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The abandoned building was filled with a distinctive odor, the facades filled with mold, dust and scattered papers. There was a wide distance between all three of them but the guns made it seem so narrow. Olivia went alone to follow the perp who was on a killing spree for the last twenty-four hours. She knew she wasn’t supposed to do it, but she’s never been good at following orders, even the ones she implemented. She couldn’t let this son of a bitch out of her sight, especially since the rest of the squad were still searching for the little girl he had hidden somewhere in the same building.
She also knew Elliot would find her. It was not an OC case and yet, he was there when he heard about it. He wasn’t there for the perp. He knew Olivia got that covered. He was there for her because he knew how his partner thinks, even after ten years. He would’ve done the same thing she’s doing now, and sometimes he hates it. Sometimes, he wishes she would let others handle the dangerous part. She’s a captain after all. She should be giving orders, not putting herself in life-or-death situations. But a part of him also knows this is the part of her she could never let go.
So, now they are in this predicament. Their guns are in their hands but it’s pointed towards the floor while the perp’s were aimed towards her, sometimes him. He didn’t ask them to throw the gun away. He wanted to see who would shoot first. That way, the choice of who gets to live will be theirs to make, not his.
“If you shoot one of us, you’re never getting out of here alive, James, and you know that. Just tell us where the girl is and we can make sure no one will put a bullet through your head,” Olivia tried to negotiate, her eyes focused on the perp.
The whole situation reminded both of them of the Gitano case. That one case that shook their partnership, their relationship.
James let out an insulting laugh before he answered, “You still think I care if I die or not? You’ll never find the girl, Captain, and that’s gonna be on you for not killing me when you had the chance. That’s why you’re here instead of your detectives, right? You wanna try so hard to make this right? So you can sleep at night and tell yourself you’ve done something good? Well, guess what? Even if I die, I’ll keep you wide awake at night because by the time you find the little girl, she’ll be as cold as ice.”
Elliot kept his eyes on her. He could see the pain in her eyes even when she was shaking her head. He knew the scumbag’s words were getting into her head and he couldn’t let that happen. He was on the verge of shooting the guy and he raised his arms slightly. James redirected his gun towards him when he saw the small movement.
“Don’t even try, asshole. You’ll be dead by the time you point your gun at me,” the perp warned.
“Let Captain Benson go. If you kill her, I won’t just kill you. I’ll make you suffer, you'll crave for death,” Elliot’s words brought shivers to her spine. She knew he wasn’t just saying this to scare the man. He's being true to it.
“Detective Stabler, back off,” she meant to make it sound like a command but her voice sounded softer than she intended to. Her gaze turned towards him but his eyes remained on the bastard.
James looked back and forth between them when he realized it.
“Oh, I see it now. I’ve been wondering why you’re the only one here with her. You’re not supposed to be here but you followed her. You’ll follow her even in danger?”
“Especially then,” he answered matter-of-factly. James laughed once more, taunting both of them with the fact that he could use this against them.
“So, you’re in love with each other? Well, isn’t that sweet?” his gun pointed towards her again which made Elliot flinch.
He knew he wasn’t really asking but he answered anyway. “I am.”
Olivia looked at him; her breathing was uneven. Elliot could see her gaze from his peripheral view so he met hers.
“Is this a one-sided love, Captain? Well, that’s too bad because if I shoot him, it won’t mean much to you, is it?” James moved the gun towards Elliot again.
Olivia’s tears started forming. The thought of losing him again, and possibly forever this time, is something she couldn’t survive again.
“Hell will freeze first before I let you pull that trigger, James.”
“You still think you have the power here? Try it, bitch. Aim that gun at me and let’s end this. I’m not the one afraid to die here,” James taunted her.
They both looked at each other one more time. He saw it. The decision in her eyes that she would raise her gun and shoot the prick. Her eyes were filled with sorrow, apology and something else. Regret, maybe?
Then everything went south in a heartbeat. One second, he was smiling faintly at her. The next thing she knew, he was directing the gun at the perp. It all happened so fast. Olivia closed her eyes for only a few seconds and heard three gunshots. Then she saw the scumbag lying on the ground. And so was Elliot.
“Elliot!” She felt like her heart was ripped out of her body. She ran towards him and saw blood coming out of his chest.
He was bleeding so much that her palm had been covered in red before she could even lift him up and place his weight on her arm.
“Oh my god, what the hell were you thinking?” Her voice trembled.
Elliot tried to keep his eyes open but life seemed to leave him slowly every second. He tried to keep his eyes on her, unsure if he would see her face one more time. The thought made him cry and he wasn’t even aware that tears started falling down his temple.
“H-Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He managed to admit in a weak voice.
“El, you can’t leave me again, okay? I can’t do this again. We haven’t… I haven’t…” Olivia couldn’t let the words out. She didn’t want to entertain the idea of him dying in her arms. She kept her hand on his chest, making sure his heart wouldn't stop beating as if she could do anything if it did.
