Archive of Our Own

Everything changed between us, I shout alone, blue.

Having a pack and being in the military is a special kind of hell. Hoseok knows this intimately. Sure, the military allows for care packages filled with scented items, but its never quite enough for Hoseok to make a good nest, one that he could rest fully in. It certainly does not come close to being a good replacement for his pack members either. 

It is finally, finally, the day of Hoseok’s discharge from military. The sun is bright, the breeze is warm, and freedom tastes sweet on his tongue. Even sweeter though, is the taste of Seokjin’s sea salt and campfire hitting his nose as soon as the eldest alpha steps out of the car. 

Hoseok does not stop the wide smile spreading across his face at seeing his hyung. A whine rises up in his throat too, but the sea of cameras flashing in front of him prevents it from coming out. Jin looks good, almost too good, dressed in that burgundy suit that hugs him in all of the right places. 

Clearly post military life has been treating him well. 

Jin grins just as widely when seeing his pack leader standing in uniform, cheeks curving to form crescent eyes. It’s unconventional for Hoseok to be the pack leader as a beta, but Hoseok slipped into the role easily. It was the pack’s decision for him to lead them in private while Namjoonie led them in public, and he would live up to their choice until his dying breath. 

When the other members had first brought up the idea to Hoseok, claiming his professionalism at work and mother henning at home made him the perfect candidate, Hoseok wasn’t super sure. Surely one of the other alphas or omegas would be a better leader? They were the more traditional pick for a reason. 

But, the night of, Namjoon had pulled him into his room and nuzzled the scent gland at the base of his neck oh so softly, murmuring how grateful he was for Hoseok’s support softly into his ear, and well. There was no way he could say no after that. 

For one second, Hoseok folds himself into Seokjin’s embrace, fully relaxing and taking a deep inhale of his scent. Keeping the cameras and audience in mind though, Hoseok quickly straightens back out and waves towards the crowd. A softer smile graces Jin’s lips. In his hands sits a ginormous bouquet of flowers, and Hoseok can’t help giggling at the sheer size of it. 

Filled with mirth, Hoseok leans in close and whispers, “I love you,” into Jin’s ear. His hyung quickly leans forward too and whispers “I love you more, Jwe-hope”, flustering him. 

The only way that this could be a more perfect day was if his other pack members could be there, but Hoseok quickly brushes the thought and ache in his chest away. They had already sent out congratulatory messages that morning. There was no use in dwelling on things he couldn’t change. 

Hoseok stumbles a little as Jin gave him his bouquet on top of the one he already had in his hands. One might have been fine, but the combined weight of both bouquets was much heavier than he had been expecting. Thankfully one of the bodyguards notices his plight, and takes both bouquets off of his hands. 

The rest of the discharge goes by in a blur. Hoseok remembers giving his speech, thanking ARMY for their continued support, and hyperfocusing on the sweat that dripped down Jin’s neck as he kneeled holding the microphone in front. Always so tantalizing. 

Soon enough, it was over. Jin squeezes Hoseok one more time before heading into his car, and Hoseok mourns the loss. 

He wants to travel together, especially when it had been so long since they got to really cuddle and scent each other. Unfortunately, Jin has a meeting later that afternoon for his upcoming tour. The car door closing behind him, Hoseok settles into his seat. He can’t help sniffing himself a little, taking in the lingering smell of smoke and sea Jin leaves behind. 

It is a good day, Hoseok tells himself. He can sleep in his own bed and wash himself in the privacy of his own shower, and Jin would be stopping by at night. It is a great day. 

That night, after the dark has long replaced the light, Hosoek lays in bed with Jin, absolutely smothered in each other’s scents. He’s slightly woozy, addicted to kisses that are easily given and easily taken. His mind and body lay at peace in the blanket of pheromones around them. 

There is not nearly enough time spent with Jin before they are separated again by busy schedules and tour plans. It is mid March now, and Hoseok is a few weeks into his world tour. Somehow, Hoseok thinks sadly, it is almost worse than when he was in the military.

Of course, that is an exaggeration, but after having several weeks of endless snuggling time with Jin, Hoseok feels spoiled on it. It is difficult to function without his alpha so close by and accessible, and his scent on the hoodie Hoseok took is already beginning to disappear. 

Professionalism always comes first though. Even if Hoseok feels like shit without his pack mate close by, he will still give his best performance. Ignoring the beta whining in his chest, Hoseok tunes back into his surroundings. With one last brush of powder from a makeup noona, she chirps, “all done!”

Hoseok examines his reflection in the mirror in front of him and admires her work. He smiles gratefully at her, and she beams back before beginning to clean up. Tuning out the emptiness inside, Hoseok takes a deep breath and thinks of the thousands of ARMY’s excited to see him. His discomfort is a small price to pay for their smiling faces. 

Truly, nothing is better than being wrapped around pack, Hoseok muses. 

It is mid August, the sun is setting just enough to cover the entire living room in a warm glow, the window is open letting in the Los Angeles sea breeze in, and all six of Hoseok’s pack mates are cuddled together in the nest. Hoseok is so content that his chest lets out a rumbly purr as he tangles his leg into Namjoon’s and curls his hand around Jungkook’s biceps. 

Muscles, Hoseok thinks giddily, thick muscles everywhere. With no shame, he uses his other hand to squeeze Taehyung’s pec. 

Jin had arrived at the LA house early that morning and the group finished their live on WeVerse a couple of hours ago, so now they were making the most of their time by catching up on some much needed pack and scenting time. They already had a bonding session right after Yoongi finished his service, but everyone had to hit the ground running so there was not as much time spent together as Hoseok would have liked. 

That is why Hoseok carefully selected a house they could live in when it was confirmed they would go to LA that was big enough for routine pack cuddling sessions. Each member had to be soaked in the other members’ scents again. 

It is not only important for the pack to consistently scent each other to reestablish bonds and pack dynamics, but also for everyone’s health too. After having been apart for so long, it is especially important to consistently douse each other with scents to settle their inner wolves. 

“You really out did yourself with finding this place Hobigah,” Yoongi praises while pressing soft kisses into his neck. Hoseok can’t help but be flustered, preening a little internally. His inner beta is so happy too, after having been stretched thin for so long. 

“Aish it’s nothing serious, hyung.” Hoseok flounders and ends up smacking Yoongi a few times to really emphasize his point. Yoongi pouts in response. Namjoon seems to clue in on the conversation and starts stroking his hand across Hoseok’s ankle that’s wrapped around his thigh. 

“You really did though Hobi,” Namjoon grins cheekily, clearly enjoying how a warm blush is heating up Hoseok’s cheeks. “This place has a wonderful view of the sea and fits all of us perfectly. You did so well, lead us so well”. It’s not fair, really. Namjoon knows what compliments do to him, and using them as a weapon just to fluster him is so mean. 

Hoseok purses his lips and shoves his face into a nearby pillow, refusing to make eye contact with either of them. They’re chuckling, but Hoseok refuses to react. 

“Don’t tease him too much,” Taehyung murmurs sleepily next to them. 

“Thank you Taehyungie, you’re my favorite,” Hoseok states. 

Far on his right, Jungkook whines in complaint. “I thought I was your favorite Hobi-hyung!”. 

“Obviously its me,” Jimin scoffs from where he is strewn across Jungkook. 

“Look at what you’ve done,” Jin laughs from somewhere under Taehyung who has attached to him like a sea barnacle. “You’ve got baby one, baby two, and baby three all fighting each other for you love now”. 

Hoseok huffs, also amused. “You’re all my favorite,” he concedes, much to the displeasure of the three youngest. At some point along the years, they started a competition in the name of Hoseok’s love, to see who he doted on the most. So far Jimin is in the lead, though Hoseok still doesn’t fully understand how the ranking works. 

One time Hoseok made his famous breakfast sandwich for Jungkook, which upped him by five points. There was another time when he painted Taehyung’s nails, and that added three stars, which was a different category from points. 

Thinking about the game too much makes Hoseok’s head hurt. 

The sun is nearly fully set now, and a warm patch of it scatters in freckles across the nest, warming up the sheets. The pack scents swirl together, creating a beautiful concoction where it becomes more difficult to tell individual scents from each other. Hoseok takes a big inhale, letting it settle into his lungs, resting in his heart. 

Home.

Namjoon stretches carefully and sighs happily as he relaxes again. “I hope it will always be like this”. 

Hoseok can’t stop the smile sliding on to his face. His heart warms at his mate, always the sweetheart. 

“I hope so too, Joonie”. 

Spring, summer, fall, winter, always the same feeling, blue

I want to go back to the time when I didn't know anything, blue.

I.

It’s late, far too late to be at the dance studio still, but this one part of the choreography will be completed if it is the last thing Hoseok does. Stretching his arms above his head, Hoseok checks the time. It’s nearing four am. 

Normally, Hoseok has a strict night time routine he follows, including being in bed by midnight sharp. Now with comeback coming soon though, his normal schedule is thrown out the window and “superstar” schedule is in full affect. Including being awake at horrendous times of the night, when his nerves were too frayed to sleep. 

After running through the routine a few more times, Hoseok collapses by the wall. His roadblock has reached a point where Hoseok knows he won’t get anywhere with it. No matter how hard he throws himself into the dance and feels the music with his body, progress will not be made.

It is now 4:30 am, and most of the members are likely at their apartments, hopefully asleep. Having each member find their own place was difficult at first, but Hoseok had actually been one of the main proponents for it, despite being pack leader. Yes, his beta wolf mourned the loss of having them around 24/7, but finding their own space would help them figure out who they are individually.

The pack had lived together for so long that it was difficult to separate their individual identities sometimes. It concerned Hoseok because they were all becoming adults, real adults, not young twenty year olds who thought they had the world in their hands. 

To become who they are meant to be, they have to figure out who they are on their own first. 

Every member still uses the communal apartment, though not as often as Hoseok would like. This is the only thing that stops his wolf from freaking out, even though it has begun pacing uneasily inside of his chest again. 

With how hectic the comeback and individual schedules have been, the pack hasn’t had a good full scenting session in almost over two weeks. Hoseok has been trying to schedule a time together where they can, but everyone is everywhere all the time, so that would be a problem for later. They could last a couple more weeks and be fine. 

