Work Text:
Slowly waking up in STL's arms on another morning again, how many times had it been by now? More than he could remember. Since his suicide, the nightmares had haunted him almost every night, he could not sleep alone anymore. Sleeping in STL's bed, so close to him made BB feel so safe. Like the Nightmares could not touch him anymore.
BB could feel the other man gently running his fingers though BB'S hair. Having placed his head just above BB's he seemed to be content with his current situation. Noticing that the man in his arms slowly stirred awake, he stopped stroking his hair and just pulled him closer to his body. "Morning." STL mumbled as a greeting. "You're awake already? That's rare." BB asked while slowly opening his eyes. The older man usually only woke up when the alarm rang. Moving his head backwards so he could look at STL he could see him smiling at him. "Well i would still be asleep, if you hadn't kicked me in the shin."
BB let out a loud groan of embarrassment. "Not again." He received chiming laughter in reaction. "It's alright. Cuddling for a while was nice. Did you at least sleep better here? Didn't have another nightmare?" A small smile appeared on BB's face as STL spoke. He could feel his ears heating up a bit, the way the team leader looked at him right now made BB feel incredibly shy. "Better thanks to you. You seem to ward them off somehow." STL's smile grew wider as he let out a pleased hum. "Really? I wouldn't have guessed that." He said with faux surprise.
BB immediately looked away from STL, as he could feel his cheeks flare up. The team leader only let out a chuckle, placing one oh his hands on BB's waist. "You're such an idiot sometimes, BB. I hope you're aware of that." Covering his now probably red face behind his hands, he meekly responded. "I don't know what you mean, STL." He could see the older man sitting up while grinning, out of the corner of his eye, his thumb rubbing circles into BB's skin. He felt so observed and warm, as if his whole body was set ablaze right now. "If you look at me, i can show you what i mean by that. If you allow me of course." BB was curious, but still hesitated. What could he mean by that. Why was he being so smug about it. Did he know something that BB didn't? He would not find out if he didn't look at STL.
Slowly turning his head back towards the team leader, he also carefully lowered his hands to let STL look at him. "Is that a yes? I won't show you, if you don't say anything." He said firmly, clearly wanting BB's explicit permission for what ever he was scheming. With a grumble BB finally responded. "Ok, sure. Yes, please show me." With an incredibly pleased hum, STL gently cupped BB's face, his thumb running across his cheek. "You will be the death of me, BB. So let me be a selfish once again." He whispered before he leaned down and kissed BB.
BB's heart seemed to skip a beat, as his whole body felt like is was a blazing inferno. Whatever spark that STL had lit it, ignited in a beautiful array of colours. A spark so oddly familiar. Was this what if felt like, if it was not drenched and kept minuscule by doubt. Oh it felt so right. Oh how he wanted to revel in it. It made his brain short circuit, not knowing how to react to what was happening.
As STL carefully pulled away again, he looked at the even more flustered BB. "Do you understand now?" His voice was low and careful. Not quite sure yet, what the younger mans reaction exactly was. Who seemed too stunned to speak, or even just to think properly. So he waited to see what was going to happen.
He still did not quite understand what STL meant, because BB's thoughts where so jumbled that he didn't even manage to form a singular coherent thought. His hands twitched for a moment before hiding his face behind them again. To say that he was screaming internally would have been understatement. "BB? Are you ok?" STL asked out of concern after a prolonged silence. "You're in love with me?" BB's voice was barely but a whisper, muffled by the hands in front of his face, a bit of panic in his tone. He asked himself inside his head over and over again if it could really be true. That STL could even consider to love him, after what he had done. "Of course, why do you think i let you sleep in my bed every time you come over." At that statement, BB just rolled off the bed out of pure panic, landing face down on the ground with a low thunk. "Ow." He mumbled to himself. As his feelings started to slowly overflow. He felt his body start to tremble, trying to stop himself from beginning to cry. No, no it could not be true. STL could not love him. He did not deserve it.
