Chapter Text
Lovino stared out of the warm, sun-kissed window back at his brother. He had been giggling and running around with Gilbert again. He yanked the window curtains shut, desperate to drown out the noise, yet his annoying high-pitched laugh still echoed through Lovino's ears as it cut through the fabric of the curtains.
He was sick of seeing him around Gilbert so much recently. He didn't need to be. He had plenty of other friends, so why did he have to be around Gilbert so often? He had Kiku, Ludwig, and dozens more, so why was it that he just had to hang around the one person who truly understood Lovino? Kiku just wasn't the same, and Ludwig bothered him far too much, but Gilbert.. Gilbert is the one who made him feel just right.
His mind drifted back to a time when he and Gilbert were resting beside a tree. It had been a long day of training that day, so they were both exhausted. Gilbert had come to the realization that he had to leave. Without thinking, Lovino had given him an il bacetto He had forgotten that Gilbert wasn't from Italy, like Lovino was. He faintly remembers the flushing light pink color Gilbert had turned from embarrassment. He had to explain to him that it was Italian custom to greet or say goodbye to someone with two kisses on the cheek.
The memory snapped shut as another burst of laughter and jumping around came from outside of the window. His firm grip on the window sill turned his knuckles white.He swore he wasn't jealous. Veneziano already had someone dear to him, and even if he was jealous, he could never admit that; he would take that statement to his grave. As he watched them through the thin fabric of the curtains, his fingers strongly tugged around a red string tied to his wrist. He got it from his grandfather during his last visit. He wasn't exactly sure why he gifted it to him, or what it meant, but he liked having it around.
Lovino, who was still going through the pain of his brother's obnoxious giggling from outside, finally had enough. He stormed away from the window sill and slammed the door open, stomping away as he kept his eye on his brother.
"VENEZIANO!" He snapped, startling his brother in the process. "T've been sitting inside for TEN MINUTES STRAIGHT having to strain myself from running out here and slapping your face off. Yeah, well I've had enough. If I hear you two shout one more time, I’m gonna chase you out of here until we reach the moon, idiota!”
Silence hung in the air as his brother stared worriedly into his eyes. The quietness was suddenly shut down as Gilbert let out an awkward laugh as he swung his arm around Veneziano "Lovi, don't be so harsh! We were just having fun, right?” He asked, looking over at Veneziano.
"No, he's right. We were being pretty loud. I'm sorry, fratello. We'll try to be quieter!" Veneziano exclaimed.
"Tsk, yeah whatever." He grunted, kicking a rock as he strolled back inside the house. At least I get peace and quiet. He thought, but peace and quiet wasn't truly what he wanted. What he wanted was for Gilbert to stop paying so much attention to his brother, and maybe start focusing on him. The image of his arm around his brother wandered through his mind. The thought of it makes his blood boil. He couldn't have his brother near him any longer. There was no way he could stand it anymore.
He looked around the small interior of the house and thought for a moment. I need to break something. Yeah, that always calmed him down. It was destructive, and wasteful, but he needed to calm more than anything right now.
From the corner of his eye, he spotted a stack of plates. They were cheap, and frail enough to get the relief he desired so desperately. While Gilbert and Veneziano were busy playing around, he knew exactly what he needed to do.
He slowly walked over to the stack, grabbing one gently. The cold, porcelain texture was smooth against his hands. He glared back at the window, hoping they weren't watching. Luckily, they were just behind a tree. Wait, behind a tree? He remembers that same tree almost exactly. It was the same one that he and Gilbert were resting at on that bright, sunny day. The sky was a faint orange color, just like how it is now. Gilbert and Veneziano were almost recreating that moment, right outside of his house. The thought of that was disgusting, yet he was seeing it, with his own two eyes. Watching it was nearly a punch in the gut. His throat swelled, and his hands were drenched in sweat. So drenched, that the plate had dropped out of his hands before he even got a chance to break it himself.
