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“People in Bangkok are now alerted, this new serial killer does not strike the ordinary, it goes for the children of celebrities, be careful not to left any doors open and call for help if you ever see someone wearing or carrying a lilac ski mask” the television screamed in the background even if Barcode can barely listen to it. His mind is far too occupied by something else as he walked out of his living room to his porch so he can think more clearly.
He is not sure if he regrets it or not yet. He just feels stupid. He feels used. Unloved. As he watches Jeff’s latest posts about the Paris Fashion Week. He could have been there. It’s easy. But what’s the point of attending if Jeff will not pay any attention to him?
He drank another gulp from his peach flavored soju. He looked at the label, momentarily. He then looked out in the distance for any comfort or silence that he might come across. Nothing. Only the barely moving hot wind hitting his face reminded him that he is alive. Maybe if he was never a fan of Jeff from the start. Things would have been different. If he had never listened to this indie singer in Youtube back when he is thirteen. Or if he never pressured his dad to support him when he became old enough to ask for favors.
Three knocks came from outside the door. Henry looked up from his computer “Come in” he called out. His teenage son entered the room slowly. He stopped in front of his father’s desk, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
“Dad do you remember when you said you would get anything for me if I ever get into a good university?” Henry frowned “You are asking me as if you already got into one Barcode” Barcode bite down on his lower lip “I have the best grades in school and I always have full marks on mock exams” he nervously stated “Tell me what you want first” Barcode puffed his chest up for some confidence. “I like an indie singer, can you support him and give us a role together?” his dad rolled his eyes “You are too young to get into the industry” that was half a rejection. “Then can you at least look into him? His name is Jeff Satur” his dad grunted. Barcode was not sure if that’s an approval or not. But he decides to not try his chance further and cause his dad to never consider looking into Jeff.
And he thought he would never be able to play with Jeff back then. The universe had other plans though. The drama his dad recommended Jeff to play so he can be more popular dragged on until Barcode matured a little more and his dad, upon learning Mile will be starring in it, decided to launch Barcode into this industry already. He left Barcode in Mile’s care, thinking he would be safe and put him right into a ship with his idol. It was Barcode’s heaven. He didn’t care how long this series dragged on nor how weird the set is. All he cared about were the workshops and scenes he got to play with Jeff.
Barcode’s hands were tired. Well how can they not be? He had been massaging one of the writer’s shoulders for the past twenty minutes. ‘Don’t make me lose face, obey everyone and show exemplary behavior’ is what his dad instructed him with. He wouldn’t care obeying everyone if these damn writers would just leave him alone.
“Phi” hearing Jeff’s voice coming towards him caused him to stop and look up. “What you are making Barcode do does not look good from outside, don’t think I am judging you but don’t let the whole set think you are a pedophile either, okay?” the writer looked a little pissed with the hidden threat in between Jeff’s words. She turned at Barcode “You can stop” she said. Barcode let go. “Follow me Barcode, we need to rehearse some lines together” Jeff said. Barcode nodded, excited. He followed Jeff towards the open area “Do not let them bully you, okay? Tell me or P’Mile, we will protect you” Jeff instructed him as they walked. Barcode blushed. He nodded subtly “Okay” he said.
The transition between their awkward conversation to rehearsal was smooth thanks to Jeff. The writer problem disappeared after it. They were still a little too clingy if you ask Barcode, they would touch or try to get close to Barcode whenever they see him alone. But at least they couldn’t use him as an errand boy since every other actor in the cast looked down on it.
Everyone became a celebrity after KinnPorsche. Including Barcode. He didn’t expect people to pay enough attention to him. Only Jeff’s attention is enough but now there were millions who knows his favorite food, his schedule and even his admiration for Jeff. People thought it originated from Jeff protecting him on set. He wonders how they would think if they knew he was crushing on Jeff since middle school. Would they still be supportive or would they think he is a creep? What would Jeff think? That wasn’t so important. Because his dad had already changed Barcode’s protector from Mile to Jeff when he saw how protective Jeff is. He had congratulated Jeff on his achievements and told him he will be there if there is anything Jeff needs. In exchange of his selfless support, Jeff had made Barcode move in with him and arranged every hotel reservation so they can sleep in the same room. Just to show Barcode’s father how good he can take care of him. Since Barcode is living with him now, they could go to events easier, they got more chemistry than ever. Well that was until Barcode got tired of Jeff going out to drink one day. And decided to take the reigns of this relationship into his own hands.
Barcode might still be waiting to start his university. But he is not a minor anymore. He is eighteen years old. And he hopes Jeff knows this too. Because he refuses to bring Barcode along with him even when he drinks with the people they both know.
