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Grimmauld Place was quiet, still; everyone was keeping out of Remus’s way.
It was the 4th of March, the day of the full moon. Remus hated these days. He dreaded the night. He had already hexed the tea-pot for screeching too loud and nearly made Molly cry. He didn’t mean to, his temper just gets shorter and shorter coming up to the moon. That’s why he shut himself in the living room and sat there in silence until the moon came up. Or he wanted to. After two hours of staring at nothing, Sirius walked in.
“Moony?” Sirius said slowly, making his way towards Remus.
“Go Away,” Remus grumbled.
“Molly wants everyone in the kitchen for dinner.” Sirius was getting closer.
Remus didn’t want to go. He felt so guilty that he lost it at Molly. She didn’t mean to make his tea too hot but he just lost it at her. He could still see the fear in her eyes.
“No,” he replied.
Sirius sat down next to him. “Come on Moony, you need to eat something.”
“No I can’t not after I screamed at her,” he put his head in his hand feeling even more guilty now.
“Molly is fine.” Sirius replied “She knows you can’t control it. She will kill me if you don’t come to dinner though.”
The corner of his mouth twitched a bit, “Fine,” said Remus reluctantly getting up.
Tonks and Molly were already in the kitchen when he got there.
“He’s alive,” Tonks said trying to lighten the mood. He just glared at her then sat down.
Remus barely touched his food. All he could hear was the sound of chewing and scraping cutlery which made him want to rip his ears out. His brain went all foggy and he couldn’t focus on anything. But all this is normal for him. He could only manage three bites of chicken and a small sip of water. He apologized for shouting at Molly, despite her protests, then went upstairs to the attic. That’s where his transformations took place. Sirius wasn’t far behind him. He always waited outside till it was over.
“You alright?” Sirius asked, as they walked up the stairs, even though he already knew the answer.
“I guess.” Remus replied, “they have been getting worse each month though. I’m waking up with deeper cuts, more bruises and worse headaches.”
“You don’t come out with any bad injuries. That’s a good thing,” Remus knew Sirius was trying to sound supportive.
“Yet,” He had a feeling something bad was going to happen soon with one of his transformations.
Sirius followed him into the attic, making sure everything was secure and Remus was safe, then shut the door. Remus could hear the clicks of locks shutting one by one and Sirius’s breathing as he paced just outside. As much as he hated the sounds of footsteps, it was comforting in a way. Like he knew if anything went wrong Sirius was just outside to help him.
Now he had to wait. It was nearly dark so the wait wasn’t too long. He started to feel the usual pounding in his head and his spine began to stretch, so he decided to lay in the bed and close his eyes hoping it would all be over soon.
***
He woke up to Sirius calling his name. His head hurt, along with the rest of his body, and some fresh cuts had appeared. His eyes were struggling to get into focus. Nothing out of the ordinary. He could still remember the smell of blood and the sound of his bones shifting during his transformation. He wondered if the wolf was calm or angry that night.
“Moony!” Sirius shouted.
“I’m fine!” Remus called back. His throat hurt a lot as well he realized. That was their signal to each other that it was safe to come in.
With that Sirius entered and started to make his way to Remus. Remus grasped his stick and tried to stand up. His right leg shot with a terrible pain that went up to his hip. His leg gave out and he fell hard onto the wooden floor striking his head on the corner of the bed making his vision go blurry. He heard a sickening snap in his leg. Sirius practically ran over to him and dropped to the floor to help him up.
“Oh my gosh! Moony, what happened!” Sirius exclaimed looking terrified.
“I… I don’t know. I tried to stand but… but my… my leg, I can’t stand it hurts too much.” Remus stammered trying not to scream out in pain. His breathing became very uneven and his head started to go foggy. It hurt more than anything. More than when he dislocated his shoulder or when he gave himself a big cut down his arm. Still he tried to stand again, with the assistance of his cane. His hands were shaking so much he couldn’t even grasp it properly. Instead, he swayed a lot and collapsed back down harder making his leg hurt even more. The attic began to tilt sideways and his head throbbed with pain.
Sirius’s face went white, “Stay put. I’ll go and get Molly!”
“I’m fi…” Even though he knew he wasn’t, but before he could finish his sentence Sirius had already bolted out the door and downstairs. That was the last thing he could remember before his body gave up and everything went black.
