Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jackie had technically known Shane Hollander longer than she’d known her husband. She had been twenty and so over midterm season and she and Chelsea and Olivia were determined to get wasted and dance until they forgot all about Psych 401. They ordered a round of tequila shots, and Jackie looked around in hopes of catching the eye of a man who might step in and pay for three pretty young college girls’ drinks. She was a student and it’s called budgeting. 

But instead of an eager, leering stranger, Jackie looked up and found herself face to face with Shane Hollander. He was two seasons into his career and already the best thing that had happened to Montreal hockey in living memory. He was no older than herself, but he was a god in the city.

“Holy shit, you’re Shane Hollander!” Jackie had basically yelled it at him, but the bar was loud enough that no one looked around. Shane blinked at her, looking almost frightened before he arranged his face into a polite, flat smile. Jackie decided that Hollander was even cuter in person than he was on the TV broadcasts, and bigger, too. “I’m Jackie,” she said, and she held her hand out, which was probably not what you were supposed to do when you ran into a hot, rich hockey superstar at the bar. She should have touched his forearm or twirled her hair, but Shane Hollander seemed perfectly content with a handshake. 

“Hi, Jackie,” he said. He didn’t make eye contact for long, instead opting to look over her head at the TV, which was now playing the Bears-Admirals highlights. 

“Shane!” A loud, solid shape ran into Shane’s side and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I thought you were getting a drink. Come on, let’s– Oh. Hi.” The new guy was shorter than Shane by a couple of inches and there was no hesitation or forced-politeness in the smile that he gave Jackie. 

All thoughts of Shane Hollander’s handsome face and broad shoulders and awkward demeanour left Jackie’s mind when she saw Hayden Pike. He didn’t look away from her to watch Ilya Rozanov taunt the Admirals bench after a goal. He leapt right into offering Jackie a drink and then he asked her to dance. Hayden’s green eyes, brighter than her own, were trained on her for the rest of the night and much of the following morning. 

*

Because he was Hayden’s best friend, Shane Hollander became one of Jackie’s best friends. He was the best man at their wedding. He brought matching stuffed lambs over the day the twins arrived home from the hospital. He was kind, quiet, secretly funny, and one of the best people Jackie knew. And he was so, so single. 

Which is why Jackie almost screamed with excitement the day Hayden arrived home from a mid-October practice and– after greeting the kids and kissing Jackie on the cheek– told her quietly that Shane was texting a girl.  

Immediately, Jackie insisted that Hayden tell Jackie everything he knew about this mystery woman who had Shane smiling at his phone after practice. The comprehensive list was as follows: 

Her name is Lily. 

Lily makes Shane smile at his phone. 

It wasn’t much to go off, but Jackie was determined to learn every single thing about this girl. She wanted to be Lily’s best friend one day. “Hayden,” she said that night after the kids had been put to bed, “without prying or making Shane uncomfortable, I need you to find out literally every little possible detail you can about Lily, okay? I know he’s a hockey player, and this could just be some fling, but it’s Shane. He’s so insanely private that I didn’t even know he gave his phone number out to anyone at all.” 

Hayden agreed. “He’s my best friend,” he said confidently. “He’ll spill the beans.” 

*

Shane did not, in fact, spill any beans. Shane never bit on any of Hayden’s leading questions and, true to form, he changed the subject any time girls came up. Months later, Jackie and Hayden’s list of what they knew about Lily had not grown much: 

Lily makes Shane blush at his phone. 

Lily does not live in Montreal. 

The last point was an educated guess on Hayden’s part, based on texts he had seen over Shane’s shoulder to the effect of ‘it’s not that cold here’ and ‘not all of us live in friendly Canada’. Lily’s location was finally updated one day with an excited phone call from Hayden. 

“How’s Boston?” Jackie asked as she answered her phone, setting the kids’ snacks into the fridge. 

“Lily’s here!” Hayden cried.

“What!” Jackie gasped, freezing in the kitchen. “Now? She’s with you guys right now?”

“Oh, no, sorry,” Hayden said. “She’s just in Boston. I think she lives here. This is the second time in a row Shane’s slipped away when we’re here, all excited about something. And today, I saw him text her a ‘see you soon’, so I’m positive now. Lily lives in Boston.” 

Jackie squealed with excitement and then sighed. “Damn, that must be hard for them. Long distance sucks.” 

“I know,” Hayden agreed. “I can barely handle being away from you for a week.” Jackie smiled to herself. 

“You don’t think she’s a Bears fan, do you?” 

“God, I hope not,” Hayden said. “Shane does always play well against Boston, though. I assumed that had more to do with hating Rozanov, but maybe he’s trying to win his girl over.” 

Lily lives in Boston.

*

By spring of 2015, their list had hardly expanded. Shane’s phone lighting up with a ‘morning’ notification in the midst of Voyageur’s end-of-season party had Hayden and Jackie doing some time zone math that resulted in them deciding that Lily was definitely not spending her summer in Boston. 

In the fall, Hayden caught Shane googling the safety features of an expensive Lamborghini, which Shane explained away with “my friend’s thinking of getting one” in that trademark Shane voice that made it very clear which friend he meant. 

Lily summers in Europe.

Lily likes fast cars.

