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Patrick settles in next to his mother on the couch to watch the news, hoping he can convince her to change the channel to the night’s NHL highlights. He has to see the Sabres’ winning goal again, he just has to!
“No Pat, I already let you watch the game. It’s almost your bed time too,” his mom says as he makes grabby hands at the remote in her lap. “Either let me watch in peace or go to sleep.”
“Fine,” Patrick grumbles. He resigns to watching the news about stupid boring old people stuff until a segment about soulmates peeks his interest.
“They were eighty five when they finally decided to meet their soulmates, Mr. Erikson was ill and informed he only had a few weeks to live and he and his wife decided it was time to meet their own soulmates after putting it off for so long. When they both picked YES on their own boxes and were transported inside, remarkably, they met each other. They fell in love sixty years ago and decided to ignore their soulmates, only to realize their soulmates were really each other all along,” the reporter on TV says.
“But mom, wouldn’t they have noticed the box flying back and forth if they kept picking NO?” Patrick asks. He is utterly confused. As a nine year-old it was hard enough understanding the basics of the world let alone the complexities of soulmates and decision boxes.
“I don’t know honey, maybe it would only show up at times when they were apart? It could happen. Remember what they taught you in school? The box has a mind of its own and it knows best,” his mom answers to the best of her ability.
“How is that for the best? Mom, they missed out on knowing their soulmates for that long!” Patrick shouts. He’s feels outrage on behalf of the old people in the story. He can’t imagine not knowing for that long. “And mom, didn’t they know without the box? Couldn’t they feel the happiness when they were around each other and when they hugged?” Patrick continues.
“I don’t know honey, maybe if they really knew, things would have changed between them or gone differently. It works in mysterious ways, Pat. And sometimes people who are around their soulmate without knowing it’s their soulmate don’t know any differently about happiness and feelings.”
Patrick still doesn’t get it, but he could tell his mom is getting exasperated having to keep answering his questions. “Oh, right.”
Later that night as he lays in bed and stared at the ceiling replaying Curtis Brown’s winning goal, he can’t help but think about the idea of soulmates. He hopes he has one and that they meet sooner in life than later, like his parents. They met when they had just graduated high school and fell in love instantly after picking YES on their decision box. Patrick thinks soulmates make your life better and they’re there to make you happier. Who knows, maybe his soulmate will help his hockey! All he knows is he doesn’t want to end up like aunt Sharon who never got a soulmate and lives alone in a small apartment in Canada. Ew, Canada.
*
The win was great. It was amazing and everyone was feeling it tonight. A good chunk of the team decided to head out to a local bar and after a few hours the group was wearing thin. Jonny glances around the room again, he had been trying to keep tabs on as many of the younger guys as he could, but was starting to feel drained.
“They’re fine, Tazer,” Seabs says, clapping Jonny on the shoulder. “They aren’t kids, you know. They can handle themselves. Why don’t you go get another round of shots, eh?”
“Nah, I think I’m-“
“Whoa, there is no way Kaner could pull her,” Shawzy yells as he slides into the booth, crowding Duncs in. Jonny immediately becomes alert at any mention of Patrick. He looks around the room and his gaze finally focuses in on Patrick at the bar, his arm circled around a short blonde’s waist. Objectively speaking, Jonny thinks she could be pretty, but he’s too busy being blinded by rage to notice.
Jonny practically climbs his way out of the booth and stalks over to Patrick.
He hears Seabs yell after him, “Hey, Tazer, calm down. Jonny you can’t-”
“Kaner!” Jonny shouts as he arrives in front of Patrick. “We’re leaving, now!” Patrick looks up with confusion written across his face, but when he sees the source of the voice it becomes replaced with annoyance. His grip on the blonde tightens.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jonny. Get out of my face,” Patrick huffs and smiles apologetically at the girl who is slowly backing away, looking uncomfortable.
“Come on Pat, you don’t want to do this,” Jonny whispers in Patrick’s ear, putting his arm around his shoulders and tugging him in close, allowing the blonde to make her escape. “You know you don’t.”