"BB!" STL scrambled out of bed to kneel down next to him. "Are you hurt!?" Ignoring the question entirely BB just started repeating "You love me?" over and over again, trying to wrap his head around the concept. He did not want to believe it, he just couldn't. He had caused so much pain, he should have been disposed off. He was unworthy of being loved by him. "I do." The older man tried to sound as calm as he could, still worry crept into his tone. "But you know that i love Eden." BB's voice almost sounded like a panicked shriek. One could not love multiple people right? It wasn't like he deserved Edens love either at this point. Not after killing CH with his own hands. No one should be able to love him at this point. Tears started to run from his eyes, dripping onto the ground beneath him. "I also know that, but even if your brain hasn't fully caught on yet, it is incredibly obvious that you at least like me too. You are giving me all the signals that you're in love with me as well. Some can be love multiple people at the same time." The team leader placed a hand on BB's trembling shoulder as he tried to calm him down. "BB, please. I know this might be a bit much right now. You can think about it as long as you would like. But please, look at me."
BB very slowly turned his head to the side, revealing the tears streaming down his face. "Thank you." STL smiled at the other man, very carefully moving his hand from the others shoulder to his face to wipe away the tears. The moment his hand touched BB's cheek the younger man leaned into the touch almost instinctively. He wanted to feel the warm skin against his. It felt so good. Yet the tears continued to flow. "Why?" BB quietly asked as he slightly shifted to the side so he could move his hands to grasp the other hand of STL. The team leader had to shift his weight slightly so that BB could actually pick up his other hand, which he proceeded to pull to his face as well. Placing it on his other cheek, his own hands grasping at STL's wrist. "Why wouldn't i love you, BB?" He just started sobbing. "You saw what I did to him. I'm already haunted by him laying under the rubble at the nest, slowly fading away STL. Now i also have to face myself strangling him to death, while he screams at me to stop in my nightmares, . I don't deserve anyone's love anymore. Not his and especially not yours."
STL let out a sigh, looking at BB with a sad smile, the younger mans face now cupped in both hands. "I can't deny that your grieving in an incredibly unhealthy way, if we had a therapist i would send you there immediately. But we don't, so everything i can do is just try to help you through it, it will be a difficult journey. You're not unlovable because of that." BB slowly pushed himself off the ground into a seated position. He wanted to be in STL's arms so badly right now, wanted to be held by him. But that doubt still gnawed at him deep down, that he was still unworthy of even being here. "Are you sure about that?" He sniffled quietly, trying to wipe away his own tears unsuccessfully. "I am." STL reassured him. "I wouldn't have kissed you if i wasn't"
The tips of BB's ears turned red again. Did he really deserve to be loved? A thought crossed his mind. "What if i fall in love with CH again? I don't want to lead you on. I still can't get him out of my mind. He is always haunting me at every second I'm awake." STL just shrugged. "I'm not a jealous man BB, I can share your love with someone else. But it will have to be openly discussed if that ends up happening, I hope you understand that." BB just blinked at the team leader. "Huh?" His mind went blank again, before his whole face turned beet red. The sight caused STL to chuckle. What did he mean by he could share him? That's not how love worked right? But he said that being in love with multiple people was possible. Was that really possible?
"So what do you say BB? Still need time to think about it?" The older man waited for BB to respond, watching his expression closely. BB's whole mind screamed at him, thoughts crashing into each other. Did he want this? Everything in him shouted yes, making his whole body vibrate. He wanted to feel that spark again when STL kissed him. It felt so good. He never wanted to go without that feeling again. It made him so happy even for a short moment, clearing all of his mind from the worries he had. "Can you kiss me again?" He whispered after a short while of consideration. A gentle smile overtook the team leaders face as he responded. "Gladly." BB could feel his heart beating even faster. STL shifted a bit closer, pulling BB's face towards his, before he carefully kissed him once more, BB reciprocating it this time around. Closing his eyes BB, let himself enjoy it, letting that feeling of content overtake him. He moved his arms around STL's torso, trying to hold onto him as tightly as he could. Not wanting this moment to end.
