Work Text:
1 YEAR POST-DEPARTURE
"whew, finally." after loading the last of the grocery bags into the trunk of his car, zhang hao slumped his way into the drivers seat. he heaved a tired sigh as he closed the heavy door, pulling out his phone and opening the window halfway for some fresh air.
he scrolled on douyin for a while and ended up finding himself on the food algorithm. he stuck with it for the time being, since he needed inspiration for the rest of the week's dinners. he'd also be inviting yujin over for dinner, since they finally had time to spend with each other. after a while of scrolling and saving a few ideas, hao came across a video of someone making a strawberry shortcake, topped with pretty flowers and glazed strawberries.
somehow, the simple concept of strawberries brought him back to when he was part of zb1.
but it was just strawberries, right?
after all, he was a year into his new career as part of and2ble. a fresh start, a new identity, connecting with old friends and meeting new. he felt healthier and lighter on his feet, with no wakeone to terrorize him and his group.
yet nostalgia has a way of being quick to enter zhang hao's mind.
he remembered how hanbin would buy him strawberries when they went on grocery runs with the group because he knew he liked them, even though they usually weren't on the list. he remembered how the younger members would raid the snack aisle while hanbin went to get his strawberries. the nostalgic memories of their group errand-running stung his heart like an injection to the arm, the pain flowing through his body for longer than he wished.
it was hard to admit, since now he led this new life and chapter of his idol career with and2ble, but hao missed hanbin and his zb1 family very dearly.
he saved the strawberry shortcake video for later reference before turning off his phone and getting lost in the rest of his thoughts, letting simple and trivial questions take over his mind.
yujinnie said he was craving rose pasta, so i'll make that for us tonight after i get home. but that strawberry cake looks really good too. should i go through with it? it does look nice, and maybe yujinnie and i could make it together...
however, hao's train of thought immediately fell off of the rails when he heard a scarily familiar jingle skip its way through the air:
I wanna run, 빛 파란 네 세상으로
Whoa, touch the clouds
별이 빛나는 밤의 색으로 와 줘
Go, 예뻐 우리잖아
is that what i think i'm hearing? hao thought. it couldn't have been what he thought it was, could it? but there was no use thinking that, since they evidently were the lyrics to the zb1 track "blue", one of the songs that he enjoyed the most. out of muscle memory, he started softly humming to the tune, subtly hitting every note while fondly looking back on his past activities with his treasured friends.
a few minutes go by, and "blue" ends. hao expected that it would be the only ot9 zb1 song he'd hear for a while, but his expectations did not become a reality. instead, "good so bad" was next in the queue, bringing a summery and positive vibe into the atmosphere:
Making me feel good, wanting it more
You're so bad
어떻게 날 변하게 해 It's so good
온 우주가 말해 "그녀를 놓치지 마"
All of you 눈이 부셔 good so bad
hao was surprised at first, but he couldn't stop the smile came that came to his face as the fun romance song ran its course through his heart. but before he knew it, "good so bad" ended and the next song turned on, bringing him back to zb1's debut era:
아침이 와 어제와 달라진 눈부신 light
눈을 뜨면 움츠렸던 꽃잎은 피어나
hao chuckled to himself, relishing in the old classic that brought them to fame: "in bloom." he remembered enjoying the production of "youth in the shade", since it signaled the start of a new chapter in his life: becoming a k-pop idol. it took hao a second to realize that all these throwback tracks were actually coming from the car parked right next to him. at first, he didn't pay attention to where it was coming from, but it was too clear for it to be coming from a speaker farther away. and it was just faint enough to not be disruptive to the other cars and passerby around. inside, through the tinted window's slight opening, he could make out the side profile of a young girl in the front passenger seat nodding to the tune, bringing a smile to the man's face. she must be a zerose, he thought fondly.