Patrick tenses up and shoves Jonny away. “You have no right, Jonny. I don’t know how many times we’re going to have this conversation: you do not get to be jealous!” he says sternly as he shrugs Jonny’s hand off his shoulder and walks in the direction the girl disappeared to.
A few people have already started looking their way so Jonny doesn’t follow after him.
Seabs comes up behind Jonny and throws an arm around his shoulders. “I told you. You can’t keep doing that, Jonny. You need to take a step back and think before you act. Maybe you should call it a night.”
He was politely telling Jonny to leave, and the worst part was that Jonny knew he was right. He knew he crossed a line and that he kept crossing it when he was even slightly inebriated. Sober Jonny knows the rules, he knows jealousy is not reasonable or allowed. Drunk or even tipsy Jonny somehow never gets the memo.
“I know, I know. I’ll go,” Jonny goes to walk back to the booth to get his jacket but turns back to face Seabs first. “Look after him, will you?”
Seabs gives him an unimpressed look.
“C’mon, Seabs,” Jonny pleads. “Make sure he goes home alone, eh? Just for one night, please?”
“No promises,” Seabs answers with a shrug. “I’ll try to look out for your boy. Just get some sleep, okay?”
The next morning, Jonny’s putting on his gear for practice when everyone all of a sudden starts whistling and chirping Patrick. Jonny snaps his head to get a look at him and sees a scatter of hickeys on his neck that lead down his chest. His stomach drops at the sight before anger starts to set in. Jonny makes it his personal mission to make the rest of Seabs’ day hell. He starts by texting Dayna about the time that Seabs lost Carter in the mall.
*
When Patrick first meets his soulmate, he obviously doesn’t know it at the time. As he skates past and around him the entire game, he has no idea that this is the guy he has been wishing and waiting for.
Two years later, when they met at age thirteen – this time playing together instead of against – the only thing he remembers about Jonathan is his eyes. And obviously his way with the puck, it leaves Patrick breathless at times. Years later, after being on many teams and having many teammates, he forgets all about Jonathan Toews. But boy was he in for a reminder.
It’s a rule that the decision box doesn’t show up until you’re eighteen for safety reasons, but that’s if you even have a soulmate in the first place. Sometimes it takes people years or decades to have the box come to them, other times it waits for people to turn eighteen.
So, on the night of Patrick’s eighteenth birthday when a small black box zooms across the room and hovers in front of him in the middle of his party, he doesn’t hesitate. Moments after the box leaves with his answer, it returns with a response: NO.
Patrick looks at it with wide eyes, lips practically trembling. After he shoves the box away, he bolts to his room.
His parents come to check on him almost immediately.
“Oh, honey,” his mom says, pulling him into a hug. “It’s not the end of the world.”
His dad takes a seat at the foot of his bed. “Buzz, you’re soulmate just isn’t ready. That doesn’t mean anything,” he says. “Maybe it just caught them by surprise.”
Patrick sniffles, he’s trying to hold back his tears. “What if they don’t want me?”
“Patrick,” his mom says, rubbing his back. “Anyone would be lucky to have you as a soulmate, don’t think like that. It’s not possible for the decision box to give you a soulmate that doesn’t want you. That’s not how it works."
“I guess you’re right,” Patrick says.
He won’t take no for an answer. He’ll just have to wait.
*
“Hey, man,” Jonny lets Patrick in and closes the door behind him.
“Listen, I’m sorry about the other night. I know I was being an asshole,” Jonny apologizes as he makes his way over to the couch that Patrick’s sprawled out on. He’s taking that as a sign that they’re okay and he hasn’t fucked up too bad this time.
“S’cool. Just don’t do it again okay? You can’t keep saying you won’t and then do. It’s fucked up, Jonny,” Patrick mumbles. He reaches for a controller Jonny keeps around specifically for Patrick because the analog stick on it is heavily padded and Patrick always used to complain about his thumbs after a few rounds.
“I know. I really am sorry, I promise I won’t be a jealous ass again. I swear Pat,” Jonny puts up his hands as a sign of assurance.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. We playing or what?” Patrick asks, refusing to get up and turn on the counsel.
Just as Jonny makes a huge deal of getting up and flicking the power button on, their decision box flies over to Patrick. Patrick looks startled and stares at it and then at Jonny. He keeps looking between the two for a solid minute while the box hovers patiently, waiting for an answer.
