Work Text:
Vox walks outside, and looks dramatically off his balcony at the view.
He takes out his half of the photo, and looks at it longingly.
Yeah, his name is Al
I have a dream about him
He rings my bell
Been staring for half an hour
Oh, how he rocks
Those long, gartered socks
But he doesn't know who I am
And he doesn't give a damn about me
'Cause I'm just a TV dirtbag, baby
Yeah, I'm just a TV dirtbag, baby
And I think that guy has made me crazy, yeah me, ooh
Vox holds a small, crude cardboard version of Alastor, glued to a popsicle stick. It’s poorly painted, with a wonky drawn-on frown in place of his usual smile. Vox now sings using a bad impression of Alastor’s voice.
“That Vox is a dick
And he thinks that he’s so cool
But I’d simply kiss
His ass if he told me to
He lives on my block
And he has a BIG COCK!
But he thought that we were friends
And I couldn’t give a FUCK about him!
'Cause he’s just a TV dirtbag, baby
Yeah, he’s just a TV dirtbag, baby
And I think that guy is going crazy, for me, ooh”
Vox returns to his normal voice, now standing on his bed, dramatically singing.
Oh, yeah?! “Dirtbag?!”
No, he doesn't know what he's missin'
Oh, yeah?! “Dirtbag?!”
No, he doesn't know what he’s missin'!
He lays down on the bed, on his stomach, and looks sad, now with a mini cardboard version of himself in the other hand, to go alongside the mini Alastor.
Man, I feel like mold
Been a long night and I am lonely
Lo and behold
He’s walkin' over to me
He bounce-walks the cardboard Al over
This must be fake
My lip starts to shake
How does he know who I am?
And why does he give a damn about me?
Vox holds the cardboard Al, doing a poor impression of his voice again.
“I've got two tickets to see that new Jaws movie
Come with me Friday, you can do me
You’re just a TV dirtbag, but I like you…”
Vox throws the little cardboard figures down aggressively, and air guitars on the bed.
Oh, yeah! “Dirtbag”!
No, he doesn't know what he’s missin'
Oh, yeah! “Dirtbag”!
No, he doesn't know what he’s missin'...
He picks up the cardboard Alastor, its head droops depressingly, and breaks off.
His face falls as he realises what he’s doing. He slowly starts to cry pathetically to himself.