“I’m so sorry for everything, Olivia. For everything,” his trembling hand touched her face.
The rest of the team finally arrived and she shouted, “Somebody call a bus!”
“Stop it, Elliot. You’ll survive this, okay? This can’t be it, do you hear me?” Olivia pleaded once more.
She’s looking at his lifeless eyes, the same ones that used to stare at her with so much adoration.
“Y-yeah, you’re saying you love me,” he smiled poorly.
“Since the beginning. And we need more time, Elliot. Please, just don’t give up on me yet.”
“N-never, Liv. But I-I’m starting to feel numb,” panic filled her whole body but she got a little glimpse of hope when she saw the paramedics.
‘No, El, please come on. Help is here. Please just breathe for me. Just breathe for me even if it hurts. You said you won’t leave me again. You said…” her agony filled the whole room.
“Whatever happens, live your life, Olivia. Don’t let fear overtake everything else. I’ll find you again in another universe. I promise,” those were his last words before the paramedics dragged him away from her.
“No, no, Elliot, it has to be this one. It has to be. It…” She tried to catch her breath, as if he took her heart with him, too. She felt hands around her, trying to keep her up. Olivia couldn’t hear anything else. She knew Fin was talking to her. She thought she heard him saying they found the girl alive but all she could hear was Elliot’s words.
One of her worst nightmares was happening right in front of her and there is no universe where she would go on where he wouldn’t.
—
Olivia didn’t utter a word on the way to the hospital and her tears dried up on her face. Fin just kept looking at her, knowing her mind was in the surgery room with Elliot. He tried to have her checked by the doctor while waiting, worried that she was also shot but her mind hasn’t processed the physical pain yet. Olivia finally looked at Fin for the first time since the shootout, and he saw him looking at the blood all over her.
“None of it was mine. This was all his,” the fact broke her once more and she cried silently as she let Fin hold her close to him.
The surgery lasted about two hours. IAB took her statement about what happened. Olivia found out that one bullet hit James’ neck and he was also in a critical condition but she couldn’t care less. But it also meant two of the shots she heard probably went to Elliot which made her more worried. She also informed the doctor that she has the same blood type as him, should they need a blood transfusion.
After what felt like forever, she heard the doctor’s voice.
“Mrs. Stabler?”
“How is he?” Olivia stood up and didn’t bother to correct the doctor.
“My name is Dr. Yang. We were able to remove two bullets from his chest. Thankfully, they didn’t hit his heart but it was close. However, he still lost a lot of blood, and he coded three times. He’s still in a critical condition but he’s stable for now. We’ll keep him in the ICU and we need to keep him in a medically induced coma for the next forty-eight hours to give his body some time to recover.”
She thanked the doctor but her mind barely registered the information.
“He’ll be okay, Liv. There’s nothing we can do here right now. Why don’t you go home and rest for a bit?” Fin offered.
“I’m not leaving him,” she said with finality.
“I’ll stay with him. I’ll call you right away if there’s any update. You need to change your clothes, Liv. You need to eat something. And your son is waiting for you.”
Olivia knew he was right. She barely talked to Noah after everything. She looked back at Elliot’s room and hesitantly nodded.
“I’ll be back later. I’ll just make sure Noah is settled. Let the squad know I won’t be available for the next few days.”
“They already know. Take your time, Liv. He needs your support, but you also need to take care of yourself. Elliot would punch me once he woke up if he found out I didn’t at least try to stop you from spiralling,” Fin held her once more and she gave him a weak smile before she turned around and drove herself home.
—
Two days later…
Elliot’s condition became more stable but he hasn’t woken up yet. Two days have passed and she never left his side. They have gradually stopped the sedatives and she was informed that he will wake up within twenty-four hours if no other complications arise. He moved his finger once when she was holding his hand and that gave her hope but it wasn’t enough. She needed to hear his voice again.
After another long day of uncertainty, the exhaustion finally caught up with her. She called Noah before his bedtime. She felt guilty not being there for him but she was blessed to have an understanding son. He kept asking about Elliot’s condition and she felt a sharp pain every time she couldn’t give him another answer other than “he’s still unconscious.”
She decided to sleep on the seat next to Elliot’s bed. It was far from comfortable but she wanted to be there when he woke up. Olivia stared at him one more time and caressed his face once more.
“Please wake up, partner. I’m not used to you being this quiet,” she whispers, her tears threatening to form again but she inhaled deeply before it happened.
She sat down next to him and placed her arms on the small space on the side of his bed that served as her pillow for the night.
Hours passed and she woke up disoriented when she felt a touch on her face. Her eyes darted immediately to him. And she could see it, finally.
His blue eyes.
It’s not as playful or as intense as she wanted them to be but they’re there, staring back at her. He came back for her. He came back to her.
