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Although Dennis couldn’t specifically pinpoint what was wrong or what exactly was making him feel like absolute, complete garbage, he knows he’s at a low point for sure.
Maybe it could be simply explained away by the typical grievances of life, like tiredness, the pressures of yet another labouring day at the Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center, or his hormones acting up. He was sure it couldn’t be the latter; he was dead set on being consistent with his shots. It didn’t matter much what reasoning there was to justify feeling this way, as it still didn’t change anything.
All he wants to do is get home, wash himself, and change into some more comfortable clothes. Being in these sticky scrubs for a second longer was a brutal experience, increasing more and more as time went on. He thought about how good it’d feel to curl up in bed and take a nap, to switch his brain off and just be. Peacefully.
It’s not that he liked to prolong his gloomy state of mind or wallow in self-pity, the opposite, really. The good times were brief, and he basked in them as they came and went. Sometimes, when life felt like it was getting too overwhelming, all Dennis wanted was to shut out the rest of the world and be alone.
As soon as he unlocks the door to the apartment, however, it proves not to be as simple as that. Upon opening the door, he sees Jesse up ahead in the kitchen, stirring a cup of tea. Dennis closes the door behind him, the sound of the door signaling to his beloved that he had arrived—from a different kind of tribulation, evident in the bags under his eyes.
Jesse looks up as he hears him in the hallway, his lips immediately curling up into a grin.
“You’re just in time, the kettle just finished boiling. Did you want a cup? I’ve been waiting all afternoon for you to come home,” Jesse calls out from the kitchen where the stove lay, a hint of adoration glimmering in his eyes. “I’ve missed you.”
Dennis musters up a weak smile as he takes off his shoes, exhausted from the shift.
While Jesse was prone to making snarky comments at the younger doctors at work, he reserved his lighter, more positive force for Dennis, who’d come to find that his empathy was, in fact, boundless. He was skilled at not letting things get him down, or at least being able to pick himself up from where he fell when the time called for it. Still, he was dedicated to making sure his baby wasn’t down in the dumps, but despite this, Dennis hated the thought of bringing him down when he’s feeling like this. Instead of throwing himself into Jesse’s arms and sobbing like he really wanted to, Dennis swaps his muted smile for a cheesy, plastered grin as he approaches, leaning up to give Jesse a light kiss on his cheek before pulling back to speak.
“Missed you too. Maybe the tea can wait, though? I was actually thinking of going to bed and taking a nap. It’s been a long day, and I’m really tired,” Dennis says, internally fighting off the force that’s calling for him to glance down and avoid eye contact. He stretches his arms, as if to convey how spent he really felt. He was being honest; he was exhausted, but he just wanted to remedy this plight on his own with some shut-eye.
If Jesse notices the tightness in Dennis’s features, his forced smile, and the tension in his stance, he doesn’t mention it. If anything, he just smiles back at him, warm and genuine in a way that makes Dennis’s heart flutter despite his low spirits.
“Yeah, I don’t mind, Den, you go ahead. I’ll come by and wake you up when it’s time for dinner. Thought maybe we could get some takeout, there’s this new burger place down the street,” Jesse nods his head towards the window, before returning his gaze to Dennis. “Feeling a bit like we should both relax, since we’ve been working so hard these days, y’know?”
“Sounds nice,” Dennis murmurs, already backing away, lest he linger too long and crumble into an emotional pile on the kitchen floor.
He sighs with relief as the warm rain of water from the shower cascades down his head to the rest of him, scrubbing off the evidence of the day, raring for a fresh reset. He dries himself off and changes into one of Jesse’s old band tees and some sweatpants, heading to the bed he’d been longing to sink down on, like it had a deep end. Once he settles into the motions of getting ready for some much-needed rest, he turns his head towards the windows.
It’s already getting dark outside, and it hasn’t even reached nightfall yet. Heavy, dark clouds threaten to unleash their rain at any minute, ready to burst as they hang low in the sky. The gloom that came with autumn matched Dennis’s mood in this moment, glad as ever that he’s finally in the comfort of his home, with his lovely, older, competent dreamboat of a partner in close access.