It isn’t like Hoseok isn’t guilty of spending less time together either. Most nights are at his own apartment, sleeping only for a few hours before hopping on to the next meeting or task. 

Speaking of sleep though, there is one member that Hoseok is willing to bet is still awake and also at the company building. Coming to a decision quickly, Hoseok packs his things up and heads towards the elevator. With a ding, the elevator doors open and the beta walks down the hallway before stopping in front of a familiar door. 

“Hyunggg,” Hoseok chirps after knocking on said door. It’s quiet inside the room, and Hoseok is beginning to wonder if Yoongi has fallen asleep (it certainly wouldn’t be the first time) before he hears the sound of wheels and the lock being turned. 

A poofy head of black hair pops out after the door swings open a little and Hoseok can’t help but admire how adorable is hyung looks. 

“Hobi?” Yoongi rumbles while squinting his eyes, adjusting to the bright light of the hallway. “Why are you still here?”

“Couldn’t figure out a part of the choreo,” replies Hoseok easily, sliding into the studio after Yoongi opens the door some more to let him in. Wrinkling his nose at the stale air inside, Hoseok walks over to the desk, resting his hip on its edge. 

He looks back up and sees a tiredness in Yoongi’s eyes reflecting his own. Dark circles stain the area under his eyes. Comeback has been exhilarating but also exhausting. 

They, along with Namjoon especially, have a harder time turning off their thoughts, too keyed up in stress and anxiety to rest fully sometimes. Namjoon has it the worst out of all seven of them, understandably given his role in the group. Thankfully he hasn’t been needing his insomnia medicine as much recently, with everyone back together. 

“Did you need help with it?” Yoongi asks, “I’m not sure how much assistance I can offer, but I’ll do my best”. His hyung is sweet, and so soft, and always so willing to help, and Hoseok wants to gather him tight in his arms where he can drown in his oversized hoodie and draw out more of his minty tobacco scent until he bathes in it.

“Nah, I just wanted to come up and see if we could cuddle a while. It’s been a bit since we last did so”, Hoseok reveals. Nothing sounds better than squeezing next to Yoongi and scenting each other for an hour or so before heading to his apartment. Hoseok can see his omega hyung consider it for a moment, before sagging his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry Hobah, I don’t think I can. I’m almost done with this part of the song, and I have a good momentum going”, Yoongi answers sadly.

Hoseok can’t stop the disappointment welling up from inside. The rejection aches more than expected, even though he knew there was a high chance of a no. Maybe Hoseok is more tired than he thought. 

Shoving away the feeling, Hoseok says, “No worries, I should probably get back and try and get some sleep anyway. I don’t want to stop your flow either”. 

“Thank you,” Yoongi smiles softly. He must still see some tension in Hoseok’s shoulders though because before Hoseok can protest, Yoongi is stripping off his outer hoodie and rubs it against the scent gland along his neck, where his smell is strongest. 

“You don’t have to do that hyung,” Hoseok protests when Yoongi shoves the hoodie into his hands. The temperature is kept low in the studio due to Yoongi’s preference of wearing thick clothing. Without the hoodie, he would be cold. 

However, Yoongi only shakes his head. “This is the least I can do”.

Hoseok frowns before unzipping his own jacket and wrapping it around the omega’s shoulders. The jacket is warm and undoubtedly coated with Hoseok’s pheromones since he put it on right after leaving the dance studio. “There, now you won’t be cold”. 

Yoongi flushes a little, likely at how they are now smothered in each others scents. Something inside Hoseok settles as he not so discretely sniffs the minty scent lining the neckline of the hoodie. 

It’s not exactly the way Hoseok had hoped this would go, but he will happily take it. 

“I should head out then”. Leaning forward, Hoseok pulls Yoongi into his arms and rubs their cheeks together. Yoongi hums happily and pulls back a little to leave a peck on Hoseok’s lips. The omega interlocks his hand with Hoseok’s, squeezing lightly. It always amazes Hoseok how big his hyung’s hands are, how much strength they contain. 

Yoongi pulls his hand up to his mouth and leaves another soft kiss on the back. “Get back safe”. 

Hoseok smiles, feeling much better now despite the short interaction. He heads towards the studio door, waving his hand in the air. 

II.

The smell of buttery popcorn fills the kitchen and living room as Hoseok waits for them to finish popping. He pulls out a large bowl from the cabinet while Taehyung browses through their TV, looking for the newest Studio Ghibli movie that is finally on streaming services. 

“I found it hyung!” Taehyung announces while he enters the kitchen. Neither of them have a schedule for the next day and all of the other members are out, so it is a rare moment where Hoseok and Taehyung can enjoy the night, just the two of them. 

Hoseok hums happily in response, opening the microwave door after it has finished beeping. “What is the movie about again?” He questions while pouring the bag into the bowl. 

Taehyung hops on to the counter and watches Hoseok. “The movie starts with a boy who finds out about a magic tower and goes on an adventure to save his step-mother who is also his aunt from his uncle who traps her in the tower,” he explains while swinging his legs. 

Hoseok looks up in confusion, squeezing his brows together. “Wait, so the dad marries his wife’s sister?” 

“Yes!” Taehyung grins. Hoseok reaches over and pinches his cheek, amused. “Sounds scandalous”.

The younger alpha whines a little in protest, but allows Hoseok to squish one more time before letting go. Hoseok moves over to the cabinets again, reaching a bit higher to look for the BBQ seasoning Taehyung likes on his popcorn. 

Hoseok is already on his tippy toes, but still can’t see into the highest row. Maybe he should just grab a stool. Before he can step backwards, a strong pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist, startling him. 

“Taetae?” Hoseok asks, trying to twist around to no avail. This close to the alpha, Hoseok gets a big whiff of Taehyung’s champagne and leather scent. The arms squeeze tighter, limiting his movements even further. A small part of him misses the days where he could throw Taehyung around easily, but a larger part is ecstatic about how strong he has gotten. 

He really is like a bodybuilder, Hoseok muses, thoughts echoing Namjoon’s statement from a while back. 

“Taetae?” Hoseok asks again when the alpha doesn’t respond. He has to strain his neck upward to try and see his face, not missing how Taehyung towers over him.

Instead of words, Taehyung just huffs into his hair and wraps himself around even tighter. The alpha dips down, sniffing hard. A cold nose touches his neck before tracing a path down to his shoulder. 

“You smell so good hyung,” Taehyung breaths. 

Ah, Hoseok thinks, it really has been too long. 

Baring his neck open further, Hoseok gives more access to Taehyung, letting him leave small wet kisses along the line of his neck. His alpha sighs happily, pressing harder into him. For a few more minutes Hoseok lets him lick and bite softly, not hard enough to bruise, before pushing back gently. 

“Taehyung-ah, let’s start the movie okay?” If this kept going for too long, Hoseok knows neither of them will make it to the couch, and Taehyung was really excited to watch this movie with him. 

Taehyung leaves on last sloppy kiss before standing up and pulling Hoseok with him towards the living room. “Okay hyungie, but we will continue on the couch”. 

After settling comfortably, Hoseok covers a blanket around them and places his legs over Taehung’s. The movie begins and Hoseok takes the opportunity to start scenting lightly along Taehyung’s neck. The alpha’s scent begins flooding the room, making it smell like a jazz bar instead of their home. It’s intoxicating.

Taehyung is focused on the movie, though his fingers stroke idly against the gland on the inside of Hoseok’s wrist. The scent diffusing out from there is a little weaker. 

Suddenly, a loud ringtone blares out from the phone on the coffee table, thoroughly startling Hoseok and making Taehyung jump up. The alpha reaches for his phone and checks the caller ID. Swearing a little, he fully stands. 

“I’m sorry Hoseok hyung, I have to take this, it’s the art gallery,” he apologizes, puppy dog eyes in full effect. Hoseok waves him off, saying its no big deal, and sprawls out on the couch while Taehyung turns down a hallway to answer the call. 

His alpha has been working incredibly hard lately, working on an art exhibit that would be in Seoul to express himself better. Hoseok is so proud of him for stepping out of his comfort zone and trying this new avenue of expression. No one except for Namjoon has been allowed to see the creative process, who was ecstatic that someone else was just as interested in an art gallery as him. 

After a few minutes that Hoseok spends lazily scrolling on Tiktok, snickering at a few edits, Taehyung comes back into the room and plops down. Hoseok peeks over his phone, only to end up with an armful of Taehyung who used the opportunity to roll over and on top of him. Normally Hoseok would giggle and roll around, but there’s a tinge of sadness souring Taehyung’s scent. 

“I have to go in for a last minute meeting,” the alpha complains before Hoseok even asks. “Apparently the photographer who is supposed to do my next shoot got strep throat and had to cancel, and the team refuses to agree on another photographer without me present”. 

Hoseok hums in understanding, reaching down to scratch gently at his scalp. He can feel a frown tugging at edges of his lips. Thankfully in this position Taehyung isn’t able to see it.  “That’s a sign that you have a good team though, that they want you to be so heavily involved in each step”. 

“I know,” Taehyung pouts. “I just wish I could stay here with you”.

“Aigoo”. The confession is almost enough to push out the pang at the news. Steeling himself, Hoseok pushes Taehyung upwards until he is sitting again. 

“This meeting will be worth it. You’ll do a great job Taehyung, your hard work will pay off,” Hoseok titters. Taeuhyung pushes himself off the couch and heads towards the front door, Hoseok trailing behind him. As the alpha puts on his shoes, Hoseok grabs his scarf off a hook, then wraps it tightly around him. The first touch of Winter has hit already. 

“Do you want me to wait up for you?” Hoseok asks. It is already midnight, and he isn’t sure how long the other will take. 

Taehyung looks down and shakes his head. “No, this will probably take a couple of hours”. 

He looks so sad. Not wanting to add onto it, Hoseok swallows down the need for him to stay, just for the night. If he asks, his sweet alpha undeniably will stay in, but this meeting and opportunity is to good to let go. 

“It’s okay, I’ll just head to bed and rest,” Hoseok reassures. Taehyung seems to look for something in his eyes and finds it, as he huffs and pecks Hoseok’s cheek. 

“Okay”. 

