Chapter Text
Shane hadn't slept a wink last night. He wasn't anxious, I mean he had already met most of the team. They were at his wedding for God's sake! He knew they were all good people, kind, supporting and they definitely loved Ilya. Shane too it seemed. When things went south, they had accepted him with open arms. Definitely better than his own "friends" in Montreal, the people he had been calling a family for the last decade and some. The Centaurs were nice. Everything was gonna be okay. He knew that. The dark circles under his eyes didn’t mean anything. He wasn't anxious at all.
…
Okay fine!! Shane was freaking out! Of course he was. After all, It was the first time. The first time he and Ilya were going to be playing on the same team. The first time they were going to be on the ice together, in front of people and they wouldn't have to pretend. They weren't going to be rivals fighting over the puck, they weren't going to be unlikely friends who just happened to run a charity together. They were going to be them. Shane and Ilya; hockey's first husbands. It was exciting but also kind of terifying in a way. Was it really okay? To just be? After eleven years of loving Ilya in the shadows, being free to love his amazing, wonderful husband in the light still felt a bit overwhelming.
At least to Shane. Ilya didn't seem to share his concerns. He was in cloud nine, couldn't wait to shout his love and devotion for Shane to whatever poor fucker just happened to be near. Coming out - even if it wasn't exactly the way they had planned to do it- did wonders for Ilya's mental health.
Of course, he was keeping up with his sessions with Dr.Galina and there were still days when he needed a little extra tender love and affection. Shane suspected there were always going to be days like that, but he was more than happy to oblige. In fact, this had now become his life's mission. To love Ilya as best as he could, to give him anything and everything, all the things he couldn't get from his biological family, from his homecountry, from the world. To protect the smile that now spread freely - and regularly - on his lips. Shane wanted to give him the moon and the stars. The whole fucking solar system.
After they came out it was like a weight had been lifted from Ilya's shoulders. He was now basking in the joy of simply existing and having other people know him as he was, not as what they wanted him to be or what they had assumed him to be. Shane felt guilty for not giving him this simple pleasure sooner, for not realizing just how much the hiding had been eating this sweet, sensitive man from the inside out.
But he couldn't change the past, he could only make sure to never do the same mistakes again in the future. He was never going to ask him to hide again. They were out and proud and everyone else could suck it.
So it was going to be fine. Shane wasn't going to let a little bit of nerves get to him. He was gonna charge into that locker room, guns blazing and..
"Breathe" Ilya said. "Sweetheart I can hear you thinking all the way over here. You okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah sorry, just a little nervous I guess. I mean it's been eleven years since I was the new guy. Is there going to be any first day hazing or something like that?" Shane tried to make his voice teasing, but Ilya wasn't so easily fooled.
"No hazing. Don't worry. And don't apologize. They are gonna love you. The guys seemed pretty excited to have THE Shane Hollander on the roster. You realize you are awesome right?
"Oh cut it out"
"A fucking legend. Hockey's Golden boy. Superstar athlete. Shane Hollander; second best hockey player in whole league."
"Shut up" Shane grumbled halfheartedly but he could already feel his shoulders starting to relax. He did enjoy being praized and Ilya knew that better than anybody.
Ilya lowered his voice and gave Shane his trademark mischievous smirk before he leaned in close and whispered "You wanna make stop to our trophy room first? Have a little, uh.. pick me up before your first day?"
Shane shot him a warning look even as he felt heat creeping up his neck, his mind filling with thoughts way to inappropriate to be having at the Td Place Ottawa Arena. This little fucker.
Okay, it was officially time to end this conversation or else Shane was going to be greeting his new team with a tent in his pants and that was definitely not the first impression he was aiming for.
He took another deep breath, straightened his shoulders and opened the locker room door.
The room was already bustling, most of the players already filling their cubbies, changing into their practice gear. Shane always enjoyed being the first in the room, getting a few moments of peace and quiet before the place inevitably drowned in the chaos coming from stuffing twenty three grown men in a small room, like a can filled to the brim with hockey playing sardines. But today they had stopped by coach Wiebe's office so Shane could officially greet the team staff as well.”Like a good little Canadian boy” Ilya had said. That meant that there were already about twenty sets of eyes in the locker room by the time they arrived and it felt like every single one of them had landed on Shane.