Even now he awaits for Jeff’s return from his ‘sudden emergency call’. But Barcode heard that call. Made by Bible. To invite Jeff and Build into drinking their night away again. Worst of it? Jeff put Ta as his bodyguard. As soon as Jeff exited, Barcode couldn’t follow him out because Ta came in, claiming he wanted to hang out. What a joke. Barcode knows he doesn’t want to hang out. Ta would rather hang out with Us or Nodt. It didn’t take Ta long too. He said he wants to sleep one hour into their ‘productive time’ where he talked about his latest workout routine and what he is eating to keep his body healthy. Barcode hated it. Ta can be so noisy sometimes. He had waited for Jeff afterwards. He sat down on his bed, folded his arms on his chest and stared at the door until it opened revealing a drunk Jeff.
He stands up hurriedly upon seeing him “P’Jeff” he walked towards Jeff. Jeff smiled at him. He entered the room and closed the door. “Nong Barcode! I am surprised you are still awake” Barcode rolled his eyes. To be honest, he would be surprised too. Barcode usually sleeps very early. But how can he when his beloved phi is missing? “Phi, why do you do this? Why do you get drunk every time P’Bible invites you out?” Jeff giggled at his words “Haven’t you heard? Artists should have at least one mental illness to function better so I choose alcoholism” that’s bullshit, Barcode wanted to say. Jeff is now only excusing his poor drinking habits with his talent for music. He stepped towards Jeff “Come on phi, let me take you to the bathroom, you reek off of alcohol, you need to shower” Jeff waved his hand around “I can go to the bathroom on my own nong” he complained before he stepped towards the bathroom. But instead he tripped on his own foot and almost fall, well if Barcode didn’t hurry towards him to stop him. Jeff stayed still in between Barcode’s arms, he let out a chuckle “Wow, nong Barcode is very strong isn’t he?” he asked. “Even with this thin body, you can catch phi and save him from falling” he looked up. Barcode couldn’t keep himself anymore. Not when Jeff is being this cute. He reached his face down and kissed Jeff’s lips without a second thought. To his surprise, Jeff kissed him back like he was waiting for this moment.
Barcode had lost his first kiss and virginity all at once that day. And he still does not regret it to this day. He might regret giving Jeff so much power. But he can never hate the night that gave him a glimpse of what he can have. He can never forget the shy kisses Jeff had given him. Nor can he regret those sweet moans. To this day this moment invades his dreams. To this day, he still dreams of having Jeff under him panting again. His only reason to live by now. Even as drunk as he is right now, he does not want to remember what happened the next morning. How disappointed Jeff looked. And how in the span of a day, Jeff had moved in with Us, letting Ta stay with Barcode.
How did they move past this? Even though Barcode is not proud nor happy about it, a scandal had brought them together again. After what happened to Build, he begged Ta to tell Jeff how he has nightmares and how emotionally distressed he is about all this. Ta did. Jeff moved back inside the hotel room with Barcode. Now he looked a little bit distant but he at least asked Barcode about how he felt and reassured him nothing like this can happen to Barcode when Mile and him is there to protect him. Barcode might not be his boyfriend yet but at least he got some sort of contact again. Well aside from events and concerts. They always had to contact for those. Though that was just a job. Unfortunately and fortunately it meant nothing. Since Barcode is sure he would die out of jealousy if he ever think about all the people Jeff had acted with or will act with in the future. He was jealous already because of Jeff’s friendship with Bible.
Barcode frowned “Phi, you keep leaving me alone in the house with maids to go meet P’Bible nearly everyday, are you still angry about that night?” he finally snapped. What he should have done weeks ago if you asked him. Barcode understands the urgency of Bible’s situation. He understands what happened, what might happen or why it happened. But why should he care? Why should Jeff care? Unless he really does not want to be around Barcode anymore. “Why would that night make me angry Barcode? It was just a mistake, isn’t it? You are too young and phi is-” Barcode pushed him. He does not care anymore. He doesn’t care how Jeff sees him. He doesn’t care if he learns about Barcode’s obsession with him. “I meant every part of that night phi and if you don’t mean it-you-y” “Then I think you should move back in with your parents” Barcode looked devastated. The maids who are now witnessing this heartbreaking exchange looked disappointed. To be honest, they too think Barcode is too young to be in a relationship with Jeff. But this way of rejection does not sound right either. Casting the teen out this way would only cause more stress to him. “I am no pedophile nor can I ever get attracted to someone ten years younger than me” “Nine” “Make it six and I still wouldn’t be interested” Barcode moved his chin left to right. “Start university, make more friends and find people who you are attracted to around your age Barcode, I am not in your range” he turned around “Be gone by tomorrow night” he exited. Barcode only allowed himself to crumble once he heard Jeff’s car leaving his house. At least the maids were there still. One of them hugged him to her chest and let him crumble into her arms.
His jealousy had cost him his only hope on winning over Jeff. But he does not regret one bit. He still thinks if he never interfered, Bible would steal Jeff from him. At least in this way, it’s not Bible. There were other people he knows, but at least it’s not Bible. Jeff acted like nothing happened after Barcode had moved out. Like that night never existed nor their little fight. Barcode was planning, he was planning on approaching Jeff slowly. Over the years, one step at a time. His plans fell through soon when Jeff decided to leave the company though. He does not want to remember that night. Not how he sat there and cried. Jeff didn’t even try to comfort him. He knowingly left earlier which caused a bizarre interaction in between Bible and Barcode.