With that, the alpha turns around and the door closes behind him. Now that he is gone, taking his comforting scent with him, Hoseok realizes just how empty the apartment smells. The pack scents are easily detectable but it should be overflowing with lingering scents from all pack members. The members are no longer spending enough time inside to leave a lasting effect. The brief minutes he and Taehyung had together are not anywhere close to enough to fill up the apartment either.

Hoseok lets out a breath and goes back to the living. After folding the blanket and turning off the TV, he heads towards his bedroom. It looks like he will be the only one in the shared apartment tonight. 

Lying in bed by himself feels horrible, and even cuddling the plushies the other members gifted him don’t make him feel better. His beta whines unhappily inside of him, at how he can barely smell his pack anywhere, even on himself. Hoseok can’t help agreeing with it wholeheartedly. 

It’s too quiet and the moon provides poor company.

III.

It’s been about a week and Taehyung and him have both been so busy that they haven’t had a chance to make up their missed movie night.  In the morning, Hoseok realized it has been around a month since their last pack scenting session. This sets him on edge for the rest of the day, making him antsier than he usually is. 

He blames this on why he is all over Jimin today. Well, that may be one reason. The other is that Jimin is leaving for Paris in a couple of hours. Paris, all the way across the world. He’s meeting  people to prepare for the Dior Fashion Week and Hoseok is so, so proud of him for going, but it also rankles his beta. 

Unfortunately, the displeasure of his wolf has led Hoseok to hovering around Jimin while he packs for the trip, constantly checking in and trying to help out. He can tells he’s being overbearing, that his mother henning is starting to grate on Jimin’s nerves, but he also can’t get himself to stop. 

“Do you need more makeup wipes?” Hoseok questions as he flits around Jimin’s apartment bedroom. 

The omega sighs and Hoseok ignores the tinge of irritation that seeps into his vanilla and cinnamon scent. “No, hyung, I do not. I turn thirty in a month, I can pack by myself”. 

Hoseok gnaws on his lip nervously. “I know, I know,” he says, running a hand through his hair. Despite the knowledge that Jimin is very much so an adult and is capable of taking care of himself, it still doesn’t stop his worry. 

He goes back to Jimin’s closet and rummages around a little, finding a nice floral shirt that would look good. “Have you decided on your outfits yet? What about this top with those jeans you bought last week?”

The irritated sound Jimin lets out this time is fully expected and Hoseok knows he’s to blame. Even Jimin, always so patient, can’t erase the annoyed furrow in his brows when he turns around and stares, standing up from where he was kneeling around his suitcase.

“Hyung,” he starts, crossing his arms, “You know I have my outfits planned, I finalized them days ago. I love you but if you keep doing this I’m going to have to ask you to go to another room”. 

Hoseok visibly wilts at the harshness. He is acting rather crazy. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll let you finish packing up without any more comments”. 

Noting Hoseok’s sullen tone, Jimin frowns, his annoyance morphing into concern. Dropping his arms, the omega instead comes closer and holds Hoseok’s hands. 

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks softly.

Hoseok hates when this happens. Hates being vulnerable in front of other people, especially his mates. He’s supposed to be the pack leader, strong and unbreakable. Jimin has always been able to slip past his walls though. Sees him all too clearly. 

Namjoon used to joke that he was Jimin’s number one, which Jimin protested vehemently, arguing he had no favorites. That doesn’t stop the omega from reading him so well. 

Hoseok takes a deep breath and lets it out. Knowing that he won’t be able to get away with a full lie, he tries, “I think the stress of the come back has been getting to me”. 

Jimin squeezes his hands tighter and nods his head in understanding. “If you ever need anything, you let me know, okay?” 

“Jiminie, what would I ever do without you?” Hoseok nuzzles in closer. It’s a genuine question, he doesn’t know what he would do without his baby. The beta makes sure to rub his cheek all over Jimin’s head until he’s nearly drowning with chocolate and strawberries, blending together with his vanilla. Perfect. 

“Probably pass away at the sight of a bug,” Jimin teases. 

Grinning in agreement, Hoseok lets go of Jimin so that the omega can go back to packing. Hoseok settles in Jimin’s bed, rolling around in his blankets until they form a burrito around him. “How soon do you have to head out?”

Jimin checks his phone, cursing slightly under his breath. “In about ten minutes actually. The company car will be picking me up”. Now under a time crunch, Jimin moves around faster before finding a few last items and zipping up his suitcase. 

“Ah, I was hoping to have more time to cuddle,” Hoseok mumbles into Jimin’s pillow. 

With a few minutes to spare, Jimin comes over and wraps himself around the ball Hoseok is in. Jimin squeezes tight.  “Me too hyung, I wish you could have come over earlier”. 

Hoseok wishes so too, but he had a recording session that ended up taking longer than he thought it would. The acknowledgment of the unavoidability of his work only makes him feel worse. 

Jimin sniffs around a little and frowns. “I don’t smell that much of pack on you, Hobi hyung”. 

Hoseok sniffs himself some too and burrows deeper into the blankets, leaving only the top of his head and eyes to poke through. “It’s been a while since I scented another member. Too busy,” he sighs. 

The pack scent is also dwindling on Jimin, so Hoseok refuses to complain. It is still strong enough to hold for his trip and ward off other people from getting too cozy at the very least. 

Instead of letting the topic go, Jimin only frowns deeper. “You’re pack leader hyung, it’s important for you to smell more like us. You should be drowning in our scents”. Hoseok can sense Jimin’s possessiveness rising up and shivers a little. The whole pack tends to be extra protective since as a beta, it’s harder for their scents to stick and hold. Jimin’s goes further than the others sometimes though. 

“It’s not a big deal Jiminie, we’ll fix it once we have more time,” Hoseok affirms. 

“Not a big deal my ass”, the omega huffs, clearly in disagreement. He eyes Hoseok but ultimately doesn’t press the matter further. 

Jimin’s phone buzzes, showing a message that his ride has arrived. While putting on his shoes and jacket, Hoseok peeks out more, watching him. Jimin finishes grabbing everything and makes his way back over to his bed. 

Aggressively, Jimin digs his face into Hoseok’s neck, licking a long stripe up while combing his hand through Hoseok’s hair and yanking his head back. Hoseok can only keen. Whoever says omegas can’t be assertive is a dirty liar. 

He nibbles and licks roughly over Hoseok’s scent gland. Hoseok shakes. The session ends all too soon. It’s effective but not enough. Breathing harshly, Jimin leans back and leaves one last soft kiss on Hoseok’s lips. “This will have to do for now,” he murmurs as Hoseok pushes forward for one last peck. 

Hoseok grins happily, inner beta temporarily satiated. He will take any crumbs he can get. “Have a good trip, and please message us when you board and land”. 

“Will do,” Jimin promises. 

IV.

A few days into Jimin’s departure is Jin’s return from Busan, where he spent nearly a week working hard on his IGIN business. Hoseok is inside of the communal kitchen, cooking up some galbi-jjim and jap chae to celebrate his return. Small trips like these are common for every member, but Hoseok feels the need to welcome him back. 

It’s evening, and Jin should be arriving back at their apartment soon. After finishing up a few last details, Hoseok begins washing the dishes while the food sits warm on the stove. Soon enough,  a familiar beeping comes from the front door, followed by the sound of the lock sliding and door opening. 

Hoseok turns around, wiping his hands on his apron, and is greeted by the sight of Jin walking in. The alpha has a baseball cap and mask on that he removes. Looking upwards, he quickly makes eye contact with Hoseok and a smile blooms on his face. 

Gaze scanning around the kitchen, his ocean scent leaks out a pleased note. “Wah Jwe-hope, is this all for me?” 

“It’s not that much Jwan,” Hoseok answers, “I just wanted to welcome you back”. He shimmies out of the apron, placing it on the counter. 

“You’re the best beta I could ever ask for,” cheers Jin as he takes off his shoes and goes to wash his hands. 

After plating the food and Jin has smothered Hoseok in kisses, they sit around the kitchen table. It’s a little empty, just the two of them, but both are loud enough to fill the space with no problem. JIn makes satisfied sounds when he eats the food, making Hoseok’s wolf preen with joy. 

He hasn’t been sleeping well recently and is feeling more on edge with everyone moving around so much, but now that Jin is back for good, he thinks he’ll be able to sleep better. They talk about everything, like this Army JIn met while grocery shopping at one in the morning, Hoseok’s new necklace that he purchased, and the chilly weather that feels like is here to stay. 

“Are you going to stay in our apartment tonight?” Hoseok asks when they begin clearing away plates. He hopes Jin will. 

Jin shakes his head as he stacks their cups and puts them in the dishwasher. “I’m here to grab a few things and then head to my place to change out my outfits before I leave tomorrow”.

At that news, Hoseok pauses from where he’s washing their chopsticks, feeling his triangular frown that’s showing up a lot more often. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

“Yes, did I not tell you?” Jin stops and straightens up. “I’m going to Gwacheon to see my family in the morning for three days”.

Hoseok feels his frown deepen further. “No, you did not tell me”.

The pack members have a habit of making sure Hoseok knows what their plans, out of respect for his position and needs. They even share their location with each other so he can check in on them. 

Seeing his unease, Jin quickly apologizes. “I’m sorry Hoseok-ah,” he says while shaking his head, “It must have slipped my mind. It was a last minute decision, my brother just got a big promotion at his job so my family is celebrating”. His hyung looks very guilty, and Hoseok can’t fault him for the clear mistake. 

“It’s alright Jinnie hyung”. Hoseok forces down the ugly beast inside of him and continues washing the utensils. The uneasiness inside catches him off guard. Jealousy over Jin’s family of all things. 

After closing the dishwasher door, Jin drapes himself over Hoseok. He clings on like an octopus, wrapping limbs around the younger. “It’s not and I’m sorry. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again”. 

Hoseok nuzzles back, accepting his apology. This close, all Hoseok can smell is Jin’s ocean scent with hints of pine and champagne mixed in. Taking in another deep lungful, Hoseok asks, “Were you with Joonie and Taetae recently?”

Now, Hoseok is very glad that his pack members are managing to find time to scent each other. It’s important that they stay connected and show others who they love. Logically, Hoseok should be happy for them. 

“Yeah, we got together right before I left for Busan”. Jin’s ears tinge red at the top.