*

“Shane just left to meet his Lily,” Hayden told Jackie over the phone from his Boston hotel room. It was the fall of 2016 and Jackie was exhausted. Being a mother of three with a husband who spent half of the year on the road was not for the faint of heart. Hayden had arranged for her favourite sandwich to be delivered for lunch that day, and she had nearly cried when she’d finally found time to eat it, well after three in the afternoon. “I teased him about it and he acted like I was a cop interrogating him.” Hayden laughed as Jackie hummed. 

She had been working on a theory. Nothing concrete, nothing official that could be added to their list just yet. But… Shane was just such a sweetheart, and so handsome, and girls all over Montreal would kill for a second glance from him. Only, Shane didn’t seem to give any girls a first glance, in Jackie’s observations. He was respectful of women to the point of near-indifference. And that didn’t mean anything… it didn’t! It wasn’t impossible, though. 

“You don’t think Shane’s… no,” Hayden cut himself off. “Nah. He wouldn’t.” 

“Wouldn’t what?” Jackie asked sharply. If Hayden also had suspicions that Shane was gay, she wanted to know, and she wanted to know that her husband would be nothing but supportive of his best friend if so. 

“I mean, I get wanting to be private when you’re so high-profile, but the secrecy is a bit over the top, right?” Hayden said. “Do you think Shane could be, like …seeing a married woman?” 

Jackie almost laughed “No, I don’t think that. It’s possible, but it doesn’t feel like Shane’s style.” She shrugged. “Maybe she’s famous and wants to keep a low profile!” 

Hours later, Jackie received a series of worried texts from Hayden when Shane returned to their hotel room with shining eyes and a new shirt.

Lily and Shane are serious enough that he keeps clothes at hers.

Lily and Shane may have broken up.

*

“You were right!” Hayden beamed when he showed Jackie the photos of Shane with Rose Landry. “Lily is famous!”

“Lily… Rose…,” Jackie rolled her eyes. “Flowers! That’s sort of adorable.” 

Jackie and Hayden struggled slightly with the timeline– Shane and Lily had been texting for a long time, which meant that Shane had secretly known Rose Landry for much longer than anyone had realized. Hayden concluded that they’d met at some event, like an awards show or a charity gala, and that they both wanted to keep things casual and lowkey for as long as possible. 

And that brief period after Shane had returned to the Boston hotel room frantic and upset and unwilling to discuss anything? That must have been the result of their decision to take things public. It was like Shane to panic about that sort of thing. 

“Does Rose Landry have any connection to Boston?” Jackie frowned, checking Rose’s iMDB page for the hundredth time that day. “I guess some of that mobster series was filmed there…” 

“Bingo!” Hayden said. “Lily is Rose Landry.” 

Lily and Shane have NOT broken up.

Lily is Rose Landry.

*

Lily was not Rose Landry. Hayden was the first to notice it, because he was both nosy and a good friend. 

“I saw him looking through his chat with Lily before the game,” Hayden said to Jackie as he patted a sleeping Arthur on the back and muted the TV, which was replaying that week’s MLH highlights. “And then a text from Rose came in.” 

“Fuck,” Jackie said. “Shane wouldn’t be stupid enough to cheat on Rose Landry, would he?” 

“No, I don’t think he and Lily are talking anymore. I think he was just… looking. Reminiscing, I guess.” 

“Oh,” Jackie said. Her heart sank for Shane, and then for Lily. “Poor Lily. She and Shane kept everything so private and now, bam! He’s on the cover of Us Weekly with a movie star on his arm. She must feel like shit.” 

On the TV, Ilya Rozanov threw a hit that had the Bears fans on their feet and earned himself a game misconduct penalty. 

“I like Rose,” Hayden said quietly, a trace of guilt in his voice. “The two times I’ve met her, she’s been really cool and everything.” 

“But…?”

“But he doesn’t smile at his phone anymore,” Hayden shrugged. 

Lily and Shane have definitely broken up.

Lily is NOT Rose Landry.

*

“Lily’s back!” Hayden practically yelled when he walked into the house. Jackie was three months pregnant and had just got Arthur down for a nap and all she wanted was a quiet afternoon. 

“Shh!” She hissed from the couch. Hayden had the good sense to apologize quietly and lean down to kiss her. “Wait, Lily’s back?” Jackie sat up and stared at Hayden. “Since when?” 

“Since after practice, when Shane Hollander nearly walked into a pole in the hallway because he was smiling at his phone.” 

Jackie considered this. “You don’t think it could be someone new?” 

Hayden shook his head. “No, it was his Lily smile.” 

“Wow,” Jackie said. “He rebounded with a movie star and Lily still took him back.” 

“Forgiving,” Hayden observed. 

“Or maybe Shane is completely at her mercy and couldn’t live without her and had to grovel to get her back,” Jackie offered. “Powerful woman.” Or man, but she kept that to herself for now. 

Lily is very forgiving and/or totally irresistible to Shane. 

*

Jackie, now only a month away from her fourth (and final, they had decided) due date, stroked Hayden’s hair as they lay in bed. 

“We’re fucked,” Hayden concluded. Jackie privately agreed. Her husband and his teammates were talented and would put up a good fight, but the Montreal Voyageurs were not going to win a Stanley Cup with Shane Hollander out of the line-up. 

