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“May you, the Spawn, shed mercy on my soul for my sins! The treacherous sins of which I have acted upon… Please have mercy!” Those were the words they muttered as they sat beside me in the church the morning after we shared our first kiss. It had been a nice night, we were on a date… Actually they were the ones to plan it. It was quite romantic in my opinion, we had been in our favourite spot, the nightshade field. They had set up a blanket and a few snacks. It had been a lovely night and they seemed to enjoy the kiss quite a lot, for they kept giggling and they held a huge beautiful grin on their face… Perhaps that is why I feel… What's the word— Betrayed? No, no this act of theirs was quite common; asking for forgiveness to the spawn for normal things. I think I feel hurt— Were they just pretending? that can’t be, We love each other; But sometimes it feels as though they love the opinion of the Spawn more than they love me.
It truly does hurt. I don’t tell them it does, but it hurts more than I could have ever imagined. It started quiet at first; Their love of the spawn. Back when I first joined the belief they seemed quite normal! Actually, it was most definitely the best day of my entire life. We met when they were fetching lumber for their teacher. I had recently joined the religion. They were all so nice! Although, I had accidentally scared them, perhaps due to the fact I was about twice the size of them, they were tall but skinny, and I was taller but quite ‘muscular’. When I told them I was another believer they calmed down quickly and instead asked what I was doing. I had told them I was checking out the plants and seeing what I could use for medical items and they told me what they were doing in return. I offered to help cut and collect the lumber as their frail form would struggle quite a bit, They had seemed overjoyed by that. And so, we got to talking; casual things, like hobbies and whatnot. After that day our meetings became more, and more frequent; We became inseparable.
I noticed something the more we hung out. Their mentor, Amarah. He did not seem to be so keen on me. They would pull Two Time( The name I gave them after they told me they didn’t like their previous one– I Thought it fit them!) away while we were in the middle of hanging out saying things like, “We need to practice prayer.” or, “The spawn does not like when people waste useful time.” I let them go, but… I think I should have tried harder. It happened so much more often, and… it’s like something in them switched. Or perhaps it had just worsened without me knowing.
They became ill, sicker; in mind and body, and their obsession, as well as the bandages wrapped across their arms grew more, and more. They would say, “It was an accident.” sometimes, “A cat attacked me!” But I knew, I should have pressed them, I should have stopped them. But I was scared. I was scared that if I called them out on it they would hate me, that they would never want to see me again. I couldn’t lose the one I cared for! I just could not handle the thought! So I let it happen. I bandaged them when needed, I kept quiet for them. And as they cried I would just let them, I didn’t prod, I never asked, I just let it happen. I didn’t need them to know I wondered, I didn’t need them to know I was hurting, I didn’t need them to know just how much I-…I loved them.
The nights we would spend together would be lovely, but every morning, every single morning afterwards they would pray for forgiveness. It made our Love feel like nothing but a big mistake they had to be sorry for! It made me angry. But I didn’t tell them. Because I knew they loved me– I am pretty sure at least! I loved them, so it didn’t matter. They were just scared… Of Amarah? No, perhaps the Spawn is what scares them; deep down they truly fear the spawn so they do as they are told. That is something I realized recently, I wish I had realized it earlier. For Telamon’s sake, I truly wish I had noticed earlier!
Ah right, on the topic of the individual named ‘Telamon’, recently I was given permission to go out to the city to retrieve some items that were needed, but as I was there I went past a Library. I went inside to look at books. Typically I would scout for plant based books to learn more about botany for our members, But this time I searched for a book that I could use to help Two Time. But I couldn’t find anything related to the spawn at all! The only things I could find were books on people called ‘Admins’, Actually that happened quite a while ago. I’ve been researching for at least a year on these people, I’ve been trying to get Two Time to see Robloxia instead of staying in the woods with everyone else. They seem to enjoy their time while we are in the city. I try my hardest to get them what they want so they can feel happier there!
For example, Two Time had wanted to try this place's mozzarella sticks. They were out of the cheese sticks, So I… Scolded the worker to get them. Yes, that is definitely what happened. It was an amazing day and had actually been their first time out with permission. The fact that Amarah had let me go with them made me feel overjoyed!
On another note or a continuation of my former train of thought, I’m beginning to think that there is a slim chance where the Spawn is actually… not real. It’s a passing thought, but through my research I’ve realized no one outside of the religion of Spawn really knows what it is. I asked the Librarian and she seemed confused! Asking if I had meant Spawn magic which is practiced primarily by an Admin named ‘Dusekkar’. Which in the moment made me confused. So I asked if she had any books on religion so I could see what other people had belief in. And that’s where I learned about all the admins. But I had also learned about these so- called Cults.
I didn’t realize how Amarah looked at them until I learned about what a cult exactly is. He wanted Two Time to be his mentee. They wanted to use Two Time and make them obedient! I can’t stand that. So I will free them, I will ask them to leave with me, we will run as far as we need. And we will live happily.
I hadn’t known what a cult was before I read about them, they didn’t teach about them back in school— I need to get Two Time away; I need them to leave, I want them to leave with me, so we can be happy together; That is my biggest dream.