"Well well well, if it isn't the newlyweds!" Bood's booming voice cut through the bustle and hustle. "What’s up you lovebirds? Enjoyed your honeymoon?"
"Sure did!" Ilya said. "But not enough time. We maybe take another one this summer. After we win Ottawa’s first Stanley Cup in fucking ages of course."
"Damn, the season hasn't even started yet and Cap is already rearranging his trophy shelf" Dykstra laughed as he gave Ilya a slap on the back as greeting.
"Hey we winning a fucking Cup this year or what??" Ilya said loud enough for every single person in there to hear.
The men roared their approval with "Fuck yes" and "Damn straight"s filling the room.
Shane could see why Ilya was the team captain. He had a way of lighting a fire under his boys and it was clear that he was well cherished in his role as the leader of this rambunctious group. Shane was just a tiny bit jealous if he could be honest with himself. He had been well respected as the captain of the Montreal Voyageurs - well until last season at least - but he always felt a certain distance from his teammates. They were close, sure, but he always felt that he had to be the leader, the role model. Always the best, always showing them the way. And he was the best. Highest scoring player on the board, fastest too. He was the first one in at every training and the last one out. He had put in the hours, the effort, to deserve that "C" on his jersey and no one could say otherwise.
So they had put him on a pedestal. He preferred it that way too. Up there he didn't have to get too close. Close enough for them to see beneath the mask of the perfect player and the capable captain, because that was all he was allowed to be. Excellent. Invisible. The Golden boy. He certainly wasn't allowed to be pining over the captain of their rival team. So he stayed on his pedestal, alone, watching them from above.
Until the day it all crumbled down and Shane had found himself struggling to lift his head from under the shambles. Losing that "C" had stung but it was also a relief. A burden he didn't have to carry anymore. Ilya seemed to have found a better balance with his players. They didn't care when his own mask had cracked. And when his own hypothetical pedestal came crushing down, they all came running in with their hypothetical shovels, digging him up and setting him back on his feet again. Shane needed to move on from this pedestal metaphor.
"Hey buddy! How was Spain?" Wyatt Hayes' smiling face cut through the haze. Shane really liked the man. He was one of those guys that seemed to get along with everyone. Friendly and high-energy for sure, but in a more mature way than some of his other new teammates; like the rookies that were currently running around half naked, slapping each others asses with their towels, celebrating Stanley Cups they had yet to win. A little premature for Shane’s tastes but he liked the enthusiasm. Wyatt was one hell of a goalie too and Shane was looking forward to be on the same team as him.
"It was amazing. We had a great time." They really did. Their summer was one of their busiest ever between the wedding, running the summer camp and sorting through the endless stream of requests for press conferences, interviews and photoshoots that were pouring in after they announced their engagement. Everyone wanted a piece of them, dying to know about the enemies-turned-lovers of the hockey world. So managing to steal a week away for their honeymoon was no easy task but both were adamant about having some time for just the two of them. The rest of the world would just have to wait.
Scott Hunter had suggested Spain as a honeymoon destination. He had recommended some stunning beaches with amazing views of sunsets and some queer friendly clubs where they could sip margaritas and dance the night away in each others arms, without anyone sparing them a second glance. Shane wasn't much of a dancer, or a club person for that matter, but it was his honeymoon. The sheer happiness - and the margaritas - made his feet much lighter than usual. He should really send Scott a thank you gift.
Ilya came behind him and put his hands on his shoulders, gently guiding him to one of the cubbies. "So. This one is yours" he said and gave him a quick peck on the cheek "and this one is mine. Hello neighbor." He shot him a saucy wink as he settled his gym bag and jacket in the cubby right next to Shane's.
"Is this how it's gonna be now? You two gonna be attached to the hip? Can't even change your shirts without being within spitting distance from each other?" Dykstra said.
"Oh god they're gonna be insufferable aren't they? One of those lovey-dovey couples, honey dripping from their boxershorts" Tanner Dillon teased in mock disgust but he was obviously smiling. "Next thing you know they'll be calling each other cringey pet names like sweet apple pie".
