Chapter Text
I loved him, I yearned for him, and yet he left my side unbothered. My one true love, second to none, and he had the audacity to look away from what he had right in front of him.
Could he ever really love me? Would he allow himself to love me? Even if he did, would I allow myself to love him, publicly and freely? All these questions swirled through my mind as I looked down at the blank sheet of paper in front of me. I was supposed to be working. On what? I could not remember. All I could remember was the pattern of his breathing was when he had bent over my shoulder to show me how I was supposed to do my work. Strong, deep breaths. A steady heartbeat. All I thought I needed at that moment.
Logically, I was wrong. Evidently, I should not have cared about his actions, or what he thought of me. I saw in the smile he had smiled at me a few hours later a touch of softness, the kind you would reserve an adoring animal, or a young child. I tried to shake it off.
It did not matter what he thought of me. I was an independent person who did not rely on the basis of what others assumed I was. I looked to my far left. There he was, sitting in the corner, staring at something important on his lap, his thick eyebrows furrowed, and the first two buttons on his smooth black shirt opened. He seemed so unaware of what he was, so unlike his feigned nonchalance and pompous air of arrogance he usually carried. Unmasked? No. Merely unguarded. He would never know of my feelings, and I would never want to know his. An object in rest will stay at rest until acted upon by a higher force.