Bible approached the crying boy very carefully. Jeff had told him everything. He can understand why Jeff decided on doing what he did. Having someone so young crushing on him must be hard. Especially when this young boy’s father is the one who helped you majorly on your career. But he still thinks Jeff is exaggerating his reaction to Barcode. And closing himself off of the destiny’s way. He knows it’s not possible for Jeff to love Barcode romantically now. But maybe this is god’s way of putting Barcode in his life and keeping him there until Barcode had matured so he can love him in the future. You never know what can be a blessing and what a nuisance. All Bible know is Jeff used to be much more positive and easygoing when Barcode and him were in good terms. “Sad about phi leaving?” he finally got the courage to take Barcode’s attention. Barcode’s head snapped up hearing his voice. He doesn’t say anything. He just looked at the vast light coming from the buildings around as he leaned on the rails of the rooftop. “Would you like me to talk to him for you?” Barcode paused. “What do you mean?” Bible sighed. “To be honest with you Barcode, I know about your situation with him, I know what happened, what he said, what you did” that looked like it disturbed Barcode. His expression soured quick. “And I think he shouldn’t have end things like this, he shouldn’t have left you to cry alone after such shocking news” Barcode turned his gaze towards the city again“Let me talk to him for you, let me be the middleman, I don’t promise you to give the exact relationship you want with him but wouldn’t you rather have a much more intimate one again?” Barcode stayed silent for a moment “Okay” he said “Let’s see what you can do phi” Bible smiled. He will show him what he can do.
Jeff had entered Barcode’s life again with that. Barcode let his lips quiver with that thought. He loved having Jeff back in his life but he hated how much he is just a brother to him still. Jeff would remind him again and again by bringing girls to their hangouts. Are they recording a song? A random girl is there. Out enjoying a festival? Girl. Even when Barcode is sure he can’t bring any girls around, like when he comes to eat dinner at Barcode’s family home, a girl would call him to invite him out. Of course he would kindly decline but it was still there. Barcode did everything to win Jeff over despite all those girls. He overheard conversations about what Jeff would like or wanted at the moment. He would buy the said things and bring it to Jeff. He would help Jeff with songs, with music clips. He would buy him flowers, chocolate, his favorite alcohol. Took care of his cats, bathed them, know them by name, all his cats loved Barcode back. He even made friends with people around Jeff. Like Daou, William, Bible, Tay, Ink. He does not think there is even one person who disliked him around Jeff. And lately things got a little bit better. Jeff had started to treat him a little bit more intimate. Not enough to trust Barcode when he is drunk again. But enough to sleep while watching a movie with Barcode. Enough to let Barcode stay over again. To the point he gave Barcode hope, only to crash it again a few days ago.
Barcode shouldn’t be here but he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He has good news. These good news are only about him but he wanted to tell Jeff about it too. “Khun Jeff is in his study” a maid informed him with a smile upon seeing his excitement. Barcode nodded. He hurried towards the study but before he can enter a simple sentence had caused him to stop. “I don’t know how long I should keep Barcode entertained to pay for my debt to Khun Henry” a silence followed his sentence “Jeff, aren’t you being a little cruel? I thought you really liked taking care of Barcode” Jeff does not answer. He waits for a long time “He is just a child Daou, a brat still, he has the mental capacity of the thirteen year old me, his body grows, mind? Never” Barcode felt a knot forming in his throat “It’s because he is a nepo baby, he can never see the world like I do, I feel like I am drowning in a shallow lake whenever I hang out with him” Daou breaths out loudly “I like hanging out with him, he sounds like a cool kid to be around” Barcode cannot. He cannot bear hearing one more word coming out of Jeff’s mouth. So he ran. He does not care how he looked in the maids’s eyes nor how disastrous it will be when the maids tell Jeff he stopped by but never said hi. He just wanted to disappear and he prayed he would soon.
The television glitched with the sudden thunder. With the few raindrops falling on his head, Barcode decided it would be a good time to go to sleep. He cannot take one more round of thinking about Jeff. He turned around and entered his house. Closed the doors, made sure he locked every one of them before he made his way up the stairs.
He only stopped upon hearing heavy breathing. He looked up to see someone with a lilac ski mask and a fierce gaze falling on him from up the stairs. He snorted. Despite his heart beating in fear and his mind reminding him of the words of that news anchor, instead of turning around or running away, he kept climbing up the stairs. What’s the meaning of trying and escape when he knows he had no chance or hope? The torture he will endure terrified him to his core but death sounded sweet. “Goodbye P’Jeff, may we never run into each other in any other life times again” he whispered right before he reached the top.