Maybe this nap will help. Maybe he’d wake up within the hour, feeling refreshed and lively again. Letting sweet oblivion envelop him sounds incredible right about now, and it’s blissful.
It doesn’t last long.
As Dennis nestles into his pillow, a roaring boom of thunder sounds out, cracking the sky open. Large raindrops come thrashing down on the windowpanes, to which he curls himself into a ball instead, pulling the blankets over his head to drown out what was going on outside.
He thought that being cocooned in the covers would provide him with comfort, but instead, it only made him feel suffocated and trapped. All the emotions he had been suppressing throughout the day overwhelmed him, resulting in a rush of feelings. Tears began to fill his eyes, and he was too exhausted to try to hold them back any longer.
He allows them to drop while he weeps softly into his pillow, hoping that the noise of the rain hitting the building outside would drown out all his thoughts.
“Dennis? Baby, what’s going on?” Jesse’s voice comes urgently, full of concern. “What’s the matter?”
His immediacy is accompanied by the heavy clap of his footsteps, inching closer as he rushes into the room. Dennis freezes for a second, slightly surprised, but not so much, as he’d known that Jesse would never think to leave him alone when feeling like this. Try as he might to conceal his feelings, he could read Dennis like a book, all those little tells in his mannerisms that he tries to hide. They don’t work with Jesse; he’s too much of an attentive, giving lover to ignore them. Of course, he’d give him the space if he really needed it, but now wasn’t one of those times where he could leave him like this.
“It’s nothing, I’m alright,” Dennis breathes, his voice shaky with anguish, even though he’s trying his best to sound composed.
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me,” Jesse says, as the bed dips down under his weight as he clambers on, the warmth of his body pressing up behind Dennis.
Still covered by the blanket, Dennis holds onto it tightly, as if to hide the tears that have streaked his face, embarrassed for having let his emotions get the best of him in this moment of fragility.
“My sweet boy, c’mon,” Jesse coos, adoringly, “don’t hide from me, man. Talk to me. I had a feeling something was up since you walked through that door.”
“You’ll think it’s dumb,” Dennis sighs, as he brings his knees up closer to his chest, planting his face even more firmly into the pillow.
“Of course I won’t, but you gotta speak to me. I’m here for you, I always am,” Jesse reassures, caressing his shoulder with a single hand. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
And he’s right, Dennis could tell him anything, and he’ll always be there for him. No issue is too large for him to attempt to resolve, and none is too small to dismiss. Even when the shifts had them too tired to even stand up for much longer, Jesse still took the time to listen to Dennis’s problems. It was something that worried Dennis at first, that the grueling nature of the job and seeing people in their worst possible states would take precedence over the deep connection he shared with Jesse, but he didn’t need to worry.
There would be quick words whispered down the line when shifts aligned and brief calls when they clashed, and he’d stepped outside on the clock to somewhere quiet to comfort him. FaceTime connections where he’d listen in on how Dennis was doing on his day off, the random anecdotes to make Jesse smile during the tough shifts.
An arm wraps around Dennis, finding its way around his waist underneath the covers. Jesse curled tight against his frame, legs bent slightly to slot behind his like two perfectly-fitting puzzle pieces. The warmth radiating from his body comforts Dennis through the blanket, exuding into his body, delighting in the feeling of being so close to him. It starts to relax him some more, soothing in its properties.
“Today’s just been… I don’t know,” Dennis chokes out, his voice coming out hoarsely. “It’s been a lot. Not even one specific thing, it’s all been building up. Not that I can’t handle the rough parts, every day’s got its own surprises.”
Jesse nods in understanding while he’s pressed up against Dennis, who feels the adoration in the movement, even from behind.
“It sounds dramatic,” Dennis continues, eyes half-shut, “but it feels like nothing I do works out right. I knew being an MS4 would have its struggles, but I’m just so tired…”
“It’s a learning curve, y’know?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“We can just take it one day at a time, then,” Jesse says quietly, pressing a kiss to the back of Dennis’s neck.
“Today was just horrible, though,” Dennis admits, pulling the blanket tighter towards him. While he relished the feeling of his beloved cuddling up to him, there was still a part of him that wanted to fade into the ether and forget all that troubled him.