“You never know,” she said. “Anything can happen in the playoffs.” Hayden snorted at that. 

“It’s fine,” he sighed. “What matters most is that Shane’s okay.” 

“How was he?”

“Loopy,” Hayden laughed. “He kept giggling.” 

“They should keep him on that stuff. He’s going to mope around all summer with his arm in a sling.” Jackie could picture Shane pacing away the entire off-season, blaming himself for the Voyageurs inevitable first-round exit. 

“I asked about Lily,” Hayden carried on. “Just once, ‘cause it felt unfair to press it while he was high.” 

“And?” Jackie asked. “What did he say?”

“She visited him,” Hayden grinned. “I asked him if he’d texted Boston Lily to let her know he was okay, and he got all flustered and smiley and said Lily had been there but had to rush back to Boston. He got quiet after, so I changed the subject, but… she’s flying in from Boston just to check in on him. That’s not casual.” 

“No, it is not,” Jackie agreed. 

Lily and Shane are not casual. 

“Oh, and apparently Rozanov stopped by,” Hayden said, looking up at Jackie. “I missed him, but Yuna said he came to check in on Shane, on behalf of the Bears organization or whatever.”

“That’s nice of him,” Jackie said. “I thought he hated Shane.” 

“He does, I bet,” Hayden grumbled. “I hope the nurses didn’t leave them alone together. Rozanov could have smothered Shane in his sleep.” Jackie snorted. 

“Hayden.”

“I’m serious. You saw how he was practically running interference when the medics were trying to help Shane on the ice.” He shook his head. “There’s something wrong with that guy.” 

*

Hayden hung up the phone and came to sit with Jackie and baby Amber on the patio, the summer sun finally starting to dip towards evening. He was stiff and awkward as he took a seat, glancing at Jackie as if he didn’t know what to say. 

“Is Shane okay?” Jackie prompted. “What’s up?”

“I, uh,” Hayden started. He scratched the back of his neck. “I think Lily’s at the cottage.” Jackie perked up. 

“Wow! Shit, Hayden, he must be serious serious about her.” 

“Swear jar,” Hayden said gleefully. Jackie rolled her eyes. 

“Did he tell you anything else?”

“He didn’t tell me anything. I think I may have called at a bad time.” Hayden’s mouth twisted into a smile that was halfway between amusement and discomfort. “I think when Shane picked up they were… busy? And Lily, uh, wasn’t hitting pause.” Jackie’s eyes widened. 

“Shane!” Jackie gasped, keeping her voice low so that she wouldn’t disturb the baby. “I didn’t know he had that in him.”

“I know!” 

Lily summers at Shane’s cottage. (+ Shane might be kind of freaky?)

*

Shane never told Hayden that he was officially in a relationship, but there was something undeniably different about him when the following season rolled around. He was still Shane: serious on the outside, fun with the kids, polite and warm and a little awkward. But the ever-present tension in his shoulders seemed to have relaxed by some small degree. 

“She’s good for him,” Hayden said. “He needs to lock her down and move her up to Montreal.” Jackie reminded him that Lily might have a life and a career of her own in Boston, and that Shane’s high-profile job didn’t automatically mean that Lily should give it all up for him. Privately, she still wondered if there was another, more complicated reason that Shane and Lily were so private, a very specific reason why only a handful of Voyageurs were even aware of Lily’s existence.

All season long, Jackie barely added to her list of what she knew about Lily. Two cigarette butts on Shane’s balcony and a flat of Coca Cola in Shane’s fridge and a pair of ridiculously expensive cufflinks that appeared after Christmas gave Jackie and Hayden the following:

Lily smokes. 

Lily drinks Coke. 

Lily is rich and has expensive taste. 

It was late the following August, at the tail end of JJ’s birthday party, when they finally got something interesting. 

Shane was a little drunk. He didn’t drink often, but he had agreed to one last night of summer indulgence with his teammates before the season kicked off. He sat on JJ’s couch, tucked in between Jackie and JJ. Hayden, the Andropovs and the Miitkas, were the only others who remained, finishing off a bottle of tequila that Andropov had gifted JJ. 

“My turn,” Hana, Miitka’s wife, announced, pulling a conversation card from the deck. Jackie had forgotten that they had been talked into some drinking game that felt entirely redundant at this stage of the night. “Okay.” Hana grinned, wiggling her eyebrows. “Weirdest place you’ve fucked. Winner doesn’t have to drink.” JJ grinned and rubbed his hands together. 

“Do you mean, like, the weirdest city?” Shane asked. “Like Columbus?”

“No, Shane,” Hayden laughed, slapping Shane’s shin. “It means, for example…,” he looked at Jackie for permission. She shrugged and waved him on. It had been so long ago she couldn’t be embarrassed about it any more. “It means like at the back of some McGill library to celebrate your girlfriend finishing finals.” 

JJ cheered and reached behind Shane to pat Jackie on the shoulder.  

“Who are you fucking in Columbus, Hollzy?” Andropov asked Shane, but he was interrupted by the Miitkas’ announcement that they had joined the mile high club.

