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He chooses to ignore the way Daniel flinches when the ice pack lands on his shoulder. Or at the very least, he tucks it away to be miserable about later. Yuta holds it there a second, waiting for Daniel's hand to replace his own. Instead, the ice pack is shrugged off which he imagines only aggravates it more if the small huff Daniel lets out is anything to go by. It may also just be Daniel being Daniel. Petulant. Childish. Projecting anger when what he feels is something else.
"Don't. Don't need it." His voice is small and it feels unsettling to Yuta.
In the quiet of the hotel room, just the two of them there, it feels wrong for things to be like this. There should be laughter and teasing and arguments and pillows thrown. For the past little while, it had been nice. Yuta hadn't been sleeping with ghosts. He'd curled up next to an old friend. Someone he knows. Someone who was maybe for the first time in a long time, really on his side.
"He fucked your arm up, Danny. Yes, you do. Take the ice." He goes for commanding. It falls flat. He knows it does.
Danny wasn't going to listen to him because he used his big boy voice. He didn't use it when he should have. Yuta failed. As he often does. Yuta failed repeatedly tonight. One of those failures means something to him. One of the failures he needs to correct.
"I'm fine." Daniel tries, he really tries to make himself bigger, growls the words as coldly as he can. Yuta knows better. Yuta knows him.
"He's not gonna give you a prize for being in pain. No one's getting a pat on the back tonight."
Yuta takes Daniel’s hand. For a brief second he is overcome with the urge to bow his head as if in prayer and press his lips to the grooves of Daniel’s knuckles, earn forgiveness on his knees the way they used to. This is bigger than bratty quips in the ring that push just a little too far. This is a greater transgression than before. Yuta places Daniel’s hand on the ice pack and lets his own slip away.
When it stays in place he lets out a hum before moving back to sorting both their things out so they can sleep. Yuta made sure Daniel got straight in the bed but with their things strewn across it in a heap, Yuta won’t be joining him just yet. He listens to the quiet breaths and lets himself focus on the task in front of him. He’ll revisit the guilt later. He always does.
Daniel’s breaths are even and he hasn’t spoken since accepting the ice pack so it’s only fair to assume he’s asleep. Yuta takes the now warm ice pack and puts it away before rounding the other side of the bed. For once he keeps to his side.
Yuta is almost asleep when Daniel breaks the silence.
"I don't know."
"You don't know what?" Yuta isn’t sure if it was directed to him but he answers nonetheless. Their voices echo in the otherwise quiet room.
Daniel turns from lying on his back to curled in towards Yuta. He follows suit and they’re nose to nose like they’re about to share secrets. Yuta feels the warmth from Daniel’s body now that it’s closer, now that they’ve crossed the gap Yuta left to store his guilt.
"I did something but I can't think what." Daniel sounds small and he hates it. He hates hearing the doubt in his voice. He hates that he could have stopped this.
“No, you didn’t. It’s just how it is. How he is.” He sounds too clinical, too factual. He wants to soothe but what is there that soothes the sting of no longer being beloved? He remembers the feeling. He remembers no amount of platitudes helped.
“But.”
“No. This will keep happening. Especially if it’s him that messes up. Tonight it was my fault. It doesn’t matter. You’ll keep paying for it, Danny. We keep paying for it.” Yuta just wants him to understand. Understand what he didn’t before. When Yuta was warning him, it wasn’t him being territorial. Not over his place in the death riders or over Mox.
“He. He didn’t.” Yuta knows the growled praise and the buzz of receiving an affectionate pat on the head or a kiss for a job well done. He knows what Daniel is thinking about. What the last few months have felt like for him.
“No. He didn’t. To you. But you’re here now. He has you.” I couldn’t stop it. He has you.
“Now what?”
“Go to sleep, Danny.” Yuta shuts his eyes and tries to block out the sound of repeated slaps on the mat.