hao vibed with "in bloom" for the next few minutes, before silently saying farewell to the nostalgia of that era and letting the ending dissipate into the air. hao chuckled to himself at all the memories made during their debut period as 9 young men who were ready for the eyes of the world, anxious to prove that they would be the leaders of kpop's 5th generation. however, those fun times suddenly disappeared from his mind when the next song played, bringing him back to the reality of the situation:
어느덧 달라진 공기가 우리에겐 어떤 의미일까 시작부터 정해진 인사
See you tomorrow 어쩌면 영원히 밤일까
"running to future". a track on their last mini album as ot9, "re-flow". it was written by some third party writers with the meaning of saying goodbye to a lover or significant other, but the song meant more to hao than that. it meant having to say goodbye to hanbin, his best friend and first love. it meant having to say goodbye to gunwook, once a young kid that he watched grow into a responsible and kind young man. it meant having to say goodbye to jiwoong, the only hyung he had. it meant having to say goodbye to matthew and taerae, whose bickering would always make hao chuckle.
ultimately, it meant saying goodbye to zb1, his treasured second family that he loved so much.
sure, he wasn't saying goodbye to everyone - he'd still have ricky, gyuvin, and yujin to debut with in and2ble. he loved them very much too.
but zhang hao is human.
deep inside his heart, he didn't have as much hope to see his fellow yuehua friends as sadness towards losing zb1.
but when he saw the girl in the adjacent car listen and nod to the beat, a new spark lit up in his heart. he wanted to talk to this person, to ask if she still supported zb1 as 5, to just find solace in someone that once knew that he was a part of this project. so, he rolled his window down a little farther, and called: "that's 'running to future', right?"
at first, she was unresponsive, after all her window was open only a crack. but the kid eventually turned and rolled down her window farther, unaware for a second that she was going to converse with THE zhang hao. "oh yeah, it's by zero-" her speech got cut off by the sight of him, his face glowing in the rays of the setting sun. her eyes slowly widened in surprise, a hand eventually coming up to cover her floored jaw.
"are... are you zhang hao?" she asked, opening her window to its maximum capacity, still unsure if this was a dream.
hao laughed lightly, finding amusement in her perplexed face. "yes, that's me. are you a zerose?"
the girl nodded eagerly. "i am! i love zb1 and and2ble. but i miss you and the others when you guys were in zb1. you were my bias, after all."
this left another slight sting in hao's heart, knowing that he wasn't able to see his friends for a while. he knew that it was a casual and factual statement, but it hit him harder than it should have. however, meeting someone that biased him warmed his heart too, since zeroses that favored him were always some of the sweetest people. he responded half-jokingly, "i'm sorry. it's all yuehua's and wakeone's fault, haha."
that got a laugh out of the kid in the adjacent car as hao asked her another question: "who's your bias in zb1 '2.0'?"
she smiled at the thought as she replied, "gunwook. he's very beautiful and kind."
hao nodded in understanding and agreement. "100%. i mean, i did watch him grow up to be like that. hope he's doing alright." following that, without thinking, he mumbled, "i miss hanbin."
the girl looked up at him, knowing exactly what he said. "do you still love hanbin?"
"whoa!! what do you mean? when did i say that? ahahaha," the man responded frantically, realizing what just came out of his mouth. however, there was no way back now - he truly, indubitably, missed sung hanbin. and the worst part is, the thought was impossible to deny, since all he thought about besides life's troubles and what to put on his grocery list was hanbin. in surrender, hao replaced his answer: "yes, i do." the girl smiled, knowing that he was speaking the truth. many zeroses around the world speculated about the "haobin" duo, but she felt proud to be one of the first to know a real perspective.
"it's okay to feel that way, i still love someone too," she had told hao, bringing a sad smile to his face. to lighten the mood, she said, "i watch old zb1 content and listen to old zb1 music to relieve my stress. it pays to be a zerose, you know."
hao's sad smile was immediately replaced with a stupidly cute grin as he replied, "it's been a while since i got to meet a zerose at random like this. i enjoy doing that." his stupid smile persisted as he asked, "what's your name?"
