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“He said it was only casual.” Vikki croaked out, her speech wavering as she blew smoke from her mouth to complete her emotional cover-up. “WHAT?!” Shirai exclaimed, scoffing out a laugh. “After everything you guys went through together– After ALLLL of those MAKEOUT SESSIONS–! He said that?” Vikki silently nodded, her face dropping just slightly enough for Shirai to notice.
Only Shirai could notice.
It was almost unbelievable. Shirai had seen him and Vikki leave from the same apartment to go out countless times. He always had the same pathetically smitten expression on his face, which Shirai despised, of course. Hers was barely any different… What made him so special?
“What a fucking dumbass! He fumbled and missed out BIG TIME, y’know?! God, if I were dating a hottie like you, I’d be SET FOR LIFE! We’d be smooching in front of fucking EEEEVERYONE HERE! Absolutely NOBODY could assume that we’re just casual.” Shirai snorted, clearly trying to make a mockery of him. “Sounds like heaven.”
Vikki sarcastically chuckled. “Then you could be my rebound and be like… SUPER toxic.” Shirai suddenly let out a loud, deep gasp. “VIKKI! Are you ASKING ME TO BE YOUR REBOUND-?! Ugh… If only I were a tall, lanky, ugly, ginger dude named Fritz… Then maybe we could be more..!” Shirai dramatically clasped her hands together, pursing her lips and making small kissy sounds with them. Vikki sighed and rolled her eyes. “Oh boo-hoo. If only.” A pause came between them. “I’m only joking.” she added.
Tenseness within the air began to become apparent before Shirai finally replied. “Pfft- Well duh. I know.” She gave Vikki a smile as a bit of the uncomfortable feeling began to fade. “This is so fucking embarrassing.” Vikki finally sighed. “I guess I should’ve expected it from a guy like him.” Who in their right mind could possibly love her of all people?
“Vikkiiiiii, It’s not embarrassing! Dating’s fucking hard, even for a cutie like me!” Shirai sat beside the sorrowful woman, grabbing her hand to provide her a sense of comfort. “If I fumbled a baddie like you, I’d totally end it all. What’s the point of living if I can’t have BEAUTIFUL WOMEN in my life? Oh, I’d just wanna DIIIIIE!” Vikki scoffed a chuckle at her theatrics. She always seemed to be doing things like this around her.
There was a moment of silence, Shirai’s grip softly tightening on Vikki’s hand.
“He didn’t deserve you! Pfft- ‘This is only casual my ass’, right? He probably- he didn’t genuinely love you if he said some bullshit like THAT! You deserve somebody… Better…”
“Better..” Vikki repeated.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea! Plenty of people that actually, GENUINELY, CARE for you. Y’know.. People that genuinely LOVE you. A girl who’s– honest.. And.. and open.. And funny, and devoted, and patient, and respectful, and willing, and kind, and courageous, and definitely NOT CASUAL–” Shirai’s voice began to crack, her grip on Vikki gradually becoming tighter and tighter with every word. “A girl like.. me.”
The air suddenly became thicker, tenser, more suffocating than ever before. Vikki could only stare at the shorter girl in shock. “Wh-? What? Shi, wha–” Shirai suddenly swiped her hand from Vikki’s. “You don’t want it, do you?” Shirai softly asked, her eyes tearing up the longer she looked at her, her words spilling out of her mouth like vomit and her throat sore to make an effort to swallow back her tears. “Why– why not? What’s he got that I DON’T? I like you too, you know, I-I mean– Pfft- what difference does THAT make– HA! Am.. Am I too annoying? Is it.. Is it because I’m a girl..? Be honest. Tell me. I can take it.” …but Vikki could only stare at her speechlessly. Truthfully, she didn’t know why. She barely knew why she liked Fritz so much either. How could she give Shirai a clear answer while she didn’t have the slightest grasp on love herself?
Seconds ticked by, though it felt more like minutes, and every minute felt like ten; before the silence was finally broken.
“Shirai– I’m.. I’m sorry, but–”
“No!” Shirai interrupted again. “I’m sorry, I.. was supposed to help you and- and be- be your FRIEND, and instead I fucking..” Maybe that was why Fritz was so much better. He was stupid, but nothing he did could possibly stoop low to this. He was the one she loved in the end, after all.
“Sorry, I should go–ACK-!” Shirai hurriedly grabbed her hat, stumbling in the process and quickly walked towards the door. Vikki forced a laugh, standing up after her and grabbing her hand–quickly and consciously letting go afterward. “Oh come on, Shi, let me walk you. You live like a fucking block away. You think ‘m too sad n’ weak to be walking that far?”
Shirai stared at her for a moment, her nerves finally calming. She softly chuckled back. “Well.. I.. I didn’t say all that… haha.. Err.. If you want to.”
Both girls headed out the door, silently walking to Shirai’s apartment, the sky dark like a bottomless pit. Not a star was in the sky. Neither could wish tonight never happened.
They finally arrived at Shirai’s door, both taking a look at each other before Shirai unlocked her door, and stepped inside. She looked at her best friend one last time. “Man I- Pfft.. I went fuckin’ stupiiid today, huh?” She forced a chuckle. “You’re always stupid.” Vikki smirked. “Pshh.. Shut it.. Buh-byee..!” Shirai started to gently close the door before–
WHUMPH.
Vikki stuck her foot between, halting the door. “I think your foot’s–” …and pulling Shirai in for a kiss– More than just a kiss–maybe about three or four, desperately trying to shift her feelings–Shirai taking the moment to savor, of course. It was what she wanted. How selfish. Why didn’t she like Shirai? Why couldn’t she..?
A thousand thoughts flashed into their minds, moments felt like lightyears, as if the whole universe had stopped just for them–uncomfortably.
…
…
…
Finally, they broke, Shirai looking at Vikki in disbelief, horror written all over her face seeing Vikki look back at her hopelessly as the door naturally fell closed separating the two without another word.