“No one’s made you upset, have they?” A sharp edge of caution adorns Jesse’s words, and Dennis can feel him tugging on the blanket, pulling it down to expose his face.
Dennis relents, finally letting go of it and shifting his position, rolling over on his back until he’s twisted around to face Jesse. Both of their heads are on the pillow mere inches apart now, Jesse’s eyes brimming with concern, his brows pushed together into a frown.
“No, it’s not that,” Dennis replies swiftly. “No one’s upset me.”
Jesse seems to relax at that, a light smile simmering on his face, accentuating laugh lines carved from age and experience. He brings a hand forward to adjust some stray locks of hair out of Dennis’s face.
“Alright, if you say so,” Jesse shrugs, at least with what he can in this position. “‘Cause I need to know if I need to beat anyone up.”
Dennis tries to stifle the laugh that comes, but it bursts from his lips in a rush. It feels great. Maybe this is what he needed.
“You? Beat someone up for me? You’ll be my protector, yeah?” he says, reaching to curl a hand around his bicep and giving it a little squeeze, grinning teasingly at him.
“Hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've gotten into a spat,” Jesse protests, feigning offense. “I’m a total fighting machine when I need to be, trust me.”
He sits up, flexing an arm in a stereotypical bodybuilder-esque pose, the quirksome grin plastered across his face making Dennis laugh even more despite his downly mood.
“You’re gonna rough up our colleagues just for making me work hard and do my job?”
“If I need to,” Jesse chuckles, then his smile fades slightly as concern washes over his expression once again. He cups the side of Dennis’s face with a hand, his tender touches soothing, as he gently wipes away a stray tear with his thumb. “No one upsets my baby, no one. C’mon, I’ve got you, don’t cry.”
Dennis nuzzles into the warmth of Jesse’s hand, blinking away tears. He turns his face slightly to press a kiss to his palm. His other hand is on Dennis’s waist, fingers grasping gently, holding him close, every part of Jesse radiating comfort.
“It’s no one’s fault, I mean, it’s just a stressful time of year for all of us, really,” Dennis murmurs, finding some semblance of strength in his voice. “A million things need to be done at the same time, you don’t even get a second to think.”
Jesse nods. “I understand.”
“How do you handle it?” Dennis inquires, his eyes widened now, as he looks intently for Jesse’s response.
“Well, years of working in the field toughens you up a little,” Jesse says, with an exhale, “I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I have days where I just wanna pass out the minute I get home."
“Seems like you never let stuff get you down… I wish I were strong like that.”
“Things do get to me. Just ‘cause I don’t always let it show, doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. Life does get a bit much at times, I will say. You don’t have to put on a brave face, though, not with me. And I don’t wanna hear you talk down on yourself like that again, you got that?”
Jesse’s voice is gentle, but there’s a firmness there when he speaks, a hint of exasperation upon hearing Dennis put himself down. Jesse won’t hear any of it. He was his biggest advocate, and that’s what Dennis loved about him, even when he struggled to see himself the way his lover saw him through adoring eyes.
“I’ll try. For you,” Dennis says, beaming as he takes in the admiration in Jesse’s face.
“Oh, it’s impossible to stay sad for long when you’re around,” Jesse says as he pulls Dennis into a loving embrace.
“I can say the same for you,” Dennis smiles, and it rings true with the warm glow emanating between where their bodies made contact, spreading. Rather than his woes casting a cloud over Jesse’s mood as he’d feared, his endearing way of adoration and his reassuring presence have melted away any unhappiness that lingered.
The steady sound of rain tapping against the window is no longer as jarring as it was moments ago. Instead, it's become a peaceful and soothing backdrop while Dennis relaxes, safely and comfortably enveloped in his boyfriend's embrace.
Jesse leans in, pressing a small, sweet kiss right on the tip of Dennis’s nose, making him huff a laugh as the younger man scrunches up his face.
“You’re so goddamn cute,” Jesse whispers with a softness to his voice. “Now, is there anything else I can do? To make you feel better? A nice, warm bath, maybe? Tea?”
Dennis considers the offer for a second. A bath would relax him, and a soothing cup of tea sounds really good right now, but Jesse’s lying here next to him. Soaking up his warmth and basking in the love his presence brings, Dennis didn’t want him to leave his side, not even for a moment.
