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Chores were always such a bothersome thing. Necessary, but bothersome. So much time kept on upkeep and tidying, the only reward being the opportunity to do it all over again when the dust and dirt appeared once more. Personal maintenance could at least come with some self satisfaction, a nice clean feeling in your space and self, temporary as it was. But for Alastor...
He'd been minding his own business, engrossed in a novel with a soft jazz number filling the silence on the radio. With a sharp feedback squeal he was thrown forward, weight on his back that was quickly snagged in inky tendrils and yanked off. Sitting in his grasp was Lucifer, limbs limp and useless as he stared at Alastor with a pathetic pout on his lip.
"Do you mind?" His patience was already thinning.
"Uhh, yeah, I do. I need your help." Lucifer was practically whining like an indignant cat. He flared his six wings out wider to draw attention to the disjointed and matted feathers, some of the wings giving a small flick to try and dissuade the itching feeling in them. Molting season.
"It's happening again!"
"And?"
"It's so itchy!"
"Sounds like something that isn't my problem."
"Come on Bambi, pleeeease?? No one else is as good at it as you!"
"Stroking my ego isn't going to help you, my dear."
"Bullshit, just help me already!"
Alastor's ear flicked, as much as Lucifer's sorry state was an entertaining sight, it was an irritating sound. All the whining and flapping and squirming was hardly enjoyable for long. The tentacles holding the pathetic mess that was the eternal king of Hell sank back into the floor, Lucifer in tow as he was submerged in the shadowy puddle on the floor with a cut off yelp. He reappeared in his own bedroom, surrounded by his wrinkled, unmade bedding and countless rubber duck toys. Alastor followed a beat later, taking shape from a dark corner of the room and approaching the bed with a slight grimace.
Lucifer grinned, and laid down on his stomach, wings fanning out on either side. "I knew you loved me~"
"Another word out of you and I leave." Alastor removed his coat and rolled up his sleeves, his sentient shadow quick to take the garment and return with his grooming kit in exchange. He honestly would have expected an angel to be above something as pedestrian and irritating as a molt. Whether that was part of his punishment or a constant of the universe even God couldn't change, it was impossible to tell.
Nonetheless Alastor took his place on the bed, gently folding and tilting each of Lucifer's wings to brush them out and pluck the dead feathers that only held on being so tangled up in the rest of them. By the time he was only halfway through, Lucifer had practically melted into his sheets. The gentle care of the radio demon's claws as he picked through each wing and gave the itchy pin feathers a few reprieving scratches that left him nearly ready to fall asleep. Still, he picked up the wings on his opposite side as a reminder. Alastor wasn't getting out of doing the rest of it.
He was nearly finished when the loud click of heels echoed from beyond the door, fast approaching like an oncoming threat. Of all the fucking days-
The door burst open, nearly getting thrown off its hinges as Valentino stormed in "Ay, ya no puedo con este! Inútil pinche hijo de puta! Que te matar a su familia!" Alastor stilled his hands to let the taller man fall on the bed in a dramatic fit, the neat pile of dead feathers he'd been keeping scattering in an instant.
Alastor wouldn't call himself fluent in Spanish but an exact translation was hardly necessary. "Bad day at work, I take it?"
Valentino whined into Lucifer's egregious amount of pillows, the bed barely long enough that his body wasn't draping off it. "I spent all day trying to keep these dumb whores in check and THEN this guy- OH this fucking guy-!"
"For fucks sake- Val it wasn't that big of a deal."
Alastor tried to resist grinning wider at the other voice in the doorway. Famous last words, Vincent.
"You don't get it Vox!"
"He just asked about your wardrobe fitting for-"
"Calling me fat! Where the fuck did he get off doing that!? And I still had to be in the studio for six hours after that!"
"It would have been shorter if you didn't tear your stagehands to shit over one question..."
Val whined and turned his attention to Lucifer and Alastor beside him with another pitiful look. A bait for attention that Lucifer quickly took, sitting up to coax his head into his lap. "Aw, Butterfly, don't listen to that moron; you're gorgeous, and I bet that guy completely deserved it."
The moth's antenna only wilted further. "Well now I know you're full of shit. I'm a mess right now..." For once he wasn't being entirely dramatic. The heavy fur around his collar was matted with blood in places and ruffled into a mess, the smaller hearts patterned into it were barely legible. Of course that was still attached to an elegant figure any self conscious sinner would kill to have but Alastor was smart enough to hold his tongue.
"What's with all the feathers anyway?" Vox brushed a few of them aside as he approached the bed with the rest of them, making an even larger mess.