The whole room turned to look at Troy Barrett who had just been minding his own business, lacing up his skates. "Okay, for the last time! That was a private conversation you assholes! If you didn't wanna hear it then you shouldn't have been eavesdropping!"
The whole room burst into laughter while Troy's ears started to turn red at the top. Shane guessed it wasn't the first time he was teased about the sweet - albeit a bit cringey - nickname he had for his boyfriend Harris.
"Ah don't listen to them Barrett." Ilya told his blushing teammate. "They are just jealous of our loves and our hot men. And to answer your question: Yes. We will be very lovey-dovey"
Shane's mind went into overdrive.
"Uh no we will not. We will be very professional." Being openly together was one thing, but PDA in the locker room was where Shane drew the line.
"Very crazy in love" Ilya doubled down and wraped his arm around Shane's shoulders.
"We are at our place of work and we will act accordingly"
"Very much honey. Very few boxershorts" Ilya winked at Dillon who just scoffed at him, seemingly already used to his captain's bullshit.
Shane caught Boodram watching them with a curious look from across the room. The man seemed to have realized he was caught staring and looked slightly embarrassed.
"I'm still trying to wrap my head around it" he confessed. "The two of you together."
Shane started to tense up again. I mean the Centaurs had been very supportive of their relationship but they had to have been suprised right? Were they weirded out by them now that they were seeing them up close? Had they been too much? They seemed to be okay with Troy and Harris being affectionate but it was different for them. Shane did use to be the "enemy" after all. Team captains weren't supposed to fall in love with the captains of other teams.
"I mean we're all obviously very happy for you" Bood rushed to say, probably noticing the ticking muscles in Shane's face. "Just surprised, that's all."
The rest of the team were nodding their agreement.
"Ilya did use to say you two were great friends but we just thought he was kidding" Dykstra added.
"Why did you think that? I am always very serious." Ilya tried to keep his tone light but Shane could sense some defensiveness creeping in. Shane wasn't the only one bothered that people still found their relationship so hard to believe.
"Riiiight" Barrett sounded unconvined.
"To be fair" Hayes started "you did a pretty good job hiding it. I spend two summers with you guys at the training camps and still had no idea. Even with my awsome goalie eyes" he said pointing with both hands at his eyes, apparently the position of goalie somehow granting him special supervision that should have been able to see through secret relationships but didn't. "I don't think anyone knew."
"Price knew." Ilya told him.
"Umm.. What? Ryan knew? Ryan Price? Since when?" Wyatt sounded shocked that Ryan had managed to clock them before he did.
"Since first day of the first summer camp." Ilya shot Hayes a mocking look. "Even without awsome goalie eyes. Perhaps he is simply more.. how you say.. perceptive than you?"
Wyatt narrowed his eyes. "He walked in on you or something didn't he?"
Ilya tsked and rolled his eyes, never managing to tease Wyatt for too long. The man really was very perceptive.
"Ha! I knew it." he said somewhat voctoriously. "I mean I love the man but come on. He's not even a goalie." he muttered mostly to himself.
"Wow, so you guys were already together three years ago when you started the charity?" Bood continued.
“Most people usually date for a while before getting married Bood” Troy said.
“Ha like you’re one to talk! Dykstra cut in. “You’ve been with Harris, what? a couple of months, and you’re already living together with your thousand dogs. Should I be checking my mail for any more wedding invites Barrett?”
“What? No.. I mean.. not no, we’re not.. It was just good timing because I was moving anyway and it’s just Chiron for now, the rest of the dogs stay at the farm with his parents. We’re not.. I mean not yet, soon maybe but not..” Troy was babbling. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, trying to ignore the heat that was already spreading on his cheeks. “When I propose, you guys will be the first to know. Well, after my mom. And Harris’ parents and his sisters. So maybe not the first but I’ll make sure to tell you before the wedding for sure.”
“We’ll be looking forward to it buddy.” The team chuckled while they gave their embarrassed friend a couple of good natured slaps on the back.
Shane realized that the team really did know absolutely no details about his and Ilya’s relationship. His husband had played a couple of games with the Centaurs at the end of last season, after that dreadful fanmail video had very casually told the whole world the secret they had spend over a decade protecting.