The Andropovs agreed that the dining floor was as strange as it got for them, and JJ decided on Patrice Drapeau’s bathroom “–with his sister at the Christmas party, but do not tell Patty anything!” 

It was a few seconds after the noise from this admission had died down before Shane spoke. He had been thinking hard. “I guess maybe a jet-ski?” He said. “I feel like a jet-ski is weirder than on my practice rink or the hood of a car or over a pool table, right?” Shane scratched his head, glancing around like he might have misunderstood the question. “But if it has to be somewhere more public, or whatever, there was this rest stop bathroom in Algonquin this summer. And I guess the dock at the cottage is sort of out in the open.” 

JJ spoke first. “A jet-ski?” 

“It wasn’t in motion.” Shane said seriously. “That would be stupid.” Everyone was silent for a few more seconds. Tina Andropov’s bottom lip had fallen in shock and Hayden was on the verge of laughter. Miitka looked like he was still trying to figure out the logistics of the jet-ski. 

“Okay,” Jackie said. “Shane wins, I think. Everyone else drink.” Shane blinked, surprised. 

“You are bringing girls up to that cottage to fuck them on your jet-skis and on your custom private practice rink? You are a dog, Hollander,” JJ said gleefully. “I had no idea you got freaky like that!” 

“Fuck off! I’m normal,” Shane insisted. “And I’m not bringing girls up just to do that.” He made a face that broke Jackie’s heart before he rearranged his features into neutrality. He evidently didn’t like how much he had shared, and he didn’t want to share anymore, and he probably thought he was too drunk, and he was going to wake up worried that everyone knew way too much about his personal life. Hayden had obviously thought the same, because he had swooped in with a new conversation card, demanding everyone’s pettiest reason for breaking up with a partner. 

Lily and Shane are both freaky kind of slutty adventurous. 

*

Jackie’s quiet suspicions were confirmed when Hayden arrived home late from practice one afternoon, tied up in knots. He was barely able to contribute during his tea party with the twins and forgot to pour a cup for Mr. Giraffe. He sat Jackie down after the kids were all asleep and told her that Shane had come out to him. 

“He told me I could tell you!” Hayden insisted immediately. “Obviously. He trusts you, too. He said he’s happy for us to know, but we should probably keep it lowkey in front of the kids, since they may talk, right?” He sighed, slumping down on the kitchen table. “I just can’t believe it.” 

“Really?” Jackie asked. Hayden looked up in surprise. “I always sort of… I don’t know if I was ever sure, but I think for a few years now I was sort of waiting for this.” Hayden scrunched up his face.

“But what about Lily?” 

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “What about Lily?” 

“His girlfriend. Oh God, do you think she knows and is, like, his beard? Or is he keeping this from her? Would he lie to her like that?” Hayden shook his head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. She’s gotta be his beard.” Jackie frowned at her handsome, stupid husband. 

“Babe,” she said, “Lily’s not his beard. A beard tends to be someone you’re seen with.” She waited, but Hayden still looked confused. “Lily’s a man, Hayden.” 

“What?” He blinked. “But Shane’s been seeing her for– oh. Oh! I guess that makes sense.” Jackie put her hand over his and nodded. 

“I’m going to text him.” 

Lily is a boy. 

*

Jackie thought, naïvely perhaps, that Shane being comfortable enough to come out to them might mean that she and Hayden would get to meet Lily. The nature of their distant, complicated, potentially on-and-off secret relationship made sense now, but she had hoped that this would be a turning point. Instead, she saw less of Shane than ever. 

“He’s visiting his parents again,” Hayden said when Jackie asked him if Shane might be free for dinner during their two days off. 

“Huh,” she said. “Are Yuna and David okay?” 

“Think so,” Hayden shrugged. He was concentrating on shaving in the bathroom mirror while Jackie sat on the bed and rubbed her moisturizer in. “He’d tell me if something was wrong, I think.” 

“Do you think they’ve met Lily?” 

“Fuck, Jacks, I hope so. It’s been, like, a decade. If Lily hasn’t met the parents yet, Shane deserves a smack. Maybe he’s come up to Ottawa from Boston for the weekend.” 

And that made Jackie sit up, because God, if she hadn’t spent the whole off-season hearing the talking heads on TV ask each other what might possess someone to move to Ottawa from Boston… It had been non-stop. Speculation about personal or political motivations. Reports of last-minute offers from the Bears with an extra million in bonuses. It was all the hockey world had talked about for a full month. Boston to Ottawa. Boston to Ottawa.

“Hayden,” she said. 

“Yeah?”

Jackie paused. Her husband was a good man and a loyal friend. He truly did not care that Shane was gay. Even in his clumsier moments of allyship, there was no shame or hesitancy in his acceptance of Shane. He tried hard, and she knew how much that mattered to Shane. This, though… this may be too much for him. And it’s not as though she was certain. 

“Can you grab me a glass of water?” 

Hayden dutifully headed to the kitchen to grab his wife a glass of water and Jackie did some thinking about Shane and Rozanov and their charity and that All-Star game a few years back and... Huh.

Lily is Ilya Rozanov (maybe) (probably). 

*

It was sort of lucky, in a way, the series of events that led to Shane slumped in a hospital bed on Jackie’s twenty-seventh birthday. 

