finish before you got here…”
Healer pulled back, smiling, “I don’t mind waiting.”
“I know you don’t,” Fount replied, “but I do.”
Fount drew a portal in the air beside them both, the small lights inside shimmering like the stars in the night sky.
“Would you like to go through a portal for once?” Fount asked, beginning to step toward it.
Healer turned toward the stairs, grabbing his staff, “Not a chance. I’ll see you up there, okay? It’s just a few minutes.”
“Alright…”
Fount stepped through the portal, letting out a sigh as he landed back on the other side. Healer didn’t notice.
Or maybe he didn’t care.
Either way, it didn’t matter. For Healer’s sake, it was better if he hadn’t.
It's not like he'd want to know his partner was a freak who couldn't handle his emotions without covering himself in blood.
He glanced at the mirror. He'd broken it a while ago, though he and Healer eventually repaired it together. The cracks were still visible across the glass, seeming to fall directly over his face every time he looked at it.
He moved back into his chair just as Healed opened the door, sitting down on his bed.
The two of them simply sat there until the sun went down, resulting in Healer practically forcing Fount to get in the bed.
“Alright, alright!” Fount chuckled as Healer forced him down, “I'll go to sleep.”
Healer smiled, “Good.” He laid down on Fount's chest, allowing Fount to wrap his arms around him.
A few minutes passed before Healer said something once again.
“You know I can tell you're hurt, right?”
“...what?”
Healer grabbed Fount’s wrist, probably as gently as possible, though it still earned a small whine before Fount forced it down. Healer immediately pulled back, clearly thinking he’d done something to hurt him, though he continued to persist about it.
“Let me check it. Please?”
Fount just stared at him, not sure whether to accept or scream and shove him off.
He wasn't supposed to know. He wasn't—he'd hate him. He'd hate him for lying to him and for even doing this in the first place and for being so pathetic and useless and—
“Fount?”
“...I—I guess.”
Healer stood up, grabbing his orchid staff while Fount rolled up his sleeve, trying to look away as Healer ran his hands over the cuts, his hands shaking as he healed them.
As soon as Healer finished Fount pulled his hand back.
“Uhm— thank you,” he muttered.
“...did you do that to yourself?” Healer asked, clearly on the verge of tears.
Shit. Fount hoped he’d think he just got scratched up on something, or that it was the fault of someone else. Not that he didn’t think Healer could figure it out, but…
Fount attempted to keep his voice steady as he replied, “Yea. I—guess I did.”
Healer practically immediately threw his arms around him without a word.
“Hey—! Hey. I'm okay, alright? I'll… figure all this out. Eventually.”
Healer sniffled, his grip on Fount tightening.
“...why?”
How was he supposed to answer that?
…
“I don't…know.”
Fount hated seeing Healer so upset. He was clearly trying, and failing to keep himself from crying. It was worse than him just— screaming at him. Or leaving and never coming back. He shouldn't—he shouldn't worry about him.
Then why give him a reason to?
Fount sighed, wrapping his arms around Healer as he ran his hands through his hair, the same way Healer did when he was trying to comfort him, “Healer. I— I can't promise you I won't do it again, but I'll… try to be better. For both of us. Okay?”
“Please.”
“I promise, okay? We can talk more about it in the morning, just…let’s go to bed now, okay?”
Fount gently pulled Healer down with him, Healer still gripping onto him as if he’d die the moment he let go as they snuggled into each other.
Maybe things would be okay.
Or maybe they wouldn’t.
It didn’t matter if they had each other, right?
right.