"ria."
hao nodded. "that's a pretty name."
ria's jaw dropped to the floor once again. she took a deep breath before saying, "that's very nice of you. i know i look and sound kinda calm, but inside i'm bouncing off walls since THE zhang hao thinks my name is pretty." hao laughed at that, and ria joined in not too long after.
it was just two people laughing in the darkening sunset, laughing for two different reasons, and not regarding the status of the other. one laughed because the other's laugh was music to her ears, and the other laughed to mask his surprise at the realization that he really was somebody. someone that made people happy. someone that made people shy when he gave them compliments. someone whose face would light up at the thought of him.
even after leaving zb1 and taking a new identity under and2ble.
hao and ria continued their chat, talking about love, music, kpop, and everything in between. hao talked about how he missed hanbin and the rest of zb1, but not without sprinkling in a little of what he got from the grocery store just minutes ago. ria talked about how she missed an old friend who recently moved away, whom she hadn't seen in a long time. she even went as far as to complain about school and all the exams she'd have to take the next week, making hao laugh and tell her to appreciate those problems since there would be more to face as an adult. "you're still young," he had said.
their words and laughs bled into the ombre sky, with ria's playlist of old zb1 songs as their own soundtrack.
"what's your favorite ot9 zb1 song?" hao had asked her as the playlist rounded back to "blue."
"probably blue," ria replied. "and look, it's playing right now. what good timing."
hao smiled. "i like blue too. filming the music video was fun." the memories of 'blue paradise' promotions came back to him once again, but this time, they felt refreshing like how they should feel, not sad and hapless.
ria laughed. "the 'behind the scenes' video was comedy gold. didn't yujin jump into the water before the cue or something?"
hao couldn't help but laugh and say yes. yujin would never live that down.
at some point, their animated conversation had to come to an end when hao got a text from yujin, who said that he'd arrive at hao's apartment in half an hour. "i guess it's time for me to go," hao said resignatedly, slightly disappointed at their conversation ending so abruptly. "it was very nice to meet a zerose like you again, ria." he held out his hand through his window, motioning for the kid to take it.
ria took his hand firmly, giving it a light shake. "the pleasure's all mine." she didn't want hao to feel uncomfortable and hold on for too long, since this was merely a meeting between a girl and her favorite member of an idol group. but the action didn't just feel like a girl meeting her idol - it was an act of respect and kindess, a way of saying "if no one believes in you, i will" and "i know you can do this." nonetheless, she still held on for a little longer, recognizing how soft hao's hand was. it was cold, like social media said, but with enough warmth to make someone's bad day feel a little better. it was like holding a slightly cooled cup of tea, not scorching hot but not freezing either.
deep inside, ria didn't want to let go of such a secure, yet soft hand - but she let go anyway, because there was truly nothing else she could have done.
after letting go, hao told her about his dinner plans with yujin. "you're having dinner with yujin?" she asked, her eyes lighting up again. hao smiled and nodded. "tell him i said hi then, and that i love him and miss him very much."
hao laughed lightly, returning the sentiment. "i will. and i will say exactly that. verbatim."
ria laughed with him. "you definitely should."
✿✿
2 HOURS LATER - HAO'S APARTMENT
"that was an amazing meal. thanks for making this, hao hyung." yujin was very satisfied with the rose pasta that hao made. he leaned back in his chair, sighing contently as he took out his phone and scrolled on instagram, partially hearing the "you're always welcome, yujin" coming from hao. but he was immediately reprimanded for being on his phone by hao when he was supposed to be spending quality time with the latter.
"get off your phone, screenager. i have something to show you."
"hyung, i'm literally 20 already." yujin put his phone away anyway.
hao showed yujin the video of the strawberry shortcake he found earlier, eliciting a positive reaction from the younger. they decided to make the strawberry shortcake together after watching the clip over one more time, both admiring its appearance. they talked more as they made each component of the cake, starting with the cake layers and ending with the strawberries and vanilla buttercream. eventually, after some hard and strenuous work, they had all their items: the cake layers, buttercream, and strawberries. most of the strawberries from hao's fridge were diced so they could be placed within the cake layers, but some of them were left whole for topping purposes.
as they assembled the cake, hao told yujin about his encounter with ria. "i met a zerose today."
yujin nodded before realizing the gravity of the situation. "oh, that's nice... wAIT A ZEROSE?" chuckling at yujin's shock, hao confirmed. he told the former about when he heard zb1 music from the car next to him in the parking lot, which got him to start a conversation with the girl inside the car.