At the time they were still trying to figure out how much they were willing to share with the public. Not much they decided. Obviously they were going to come out, they were going to get married and be together out in the open, all the Roger Cromwells of the world be damned, but that didn't mean the world was privy to all the details of their relationship. The questions would probably be harder to avoid now that the season had started up again and the Hollander-Rozanov spouses were set to make their on-ice debut in a few days, but they would figure it out when the time came.
Apparently Ilya hadn’t shared much with his teammates either. Despite his unique ability to talk the ears off a person - mostly chirping and mouthing off - Ilya tended to share very little about his private life. It made sense he supposed. A secret homosexual relationship with his rival and a traumatic childhood didn’t exactly make for pleasant dinner conversation.
But Shane knew that Ilya wanted to get closer with his teammates. Now that they had no more secrets left to hide, Ilya was excited to share more of himself with the people that stood by him when shit hit the fan. He was probably still holding back to respect Shane’s privacy, and while he was grateful, perhaps it was time for Shane to learn how to share a bit of himself too. This group of people seemed like a good place to start.
They had meant to get together with them over the summer, maybe host a dinner or something at their place, but everyone had plans, wanting to enjoy their precious few weeks of summer vacation with their friends and family, Shane and Ilya more than anyone. And just because Shane wanted to share, didn’t mean he wasn’t scared shitless.
Sure, they were nice now but what if they changed their minds when they learned the whole truth? What if they were just being polite and were actually grossed out by them and were just really good at hiding it?
No. He looked around at all the men in the room, their eyes still stealing glances in his direction. Their looks were curious but kind.
And of course they were curious. Shane would have been too. Maybe they could just tell them everything and it wouldn’t even be a big deal.
They could just casually tell them that their relationship was more than just the three years since they started the camp. They didn't gradually fall in love. They didn't slowly gain respect for one another after years of playing against each other on the ice, as they had claimed in their joined press conference when they announced the opening of the Irina Foundation.
They were together since day one. Since that night at that hotel gym in Los Angeles in 2009. Even thought they spend eight years trying to pretend that it was just casual, that their relationship didn't mean anything back then, he could now admit to himself that he had always known. Ilya was special to him. He had always known.
Would that change things? If their teammates found out that they had probably - definitely - been in love since before they had managed to convince the world that they hated each other? Would it feel like a lie? Like a betrayal?
That's how it had felt to his former teammates. The Hollander-Rozanov rivalry was a hoax! Shane Hollander was a traitor, sleeping with the enemy!
It still broke his heart that the people he considered a family had so readily turned their backs on him, Hayden and JJ excluded. They pretended like they were okay with his sexuality, that they had actually accepted him but things changed once the truth came out.
Apparently it was okay to be gay when it was just an abstract idea, when everything was still hush-hush, something everyone knew but nobody talked about. But being openly in love with a man - and that man being Ilya Rozanov of all people - was simply unacceptable. Shane went from being the captain everyone looked up to, to being someone his teammates couldn’t bear to look in the eye. Dirty. Disgusting. A liar.
So yeah. Shane didn’t want to lie anymore, he wouldn’t, but he was still anxious about it. What if he opened up to them, laid himself bare and they didn’t like what they saw? He still wanted to try. For Ilya. And for himself.
He opened his mouth to rejoin the conversation - what were they talking about again? - but was interrupted by coach Wiebe opening the locker room door.
"Okay boys! I know everyone is excited to talk about their summers, I've missed you all too, but can we maybe save this back-to-school reunion for after the practice?
"We missed you coach!" said Hayes flashing the man a mega-watt smile. "What have you been up to during the summer?"
"Oh I had a great ol'time with my family. We visited the Grand Canyon, the girls had the time of their lives. I'll tell you all about it. After practice."
Everyone started shuffling out of the locker room, curiosity and excitement now forgotten in favor of focus. After all this was their year. Ilya wasn't joking earlier. He was determined to finally lift a Cup with this team and Shane was going to help him do it. After all, he was THE Shane Hollander, hockey player extraordinaire. He always played to win and this year, he had that much more to prove.
Coach Wiebe patted him on the back as he made his way onto the ice.
"Once again, welcome to the team Hollander. Excited about your first day as a Centaur?"
"Yes coach!" Shane said and actually meant it.