I truly refuse to believe that my entire belief was a lie, but I know that way of thinking is wrong. I understand now. The spawn never was real, it was a hoax. I will make sure that my dearest, Time, knows that.
I Believe I made a mistake. Amarah has caught on to my plan— That is what I believe at least! They have gone through even more holes to shelter Two Time from me, and in return Two Time seems ever more devoted. Their devotion makes them sick. Amarah calls them in the steed of spawn; tells them that they are ‘our’ only hope, that the spawn wants them to be a vessel. They even received a beautifully crafted dagger from Amarah. They had seemed so excited to show me, and I could do nothing but force a smile. I’m disgusting. I couldn’t even be happy for them, but I couldn’t even get the urge to tell them why! Nor that I was not excited in the slightest. The only thing I loved was their smile. But recently their smile has been different. A mask would be the best description. It was fake, even with me. Though sometimes it was uncanny, a chilling thing; a wide and ungraceful smile. That smile came out anytime the spawn was mentioned, they would quietly giggle to themselves as sweat built on their forehead, and their eyes became shiny with glee— It was so bad I thought they had been sick the first couple times it happened!
Their clothing layers increased, they would tell me they were cold— Which I do think was true, their frail frame could not contain much heat. But I do believe the true reason was to cover their skin. We were already dress coded to wear full coverage but they wore so much I could rarely see their neck! (Which was good for one reason…) I had caught them one time, as they were in the middle of their acts. I didn’t think I had ever cried that much in my life, their face remained the same though; that cold smile. They lied and said that it was an offering to the Spawn, I know it wasn’t. And again, I let them lie.
Even after all of that, I don’t think I ever saw just how bad they were doing. Not even when they accused me of poisoning themself. They accused me of putting in ingredients that the Spawn would not be proud of as a way of making it so they could steal their holy spot. I was quite flabbergasted. Their paranoia was extremely alarming but when I tried to tell Amarah they waved it off saying Two Time was just doing what the spawn willed. After their accusations I was able to calm them down and for the first time in… a long while, they broke down in tears. They held me and sobbed sorrys, I was so worried. I don’t think I'll ever forget that day, because that was the day everything changed.
They were skittish around me, jumped when I entered the room. They’d look around spaces as if something— Or someone, was watching. They would say things, things that were stranger than their normal words— About the Spawn, or even in general. I saw less, and less of them— Both literally and physically. They gained dark circles under their eyes, and they became much more bony than they had been previously. They wore clothes; dark ones, and baggy to hide their frame.
But then they asked me on a date, to our favorite spot. They were blushing profusely, eyes darting around, had their hands clamped together, and their head down in embarrassment. Although I could see the slightest nervous quiver of their lip— It was quite cute! I got ready for our date. I had hand picked flowers to make a bouquet for them; Red roses, which symbolize my love for them.
When I had finally gotten to our spot they were facing away from me so I called out to them, “My time, I’m here… Are you ok?” I had asked, a bit worried they could not hear me from my loud entrance. They muttered things I could not hear but I noticed their body was shaking, and that they held their arms to their chest— Perhaps holding something? “My nightshade, please face me, you're making me worried.” After I had said that I realized now may be the best time to tell them what I had learned about their Beloved Spawn; How it was a hoax, and we should run away together. But they turned around, and tears fell from their eyes.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Please Azure, I’m sorry. We will be granted our second life— T-this must be done!” They sobbed those words as a dagger pierced my chest. Blood came from my throat. I felt weak, breathing uneven. But they still helped me lay down. I felt so, so weak. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t help them. Did they hate me— Why else would they betray me? I coughed weakly as they sat beside me, they caressed my face in such a gentle way you never would have guessed they had the guts to harm another. “ The spawns will…I. I am so sorry your dreams could never blossom. The Spawn… Is absolute. Goodbye.” It looked as though they were trying to leave so I had grabbed them with all of my strength, their wrist stuck in my grip. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to think, it hurt to see Two Time with that expression. With my dying strength I lifted my other arm to caress their face, I spoke the only words I could think of.
“I love you.”
their facade broke entirely, they leaned closer to my face and so I kissed them; one final time.
“Never again will I wonder, never again will I hurt, never again will I love, for you dear Spawn” They muttered those words repeatedly after the kiss ended– As if promising to never be themself again. They had done what was wanted, they had been manipulated into being the perfect vessel for their hoax. They had betrayed me for the Undying love of another; Betrayed their own love and feelings, for nothing.
“Hate…” Is what I muttered before It all went dark a frown placed on my face, heard nor unheard– I don’t know. But my wrath was not to the one who killed me, never would be— I could never hate my Time; my dearest love. My hate went to the cult, to Amarah, and to the Spawn. I began to hate. I hate them for what they did to the most perfect person I knew. My body was still though, no one would ever see the hate I have. I was always curious about death, and honestly I think I still believe in the spawn– Somewhat at least. So, I truly hope in my next life… Two Time and me can be happy, with nobody to ruin our relationship. Because, I love them, I love them so much. Please don’t hate me, my Nightshade.
In another life.