Logic doesn’t stop jealousy from burning up his chest. 

Hoseok doesn’t know why he feels this way. He knows his members love him, that they aren’t intentionally leaving him out of scenting sessions. A small voice rises and reminds him that it’s been close to five weeks since the last time he was scented well. Hoseok grabs it and throws it into a chest he locks up tight. 

“Oh”. 

Despite blocking out the voice, Hoseok doesn’t know what to say, or even why he asked in the first place. The answer is all over Jin’s scent. 

He finishes washing and dries his hands. Refuses to face Jin. He doesn’t know what his face shows, but he does know he doesn’t want his hyung to see it. 

Thankfully, Jin doesn’t seem to catch on to his internal turmoil. 

“I won’t be able to stay, but…” The alpha opens up his suitcase and pulls out his favorite RJ plushie. “I hope he will suffice as a replacement”.

Endeared, Hoseok can’t help but feel slightly better. Jin absolutely adores his RJ, taking it with him everywhere he went. It helps that the plush is saturated with his scent too. Hoseok  inhales deeply and pauses slightly. The ocean breeze and smoke scent covering it that is usually so calming doesn’t have quite the same effect. Hoseok can’t put his finger on it, but it feels almost foreign. 

The beta exhales. It’s just fatigue catching up to him. 

“Thank you, I’ll make sure he has the best treatment,” Hoseok giggles, pulling RJ to his chest and squeezing tight. He makes sure to send his sunniest smile towards his alpha. 

Jin grins back just as brightly. He starts moving towards his room, wheeling his suitcase behind him, and calls out, “I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back!”

When Jin returns, Jimin has too, and neither of them meet up with Hoseok. It’s not intentional,  they are all drowning in work after all. 

It’s not. 

Secretly, Hoseok is grateful too. He is getting annoyed more easily lately, finds himself snapping at innocent staff when working, then profusely apologizing right after. Steps are taken to avoid his mates in the hallways, quick turn arounds into empty rooms when he hears their voice. 

Hoseok doesn’t know what’s going on, but his mood is not a problem and he won’t let it be one. At the very least, the others don’t seem to notice anything off. Small mercies. 

V.

Laundry has always been calming. Hoseok is all too aware that that doesn’t help him beat the neat freak allegations, but it’s true. Folding clothes on the living room couch is repetitive and productive, and allows Hoseok to clear his mind. His only worry is a wrinkle to smoothen out. 

Hoseok would fold the clothes in his own room but he feels stifled in there. Here the open space bears down on him less, and all of the members should be out anyway. Of course, he’s quickly proven wrong. 

From Namjoon’s room comes a loud bang, followed by a swear. It startles Hoseok, causing him to drop the sock he had been rolling up. Keeping back a sigh, Hoseok calls out, “Are you okay Namjoon-ah?”

“Yes!” Namjoon calls out from his bedroom, then some suspicious sounds leading up to him opening the door and walking out sheepishly. 

“I dropped my phone on my face,” he huffs while shuffling over. 

Hoseok manages to hold back a laugh for Namjoon’s sake, but he can’t quite keep a wry smile from forming. “Of course you did”. 

Finishing up the pair of socks, Hoseok shuffles some piles around to make space for Namjoon. The alpha plops down next to Hoseok, and Hoseok moves to lean on him. Their shoulders touch briefly. Hoseok’s beta growls inside him, filling his body with discomfort. Shifting back slightly, just slowly enough so that Namjoon doesn’t notice his flinch, Hoseok instead settles in to the arm of the couch. Weird.

“What are you doing here? I thought you had plans for the day?” Hoseok asks. 

“I was supposed to, but the producer rescheduled for another day,” Namjoon answers, and Hoseok hums. The alpha pulls out his phone and begins scrolling through social media. Letting him be, Hoseok heads back in to his own room to put his clothes away. After almost ten minutes of making sure nothing would wrinkle or dry weird, Hoseok heads back out.

Surprisingly, Namjoon is still on the couch in the same position Hoseok left him in. His alpha looks very comfortable and cozy, dressed in sweatpants softened by wear and an oversized t-shirt. Hoseok would give just about anything to scent him right now. 

Hoseok is tempted to ask, but he doesn’t want to bother the other. Namjoon is arguably the busiest out of all of them in preparing for the comeback, and Hoseok would rather he rest. However, Hoseok also can’t stop this neediness from building up inside of him. 

Testing the waters, he asks, “Do you have any plans for the rest of the day then?” while sitting back down on the couch. 

Namjoon visibly perks up. “Yes! Jimin and I are going to a bath house after I grab dinner with Yoongi-hyung. The bath house has those little fish that chew dead skin off your feet that also supposedly release enzymes resulting in smooth skin. Jimin really wanted to try and it’s been a while since I’ve gone to one, so we are making a trip”.

“Why didn’t you invite me?” 

The question slips out before Hoseok can even think about stopping it. Regret fills every inch of him as he sees how Namjoon’s shoulders sag slightly and some of his excitement drains out. Hopefully it’s not too late to do some damage control. 

“I’m sorry Joonie, ignore what I said. I’m glad you and Jimin are getting to relax tonight.” Hoseok follows up before Namjoon can say anything. He doesn’t bring up how he would love to go to dinner too. 

He doesn’t bring up how his beta whines. 

Washing each other’s backs is a big deal. The back is a very vulnerable place that every wolf  fights to defend. That’s why only family and pack members wash that spot in one of the ultimate signs of trust. In baths especially, washing backs is a very intimate moment filled with love and often scenting. 

Hoseok wants to be involved so badly he aches with it. 

Namjoon hesitantly looks into his eyes. “Hobah, that’s not really fair”. 

The ugly beast that rose in Hoseok comes back with a vengeance. “It’s not fair that you didn’t invite me,” he bites back. Internally, Hoseok hates how petulant he sounds. His voice is whiny and he feels like a child. 

“You know Jimin and I would love for you to come. The invite is open for dinner too”. Namjoon moves forward. Hoseok slides backward. 

“I don’t want a pity invite,” Hoseok retorts before he can think. That’s not what he wants to say. Why can’t he just keep his mouth shut. 

At that response, Namjoon’s eyes harden. “This is not a pity invite. Don’t get upset at me if you won’t even accept my offer. We would love for you to come with, you know that”. HIs voice is dark, grating, and Hoseok can smell the storm brewing in his normally pleasant pine and petrichor scent. 

It’s not enough to stop the next two words from falling out of Hoseok’s mouth. 

“Do I?” 

Namjoon freezes, shock quickly taking over his face. This makes Hoseok finally snap out of the trance he was in. The beta pushes back on the couch, needing more distance between them. He’s trembling a little, feels strangely out of his body.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry Namjoon. That’s not what I meant, I know you love me, I’m just really tired and please ignore what I said,” Hoseok panics, already standing and backing up. He ignores how his beta asks if his alpha really does love him when his scent is nowhere to be found on him. 

Hoseok smacks his beta and runs into his room. 

Namjoon doesn’t follow him over and he shouldn’t have to because Hoseok is pack leader and he’s supposed to be reliable and the bigger person so Namjoon can be small in the privacy of his own home and he’s failing all of them so badly lately and–

And the point is that Namjoon doesn’t follow him.

This time the members have caught on to how he is avoiding them. 

They give him space. 

Hoseok needs it. 

He also hates it. 

VI.

By some miracle, the group’s schedule aligns enough to where they have an evening fully off together, with no early schedule the next day. Hoseok is, to put it simply, ecstatic. His wolf should also be happy but it has been strangely quiet for the last few days, so Hoseok will be extra enthusiastic for the both of them. 

After weeks of endless work, this pack night feels like an oasis in the dessert. Hoseok bustles around the living room grabbing blankets and pillows. The other members linger around, taking showers, grabbing snacks and drinks, and changing into something more comfortable. They already had a nice meal together, and are now setting up for a movie paired with lots of cuddling. 

In summary, a perfect night. 

It’s a little awkward around the rest of the members. Hoseok doesn’t want to address the elephant in the room and the others don’t seem to know what to do. He notices their not so subtle glances sent across the dinner table. 

Usually Hoseok deals with these things on his own, reaching out to the other members one on one if needed. This time he can’t seem to get out of his slump but it hasn’t affected his work, so they are letting him be. 

With everything fully set up, the other members settle around in various configurations on the couch and loveseats. Jimin is next to Taehyung, Namjoon has his shoulder on Jin, and Yoongi is sprawled out on the floor. The only one missing is Jungkook. 

Walking over towards the hallway, Hoseok calls out, “Are you almost ready Jungkook?” 

The youngest alpha peeks his head out of his bedroom door. “Ah hyung!” he exclaims. “Perfect timing, what do you think of my outfit?”

He steps backwards, letting the door open more, and awkwardly stands there. Jungkook is dressed up in a tight black compression shirt that doesn’t leave much to the imagination with distressed jeans and chains that dangle through the loops. His muscles strain against the fabric as he shifts around. 

Jungkook looks good enough to eat and that is exactly the problem. 

“Are you heading out somewhere?” Hoseok asks instead of giving the compliments his maknae are hoping for. 

Faltering a little, Jungkook curls in his shoulders. “Yeah, I’m going out tonight with BamBam and Yugyeom tonight”. 

“Why are you going out? We were supposed to have a pack night,” Hoseok demands. His tone is too harsh and he can tell by the way Jungkook flinches back blinks owlishly at him. The alpha’s usually floraly linen smell becomes bitter.

“I- I just wanted to go out with them. It’s been a long time since we had met up”. 

It’s a perfectly reasonable request, but that doesn’t stop anger from flaring up in Hoseok’s chest. “You can’t go out, it’s supposed to be pack night”. 

Hoseok looks back into the living room for support, only to be met with five pairs of wary eyes. 

“It’s just one night hyung. He’ll be fine,” Jimin says. 

Hoseok grounds his teeth. Yes, it is only one night, but it is one night they were supposed to spend all together. 

“It has been a long time since we all hung out. We need to come together”. 

Jin frowns. “We’ll start touring soon and be around each other all the time then. I hate pulling the hyung card, but you need to let him have this one night”. Hoseok looks around the room and everyone seems to be agreeing with him. That only raises his hackles more. 