“What?” Jonny asks, confused as to what was taking Patrick so long. The answer was never different, what was there to even think about?
“Nothing,” Patrick says as he picks his answer. Jonny looks at him skeptically, unsure of what just happened.
The box zooms right over to Jonny and opens up to display Patrick’s answer: NO. Jonny picks NO too without hesitation and the box zooms back over to Patrick to let him know. He barely even looks at it before pushing it away.
“So, Mario Kart? Or something else today?” Jonny asks, bending down to look through his games, determined to ignore Patrick’s weird bout of indecision. The box probably just caught him by surprise. There is no way he was thinking about picking YES, they had talked about this.
“Fuck you, of course Mario Kart. I had a streak last time before you decided you needed a fucking nap, asshole.” Patrick throws a pillow that misses Jonny by a few feet.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about, Princess Peach,” Jonny snickers and moves back to his spot on the couch as the opening title of the game starts to play.
Things between them are fine, they’re going to be okay.
*
Patrick knows as soon as he’s drafted by the Chicago Blackhawks that he and Jonathan Toews will be paired together in everything through their rookie year. They’re both high draft picks with lots of potential; the weight of the franchise is practically on their shoulders.
Patrick gets along well with the Jonny, having only met him a few times before preseason training started. He’s a bit too stiff, but seems nice enough. It’s hard to get to know someone who has a constant case of grumpy face.
"You ready?" Jonny asks, skating up to Patrick for their first practice with the team.
"Born ready, dude," Patrick replies.
Jonny rolls his eyes and skates towards Savvy.
After a while it becomes evident that they’re going to be amazing on the ice. Patrick can feel it in his bones; they’re meant to be here together. They’re going to do big things in Chicago and he can’t wait.
Every time Patrick sees Jonny, he feels an odd sense of relief. He can’t really explain the feeling if he tried. Patrick just comes to the conclusion that it’s because Jonny’s new to this situation too. With all the pressure, it’s nice to have someone to talk about it with who knows exactly what he’s going through.
As the weeks go by, Patrick finds himself looking forward to the terrible PR gigs the Hawks have lined up for him and Jonny. Or really, he’s looking forward to spending time with Jonny. It’s a new thing between them where they try to hangout as much as possible. They know the media is running with the whole Kane and Toews angle so they might as well embrace it.
"Where's Kaner?" Jonny asks, looking around the locker room.
"Right here loser. Miss me?" Patrick asks, walking into the room from the direction of the bathrooms. Jonny throws a towel that’s been laying on the ground at Patrick's head.
"Just wanted to make sure you didn't die. I heard you had quite the night last night," Jonny says, smirking.
Patrick can tell Jonny’s a bit annoyed that he wasn't invited to the club last night with a few of the other guys. Patrick didn’t ask him deliberately because he always turns them down and sometimes even manages to change Patrick's mind and convinces him to stay in with him. They somehow always end up lounging on Seabs’ couch watching reruns of Friends and fighting sleep.
"Yeah, would’ve invited you, but I didn't wanna end up hanging out with you all night at Seabs’," Patrick says, clapping Jonny on the back.
"Whatever, Kaner. You know I'm more fun than the club," Jonny says with little confidence, almost like a question that needs validation.
"In your dreams, man," Kaner says. He walks over to his stall and starts getting ready for practice.
It’s not always Patrick wanting to be near Jonny all the time. Sometimes Jonny will call Patrick up late at night claiming he can’t sleep and that he’s too used to falling asleep to Patrick’s rambling.
"Hey," Jonny says one night before a home game. Patrick can tell during practice that this call was coming. Jonny hadn't had a shot on goal, let alone a point, in the past few games.
"Can't sleep?" Patrick asks.
"Yeah, I really need to get a goal, Pat. I don't know what's going on with me lately."
"You need to stop thinking about it so much when you're on the ice. Just go with your instincts. It's gotten you this far," Patrick offers some advice. He had been lying in bed, but didn’t let himself fall asleep, knowing a certain grim faced brunette would be calling any minute.