BB was the one who pulled away first, visibly flustered. That did not seem to deter STL, who just moved the kisses to all over his cheeks, trying to replace the tears with love. "You're really cute when you're shy like this." STL purred at him between the kisses. "I'm not cute." The other immediately objected only to hear how STL giggled. "Pretty then? Or would you prefer handsome?" It made BB more embarrassed than he thought at first. He wasn't used to being called any of those words, the whole situation did overwhelm him in the first place. "I don't really know, all of them feel nice." As a response BB received another short yet gentle kiss on his mouth, before STL seemed to almost beam at him. "You can decide another time. But lets get off the floor, my knees are hurting." The way the team leader said the later part a bit too happily made BB laugh quietly. The floor was truly a bit uncomfortable
Before he got up he glanced at the alarm clock, they still had about 2 hours till they had to get ready. BB really wished at that moment that they didn't have work that day, just to spend time here in this room would be nice. To hide away from the world for a bit, not alone of course. STL had gotten up from his knees and stretched a bit, before he offered BB a hand. Taking it with a smile, he was quickly pulled to his feet and into a hug. The enhancements they put into the dummies sure was useful sometimes. Burring his face in STL shoulder, BB hugged the other man as tightly as he could. Trying to hold on to the joy that he was feeling admits the confusion. Oh how nice it was. To hug someone with all your heart behind it. With how much he liked being held by STL, why didn't he only realize when the team leader kissed him that there was more to it all. "I really am an idiot." STL chuckled at those words. "Hmm, you might be. But your my idiot now."
Before BB could react he got picked up, yelping at the sudden movement he wrapped his legs around the team leader. "STL!" Pulling his head back to look at the others face BB could see a wide grin on it. "Mine!" BB could feel his cheeks flush again. The older man stepped onto the bed before he sat down with BB in his arms. Laying the younger man into his pillows, before STL leaned down to kiss him deeply again. BB never wanted this to go away again, even if it felt like he could not breathe from happiness, it was more than he could ever imagined kissing someone could feel like. Breaking away for a moment STL whispered into BB's ear. "You don't know how long i have dreamed about kissing you. I had to hold back so many times. You kept teasing me without even knowing about it."
Had he really been that oblivious? Now thinking back at it, he nearly choked as some of the ways he acted around STL shot into his mind. Did he really not realize that? Wait … How many times had STL told him he would give up everything for him. That he would rather be disposed alongside him than loose him forever. He was so dumb, he was such an idiot for not realizing that. How could he not have seen that those words had been a confession. "I'm such an idiot. How can I be so oblivious. You told me that you love me before i just did not realize it. Why did you not give- mmh." STL interrupted his rambling by kissing him again.
STL grinned at him when he pulled back quickly after, BB just stared at him for a moment. "I am a very patient man, but you're were really testing how far that patience goes, BB. Especially with those shenanigans CH-11 ropes you into while we are working." Looking to the side, BB tried to evade looking at that smug grin of his. "It's not my fault that CH attracts trouble like moths to a flame." STL giggled a bit before he laid down next to BB and pulled him against his chest, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. "You're always running after him, so I'm not sure about that." Even if he huffed at the older mans words for a second, it still made him break out in a quiet giggle. He really was running after CH a lot of the time. "He is fucking impossible, STL! I don't know how someone can be so dumb. CH is worse than I am with my feelings." The team leader snorted at the last sentence. "That says a lot. Watch what you say, you'll have to look at him later."
Groaning, BB buried his face in STL's chest. "Don't remind me. Can we just stay like this till we need to get up? No talking about CH please." He could hear STL laugh, before his fingers ran through BB's hair again. "Sure i don't mind, but that also would mean you only get cuddles and i won't kiss you anymore till we get up." BB grumbled for a moment as he debated with himself if he wanted more kisses. Looking up at STL, he could see the team leader smiling at him. Moving his hands up, he grabbed the older mans face and pulled him into a kiss. BB heard him giggle as he reciprocated it.
As BB broke away to breathe, STL kissed him on the forehead. Closing his eyes afterwards, he yawned. His fatigue most likely setting in a bit. "Think i have to stop kissing you to nap for the rest of the time. Or else I'm going to regret that later today." BB snuggled up into his arms, before mumbling"As long as you hold me i do not mind." STL let out a low hum and pressed him closer to his chest.
He had not been happy like this in a long time. Did he even remember the last time? No, he hadn't been so filled with joy since joining contact. He did not want the night to end, because it almost felt like a dream. BB hoped it wasn't one. Because he now knew he wasn't alone.