He must have been out for some time because when he woke up he was on the floor. His cane was inches away from him and, Sirius, Tonks, Molly and Madame Pomfrey were all huddled round him looking pale as ghosts. As soon as he opened his eyes Tonks immediately stretched from where she was sitting and pulled Remus into a tight hug. He didn’t resist he just braced then slowly put his arm round her back best he could.
“What happened?” Remus was really confused but soon the excruciating pain in his leg came shooting back this time worse. He bit his tongue so hard it nearly bled to stop himself from screaming.
“Remus are you ok!?” Tonks said, her voice muffled in his shoulder.
“I’m fine, just hurt my leg a bit.” Remus replied still trying not to scream.
“Mr. Lupin, look at yourself!” Madame Pomfrey’s voice bounced off every wall “You are most certainly not fine.” she bent down and started to examine his leg.
Each time she touched or lightly grazed it Remus would wince at the pain. After a bit more of the painful examination of his leg Madame Pomfrey stood up.
“Well it’s broken,” she declared “you’re lucky, you nearly shattered the bone but I can fix it in a few weeks.”
“Great,” said Remus through gritted teeth. He hated being hurt. Even the thought of it made him angry. He couldn’t help the Order on missions, he felt weak and vulnerable and now he wouldn’t be able to do nearly anything.
“Oh my!” Molly looked horrified.
Madame Pomfrey lightly flicked her wand. In seconds a bandage and a splint from his foot to his knee had formed around his leg and there were two crutches by his side.
“Now, you are not to put any weight on that foot until it is fully healed. Someone has to accompany you up and down the stairs, not Tonks, and I will check up on you every other day either in person or via post. Do you understand me?” Madame Pomfrey said in a very stern voice.
“Yes Ma’am,” Remus replied definitely not sulking.
“Hey why can’t I help him down stairs!?” Tonks protested.
“Because of how clumsy you are,” Sirius shot back.
“I am not clumsy,” Tonks protested again but in that moment she managed to trip over her own feet and land face first into the wall sliding down slowly. “Never mind!”
Later that night, Remus was in his bed. Sirius quite obviously watching him from the big arm chair, while pretending to read. Remus was already fed up with his leg. Every time he tried to reposition himself even the slightest his leg would spark with pain not allowing him to move.
“You don’t have to pretend,” Remus said.
“Pretend doing what?” Sirius replied trying his best to look confused.
“Looking at me.’ Remus said.
‘I am not!” Sirius shot back. “I’m just worried about you.”
“Well you don’t have to be Pads. I’m fine. It’s just a broken leg. I don’t always have to be treated like a child when I’m hurt. You looked terrified,” Remus was getting a bit annoyed.
“That’s because you almost shattered it. That would have been really bad.” Sirius had this gentle tone that showed he deeply cared.
“I guess,” Remus grumbled.
“But that’s not what I was most worried about Moony.” his tone shifted into more of a worry. “When you blacked out you weren’t breathing for a good minute. Then you started breathing again but you didn’t wake up.”
“Oh. I don’t remember that. It all just sort of went black then I woke up all confused.” Remus couldn’t imagine how scary that must have been for them especially Sirius and Tonks. “I’m still here aren’t I. Just unable to walk or… do…anything.” That last sentence hit Remus hard.
“For goodness sake stop sulking about that! You stopped breathing Moony!” Sirius snapped.
Remus looked shocked at Sirius’s sudden outburst.
Sirius looked away, ashamed of what he had just done. “Look” He ran a hand through his long black hair. “I’m sorry I just- “He swallowed hard. “Just… please never do that again.”
There was a thick silence.
Neither of them wanted to break it.
Luckily they didn’t because at that moment Tonks walked in still quite pale but her hair was a light shade of yellow.
“Don’t you dare start spiraling again Lupin,” She had the same tone Sirius had with him. Gentle. “you really scared us.”
“I didn’t mean to.” Remus’s voice went a bit quiet.
“I know but if you do that again,” she added, folding her arms, “I will hex you with no hesitation.”
Remus gave a weak laugh. “Now that’s just straight up rude.”
“I will do it,” She said, “Now get some sleep… Please.”
Then Tonks left the room leaving Sirius and Remus alone in silence again.