The kids were with her parents for the night and Hayden had booked himself and his wife a fancy hotel room that they were now realizing they’d likely never see. 

It had been a good night at first. The bar was loud and dark and expensive and all of the cocktails on the menu looked intricate. Jackie had been so thrilled when Shane agreed to go out with them. He had been his sweet, accidentally-charming self with her friends all evening. Chelsea was giggling at everything he said, even when he wasn’t trying to be funny. Jackie caught his eye once or twice and shot him an apologetic smile. The smile he returned was almost imperceptible. 

The problem started when Ashley returned from the bar with a drink and a frown. “I can’t drink this,” she said. She sat down next to Shane, who was finishing his second beer. “It was free, so I didn’t want to refuse it, but I’m allergic to oranges and, like, of course the drink that the hot guy at the bar bought me is the one with the giant orange zest as a garnish.” 

“Liv ordered a round of shots,” Jackie said. “They’re on their way.” 

“But now this drink is wasted and I told him to come find me and say hi later and he’s going to think it’s weird if I haven’t drank any of it and, I don’t know guys, he had a really nice smile and I’ve had such bad luck on the apps and it’s hard to not take this orange zest as a sign that I’m destined to be single for the rest of my–”

“I’ll drink it,” Shane said. He took the glass from her and downed the drink in one pained mouthful. “Fuck. What was that?” He winced and slid the glad back to Ashley, who was staring at him all starry eyed. 

“I have no idea,” she said. She looked at Shane like he had just performed some act of chivalry. She looked at Shane like she had forgotten all about the guy at the bar. 

“Well, it was gross,” Shane said. He reached for his beer and finished the last of it, evidently enjoying his light lager more than Ashley’s cocktail. “But now you can pretend to have liked the drink he bought you.” 

“Shane,” she breathed. “You’re, like, the sweetest guy ever. Did you know that?” Hayden let out a loud guffaw. 

“Fuck off,” Shane laughed across the table at him. 

“No, he is though,” Chelsea cooed. 

“Try sharing a hotel room with him for seven years,” Hayden said. “The charm wears off.” 

Shane opened his mouth to retort but was interrupted by the arrival of the shots Liv had ordered. He slipped away to the bathroom as the rest of the table downed their drinks. 

Ten minutes later, Jackie told Hayden to go check on him. Hayden rolled his eyes. “He’s probably been caught by fans and is stuck taking a million selfies,” he said. He dropped his voice. “Or he’s texting Lily.” 

Jackie’s phone rang two minutes later. Her first fear was that something was wrong with the kids, but it was Hayden’s name that popped up on the screen. “What’s–”

“Jackie, I think you need to come here.” 

“The men’s bathroom?” Jackie frowned, but she was already on her feet. 

“Yeah, no, that won’t matter, Shane’s… something’s wrong.” 

In the poorly lit men’s bathroom, Shane leant over a sink, supporting himself on his elbows and staring dazedly at his reflection. “Hello,” he slurred. “Jackie!” He perked up when he recognized her.

“What happened?” Jackie asked Hayden, who just shook his head. Shane shut his eyes, blinked them open, and then blinked four more times at the mirror. 

“I feel so bad,” Shane said flatly. “Like I might die.” Jackie rubbed a soothing hand on Shane’s back and touched a hand to his forehead. 

“You’re not going to die,” she said softly, though her brain was working overtime. Never in her life had she seen like this: sloppy, slurring, and totally out of it. 

“He was like this when I found him,” Hayden said.

“Shane, sweetie,” Jackie said. “Did you– oh, my fucking God.” 

An hour later, after sending her friends home and having a serious talk with the bar’s security team, Jackie and Hayden sat beside Shane’s hospital bed. 

The nurse’s bushy eyebrows moved slowly upwards as Jackie explained what happened. 

“He was roofied,” the nurse repeated slowly, “by accident? He picked up and drank someone else’s drink?” He exhaled and shook his head when Jackie and Hayden nodded. “Mr. Hollander, I’d like to see another Metros cup one of these days, so I’d advise you to never drink a stranger’s drink again, if you don’t mind.” 

“Okay,” Shane said quietly. The word came out heavy, like it was taking him a lot of effort to listen to the doctor. Jackie pushed his hair out of his face and shushed him. 

“He was being nice!” Hayden insisted. “Shane’s a gentleman.” 

Jackie thought she heard Shane mutter something about Ashley talking too much.

“Mr. Hollander is two hundred pounds and this has almost knocked him out,” the nurse said. “So, yes, it's probably better he drank it rather than the intended victim.” He sighed. “And you’re certain nothing happened in the ten or so minutes that you weren’t with him?”

“Pretty positive,” Hayden said. He ran a hand through his hair, stressed. “There was another guy in the bathroom when I got there who said Shane had been standing in front of the sink for five full minutes shaking his head when the guy asked him if he was Shane Hollander.” 

“I want to go to bed,” Shane whined. His speech was still slurred and his eyes were out of focus. “Can I go to bed?” Talking sounded as though it took a lot of effort. He tugged anxiously at the paper bracelet the hospital had given him. 