It’s like they don’t care that he is pack leader at all, that his opinion means nothing. 

“Jungkook stays”. 

“No, he won’t,” Yoongi snaps. “You can’t control him like this, Hoseok”. 

Hoseok doesn’t know how to explain the clawing desperate need he has for Jungkook to stay the night. It feels irrational and a part of Hoseok knows it is. His beta still howls in protest and the only thing Hoseok can do is clench his jaw. 

“I’m not being controlling,” Hoseok argues. 

“You kind of are,” Namjoon says quietly. “You’ve been snappish and cold lately Seokie, and forcing Jungkook to stay the night when he should be able to enjoy it with his friends is too much”. Hoseok can’t help the betrayal he feels. The other two youngest are quiet, concern clear on their faces. Jungkook looks annoyed too.  

None of them meet his eyes. The living room smells foul with all of the negative emotions tainting it. The main ones, anger and disappointment, coat his tongue.  

He studies his pack warily, really looks at them. Exhaustion is etched into every line, the same exhaustion he feels in himself. This is a fight he does not want to win. 

Hoseok bites his lip and looks down. If they are all against him on this, he must be wrong.

“Okay, okay you’re right,” Hoseok concedes, slinking slowly into the hallway. “I’m sorry”. Refusing to look at them, Hoseok dashes into his bedroom, closes the door, and throws himself onto his bed. 

Through the walls Hoseok can make out the sound of some faint muttering. The front door then closes shut. After some more hushed conversations, it becomes quiet and the sound of a movie starts up. 

Hoseok sniffs sadly, curling his arms around his pillow. They’re probably all scenting each other right now, curled up around each other and making the most of the night. Without him. 

He rolls onto his back. The anger drains out of him, leaving behind a pit. Horrifyingly, Hoseok can feel tears prickling his water line. Why on earth is he acting this way?

Some of the pack scents flow into his room from the gap under his door. It’s a sign that they are scenting each other heavily. Somehow that hurts more than anything that was said tonight. Hoseok inhales the air. Instead of finding comfort, his beta growls at the foreign wolves. 

God, what is wrong with him lately? 

Hoseok curls up into a ball around his pillow. His bed smells too much like himself. 

I measure the weight between calmness and passion

But now I just want to burn blue to death.

The day started off good. Great, even, if Hoseok ignores the crumbling relationship with his pack. Hoseok had cleaned his apartment earlier, the weather was not too chilly, and his coffee was made perfectly. 

The nice morning and afternoon lulls him into a false sense of security. As Hoseok walks into the recording studio, he convinces himself that he will have a good time with his members. They will be productive and things will be okay. 

He is the first person in so after setting down his bag, Hoseok makes sure to check his scent blocker is still in place. There’s a constant rotting tinge to his strawberry scent now that he can’t get rid of. These past few days he has formed a habit of putting on a patch every couple of hours to stop others from worrying. 

Thankfully it is securely covering the scent gland on his neck. Smaller ones cover the ones on his wrist. Since the winter is in full force, it’s easy to hide them behind long sleeves and the turtleneck he is wearing. 

Hoseok hums to himself as he takes a look at the lyrics for the day. The recording booth door slides open behind him and the six other members file in. The way they all arrive at the same time is suspicious but Hoseok doesn’t let himself dwell on it. 

There’s no warm greeting or soft hugs and Hoseok shrivels up a little inside. 

“Right,” Namjoon clears his throat, “let’s get started. First up is going to be Jin, then Jimin, then Yoongi”. 

With years of experience, the pack falls into an easy rhythm setting up and starting the recording process. The first three sessions go smoothly, with minor errors. They don’t have to do too many reruns and Hoseok only makes comments when he feels it is absolutely necessary. 

After Yoongi was Jungkook, then Namjoon, and then Taehyung. When Taehyung steps back into the recording booth, Hoseok lets out a breath in relief. Everything is going fine so far, if not a bit strained. They’ve been cordial which is all that Hoseok can ask for. He just needs to make it through his part and then he can leave. The sun has long set and Hoseok is glad this is the last thing on his agenda. 

Taehyung holds open the door for him and he slides into the room, making sure to not accidentally brush up against the alpha. Hoseok steps up into the microphone and pulls on the headphones. He sings a few lines, flowing easily into the rap that has taken up a good chunk of his week. 

“Try making it a little sharper at the ends,” Yoongi calls out through the speaker, and Hoseok nods in agreement. The second take goes better, but it’s not quite the vibe he wants. Namjoon gives the okay that the third one has started and Hoseok tries again.

Listening to the playback, Hoseok shakes his head. Something is still missing. “Let me do it one more time”. 

There’s a fifth, then sixth redo before the speaker crackles to life again and Yoongi’s voice filters through. “I think your fifth one was good Hobah, lets keep that one”.

Frustration at himself is bleeding through Hoseok’s veins. “No, it wasn’t good enough. One more time?”.

Jungkook gives a thumbs up through the window. Hoseok takes a deep breath and tries again. After the run though, Hoseok doesn’t even need to hear the audio to know that he’s unsatisfied with it. He yanks off the headphones and goes to the recording booth to drink some water.

Namjoon runs an irritated hand through his hair and breaths out harshly. “Let’s just keep the fifth one”.

“I’m telling you it’s not good enough,” Hoseok disagrees, setting down his water bottle. 

“Yes it is,” Yoongi drawls. “You can try a million times and it will never fit perfectly. The fifth one is raw and sharp, it’ll work well enough”. 

Hoseok frowns. He doesn’t want something that is just good enough. Hoseok takes pride in making sure every piece of his work is as great as it can be. Something that he can confidently say he poured all he has into. 

“Let me try more, hyung,” Hoseok protests, “You don’t have to stay, I can finish it by myself”. 

“No,” Jin sighs, leaning against the wall. “You have to move on”. Hoseok doesn’t miss how their scents have started souring again. 

“But–” 

“Why can’t I smell you hyung?” 

The room quickly fills with silence. All eyes have turned towards Jungkook, who narrows his eyes at Hoseok. The alpha sniffs the room some more, tilting his head in confusion when he doesn’t smell any strawberries or chocolate. 

Taehyung stalks forward after he notices the same problem and Hoseok hurries backwards until his back slams into the wall. The second youngest alpha grabs his wrist hard. Hoseok freezes, unable to do anything while he watches Taehyung peel back his sleeve in fear. There, snow white and damning, is the scent patch covering his wrist. 

Hoseok flinches when Jungkook harshly pulls down his turtleneck, not having noticed that he followed Taehyung. He feels more than hears the sharp inhale his mates take when they see the same patch on his neck. 

They’ve never worn scent blockers in front of each other before.

Jungkook moves to rip the scent patch on his neck off. Before his fingers can touch his skin, Hoseok snarls loudly. Jungkook freezes, fingers hovering above the patch. Taehyung’s grip tightens around Hoseok’s wrist.

“What was that?” Namjoon growls, standing up from his seat. “Did you snarl at our maknae?” In his peripheral, Hoseok can see Jimin looking around worriedly as Jin and Yoongi also straighten up. 

Fear and regret ice over Hoseok’s veins. He hadn’t meant to do that. Betas rarely snarl, if ever. They aren’t biologically likely to due to being a mix between alpha and omega, more in tune with their human side than most. Beta wolves don’t take over, not like this. 

Something is very, very wrong. 

Hoseok flattens himself against the wall as much as he can when the other members come closer. Yoongi traces his finger around the edge of the scent patch on his neck. All Hoseok can do is stay deathly still. A breath barely trickles in. 

“What is this?” Jin asks as the traces his finger on the other side of the patch. Hoseok’s breath stutters. 

“Nothing,” he manages to choke out, “it’s nothing”. 

“If it was nothing you wouldn’t be wearing these”. Yoongi’s voice stirs up anger in Hoseok’s chest. 

“I’ve been wearing them for days, but none of you noticed,” Hoseok says hotly. Some members look guilty but Hoseok is too upset and scared to care. 

Jungkook’s grip softens and his gaze turns sad. “We should have noticed. What’s happening to you hyung? To us?”

Hoseok inches closer towards the door, hoping they don’t notice. He shakes his head.

“Why are you so upset all the time? Did we do something wrong?”

His fingers close around the door handle. 

“What are you hiding from us?” 

His wrist turns. 

Yoongi gently peels off the scent patch on his neck and rotten strawberry floods the recording booth. Jimin audibly gasps and has to hold his hand up to block out some of the putrid scent. Tears form in Hoseok’s eyes. His smell is absolutely disgusting. Using the distraction, he yanks the door open. 

Namjoon notices too late, manages to yell out a “Wait! Hoseok–” in shock before Hoseok is throwing himself into the hallway. 

Fight, flight or freeze, and his wolf has chosen. Hoseok speeds down the hallway, clamping his hand tight around his scent gland. He nearly runs into a staff member in his haste to get away, and apologizes quickly to her before stepping into the stairway. 

Behind the door leading back to the hallway, Hoseok can hear foot steps getting closer. Panic overtakes him and he starts running down the stairs. 

Briefly, Hoseok considers escaping to his studio, but his members can easily find him there. It’s too close to them and Hoseok can’t deal right now. Somewhere outside of the building then. Their apartment? Hoseok thinks about it for a second when he reaches his car, thankful that his keys and wallet are still in his pocket. No, it’s too close to them. They can also easily find him there. 

For some reason, even thinking about smelling their scents right now churns his stomach. 

His own apartment then. 

As soon as he arrives, Hoseok heads for his bedroom. He closes the door, locks it and paces around restlessly. Hoseok starts rustling through his clothes and accessories. Anything that has their scents is thrown into a pile on the ground. When he finishes thoroughly combing through his room, Hoseok tosses the pile into his hallway. Jungkook’s hoodie, Jimin’s socks, Jin’s Wotteok. It all goes in. 

His body is moving on autopilot and Hoseok doesn’t even process what he has done until he’s back in his bedroom with the door locked again. The only smell in the room is expired strawberries and bitter chocolate. 

Safe, his beta insists, safe now. 

Hoseok clutches his chest, gasping for breath. This isn’t right. He should be finding comfort in his pack scents. They should be settling his wolf. Instead, bile filled his mouth with every item he found that had their scent. His wolf doesn’t recognize them. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to even out his heart that’s pounding in his ears. Clear his thoughts a little. It doesn’t work. 