"That's easier said than done, man," Jonny says, sounding less exhausted.
"Well, I don't know what to tell you Tazer. It's not like you don't have the skill, we both know that," Patrick says, wincing. Jonny can take the slightest compliments by Patrick and make them a big deal.
"Pat, what’s that I hear? You saying I have skill?" Jonny asks, enthusiastically. It sounds like he’s already feeling better.
"Shut up, idiot. Are we done now? Are you gonna be able to sleep?" Patrick asks, not really wanting to hang up, but figuring they both should since they have a game tomorrow.
"Yeah, I think so. I feel better, calmer. Thanks Kaner," Jonny says. Patrick can practically hear his grin through the phone.
"Yeah, whatever. See ya tomorrow?"
"Mhm. Night Pat," Jonny replies.
"Goodnight Jonny."
*
Jonny arrives early to practice. As captain and as Jonathan Toews he’s always early. He wants to fix up some of his sticks, maybe scrap a few and get some new ones.
A while later, Seabs walks into the equipment room and starts screwing around with his blades, he has the weirdest superstitions that Jonny doesn’t even bother asking.
They work in silence until a decision box zooms up to Jonny. Seabs stops taping one of his sticks and looks at him expectantly.
“What?” Jonny asks as he hits NO and shoves the box away. He looks back at Seabs to see him narrow his eyes.
“Nothing,” Seabs says in a tone that doesn’t mean nothing at all.
The box is back, clearly displaying Patrick’s answer: No.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I never want to talk about it,” Jonny mutters, pushing the box away again.
“I didn’t say anything, dude.” Seabs continues taping his stick and moves on to the next one.
Jonny is still trying to see if all of his are even.
“You want to say something though, so go ahead, talk.”
Seabs sighs and puts his stick down, giving Jonny his full attention. Jonny also puts his sticks down determining that they are finally all aligned and even in height. He crosses his arms across his chest, turning to Seabs.
“Just one thing, I know I’ve said it before and I get both of your point of views, but the one thing you keep forgetting Jonny is that he’s not gonna stick around forever. You think he’ll wait, you’re banking on him waiting, but I know Pat. You know Pat. It’s not like him to be patient and wait for an eventual happy ever after when he could get one now.” Seabs says. He’s right, he has said this before and just like every other time it goes in Jonny’s one ear and out the other.
“If he really is my soulmate, then he’ll wait. He should know what it means to me if he does,” Jonny says what he always says.
“Yeah, but what about the other way around? You should know how much it means to him if you don’t make him wait,” Seabs says. He puts his last stick back up on the rack with his number on it and turns to leaves the room without waiting for Jonny’s answer.
It’s the same old conversation no matter who Jonny has it with. People in his life can be so nosy. A long time ago talking about soulmates was private. It would be almost rude to ask someone about theirs or to speak freely about them. But in the recent times, it’s become a lot more common because of technology and society’s general openness about these kinds of things.
Jonny’s heard it all from his friends and family, or at least from the ones who know about Patrick being his soulmate, and to be honest he doesn’t think any of them truly understand.
It all boils down to what means more to him, Patrick or hockey. Everyone thinks he’s picking hockey every time he picks NO on the box, but the truth is he doesn’t know what he wants and NO is the only safe bet. If he picks YES then things will change, regardless of whether it be for the better or not.
He’s stalling and he’s been stalling for the past nine years. He just hopes he can keep it up until they retire, however many more years that may be. But by stalling, he’s actually picking hockey over Patrick.
*
When Patrick and Jonny first start rooming together, they both have a lot of adjustments to make. Jonny has to learn to pick up after himself. Patrick has to learn to not hog the remote. Jonny has to learn to wear more clothes. Patrick has to learn to sleep earlier.
Patrick likes rooming with Jonny. Sure there are a lot of annoying things he does and they bump heads a lot, but it wasn’t anything like when he roomed with Sam when he played for the Knights.
Jonny was the first person Patrick has met that takes hockey as seriously as he does. It’s the one overall bonding factor between them, the ultimate bottom line to any argument.
A few months into the season, Patrick and Jonny are both sitting on their beds watching some TSN highlights in a Toronto hotel room when a decision box glides up to Jonny.