The nurse smiled kindly at Shane. “You can leave very shortly, Mr. Hollander. Your blood work has come back in the safe zone, so we’ll just keep you hooked up to the fluids for another fifteen minutes and then we can send you home.” He turned to Jackie and Hayden and spoke sternly. “He’ll need someone to stay with him tonight. Check in every hour and make sure he’s drinking a lot of water. He should be feeling like himself again by the morning.” 

Jackie tuned out Hayden and the nurse’s exchange about a doctor’s note for drug testing, her ears ringing and her heart pounding. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen a friend like this, of course. This sort of thing happened, she knew that, but she was still shaken by the reminder that there were so many predatory men out in the world, that this happened at the sticky clubs she’s partied at during university and at the expensive lounges recommended by her husband’s teammates. The nurse was right, she told herself– Shane was huge and he was going to wake up with just a bad hangover and nothing bad had happened to him or to any of the girls. They would take him home and let him sleep and make him a big, low-carb high-protein breakfast. 

“His emergency contacts are Yuna and David Hollander and…” When the nurse hesitated, Jackie sucked in a breath so violently that Hayden jumped. “Hayden Pike.” The nurse looked over his glasses at Hayden. “Linemates and emergency contacts. Sweet.” 

“We don’t need to call his parents,” Jackie said, hoping that this emphatic insistence would cover up the panic she had briefly felt. 

Okay, so they were serious, but not that serious. Or, at least, not comfortable telling the hospitals that they were that serious. God, what if something had actually happened to Shane? Who would tell Ilya Rozanov? Did Shane’s parents know about “Lily”? She felt a pang of sadness for Shane and his secret love life. He caught her eye and smiled dopily. 

“I feel weird, Jackie.” He furrowed his brow and shook his head. 

Lily is not Shane’s emergency contact. 

*

“What a birthday, eh?” Hayden joked as he shifted Shane’s half-awake body and tossed Jackie the key he’d stolen from Shane’s pocket in the Uber. “Not quite the Four Seasons.” 

Shane’s house was quiet and dark. Hayden almost stumbled over a pair of running shoes that had been discarded in the front hall. 

Jackie switched the light on and helped Hayden guide Shane to the couch. 

“How you feeling, bud?” Hayden asked, the same way he’d ask Arthur after a doctor’s appointment. 

“Bad,” Shane said. He still sounded drunker than Jackie had ever heard him. “You’re so… spinning.” He stopped fidgeting with his hospital bracelet to reach a hand out to Hayden’s shoulder, as if to stop him from moving so much.

Jackie went to the kitchen and poured two large glasses of water. She dug around for a plastic metal mixing bowl and returned to the living room to hand Hayden one of the waters. “Make him drink this. I’m going to set this by his bed so he has something to puke into if needed.” 

“He’ll never use that bowl again,” Hayden said, but he focused on bringing the water to Shane’s lips. Jackie bit back a retort about Shane’s annual income. He could afford a new mixing bowl. 

Shane had left the ensuite bathroom light on and the bed was unmade. Jackie set the water down, amused at the insight into Shane Hollander’s inner life. He was usually so neat. She switched the bedside lamp on.

“Moya lyubov,” a scratchy voice said, and Jackie screamed in shock as the unmade bedding moved and a hand caught her by the wrist. Ilya Rozanov was blinking up at her, apparently still half asleep. His hand released her almost immediately as she stumbled backward, dropping the metal mixing bowl onto Shane’s hardwood. Hayden burst through the door as Rozanov let out a slew of Russian words and tripped from the bed. 

“Jackie?” Hayden said sharply, rushing to her side even though she was fine now, totally fine. It was just a shock. Her heartbeat was still pounding in her eardrums, but whatever was happening between her ribcage was nothing compared to what was happening in Rozanov’s, if his look of sheer panic was anything to go off. Hayden, apparently satisfied that Jackie had not suffered any bodily harm, finally looked up and froze. 

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Hayden breathed. He stepped forward, rearing his shoulders back and staring at Rozanov. Rozanov, who was only wearing a pair of black boxers and who glanced between Jackie and Hayden with his lips parted and his eyes wide with alarm. 

“Where is Shane?” He asked. His voice was thick with sleep and concern. “Why are you–” 

“What are you doing in Shane’s house?” Hayden asked again, angrier than he had any need to be. Jackie stepped forward and put a hand on her husband’s shoulder. 

“Hey, why don’t we just–”

“Did he hurt you?” Hayden looked down at Jackie seriously.

“No!” Jackie and Rozanov said at once. Rozanov curled his lip, but not in the playful way he did when he chirped Hayden during games. He looked seriously offended and upset. 

“Hayden, babe, I think maybe we should all just sit down and–”

“How the hell did you even get into this house?”

“Where is Shane? Is he–”

There was a thunk from the other room and everyone froze. 

“Shane?” Rozanov called. Jackie and Hayden exchanged a look of panicked concern. They all moved at once, rushing out of the bedroom to see Shane standing in the living room and frowning at the glass at his feet and at a patch of wet carpet. 

“Didn’t break,” he said, slurring the words together, watching the water leak onto the hardwood. “Nooo problem.” He said it to himself, nodding seriously. 

“Shane!” Rozanov said. Shane raised his chin and his face lit up. 

“Ilya?” he breathed, disbelieving. 

“What?” Hayden cried. “What the fuck?” 