Distraught, Hoseok crawls into bed, sobbing hard. He should be better than this. He’s the pack leader, he shouldn’t be hiding away, avoiding them at all costs. 

His phone starts vibrating again with a call and he throws it across the room. Ever since he left his members have been calling him non stop. The buzzing only sets him more on edge. 

Time slips through his fingers like sand. At some point the buzzing stops and doesn’t start again, probably after seeing that he’s safe at his apartment. Hoseok can’t really focus on anything, doesn’t want to really. 

Eventually, he falls asleep to the sound of his own breathing. 

When Hoseok wakes up the next morning, he feels like he’s been ran over by a truck. He gets up and doesn’t check his phone. Forces himself through his morning routine on autopilot. Doesn’t think about anything until he is staring at himself in the mirror, fresh out of his shower. 

He’s willing to admit that he looks, well, horrible to put it mildly. His eyes are still puffy from crying all night and his cheeks are extremely swollen. There’s red splotches around his face. Hoseok looks away, ashamed of the evidence of his rough night. 

His eyes focus on the claiming bites located around his scent gland on his neck. Six beautiful indents of teeth. Running his fingertips across the raised edges reminds him of the time they officially became a pack. It was a beautiful night filled with laughter, pleasure, and happy tears. 

Hosoek had been the last person to bite each mate, marking him as their leader. A sign that they are his sits permanently on their body, in the same way that he is theirs. 

Shaking his head free from his thoughts, Hoseok takes it easy for the day. It’s a rare day off and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. He mindlessly scrolls through Netflix, eventually pulling up a mindless show he’s watched fifty times. 

He does go through his phone at one point to see if there is anything urgent. All of them have left countless messages and voice messages asking if they can meet up and talk. They don’t ask him if he’s okay. Hoseok supposes they don’t have to when the answer is so obvious. He doesn’t respond to them. 

Near dinner time, Hoseok steps out into his hallway to pick up a package. He almost trips over a bag on the floor set close to his door. The bag smells delicious, with scents of bulgogi and kimchi fried rice wafting from it. 

It’s warm too.

His stomach rumbles, reminding him that he has yet to eat anything all day. 

Hoseok nearly starts sobbing again. He brings the food inside and sets them on his table. He has to throw the bag containing the food away because Jimin and Taehyung’s champagne and vanilla linger on it, rattling his beta. 

He forces himself to eat some of the food even though he doesn’t have an appetite, unwilling to let it go to waste. There’s even a can of cold Sprite. Most of the meal ends up in his fridge, but he did try.  

The next few days come and go. Hoseok is forced back into working, which provides a nice reprieve from the thoughts warring inside his head. His schedule thankfully doesn’t include any meetings with his mates. Can he even call them his mates anymore? Is he even their pack leader still? The beta in him can’t even stand their scents.

The members keep messaging him throughout the days. At least once every hour. Hoseok messaged them once in the group chat, just empty reassurances that he’s alive and doing fine that he knows none of them believe. 

Each voice message they leave chips away at Hoseok’s heart. They range from minute long descriptions of their day to tearful begs for him to come back. To return to their apartment. 

Hoseok saves every one and doesn’t respond. 

Jungkook almost catches him once in while grabbing coffee. Hoseok is back to wearing scent blockers constantly. It’s not healthy but it’s better than them hunting him down by his scent. 

The beta is inside of his favorite coffee shop waiting for his name to be called as he scrolls on social media. He has a jacket and beanie on that he hasn’t worn in a while, trying to blend in with the morning rush. Despite the crowd of people, Hoseok’s nose still picks up on the scent of fresh laundry and flowers. 

Hoseok whips his head up towards the entrance. He would recognize those doe like eyes anywhere. Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice him, too busy talking into his phone. Undoubtedly he would have if Hoseok didn’t have his scent blockers on. 

Hoseok’s alias is called out from the counter. Ducking his head down, Hoseok grabs his order. As he nears the entrance of the shop, Hoseok chances a look upwards. Jungkook is talking to the cashier and looks up at the same time, as if sensing his gaze. 

The alpha’s eyes widen in shock and Hoseok regrets taking that chance. He quickly breaks eye contact and walks out the door, ignoring the thudding in his heart. 

Jungkook’s attention is pulled back towards the cashier when she asks a question. Hoseok is grateful he doesn’t follow him. 

Hoseok has never claimed to be brave. 

VII.

The glaring red clock in the corner of Hoseok’s studio tells him that it is two in the morning. The light of his computer screen burns his retina and Hoseok is almost positive he can feel his eyesight worsening.

Hoseok sags back into his chair rubbing at his head where the beginning of a migraine sits. His eyes droop shut as a bone deep exhaustion settles in. It’s quiet enough in his studio that a light knock on his door scares the shit out of him. Hoseok almost falls out of his chair and he swears lightly under his breath. 

Rubbing at his eyes, Hoseok moves towards the door. “Who is it?”

No response comes. Hoseok hesitates but something inside tells him to open the door anyway. 

Namjoon stands in front of the entrance. All six feet of him, burly and strong, clad in the comfiest sweater and pants. 

His eyes are rimmed with red and sad, and Hoseok hates to think he’s the cause of the heavy bags under them. 

They stand facing each other in an awkward silence until Hoseok’s nerves get the better of him. 

“Ah, Joonie,” he murmurs. 

Hoseok’s words seem to break the stillness Namjoon is in. The alpha steps a little closer and Hoseok moves to hide behind his door. His action makes Namjoon’s eyes wearier. 

“Can I come in?” he asks softly. 

Hoseok debates it for a moment. His beta is vehemently protesting, but Hoseok is tired. He’s tired of sleeping alone at night. He’s tired of running from his pack. Despite the worry he has, this is Namjoon, his friend, his mate, that he’s known for well over a decade. 

Namjoon must see the conflict on his face because his face crumbles and he steps back. 

Threat, his beta insists.

Our alpha, Hoseok tells it. 

Gathering strength he didn’t know he has, Hoseok opens the door further and gestures for Namjoon to come in. Hoseok is stiff as he sits back down in his chair, far from where Namjoon is on the couch. If there is any less space between them, his wolf will undoubtedly force him to run. 

Namjoon looks around the room. It’s barer than it should be. Empty spaces fill the shelves where figurines, stuffed animals, and other trinkets used to sit. The flamingo Taehyung won for him is noticeably missing alongside the heart-shaped straw bag Namjoon bought him. 

Anything that has his packs’ scents on it are stored securely in a closet in his apartment. He can’t stand even the slightest smell on them but he would die before he threw away a gift. 

Namjoon’s gaze then lands on the blankets on the couch. 

Eventually, the alpha’s gaze slides onto Hoseok. “Have you been sleeping here?” He sounds almost afraid of the answer.

Hoseok nods slowly. He hasn’t gone back to his apartment much, instead choosing to work through different tasks in a haze with brief naps in between. The past few days have been exceedingly productive. Just at the cost of his wellbeing. 

In an attempt to make Hoseok feel better, Namjoon reaches one hand forward facing up. Cautiously, Hoseok reaches his own hand forward setting it in his palm. 

Namjoon moves his thumb towards the scent patch on his wrist and the pine forest and petrichor surrounding him become heavier, like a fresh rainstorm. It forces Hoseok to breath through his mouth, taking shallow breaths to not taste too much.

When his thumb presses lightly on his scent gland with the patch covering it on top, Hoseok can’t stop the full body shiver that runs through him and yanks his hands back. Namjoon’s eyes widen when he sees Hoseok curling tighter into himself and quickly stops. 

“I’m sorry, it’s too much,” Hoseok pants. 

“What do you mean Hobah?” Namjoon leans forward slightly and Hoseok flinches. Reflexively, he feels a growl building in his throat, lips curled back, and can only relax when Namjoon draws back. His alpha looks terrified. 

Hoseok drops his head down into his knees. “I’m sorry Namjoonie, I don’t know why I’m reacting like this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me”. His eyes sting with familiar tears. Lord, he’s so tired of crying. 

Hoseok hears a stuttered gasp and looks up. Namjoon is staring back at him with tears flowing down his face. It’s this, at the end, that cause him to fully break down. 

“Oh, please don’t cry alpha,” Hoseok moans in distress. Tears are now freely falling down his face and he can barely see through them. Having a pack mate cry due to Hoseok’s actions is more than he can take. It’s everything Hoseoks didn’t want to happen. 

“Hoseokah,” he whimpers, “Hoseokah. I can’t even smell you. You flinched when I tried to scent you”. 

He continues, begs, “what is wrong? Please tell us, please, we’ll do anything to fix it”. 

Namjoon is telling the truth. Hoseok feels it deep in his soul. He’s extending a piece of himself, raw and bright, in hopes that Hoseok will reach back. So Hoseok does. 

“My beta doesn’t recognize your scents anymore”. Once Hoseok has started, he can’t stop. “I don’t know why but a couple of weeks back it started getting annoyed when your scents were too strong, and it kept getting worse. I brushed it off at first, thinking it’s from stress, but now it can’t stand smelling the pack at all”. 

Hoseok sobs, terrified now that the truth is out in the open. His nails dig into his palm. Hearing it out loud from his own mouth makes the situation tangible, far too real. 

From the hallway comes loud gasps and the sound of someone starting to cry. Of course the other members were right outside the door. 

“Does it not recognize us as home anymore?” Namjoon asks. His trembling gets worse when Hoseok shakes his head no. 

“That’s why I can’t go to our apartment, the scent is too much and I can’t take it”. 

Namjoon squeezes his eyes shut. A few more tears slip out. His shoulders slump down. “Okay,” he says, “okay, we can work with this. We can get rid of our scent from the apartment, from the nest, and wear scent blockers”. 

Hoseok whines, low and sad. “You guys shouldn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t get rid of your scents from home just for me.” 

Namjoon’s eyes snap open. “Just for you. What do you mean just? Hobah, you’re our pack leader, we would do anything for you. This is the bare minimum”.

“Exactly, I’m the pack leader, I should be better than this. You guys shouldn’t have to clean up after my messes”. 