"It seems our dear king is molting off some old feathers. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"Waaait, why does Lulu get all the attention? I'm the one that had a shit day!" Valentino whined indignantly. "If there's any time I need pampering it's right now!" Valentino believed he needed to be pampered all of the time, but that was beside the point.
"Well, Boxy could help clean you up while Bambi finishes up with me," Lucifer posited.
"Ugh, Voxxy's too rough! It's great in bed, but my fur is sensitive. I don't need him ripping it out trying to comb it. I want Alastor to do it..." he whined.
"Asshole, I'm right here!" Vox crossed his arms as he stood at the foot of the bed.
Valentino scoffed, "What? It's true!"
Children, all of them.
Alastor let out a static-tinged growl to quiet their bickering and get their attention. "Enough, I can only do so much at once. Valentino, darling, why not let yourself get comfortable and finish airing out your grievances from today while I groom the rest of these feathers. THEN, I may tend to you. You can do that at much at least, can't you, mon mouche?"
A traitorous smile made it's way onto Valentino's blushing face but he still managed another whine. "No fair, you know I can't resist when you start talking sexy like that..." At least it wasn't difficult to get the little bug to behave.
"Well- ah- here Val, lemme get you out of those heels for you. I'm sure your feet are just killing you at this point." And his shot ricocheted into Vox's sensitive pride. How convenient.
Alastor busied himself again with Lucifer's tarnished wings while Vox continued playing with his mental scoreboard of who was being the better partner. Lucifer, in turn, listened to Valentino's petty gossip and put some validating band-aids on his ego. It wasn't long before Alastor went from a lap full of feathers to a lap full of fluff, meticulously combing and spot cleaning the fur as Valentino nuzzled into his thighs.
"You're so sweet to me Cariño... you too Voxxy." The quick damage control was hardly anything but Vox was needy enough to take it anyway as he toiled away massaging Valentino's back.
"Feeling better already, I take it..." Lucifer smiled from his place flopped into his pillows, sleek wings spread out on either side to enjoy the lack of irritation in them. Valentino simply hummed, his small noises of relaxation and relief too sexual in tone for Alastor's liking but he'd tolerate it if those hands continued to keep to themselves.
With his joints soothed and fur groomed, Valentino joined Lucifer in uselessly sprawling out on the bed. Alastor tried not to look too irritated at all the small white strands clinging to his dark pants as he attempted to sweep them off with his hand.
Vox, having run out of distractions shifted closer to him, leaning in with a tight and baiting smile on his screen. "So, any chance I get a little TLC with you too, Al?"
Alastor hummed, ears tilting back and forth as he considered his options. "Alright."
"Fuck- really??"
Eager dog.
"Yes. You know, I think I have just the thing...." Alastor mused and rooted through his grooming kit as Vox inched himself more and more into his personal space. He produced a small spray bottle of glass cleaner and did not hesitate to start relentlessly spraying Vox directly in the face. The TV was quick to yelp and attempt to shield himself, verbal complaints only receiving a spray directly inside his mouth in response.
"KHWK- Hhkaghk-!! Fu- hkrck! You assh-nmhf!" Vox's coughing fit was quickly muffled as Alastor smothered his face with a microfiber cloth, vigorously wiping back and forth even as Vox's arms blindly flailed to try and force him off.
"There we are, no more dirt and grime on that silly screen of yours. Satisfied?" Alastor smiled sweetly as he packed away his tools. Not to toot his own horn but Vox's screen did look much better now. Judging by the lack of bitching coming from his mouth, he seemed to agree.
That brief moment of peace was interrupted by a cheeky, intrigued hum from Valentino. Lucifer noticed it and tilted his head to quietly press for an explanation. One pointed finger in Vox's direction and Lucifer perked up.
"Ooooh~" he teased.
"Wh- what??" Vox looked back and forth, trying to figure out what was making him look like such a fool.
"Did that seriously make you hard, Voxxy?"
Sure enough, Alastor glanced down before he could reassess if he actually wanted to and Vox's slacks were tenting, something he was already flailing to try and hide.
"I- n-no!! That's not-!!"
"Are you into the rough handling or is it just because he touched you?" Lucifer's tail flicked around lazily, his wicked grin quick to waver into a light hearted giggle with Valentino.
Alastor simply watched as Vox continued to make a fool of himself trying to plead his case. Some people complained about scrubbing floors or washing dishes, but no. Instead Alastor had this. These were his chores; his loud, needy, bothersome chores.
And yet, the permanent smile on his face wasn't something he was fighting.