“They’re getting…w… worse,” He touched the side of his head with his trembling hands and felt a huge lump from where he hit his head.
Sirius just looked at him. Eyes not far from tears. He didn’t argue. He just nodded.
That night, when Remus finally fell asleep, Sirius didn’t pretend to read. He just sat there watching him. Counting his breaths one by one. Making sure the next one came.
One…
two…
three…
Finally, after hours of just watching Remus, Sirius fell asleep releasing all the tension in the air.
***
Remus was the first awake that morning. It was so hard to sleep that when he woke up for the tenth time he decided to stay awake and try to read until someone else woke up. Reading always helped him pass the time. He managed five pages when the door creaked open and Tonks walked in looking like she hadn’t slept in days. Although she was trying to hide it- her bright yellow hair and cheesy smile. Remus saw right through her.
“Morning,” said Remus flipping over a page. “You look tired.”
“I am not,” Tonks said in an exaggerated offence. Putting her hand to her heart and gasping dramatically.
Remus put his book down beside him.
“You have big bags under your eyes and you’re wearing the same clothes from yesterday,” Remus grabbed a bar of chocolate and threw it to Tonks. “Here eat some.”
The chocolate hit Tonks square in the head and when she went to pick it up she almost face planted the wall again.
“Honestly you are probably the clumsiest person I have ever met. Who knows how you became an Auror,” He let out a small but genuine laugh.
“One more criticizing word and I will push you down the stairs Lupin. This is good chocolate though.” Tonks shot back.
“Yeah but you wouldn’t.” Remus grinned at her.
Tonks moved across the room and sat cross legged at the end of the bed.
“You’re right. I’m not lying about hexing you if you stop breathing again. That’s why I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was what happened. I was so scared and I still am.” Her voice got quieter and her hair had changed to a deep blue.
“I was unconscious not-,” Remus didn’t finish that sentence. He looked at Tonks. She seemed smaller now. Her shoulders had hunched and the chocolate she was devouring a second ago laid deserted in her hands. Remus realised she was still only young.
His face softened.
“I don’t remember any of that,” He said quietly.
“Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” Her voice was breaking slightly.
He hated seeing her upset. He slowly moved towards her still wincing at the pain but he could manage. Once he got to her he put his arm round her. She rested her head on his shoulder like it was natural.
He lowered his head slightly, “I’m so sorry you had to see that.”
“No, it’s better that I was there than wasn’t.” She said firmly, wiping her eyes.
“I’m still here, so stop getting yourself worked up,” He said softly.
“Stay like that please.” She replied her voice calmer. Breath still shaky.
Remus squeezed her shoulder.
A few moments later Sirius opened his eyes. He scanned the room from the chair he was in until he laid them on Remus and Tonks. He frowned slightly.
“You moved,” He said, sitting up in his chair.
“Oh no I moved five inches on my soft, safe bed,” Remus replied dryly.
“I know. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself even more,” Sirius looked at Remus’s leg. “You gave all of us a right good scare.”
Remus looked at him.
“I know and I’m sorry,” He said softly.
They all sat there in silence for a bit. After a while Tonks’s shaky breaths had changed to calm evened out breathing. She had fallen asleep against Remus. He looked down at her then to Sirius.
“She didn’t sleep. She was so worried.” He said softly, looking back down at her.
“We all were,” Sirius whispered.
Remus kept his eyes on Tonks. She looked exhausted. Her hair was a pale green and the chocolate laid loose in her hands. Remus felt a mountain of guilt.
“I didn’t mean to scare anyone,” Remus said.
“I know.” Sirius replied yawning and rubbing his eyes.
Tonks shuffled slightly in her sleep.
“You need to sleep.” Remus whispered trying not to wake Tonks. “Or at least eat something.”
Right on cue Molly started rustling around in the kitchen making breakfast.
“I’m fine. I can manage.” Sirius said yawning. “I’m going to go help Molly.”
Sirius slowly got up, made an over- exaggerated stretch and hobbled to the door but before he left he stopped and looked at Remus, then walked the full way out the door. Remus didn’t notice. He was so focused on Tonks and making sure she didn’t wake up until he knew she was properly rested.
Although his leg was broken and he could barely move he felt comfort. He felt safe.
Remus could feel his eyes getting heavy. He carefully put his head on top of Tonks and fell asleep.