Work Text:
GENIUS BILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY MIXOLOGIST
A bartender’s guide to drinks I’ve made for Loki, by Tony Stark
The “Well the bar’s pretty demolished but I guess I promised”
- 3 ounces Irish whiskey
- 1 ounce sour mix
Mix in dented cocktail shaker. Don’t add ice, because there isn’t any. Pour into back half of Mark VII helmet. Garnish with whole smashed lemon. Serve before Clint shoots anyone.
The “I bet they’re not giving you any decent food while they sort out this whole Tesseract thing”
- 6 ounces grain vodka
- 2 ounces vermouth
- 1 ounce lemon juice
Mix in replacement cocktail shaker. Strain into travel mug. Garnish with ten olives. Serve through food slot in cell. Ignore the funny look from Fury.
The “Hey I’m bored and you’re not going anywhere so you should tell me some stories about aliens”
- 4 ounces Midori
- 2 ounces sweetened lemon juice
- 2 ounces sweetened lime juice
- Sprite
Shake liqueur, lemon juice and lime juice with ice in cocktail shaker. Pour into travel mug. Don’t fill the rest of the way with Sprite until you get security clearance for his cell, or it’ll go flat. Serve with an aggressively friendly smile.
The “I’m just drunk enough to tell you you’re pretty cute”
- 1 can Sapporo
- 2 ounces aged sake
Pour beer into tall glass. Add sake. Do not mix. Act like you’re going to serve it to him, then chug it yourself.
The “They’re sending you back to Asgard tomorrow and I bet you want to get wasted first”
- 8 cups Jagermeister
- 8 cups Goldschlager
Pour into a gallon jug. Shake well. Serve in the gallon jug, because there isn’t exactly a bigger container. Keep cold water and Motrin on hand.
The “How weird is it that I kind of miss you”
- 2 ounces apricot brandy
- 1 ounce cognac
- 1 ounce frangelico
Mix in cocktail shaker. Strain into hurricane glass over ice. Serve in absentia.
The “Holy shit I was not expecting to see you again let me stall for a minute”
- 1 ounce coconut rum
- 1 ounce triple sec yeah that goes with coconut rum doesn’t it
Pour into cocktail shaker. Contemplate adding 1 ounce grenadine to buy time. Get swept off your feet, and never serve at all.
The “Jesus fucking Christ that was amazing”
- Like half the Godiva liqueur
- All the amaretto
- Some cream maybe
Dump it all together in the ice bucket. Garnish with a fuckton of cherries. Leave the whole thing on the nightstand and forget about it while you go for sloppy seconds. Worry about Thor in the morning.