At his words, Shane balked, brow furrowing in confusion at the combination of people in front of him. He blinked and shook his head, but Rozanov had already reached him, pulling him close and holding up Shane’s wrist. Rozanov’s face twisted into an ugly blend of furious and terrified. “He was at the hospital?” Rozanov asked, his voice low and frightened. He let go of Shane’s wrist, which flopped down like a rag doll’s, and cupped his face. “Shane, sweetheart, look at me.” Shane leaned into Rozanov’s touch like it was automatic and irresistible. He sunk against Rozanov’s body and shut his eyes as his head met shoulder. “What happened?” Rozanov's voice was gentle until he pulled Shane into his chest. When he turned to Jackie and Hayden, both frozen in place at the scene unfolding before them, he spoke urgently and angrily. “What happened to him?” 

“Dude, what the actual fuck are you doing in Shane’s house?” Hayden demanded. Rozanov shook his head, still cradling Shane against him like he was a delicate thing, not a professional hockey player made up almost entirely of muscle. “Why are you here, Rozanov?”

“Hayden,” Jackie hazarded, keeping her voice calm. “I think that maybe–”

“No.” Hayden cut in. He was shaking his head. “No way.” 

“Babe.” 

“Shane,” Hayden said, padding a few steps closer to the Rozanov-Hollander embrace. “Hey, buddy, this isn’t… you’re not… I mean, not him.” 

Shane only hummed against Rozanov’s shoulder, eyes still closed. “Whuh?” 

Rozanov shifted him slowly, moving Shane backwards until he could lay him down on the couch. He said something in Russian as he crouched beside Shane and pushed his bangs away from his forehead. “Please,” Rozanov said quietly. “Please just tell me what happened to him. Why is he like this?” 

He moved his hands to Shane’s wrist and gripped the reinforced paper wristband that Shane had been worrying since the hospital. Without a second thought, he pulled at the material until it stretched wide enough to slip over Shane’s hand. Automatically, Shane’s other hand came to the irritated wrist and he smiled, though his eyes remained shut. His breath slowed. 

“But… I still don’t–,” Hayden spluttered. 

“Pike,” Rozanov growled,  “I will tell you whatever you want to know as soon as you tell me what happened to Shane.” 

“He’s okay,” Jackie insisted. She stepped forward, ignoring Hayden’s hand that reached out to stop her. Crouching beside the couch, she squeezed Shane’s hand and then hesitantly patted Rozanov on his bare shoulder. She imagined that this would all be less awkward if Rozanov wasn't still mostly naked. “Shane is totally fine. He’s going to wake up tomorrow feeling like shit, but he’ll be okay.” 

“He does not look totally fine,” Rozanov said flatly, but his shoulders had relaxed slightly at Jackie’s words. “He does not ever drink like this.” 

“No, no, he doesn’t.” Jackie looked back at Hayden, who was still standing useless and in shock. “Shane, uh, accidentally consumed some drugs tonight.” She was treading carefully, not wanting to distress the giant, emotional Rozanov any more than strictly necessary. 

“What drugs?” Rozanov frowned. He twisted to glare at Hayden. “You are giving him bad coke? What the fuck are you doing?”

“Excuse me? I didn’t give him anything, what the fuck? He got roofied by accident, it was a total fluke and he’s–”

“Roofied?” Rozanov repeated the word with such horror in his voice that Jackie almost flinched. He brought a frantic hand to Shane’s face, tapping his cheek lightly. “Shane, baby, I am here. Shane, moya lyubov, please.” 

“Nothing happened,” Jackie insisted once more. She shot her husband an exasperated glare before looking back at Rozanov. “Shane is totally okay. He drank a drink that was meant for my friend, and as soon as we realized what was happening, we took him straight to the hospital and they did all of his bloodwork and everything, and he's going to be fine once he sleeps it off.” Rozanov finally met Jackie’s eyes, scanning her face carefully as though trying to decide if he believed her. 

“Is she okay?” 

“Who?”

“Your friend.” 

“Oh,” Jackie said. “Yeah, no, everyone is fine. We sent everyone home and talked to the security at the bar so they know to look out for the guy.” Rozanov’s eyes flashed angrily. 

“What did he look like?” He asked. “Do they have cameras in this place?” 

“Relax, Rozanov, you’re not going to go out and find him and rough him up.” Hayden scoffed. “You’re not fucking Batman.” 

“Hayden,” Jackie said, touching a hand to Rozanov’s shoulder in hopes of keeping him from retorting. “Let’s try to be civil, okay?” 

Rozanov pulled his narrowed eyes from Hayden and returned his gaze to Shane. “What did the doctors say? What can I do for him?” 

“We need to check his pulse every hour,” Jackie said, and then, because Rozanov’s eyes went wide, she hurriedly added: “Not because it’ll stop! Just to make sure he’s sleeping soundly.” She watched Rozanov bring his hand to Shane’s neck, shutting his eyes as he listened to the heartbeat. 

“What else?” He asked. 

“Water for when he wakes up,” Jackie answered. “He mostly just needs to sleep it off.” 

They sat in silence for a few seconds, listening to Shane’s slow, unconscious breathing. “Thank you,” Rozanov said eventually. “Thank you for making sure he saw a doctor.” 