The pieces shattered to the floor like a gunshot. The loud cracking of the white porcelain scattered all over the patterned tiles decorating the kitchen ringed through his ears.
Lovino silently prayed that the two couldn't hear it from outside of the small house. He dropped to the floor, quickly cleaning up the pieces with his hands so that no one would question what happened, and for...other purposes.
He walked back to his room, the shards still scooped in his hands, cutting him slightly in the process. The sting in his palm barely bothered him. It was nothing compared to how he normally feels.
As he got to his room, he laid out the pieces on his bed and grabbed the sharpest one. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do exactly what he was thinking just yet, but he better be prepared.
He headed into the bathroom connected to his bedroom to grab a couple bandages that his brother had set up for him. When Lovino had first moved in, he had given him an entire care package and a full conversation about "safety" and "being careful," which he thought was ironic, considering he was always getting in trouble and being unsafe when he was with Ludwig. It always made him laugh, hearing about the situations that boy would get into. Along with the bandages, he also took a towel with him, hoping that may clean up what he's about to get himself into.
Walking back inside of the room, he dropped the objects onto the bed. His eyes locked onto the sharp piece of porcelain, which was still in his hands. As he stared at it more and more, he began to grow hungry. Hungry for the pain, hungry for the sting, and hungry for the attention.
He took one last glance at the shard before slicing it against his wrist. A pool of blood slowly formed at the bottom of the floor as red tears fell down to his hand. The sting hurt, but he was far too used to it for it to bother him as much as it should. As he stares deep into the dark color of the blood, he does it a few more times just to see if anything changes, yet he feels the same as he did a few moments back. Why isn’t it working? He thought. He always felt better after doing this kind of stuff, but today, no matter what he did, he felt the exact same as he did before.
Throwing down the piece of the plate down on the floor, he goes over to grab the bandages. He’s convinced he doesn’t need them, but he would rather die than let people find out what he does when he’s truly upset.
As he wrapped the bandages around his sore wrists, he heard a creaking sound from behind him.
Gilbert had opened the door.
“Lovino..?”
Lovino whipped his head to face him, bandage still in his hands.
“W-what are you doing in here?!” Lovino exclaimed. He quickly wrapped the rest of the bandage around his wrists and ran up to him.
“I was just coming to check up on you. Me and Veneziano heard a loud crash earlier and-” He paused, looking behind Lovino. “What the hell is that..!? Why is there blood all over the floor and… Oh Lovino, you didn’t..”
“Gilbert, it’s not what it looks like, I swear!” Lovino exclaimed. “The plate dropped from my hands from a weird angle and it cut me so I was just fixing myself up, it’s not what you think it is.”
Before Gilbert could have a chance to say anything, he was cut off by the loud sound of footsteps. Turning his head back to look behind Gilbert, Lovino had met eyes with his worried brother.
“LOVINO!!” He sobbed. “What happened?! Why is there blood on the floor? Gilbert what’d he say, what’d he say!?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Lovino muttered as he pushed himself in between the two to go inside the kitchen.
"Lovino." Gilbert said, keeping a firm grip on his shoulder to keep him from leaving.
"You are not getting away with this again."
Veneziano tilted his head. "Last time? What happened last time?" Silence had filled the room like smoke. "Uh, guys? Hellooo?"
"It's nothing, Veneziano. He just... got into trouble. That's all." Gilbert replied, trying to reassure him.
Lovino snarled, "Yeah, it's nothing."
“Hey, Veneziano? Me and your brother need to talk about something real quick. Can you head outside and wait for us?" Gilbert asked.
His brother sighed. "But, what about...Oh, fine. Please be quick, I'm worried about you two!"
With the click of the door knob, the silence fell heavy. They both had their eyes locked on each other, hoping one of them would start to talk. Lovino noticed that Gilbert's eyes had started to wander around the mess. The pieces of the plate, the patches of red stains. He seemed almost as if he was putting it all together.
"We need to talk."