“You have a soulmate?” Patrick asks, curiously. He’s never seen a box come up to Jonny before.
“Yeah, kinda annoying, y’know?” Jonny says as he rubs his eyes. He was probably on his way to sleeping just then.
“Annoying? What do you mean?” Patrick asks as he sits up to face Jonny.
Jonny also turns his attention to Patrick and lets the box hover while he explains himself. “Just that it’s annoying. I don’t want a soulmate, at least not now or anytime soon.”
“Well, have you ever picked YES?”
“No,” Jonny says glancing back at the box.
“Why not?” Patrick knows he’s being nosy, but he’s honestly just curious. It’s very rare for someone to have that kind of mindset about having a soulmate. The only people Patrick can think of who don’t want a soulmate are the ones who have already fallen in love with someone else. Patrick’s sure that isn’t the case here.
“Because I don’t care who my soulmate is. It doesn’t matter, hockey is the most important thing to me right now and they wouldn’t get that, and you know what they say about being with your soul mate – it changes you and they’re all you care about. I can’t risk hockey for that, it wouldn’t be worth it,” Jonny says, calmly as if it’s something he’s memorized and recites constantly. Maybe he does.
“Of course that would be your reasoning,” Patrick says. “Aren’t you curious though? What if they make your life ten times better and help your hockey? They’re your soulmate after all, it means there is a reason they need to be in your life and you need to be in theirs.”
“Whatever, I’ve had this conversation enough times in my life and it always goes the same way. You can’t convince me, Patrick,” Jonny huffs out, turning his attention back to the floating decision box.
“Are you ever planning on meeting them?” Patrick asks, narrowing his eyes at Jonny. It just didn’t make any sense.
“Maybe, eventually. I guess I’d have to see how hockey goes. When I establish myself enough in the league, when I can afford a potential distraction, then yeah, I’ll meet them,” Jonny replies with a shrug.
Patrick stares at Jonny with wide eyes. It’s crazy how nonchalant he is about what he just said. Patrick can't wait to meet his soulmate and here’s Jonny, willing to wait for what might be twenty years to meet his.
“Shit, I feel bad for your soulmate,” Patrick says, shaking his head. “Waiting for a possible meeting.” He slumps down so that he's lying on the bed and turns his attention back to the TV.
Out of the corner of his eyes, Patrick sees Jonny pick NO on the box.
In years to come, he’ll think back on this moment a lot. He’ll think maybe he wasn’t that surprised, maybe he saw it coming. All the signs were right there.
The box proceeds to fly over to Patrick’s side of the room and hover in front of his face. Patrick scrambles up from where he’s laying down and glances over at Jonny then back at the box. Jonny looks just as shocked and confused as he feels.
“Uh, what the fuck?” Patrick finally croaks out.
“Maybe it’s lost?” Jonny suggests.
Patrick shoves the box away, but it comes right back. He hesitantly peers at all sides of the box concluding its realness and resigns to pick NO. As he does so, the box steadies itself and makes its way back to Jonny to let him know of his soulmate’s decision. Of Patrick’s decision. Jesus fucking Christ.
“Does this mean what I think it means?” Jonny asks, frantically. The box rests in front of him waiting to be acknowledged and pushed away.
“I-I don’t know,” Patrick mutters. He’s thinking a thousand thoughts a minute. This could not be happening. Of all of the people in the world, of all of the souls.
“There’s no other explanation, these things are intricate, you can’t just hack them,” Jonny says as he finally shoves the box away with a little too much force.
“I don’t know,” Patrick mutters.
“What the hell Pat? Are you my, you know?” Jonny asks.
Patrick finally steels a glance at Jonny. He sees narrowed eyes, furrowed eyebrows, and a face scrunched up in equal amounts of disgust and horror.
Apparently, it’s disgusting and horrific to be Patrick’s soulmate.
“I don’t know!” Patrick shouts.
Jonny flinches at his words and settles back against his pillows. Patrick grabs the remote and flips the TV off as well as the lamp by his bed. Jonny seems to turn his off too because soon the room is only illuminated by the street lights outside their window.
After a while in silence, Jonny quietly asks, “Do you always pick YES?”