Namjoon shakes his head in disbelief. “We don’t need you to be any better. Yes you’re our pack leader but before that you’re my mate. Our mate. Don’t you understand that we need you because we love you?”

Intrinsically, Hoseok knows that his mates love him. That any one of them would willingly lay down their life for his, just as he would do for them. This doesn’t stop the need for him to be stronger, better, more dependable. At his core, Hoseok doesn’t want them to have to worry about him. 

“I love you too Joonie,” Hoseok agrees. “All of you,” he says louder for the hallway. Hoseok hopes that his words would be enough, but Namjoon still looks defeated when Hoseok doesn’t say anything else. 

“We can talk about it more later,” Namjoon lets out. “Please just come back to our home”. A buzz sounds from his phone. When Namjoon doesn’t move to check it right away, it is quickly followed by many more buzzes. 

Frowning, Namjoon grabs his phone. He looks at Hosoek warily who nods at him to check it. “Seokjin says that he’s taking the others back right now to clear out the apartment,” Namjoon reads. “They should be ready in twenty minutes”. 

His mates are trying so hard for him. Even taking great lengths to make sure that he can go back to their apartment. Hoseok can’t let their efforts go to waste. 

“Okay,” he breathes, “I’ll go back”. 

Thirty minutes later, Hoseok finds himself standing in front of their apartment door. Namjoon hovers next to him, close enough to where Hoseok can feel his warmth but not touching. There’s no pine forest scent to be found either. The alpha’s scent was becoming more overwhelming as time went on but Hosoek had some extra scent blockers stored in his studio that Namjoon put on. 

It’s terrifying. The door is remarkably familiar and foreign at the same time. Hoseok reaches for the knob, hesitating slightly. 

“I’m right here with you,” Namjoon murmurs softy. 

Right. He’s not alone.

Hoseok pushes open the door and steps into the household. He tenses his shoulders preparing to be assaulted by smells. Surprisingly, the apartment has no scents. 

It’s almost sterile in the way that Hoseok can not detect anything. His beta settles inside, no longer on guard. Unconsciously, Hoseok lets out a sigh of relief, tension draining out of his shoulders.

The rest of his pack is sat around the living room couch. They look nervous, shifting from side to side and drumming their fingers. 

As soon as the door opened, all of their eyes snapped to Hoseok. Hoseok sniffs the air cautiously again, and finds no hint of their scents. Whatever they used to clean is very effective. The room floods into a tense silence. He has never done well with high tension. 

Hoseok hovers in the hallway, unsure of how to move forward. God he hates this. They are his pack mates, there shouldn’t be this space between them. Despite being in the same room, there’s a chasm he can’t cross. 

Eventually, Namjoon grabs the end of his sleeve and pulls him lightly towards the couch. He sets Hoseok down at the center and sits down next to him. Hoseok fidgets nervously under all of their sad gazes. 

It’s Jin who ends up breaking the silence. “So,” the eldest alpha begins gently, “I think we need to talk”. 

Hoseok almost snorts. That’s putting it lightly. 

Yoongi clears his throat. “Could you share what’s been happening?”

Hoseok chews on his lip. He doesn’t even know where to begin. From Hoseok’s right, Jimin gently nudges him with his knee. The omega smiles a little when Hoseok looks up, eyes filled with warmth. It gives him a boost of confidence. Maybe everything will be okay, if they still look at him like this. 

Still, Hoseok can’t quite meet their eyes so he looks down at where his hands are clasped tightly in his lap. 

“I’ve been feeling… off lately. Like my beta has not been able to rest, and it’s making me more agitated too. I don’t know really, I just know that I haven’t been sleeping well and…”

“And you can’t stand our scents,” Jungkook says sadly. It’s the first thing Hoseok has heard Jungkook say in nearly a week. His words cut into him.

“Yes,” Hoseok admits. 

“Do you think it might be a health issue?” Taehyung asks, his deep voice rolling over the room.  

Hoseok considers this. It’s definitely possible, though he hasn’t really thought about it. He hasn’t gotten sick or injured recently. There are a lot of health conditions that seemingly pop out of nowhere though. 

“It might be,” he agrees. “I’ve mostly just been ignoring it though and hoping it would go away on its own”. 

“It doesn’t seem like that’s been working though,” Jimin states. He clenches his hands into a fist. “We should have noticed something was off much earlier”. 

Quick to disagree, Hosoek says, “That’s not your fault. I was the one hiding away”. 

“Still,” Jin butts in, “You’re our pack mate. We should still have known and talked to you about it much earlier.” Everyone else nods in agreement.

“Let’s schedule a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow”. 

“I can go with you Hoseok hyung,” Jimin offers. “My schedule is really light and I don’t want you to have to go alone”. 

“Yes,” Hoseok answers before he even fully processes the question. “I would love that”. He smiles a little back at Jimin. 

It’s late and Hoseok is exhausted. He feels better now though. The problem is still very much not fixed, but. It’s still a step forward at least. 

Now that he’s more relaxed, Hoseok can feel his eyes drooping. Namjoon seems to catch on to his fatigue. 

“Let’s end here for the night. I think we could all use some rest”. 

Soft agreements echo in the room. The members begin slowly filtering out. Some of them move closer, like they want to kiss or hug him, and Hoseok has to shake his head. Even though he craves their touch, he doubts his beta will react kindly. 

Hoseok also heads back to his own bedroom. The covers are cold and uncomfortable. He is getting really really tired of sleeping on his own. 

Hopefully he won’t have to for much longer.  

The room is cold and Hosoek wishes he had the foresight to bring a jacket. Instead, he’s left shivering in his light shirt. The paper under him crinkles when he moves even the smallest bit on the examination chair. 

Jimin is staring down at a spot on his shoe and Hoseok wants to squeeze his hand. 

“All right, your blood results came back,” the doctor in front of him announces. She looks like she’s in her mid fifties, with small lines of gray streaking through black hair. Her scent is mild, which Hoseok is glad for. She’s a beta too, someone fully vetted by their company. 

The doctor scans her paper clipboard again, looks pointedly at Jimin, then breathes out and leans back in her chair. “I’ll cut straight to the chase. When was the last time you were scented?”

Hoseok opens his mouth to answer, then freezes. When was the last time he was scented? Surely it couldn’t have been that long. The more Hoseok thinks about it though, he realizes the last full scenting session he can remember has been almost eight weeks ago. 

“I… don’t know. Almost two months?”

Jimin pales in horror next to him.

The doctor nods her head, like what he’s saying confirms her suspicions. “You have misaligned negligent anosmia. It’s a complicated name but it basically means your beta does not claim your pack anymore. Your hormones are all over the place and cortisol levels are extremely high, which support this condition”. 

Hoseok inhales shakily. Right, that describes what he is feeling pretty well. He wasn’t expecting a proper term for it though. 

“It’s not very common, but betas do tend to be more at risk for it,” she continues on. “The main cause is when a mated beta isn’t scented in a long time and the scent of pack decreases on the beta to the point where it becomes practically nonexistent. Their inner wolf consequently begins to reject the scents as it no longer recognizes them. It is a common sign of beta neglect”. Her voice is gentle but cold, and she pointedly looks at Jimin. 

The omega’s eyes are wide open. His hands are trembling as he looks up at the doctor. “Is– is it permanent?” 

The doctor’s gaze softens as she takes in the distraught look on Jimin’s face. “No, thankfully. This case occurs more often in idol groups due to your hectic schedules, though that is certainly not an excuse. It rarely reaches this severity as well. I will warn you it’s not going to be an easy healing process. We sometimes recommend breaking off the pack bond temporarily so the beta can readjust to scents again, for the best outcome”. 

“No,” Hoseok says immediately, “I refuse”. He’s horrified at even just the thought of it. Sure, they could bring the bond back later on, but just the possibility of not being connected to his mates so deeply and innately for even a minute… It’s too much. It won’t happen. 

She nods her head in understanding. “As I expected. Then you will have to follow a very strict schedule and move slowly. Your pack will have to start reintroducing their scents to you, a little at a time. They won’t be able to scent you directly for at least a month or else your beta may react badly again, to the point where it will reject your pack bond and break it forcefully”. 

Cold sweat drips down Hoseok’s back. He didn’t even know that that was possible. Couldn’t imagine that things had possibly gotten this bad. Jimin is sitting next to him stock still, eyes unblinking. 

“The good news is you have a decent chance of succeeding,” the doctor reassures. She turns towards Jimin. “As long as you are very careful. You can give him lightly scented accessories for the first week, like books, and use partial scent blockers. However, there is absolutely no touching allowed. During the second week, you can start letting your scents out more and start touching him. For the third week, give him clothing and jewelry that he can wear to get him covered in your scents again”. 

She hands them both a brochure with more details and examples of what to do or not to do per week. “It’s not going to be a linear progression, but after two months, you should be fine”. She goes on to explain how they will track his progress and details and her voice becomes background noise. 

It’s hard to focus on more than the way Hoseok can feel his own heart pound in his chest. Thankfully Jimin seems to be absorbing the information shared like a sponge, taking notes studiously too. 

Has it really been two months since the last time he was scented? Hoseok scours his brain for any memory of a more recent time, but all that comes up are cuddling sessions cut too short or plans changed last minute. God. 

“Does that sound good?” 

Hoseok blinks owlishly, pulled back into his surroundings. “Um…” he looks at Jimin for help, having processed nothing she’s been saying for the past five minutes. 

The doctor looks between the two and sighs again. “You will be back in a month and a half so we can check your bloodwork again. Your mate here can fill you in on the specifics”. 

Her eyes focus on Hoseok. “You’ll be able to get through this.” She says the words like they a given, and Hoseok finds some beta solidarity in there. 

With that, she bids them farewell and good luck before sending them out. 

Jimin breaks down in the car. Gasping sobs and wheezing breaths, his whole body shaking like it can’t contain the heights of his emotions. 

“I’m so sorry hyung,” he cries, loud and heartbroken. “I’m so so sorry”. 

“Jimine…” Hoseok doesn’t know what to say. Reassurances and promises fill his mind, but right now, Hoseok can’t force them out. Not when, even if Hoseok hates to admit it, a part of him is angry. 