“I think this is what I need right now, actually, just us here together. Is that fine?”
Jesse huffs out a small laugh. “Of course it is, you don’t even have to ask. C’mon, lie right here,” he says, raising an arm and patting his chest with his other hand, urging Dennis to lay his head there.
Dennis doesn’t need any more encouragement; he's eager to be pressed up against the one who loves him the most. He scoots up on the bed slightly to rest his head on the plane of Jesse’s chest, nestling into his warmth. The material of his shirt is soft on Dennis’s cheek, comforting as he breathes him in, the cool scent of his cologne intertwined with the natural scent of him that he loved so much. Jesse felt more like home than anything else.
“Oh, this feels so nice,” Dennis hums, raising his eyes to look up at Jesse from under his lashes. “Y’know, coming home to you makes everything better, even if my day’s been horrible.”
Jesse sighs delightedly, eyes spanning the frame of his sweet boy, a flood of joy filling his heart. Having Dennis here was enough to alleviate any frustration he had with the state of each shift, and he couldn’t stay grouchy for as long as he was with him. He thought about how lucky he was.
“Love you so much, Dennis, and just know that you shouldn’t have to put so much pressure on yourself all the time. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
Jesse wraps an arm around Dennis’s back, and both their lips curl into a smile. Dennis feels a hand brush down on the back of his hair, which was starting to grow into the beginnings of a mullet of sorts. Jesse liked it, said it gave him some “flair,” of the gay kind, perhaps.
Dennis already feels so close to Jesse, so enveloped in his loving embrace in that moment, but he has this insatiable urge to be even closer, unable to get enough of it all. His fingers nimbly ride up the bottom of Jesse’s shirt, then around to his back. Dennis splays his fingers and brings him even closer, taking in the feeling of bare skin.
“You’re so warm… like a radiator,” Dennis purrs, as he cranes his head up slightly to look at Jesse, his facial hair tickling Dennis’s cheek in doing so. A giggle spills from his lips. “I could stay like this forever, probably.”
Jesse laughs deep and heartily, and Dennis can feel the rumble of vibrations arising from his chest. “Well, there’s this thing called work–”
“I’ll retire,” Dennis says, nodding like he’s committed to the thought.
“Den. You’re 26, baby… don’t get too ahead of yourself now,” Jesse says, an ironic tinge of caution in the words. “In a perfect world, we’d make a living off of cuddling.”
“Well, maybe we should do this more often,” Dennis giggles, running his hand up and down the column of Jesse’s back, still, enamored in his caresses.
Pressing Dennis even closer to him, Jesse looks dreamily at the ceiling, as Dennis yelps, adorably so. “You haven’t been able to keep your hands off of me this entire past week. At least, whenever I’m around.”
Dennis snorts, tickled by his lover’s touch, and the fact that… yeah. It’s true, no lies detected there. “You like it, though.”
“That I do,” Jesse says.
They both chuckle then, the warmth of the sound filling the air around them, jubilant chasing away any unhappiness that still lingered. Dennis drapes a leg over one of Jesse’s, so he can cuddle up to him even closer, calm and serenity overflowing inside him. Jesse dips his head, pressing a kiss to Dennis’s forehead, murmuring his words into honeyed strands.
“It’s so nice to hear you laughing again. I hate seeing you sad like that.”
“I’m alright now,” Dennis reassures, looking up at him once again. “Thank you, Jesse. For everything.”
Blue eyes sparkle as he looks down on Dennis, with so much adoration, he didn’t know what to do, other than say, “No thanks needed, baby… God, I love you so much. I really do.”
Jesse leans in, pressing his lips to Dennis’s. While his kisses would always induce a shortness of breath that was downright delicious, at times like these, they were even more heavenly. No rush, no urgency needed as they both could just take in the moment. Just a slow, intimate connection as the warmth in Jesse’s breath floods Dennis’s mouth, whispered sweet nothings embedded between the gentlest of kisses, making him melt.
Dennis was blanketed in all of Jesse’s devotion, with the comfort of his scent, the coziness of being pressed against his body like this, so relieving as the steady thrum of his heartbeat rings true and allegiant.
He was in the right place.