“Hi, there,” her voice cracked and she didn’t notice the tears falling freely on her face.
“Hang on, I have to inform the nurses,” she stood up to press the button on top of his bed but he grabbed her arm with so little force.
“I’m okay. I don’t want anyone else here yet. Just… just stay here with me,” he said with his weak and raspy voice.
Olivia hesitated for a moment because he might need immediate medical attention but she just wanted some time alone with him, too.
“I never left, you know?”
“I know. I heard you. I-I scare you?”
Olivia nodded, pain still written all over her.
“Very much,” she tried so hard to be strong for him and never let her voice sound like she’s being shredded to pieces when she talked to his unconscious body. But finally being able to talk to him again made all the facade she’s built for the last couple of days crumble. She didn’t mean to sob but she couldn’t help it anymore.
“I’m sorry.”
Elliot carefully lifted his hand to wipe her tears away. It was his turn to caress her face as she closed her eyes as if his touch kept her grounded.
“James?” he asked.
“Dead,” she responded nonchalantly. The nurse informed her that he had died the day before.
The stillness covered the room until she spoke again.
“Stop risking your life for me, Elliot. I need you alive. Do you understand me?”
“If he shot you–” Elliot argued with her but she tried to interrupt him.
“El, you can’t keep–”
Elliot didn’t let her finish her sentence either.
“If he shot you,” he repeated before he continued. “It wouldn’t make a difference. If he killed you, I would’ve died anyway, too.”
“Do you think I would’ve survived if you died?”
“You’ve always been tougher than me,” he smiled gently but Olivia shook her head.
“I’m tired of being tough, Elliot. Give me something I don’t have to be worried about.”
“If you keep playing Russian Roulette with death, you cannot expect me not to take a bullet for you if it wins, Olivia.”
Olivia whimpered silently. She knew this because she would’ve done the same thing for him. Death is always a scary part of their job but for some reason, she always believed they’re invincible because there’s no way she could accept him dying.
They kept silent for another minute until her sobs subsided.
“When you left, everyone treated me like I was a widow. Everyone was walking on eggshells around me. People were afraid to say your name in my presence. I wasn’t tough enough to face it at first. Cragen had to order me to pack up your stuff.”
“Liv-”
“What I’m trying to say is, losing you is never easy for me, Elliot. Never was, never will be. I don’t want to be treated like a widow again of someone who was never mine. So, if we give this a try, I want to know you’ll come home to me every night.”
“I promise I’ll always come home running,” his eyes were fixated on her, then he continued with his brows furrowed.
“And who told you I’m not yours?”
She smiled like a kid when he said it. They settled into comfortable silence as she rested her head on his bedside again, then she remembered she needed to inform the doctor that he was awake. So, she pressed the button to alert the nurses about him. In a matter of seconds, one of the nurses came in, then Dr. Yang followed.
“Mr. Stabler, welcome back. You scared us there for a minute. How are you feeling?” The doctor checked his chart as she talked to him.
“Like I got shot,” he tried to soften the situation with humor.
The doctor checked his vitals and said everything looked normal. She advised him of the dos and don’ts and what to expect during his recovery period. Olivia tried to listen but her sole focus was on him.
He’s okay. He will probably do this again but for now, he’s here.
“Mrs. Stabler, whenever you have time, we just need you to fill out some forms before you leave the hospital. Just ask the reception for them,” her face suddenly felt flushed and before she could answer, the nurse had already left the room.
Elliot’s smirk grew even wider and she thought of brushing it off but she knew he wouldn’t let it go that easily.
“Mrs. Stabler?” he teased.
Olivia was rattled and she tried to be calm about it but she was far from it.
“I-I was so scared while you were in surgery that when the doctor thought I was your wife to give updates, I didn’t bother correcting her. I should’ve…I mean, you know, but I-”
Elliot laughed a little when he saw her panic but his freshly operated wound reminded him of the pain. Olivia raised her eyebrows but she couldn’t hide her smile either.
“Relax, Mrs. Stabler. I like it. I like it a lot. Maybe we can make it happen one day,” Elliot winked at her and it took everything in her not to jump him right there.
“If it ever happens, I’m keeping my name, Detective,” Olivia moved closer to him, her left hand resting on the wall above him, the other on his bedside. She could clearly see his sparkling eyes from that angle.
“Oh, I thought I’d finally hear ‘Captain Stabler’ even if it’s not me,” his response made her laugh even more.
“You wish. It will always be Captain Benson at work,” she said with finality.
Then, she bent forward, hesitant at first, but she fought her doubts and kept leaning in until her lips met his. She knew he was surprised by it. It was soft and gentle at first, but when she broke the kiss, Elliot pulled her again for another. Then, when he finally let her go, they were both visibly blushing and her next words made him forget his physical pain for a little while.
“It can be Benson-Stabler for everything else.”