“Of course,” Jackie said. She smiled tentatively at Rozanov and he almost returned one. 

“I’m sorry,” Hayden said. He had slumped into an armchair. “I’m still a little lost. Jackie, are you not also a little fucked up by the fact that Ilya Rozanov was in Shane’s bed tonight?” Rozanov shut his eyes and exhaled. 

“Pike,” he said. 

“He’s got a boyfriend,” Hayden said. He sunk his face into his hands. “Fuck, Shane, what are you doing screwing around like this? What about Lily?” 

“Lily?” Rozanov looked at Hayden and then at Jackie. “You know about Lily?”

“You know about Lily?” Hayden looked up. Jackie groaned. She was exhausted. 

“Rozanov is Lily!” 

Both men stared at her. 

“You know?” Rozanov breathed. 

“Jackie, what!?” Hayden leapt to his feet. “You knew that Shane was… that he… with him?” 

“I guessed it,” she said, dropping her eyes. “Shane was seeing someone in Boston and then he suddenly started going to Ottawa a bunch.” Rozanov grimaced. 

“He will freak out in the morning,” Rozanov said. He sounded defeated. “This is not how he would have liked to tell you, Pike.” 

“No kidding,” Hayden laughed. “I’d rather not know anything about it, to be honest.” 

“Hayden!” Jackie snapped. “This is your best friend and his, um… boyfriend?” She looked at Rozanov for confirmation. He nodded. 

“Boyfriend, yes.” He squeezed Shane’s hand. Shane’s eyes fluttered but he didn’t stir further. “I was supposed to arrive tomorrow morning, but I thought I would surprise him tonight.” 

“Boyfriend,” Hayden repeated weakly. Then, his face contorted. “No, but Shane’s been texting Lily since–”

“We are serious, Pike, yes.” Rozanov sounded exhausted. “We have been something since we were teenagers. You are not going to talk him out of it tomorrow.” 

“I never said–”

“Teenagers?” Jackie asked. “You’ve been together since…”

“Not together,” Rozanov corrected, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “We have only been official for a couple of years. But I have loved him for a very long time.” It rattled Jackie, this revelation that Shane Hollander had been with Ilya Rozanov, in whatever capacity, for longer than she had known him. 

Jackie watched Rozanov look at Shane for a long while, concern and devotion etched across his features. She glanced up at her husband, who was still looking at Rozanov with apprehension. 

“You should take him to bed, Ilya,” Jackie said, trying the first name out. It sounded wrong. Over-familiar. “He needs a good night of sleep.” 

“Thank you, Jackie.” He gave her a small smile. “And you, Pike.” 

“Sure,” Hayden said. He rubbed a hand down his face. “Fuck.” 

Lily is definitely Ilya Rozanov. 

In the morning, Jackie and Hayden emerged from the guest room to a quiet house. They made breakfast quietly. “I still can’t believe it,” Hayden breathed as he heated up a packet of Shane’s turkey bacon. “Rozanov.” 

“You have to be nice,” Jackie reminded her husband. “Shane’s going to freak out when he finds out we know, and the least we can do is make that easier on him.” 

“Yeah, but… still. It’s Rozanov. I hate the guy.” 

“And it’s Shane,” Jackie said gently. “You love the guy.” She kissed her husband on the shoulder and put two slices of multigrain bread in the toaster. 

When Shane did emerge, he was groggy and confused and panicked and Ilya Rozanov seemed reluctant to let him out of arm’s reach. Even with this, Rozanov was far more at ease now that Shane was sober and alert. He spoke to Shane softly and he chirped Hayden for overcooking the bacon. He grinned as he answered Jackie’s questions about their relationship, questions that made Shane blush and cringe and duck his head. Rozanov loved it. Him. 

Jackie had long hoped to know all about Lily. She wanted to be best friends. Anyone Shane loved surely had to be someone she, too, would love. 

Ilya Rozanov was not who she expected Shane to fall in love with, and Ilya Rozanov was not who she expected in general. 

*

Her His name is not actually Lily. 

Lily makes Shane smile at his phone. 

Lily makes Shane blush at his phone. 

Lily does not live in Montreal. 

Lily lived in Boston. He now lives in Ottawa. For Shane.

Lily summers-ed in Europe before he got the cottage invite. 

Lily likes fast cars. He sold most of them to help fund his charity with Shane.

Lily and Shane are serious enough that he keeps clothes at hers his they live together.

Lily and Shane have definitely broken up briefly, but they weren't even technically together.

Lily is NOT Rose Landry.

Lily is very forgiving and/or totally irresistible to Shane. 

Shane and Lily are not casual. 

Lily summers at Shane’s cottage. 

Lily smokes quit for Shane. 

Lily drinks Coke. 

Lily is rich and has expensive taste. 

Lily and Shane are both freaky kind of slutty adventurous.

Lily is a boy. 

Lily is not Shane's emergancy contact yet.

Lily is Ilya Rozanov (maybe) (probably) (definitely). 

Ilya loves Shane. 

Ilya does not like Hayden. 

Ilya laughs really loudly. 

Ilya is an excellent babysitter. 

Ilya is a mediocre nail-painter.

Ilya makes Shane Hollander very, very happy.