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⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖
Hideous.
That's exactly what that thing that stared back at Nickel every time he looked at the mirror was. Utterly hideous.
He hated how he looked. He hated that he hated how he looked. Nothing could ever seem right to him, when he looked at his reflection. There was always something that seemed wrong to him. There was always something that was wrong with him.
Looking at himself in his bathroom mirror, he felt fake, like a poser. He didn't feel like a real man. And, to some, he wasn't. He would always be what he was born as—he'd always be a girl, no matter how much he changed his appearance, no matter how many people he's told that he isn't one. He would never be a man.
Stop it, a little voice in his head said. You are a man, and you better start acting like one. But he couldn't help but feeling like this. He did all the stupidest things and trying to change his appearance to "pass" as a guy, all to no avail. His efforts would always go in vain.
Sure, everyone around him respected him, and referred to him how he wanted to be referred by, but he knew that changing his name and pronouns wouldn't change what he really was. He would always be a girl.
And he hated that. He hated how he could never look right, or feel right. He hated himself.
His train of thought had been interrupted by something, and he turned toward the interruption. A knock on the door, followed by a voice;
"Nickel?" the high-pitched voice questioned. "You've been in there for a while. Are you okay?"
Nickel turned on the tap. "Yup! J- just washing my hands!" he stuttered. Shit. He never stuttered. The salmon-haired boy on the other side of the door would know something was up. He would interrogate him with questions, and pester him with his worries, and be generally overbearing. "I'm fine..."
"Nickel," Balloon sighed. "I know you. I know when something's wrong. You can't just bottle everything up and pretend you're fine."
It was silent for a few beats. Then, Nickel slowly opened the bathroom door.
"Hi..." he said, his voice hoarse (hoarser than it usually was).
"You're crying. What happened? You can tell me anything."
"I... I don't wanna talk about it... I mean, nothing's wrong. I'm totally alright! Th- these are tears of joy, actually!"
Balloon smiled. "Yeah, you just look so happy." he said.
"It's alright if you don't want to tell me," he walked over to his bed and sat on the edge. "I won't pry it out of you. Hey, wanna watch Mean Girls? I know you love that movie!"
"That would be nice." Nickel stated. "But I- I don't 'love' that movie. I would never like something so... girly." he tried for a smile. It was the most miserable smile Balloon had ever seen.
The taller man blinked. So that's why he was crying.
"Hey," the salmon-haired boy wrapped his arm around Nickel's shoulder, the latter avoiding his eyes.
"It's okay. You don't have to stop liking something just because it's too 'out-of-the-norm' for a guy to like it. I mean, look at me! I like watching soap operas, and I love writing poetry! That's not something a guy would usually like, is it?"
"I- I guess," Nickel sighed. "but it's not just that."
"Then what is it?"
Nickel just stared at the man next to him. You know what, his eyes seemed to say.
"I... Oh! I didn't even— of course!"
"Oh, Nickel!" Balloon said. "You don't have to feel bad about that! Everyone feels a little iffy sometimes; we don't always like what we are or how we're like. Kind of like... a caterpillar! It's always dreaming of being a butterfly, and the butterfly dreaming of being itself! Maybe the little butterfly inside of you just... hasn't fully found its place yet. But, once it does, I assure you, you won't be feeling so sad anymore."
Nickel sniffed. "'You're a butterfly.'"
Balloon laughed. He ran a hand through Nickel's hair. "Oh, shut up. You're a butterfly, too."
"I hate butterflies."
"You hate everything. What I'm trying to say, Nickel, is even if you feel a little dysphoric or don't like the way you look sometimes, you're beautiful. You don't have to feel like you need to change. And, since you identify as one, you are a man."
At this, Nickel smiled greatfully. He was lucky to have with someone as kind and caring as Balloon.
"My man, in fact."
"What." Nickel stated, almost falling off the bed. He was practically at a loss for words. "Wh- I- what..."
"What? I didn't say anything." Balloon said innocently.
"I- you- you called me—"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't call you anything. I didn't even say anything."
"But, you—"
"Can we just watch the movie now? I'm getting kind of bored of talking." the salmon-haired man smiled.
"I, uh... S- sure." Nickel had never been so flustered in his whole entire life.
⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