"i bet she was shocked to meet you, hyung." yujin chuckled at the thought while piping a dollop of frosting on top of the cake - a girl like ria meeting THE zhang hao; a talented singer, dancer, and violinist, the old sweetheart of zb1.
hao chuckled with him. "she was. i could have sworn her jaw was on the floor."
that got a laugh out of yujin, making him almost mess up his second frosting dollop. "how old do you think she was, hyung?" yujin asked, purely out of curiosity. hao shrugged, unable to settle on a number. he could tell she was young but chose not to try and guess. he hoped that she got home safe; before he left the parking lot, he had asked if she would be okay alone, and she had told him that her dad would be out of the store soon to take her home.
the thought of that kid reminded him of something that he had to do. "yujin," hao asked as he placed a whole strawberry on each finished icing dollop, "the zerose i met says hi. she also misses and loves you very much."
yujin smiled that stupid, kiddish smile he always did when someone gave him a compliment. "well, if you ever see her again, tell her i said hi back and that i love her too."
but this time the smile fully reached his eyes, making them glisten like stars in the night sky. because hearing that someone still loved and missed him even though he wasn't part of zb1 anymore warmed his heart (although he wanted to claim otherwise). it was hard for him to admit, but he missed zb1 just as much as hao and everyone else who left. he continued to pipe icing onto the cake, eventually reaching the last and final dollop as he sought comfort in something that would be happening soon.
hao collected more strawberries to place on each of the dollops, carefully aligning and putting a strawberry on each swirl. and just as he put the final berry on the cake, the doorbell to his apartment rang. "sorry hyung, i'm washing my hands," yujin called from the sink. "could you go and get the door?" hao shot him a thumbs up and took off his gloves before running to the door.
expecting some random door-to-door salesman that he'd need to shoo away, he said, "hey, how can i he-" he didn't expect to see the people that were standing in the doorway. there were 7 men.
and he knew every single one.
gyuvin, smiling brightly like he always was. ricky, looking ethereal and classy as per usual, arm linked with gyuvin. matthew, his face holding an expression that looked like he was holding back tears. jiwoong, with his soft smile that never changed. taerae, with his eyes glassed over and his hand in jiwoong's. gunwook, who looked even taller now, with his arm around matthew. and finally, the last person hao thought he'd ever see anytime then.
hanbin.
right in the center, with his beautiful smile that could have sent hao to his knees.
he was still as beautiful as he remembered, his skin glistening under the porch light, eyes looking right into hao's. the only thing that managed to get him out of his mind was gyuvin's excited remark and sudden hug: "hao-hyung!!!"
as he took gyuvin into his arms, hao could only manage a shocked, "hey, gyuvin..." he tightened his grip around the younger, whose unchanging happiness and energy brought him back down to earth.
almost as if he was acting like a magnetic force, the rest of the members went to join into the hug, forming a fragile puzzle of bodies that no one wanted to rupture. ricky went first, putting one arm around hao and the other around gyuvin. gunwook and matthew went next, matthew resting against ricky's shoulder and gunwook putting his arms around hao and gyuvin. then came taerae and jiwoong, finding a spot within the tangled bodies and arms. finally, hanbin joined the bundle last, the members moving to let hanbin farther into the group hug. he wrapped his arms around hao's waist from behind, gyuvin letting go of hao for a second to let hanbin get closer to the latter.
hao knew who it was that hugged him from behind - after so many years of knowing each other, there was no need to think. the comforting warmth of his body and his firm grip around hao's waist was all he needed in order to know that it was hanbin. gently prying gyuvin off of him, hao turned to return hanbin's embrace. the rest of the circle adjusted to accomodate this. hao's mind raced as he buried his face into hanbin's shoulder, holding back tears and choked words that would end up being incoherent if he chose to speak. i missed you so much. you're my world. don't leave me yet. it's been too long since i've seen you.
but with all of his best friends snugly around him, plus yujin, the mastermind behind this entire situation who discreetly joined shortly after; hao couldn't help but let the tears fall as he snuggled closer to hanbin. he could tell that the latter was also crying, as he could feel his body shake slightly as they held each other. taerae and gyuvin were already sobbing, looking to their partners for comfort. matthew was evidently crying; he gave up trying to hold back too. even gunwook's eyes shimmered under the porch light. and amidst it all, yujin beamed with pride and relief, a few stray tears escaping his eyes as he leaned against jiwoong.
the group trailed into the apartment and picked up right where they, as a group, left off - almost as if their last era as ot9 hadn't ended. they shared the strawberry shortcake that yujin and hao made, thoroughly enjoying it as they conversed. they talked about new beginnings, cried more over the "great separation," and laughed while they threw shade at wakeone and yuehua entertainment. all with old zb1 songs in the background, of course.