When his words fail, Hosoek usually turns to his body to provide comfort, wrapping himself around his pack member and brushing his hand down their back until their breaths soften out. 

God, he can’t even touch them right now. 

When Hoseok remains silent, Jimin weeps harder and crumples into himself. 

There’s nothing to say, so Hoseok turns his gaze out the window. 

When they reach the apartment, the other members have finished their schedules (or rescheduled meetings, despite Hoseok’s protests) so they’re already gathered in the living room. Jimin has cried himself out. The other members look shocked as they take in the omega’s disheveled appearance. 

Hoseok just feels tired. 

Might as well rip it off like a bandaid. “I have misaligned negligent anosmia”. 

Namjoon’s brows furrow in confusion. “What is that?”

“It’s when…” Hoseok’s voice trails, but Jimin picks up where he stopped. 

“It’s when he no longer smells like us to the point where his wolf doesn’t recognize us anymore”. 

“Why would he no longer smell like us? The last time one of us scented him was…” Yoongi’s voice peters off, seeming to arrive at the answer. Horrified gasps fill the room as each member reaches the same conclusion. 

“Two months ago. It’s been two months since I was last scented,” Hoseok reveals sullenly. 

“One of the solutions the doctor offered was cutting off our pack bond,” Jimin sniffs. 

“What–” Taehyung starts but Hoseok cuts him off before he can finish. 

“I told her that wasn’t an option”. 

As quickly as the panic arrives, it leaves in a single breath. 

“We should have known,” Jin says morosely. “All of us know how important scenting is, and we haven’t checked in at all. There were so many times that you hinted at being scented that I never followed up on”. 

Jimin whimpers sadly in agreement. 

Hoseok can’t stand how sad they are, despite the conflicting emotions he feels in his chest. “It’s my fault, I should know myself better and what I need. It’s not like you did it intentionally”.

Jin’s eyes flash. “It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t intentional if the result is you becoming sick at the end! I’m the oldest hyung, I should’ve done better, checked in more often, ignored you when you told us you were fine!”

“I am fine hyung–"

“Stop saying that!” Jin yells, startling Hoseok. He pants heavily, hands clenched tight. It’s rare to see Jin get this worked up about anything. He’s the sweet alpha that never takes anything too seriously, always able to joke away problems. Seeing him in such a wild state… 

Hosoek thinks that this is much worse than he originally thought. 

Jin takes a deep breath as Namjoon places a grounding hand on his back. “You’re clearly not fine and I don’t want you to pretend that you are. You’re too important to us Hobah, and playing up this facade that everything is okay and dandy when you’re falling apart is. Well it’s scary, because we might lose you”.

Jungkook gasps suddenly from his spot in the loveseat. “This is why you reacted so badly when I left instead of staying for pack night!”. He curls up into a ball, devastated. 

“No wonder you were so upset. I should have stayed, I should have scented you. I should have known something was wrong”. 

Hoseok blinks back the tears forming in his eyes. Here sits his youngest, their baby. He shouldn’t be feeling this guilty for something out of his responsibility. “It’s not your responsibility to take care of me, I’m the pack leader!” And he is, he should be better. They shouldn’t have to worry about him like this. 

“Of course it is!” Taehyung objects. “Even if you are our pack leader, you are still our beta and it is our job as a pack to care for you! You take care of us so well, make us soup when we are sick, cuddle us when we are tired. Always asking for the bare minimum. And we couldn’t even do this for you!” The alpha stands up, pacing around angrily. 

Hoseok’s gaze worriedly follows him. Of course he wants to be taken care of but…

“Hoseokah”. Hoseok’s eyes snap towards his eldest omega.

“Please let us take care of you,” Yoongi pleads. “Please. We don’t want you to be strong all of the time. We don’t need someone who’s perfect and never falls down. We want you, we picked you, not because of what you can do but because we love you”.

With such raw honesty, Hoseok can’t stop the sob in his chest from bursting out. “Even when I’m like this? When I’m so fucked up I can’t even stand something as natural as scents anymore?”

“Especially when you’re like this”. Jimin comes close and kneels down, then puts his hands and forehead on the ground in front. 

“Jiminah- what are you doing– get up please–” Hoseok tries to grab him, force him up, do anything but be in this position, but his wolf stops him forcefully as soon as he touches the omega. He cries as his hand shakes and drops down. 

“I know that we messed up. We really don’t deserve you hyung, but please put your faith in us one more time. Don’t cut us out,” he begs. 

Namjoon quickly joins him on the floor, folding himself into the same position. “I already spent half of my life with you,” the alpha says, “And I want to spend the rest of it with you too. Please, please let us in”. 

Now, Hoseok knows he has a problem. He has always had a tendency of pushing people away when things become difficult, prefers figuring it out on his own so that he can reintegrate himself into his loved ones with the best version of himself. Even when the best thing to do is let them in.

Maybe it started when he was just a child in Gwangju sneaking into dance classes on his own, or later when it was easier to hide the bad behind a mask. Revealing a weakness is always petrifying. He would rather keep the unsightly side tucked away safely in the recess of his heart to be poked and prodded at in his own time. 

Looking at his pack mates though, the two kneeling in front of him and the others gathered around, with desperation and love gleaming in their eyes…

These past few days, he feels like he’s already opened his box and let out all of the ugly.

Maybe it’s time for him to let out hope too. 

He has to try at the very least, for them. That’s what life’s all about, isn't it? Trying. 

“Okay,” he breathes, and it feels like coming up for air, “I will”. 

Many members start crying, tears of relief flowing down.

“Thank you, hyung, thank you,” Jungkook weeps. 

Yoongi looks at him with gratitude and such a tenderness. “So, how do we fix it?”

It doesn’t start out easy, because nothing in life ever does. 

But it does get better.

They start off small, following exactly what the doctor ordered. 

Jin gifts Hoseok a small squirrel plushie he bought for him when he visited his family, and never had a good opportunity to gift as their relationship soured after. 

Hoseok puts it in the corner of his room at first, not too close to where it would rattle his beta but also close enough to see easily. 

Every day, he moves it closer and closer to his bed, until near the end of the first week, he places it on his bed with no problems. 

He leaves his scent blockers off, since the other members have no problem with how he smells. The strawberries return to being freshly picked from the earth, chocolate nice and sweet. Hoseok even catches his mates sniffing the air a few times when he’s in the room, smiling giddily when they smell him. 

Jin smiles the widest when he notices that the squirrel plushie is covered with dipped strawberry. 

Touch is more difficult. Goosebumps raise when even the barest touch brushes his skin at first, and Hoseok involuntarily flinches every time. 

One morning though, as Hoseok orders coffee and Taehyung stands next to him frowning in disgust after trying a sip, Hoseok laughs with his whole chest and interlocks his pinky with Taehyung’s in a promise to never make him drink coffee again. 

It’s only after Taehyung freezes that Hoseok notices what he did. 

And he finds that the touch doesn’t hurt. It only warms his heart. 

Hoseok loves borrowing his members’ clothes, always has, and Yoongi’s is arguably his favorite. Yoongi has always preferred comfort over fashion, so his hoodies are filled with soft lining and warmth. 

In bed, wrapped around by his hyung’s mint and tobacco is a joy that Hoseok will never take for granted again. Around his neck also sits a chain necklace gifted by Namjoon that has a lock attached. It lightly wafts Namjoon’s pine and rain, which blends beautifully with the mint. 

A fresh forest blooming in spring. 

The crosswalk he and Jimin are at seems to take forever. Hoseok curses how cold it is and his lack of gloves. He really should remember them by now, with the amount of time his hands end up shivering as he tries to warm them up to no success. 

“Here hyung,” Jimin says, and he wraps his own red hands around Hoseok’s. They barely cover them, but Jimin cups them around his mouth anyway and breaths warm life into his palms. 

Hoseok’s cheeks tinge red. He’s not so cold anymore. 

It’s another late night in the dance studio and Jungkook provides him company this time. Hoseok drops down after their last run, Jungkook laying on the hardwood floor next to him, not faring much better. 

The alpha is sweating a lot and it had been a risk to practice together to the point where the mirrors fogged up and sweat coated every inch, but Hoseok felt like he could do it. He would. 

And he did. Jungkook’s scent bleeds out of him. They removed scent patches fully a week ago and so far Hoseok has had no extreme reactions. His clean floraly scent cloys around Hoseok.

Jungkook pants nervously a foot away, eyes on the look out for any sign of discomfort. None come though, even with every deep breath Hoseok takes. In fact, Hoseok inches closer until he collapses himself on top of the other. They giggle in relief, a sweaty mess together. 

“The blood test came back!” Hoseok exclaims as he enters his room, where the pack has set up a sleeping arrangement that allows all members to fit in the room and stretch out comfortably. It’s a tight fit, but they make it work. 

The nest (and Hoseok’s beta actually preens in joy at this) was made that morning to prepare for the night after a long discussion regarding how Hoseok is feeling, and what the next step should be. 

“What did the doctor say?” Namjoon asks, his head peaking out from behind Hoseok’s bed. Every member is paying full attention. 

“She said my levels are back to normal! She gave the okay for me to return to normal habits, I just have to check in again after a month,” Hoseok cheers. Hearing the news was exhilarating, but getting to tell his pack that their hard work has paid off is even better. 

Jimin pulls him onto the nest next to him, peppering his face with kisses that Hoseok giggle into. All of the others also swirl around him, and Hoseok can feel himself getting light headed with the  amount of happy pheromones in the air. 

“Can we show you all of our love tonight?” Taehyung asks while wiggling his eyebrows. 

Hoseok can’t help bursting out into more laughter. “Maybe if you word it less weirdly”. 

His giggles quickly dissolve into soft hums when each member leaves a soft kiss and slather their scent into his gland, dead center of where they claimed him. A token of their love, marked permanently into his body. By the end of it, Hoseok is absolutely drowning in their scents. Every breath is like a shot of ecstasy. 

Hoseok is so happy he feels drunk. So well scented that he floats on it, drifts in the energy of their company. And he rests in the knowledge that his members will take the best care of him for the whole night, with every kiss and touch. For forever. 

What a gift it is, to love and be loved back. 

I will carry you

You might say no

But I'll hug you

In my eyes

In my blue dream

You might say I cannot

But I'll put you in my arms