9 men eating and having fun together late into the night, just how it should be.
when it was time to say farewell, more tears were shed and more hugs were exchanged. words of well wishes, affirmation, and love were passed around and savored as they went by. eventually, most of the people left, the only ones left being hao, hanbin, and yujin.
"hyung, i don't want to leave." yujin stood haplessly by the door, face still wet with tears.
"i know, yujinnie, but don't you have a curfew?"
yujin nodded as he approached hao for a hug. "yeah."
hao willingly took him into his arms, holding him tight and wishing him the best. hanbin did the same, hugging him and whispering sweet nothings into his ear to comfort him. at the end of the day, yujin was still a kid and needed some comfort every once in a while.
they both waved yujin off, teary-eyed and drained from all of what just happened.
once the door was closed and locked, hao and hanbin sat together on the singular sofa in the apartment.
"i've missed you," hanbin started, turning to look at hao.
"i've missed you more." hanbin chuckled as he took hao's hand in his, interlacing their fingers together. "i'm glad we got to reunite with the rest of the members like this."
hao smiled as his fingers tangled with hanbin's. "yujin is one devious kid," he remarked, leaning his head against hanbin's shoulder. "but a smart one too. i was not expecting that whatsoever."
hanbin rested his head against hao's in response to the latter leaning against his shoulder. "hao-hyung, i love you."
hao's face flushed a little, his instincts making him snuggle closer to the other man. looking up at hanbin slightly, hao replied, "i love you more, hanbin-ah. my love for you is beyond words."
a tear ran down hanbin's cheek as he kissed the top of hao's head, the corners of his mouth upturned slightly as he stayed pressed close to hao. "no matter what happens, gege, i will always love you. i'll choose you."
hao wiped the tear away from hanbin's cheek as one of his own fell. "don't leave me, bin-ah."
hanbin smiled, taking hao into a warm hug, arms firmly around each other and bodies pressed close against each other. as more tears escaped his eyes, hanbin whispered, "never, gege. never in my life will i leave you." his breath was warm against hao's neck, grazing his skin like a misty, temperate kiss.
at that point, hao couldn't hold it anymore - all of the desire, the love, the slight dash of sadness, everything that he wanted to express to hanbin when he first saw him at the door; came rushing out like an opened, uncontained dam. "it's been too long, bingbing," he sobbed, holding hanbin tighter. "you're my everything. all i think about is you, besides schedules and what i need to get from the store! everything is a reminder of you! i don't want to have to not see you again!" all that was said after was an incoherent mixture of mock scolding, crying, and pure love for hanbin.
hanbin cried a bit along with him, comforting him softly. "i know, gege. i'm sorry. i love you and i'm here for you. you're my world, gege..."
they stayed in that warm, snug embrace for a while, holding onto each other like they'd disappear if they let go.
pulling away just enough to look at each other, their lips soon met in a soft, warm kiss, slow and real. no lust, no desire, just pure unfiltered love. devotion. admiration. and most importantly, hope for the future. the kiss was only broken for air, leaving both parties breathless and so in love.
"stay with me for tonight?" hao asked, hoping for an affirmative answer.
fortunately enough, sung hanbin was never so keen on saying no to zhang hao.
before the 4-person departure, hao and the rest of zb1 were scared for the future. even though zb1 would still continue as 5, what would truly become of them? and what would become of the 4 yuehua trainees, separated from the family that they had loved for so long and put into a new spotlight so suddenly?
of course, after a while, everyone was used to their new life. new routines became muscle memory, new dance numbers moved through their days with them, and new routes to nearby places were ingrained into their minds. but after that day, every member realized something that they never knew they truly needed.
maybe this side of the future isn't so bad after all.