Patrick sighs. “Yeah, ever since it first came to me.”
Jonny doesn’t say anything. Patrick turns to face the wall, his back to his soulmate. He can’t get his mind around what just happened. He finally met his soulmate, but he was right all along: they don’t want him.
Patrick never picks YES again. That is, until he does.
*
Jonny’s phone rings while he’s in the process of blending up his routine-after-practice protein shake. He glances over at his phone and sees DAVE flashing across the screen.
“Hey, Dave,” Jonny says into the phone. He cradles it between his shoulder and ear as he tries to pour his shake into a glass.
“Hey bro, I got some good news!” David says.
“Oh yeah? What’s up? You get signed or something?” Jonny had learned a long time ago to not get his hopes up that he and his brother would one day play on the same ice. It was something Jonny always dreamed about growing up, but it wasn’t practical when David’s heart was never in it. Not the way Jonny’s was.
“Nah, you know I don’t really care anymore. I gotta move on, but I’m making decent buck playing minors right now so I’m good. Don’t worry about me, Jonny.”
“Alright, so what’s the good news? You coming down to visit?” Jonny tries to guess.
“Wrong again. I got a YES on my box today.” Jonny can practically hear his smile through the phone.
“Oh, uh, congrats? So, you met your soulmate?” Jonny asks.
“No, they got the box first and when I saw the YES I panicked and hit NO,” David mumbles.
“Why? I thought you wanted to meet them,” Jonny says.
“Well, yeah, but I look like a mess. It came to me while I was in my boxers and watching TV. I hadn’t even showered when it popped up, Jon!” David says, sounding exasperated.
“Alright, relax, Dave. So, what are you gonna do now?” Jonny asks. He’s been trying to get a sip of his shake during the entire conversation, but decides to set it aside and concentrate on his brother for now.
“Hope that I get the box first next and hit YES as always. I just hope if she gets it first tomorrow, that she doesn’t take my NO from today as a rejection. Jonny, what if I fucked it up?” David asks.
“You didn’t fuck anything up. Even if she took it as rejection, you just gotta prove her wrong. She’ll get the message if you just keep picking YES, even if you’re naked, Dave. Soulmates are too important to fuck up,” Jonny winces as he says the last few words. The last thing he wants to do is turn this into a conversation about him and he knows that’s exactly where this is going now.
“Too important to fuck up, eh? You’re one to talk,” David scoffs.
“I gotta go, Dave,” Jonny quickly replies to stop the conversation before it even starts.
“You don’t have anywhere to go. You still have an hour before you even try to get in a pregame nap. I’m your brother, I know your routine,” David responds.
“Yeah, whatever, I made my shake. Can I drink it in peace, please? Or do you want to have the millionth conversation about Patrick Kane and how I’m a dick? Nothing is going to change no matter how much you remind me of that,” Jonny says. He’s fed up with it as this point.
People would constantly try to change his mind about Patrick in the beginning. After a while, most of them started to realize it was a lost cause, Jonny is stubborn and everyone and their mom knows it.
“Fine, drink you’re gross shake. I’m sorry, I just don’t think I’ll ever understand, but whatever. I’ll drop it for now. I just called to tell you about my soulmate,” David says.
“You’re not me, no one is, so no one will ever understand and that’s okay. Congrats Dave, don’t fuck it up again, idiot,” Jonny smiles into the phone because he can’t stop imagining David’s box coming to him at the most inconvenient of times, like while he’s taking a shit or jerking off. Hah.
“Thanks, bro. I won’t fuck it up. I’m not you, remember?” David pauses to laugh barbarically at his own joke. “Just kidding! Anyway, good luck tonight, I’ll keep you updated.”
“Thanks, and yeah, you do that,” Jonny says.
He hangs up and checks the time. Fuck, he should have finished his shake ten minutes ago and jumped in and out of the shower by now. It’s not that Jonny was superstitious about his game day routine, it was more that he just liked a routine in general. He liked going through the movements, it was comforting.
*
They don’t really talk much about being soulmates after finding out. Just stilted conversations about how Jonny wants to wait a while before they try to have any sort of romantic relationship. Patrick agrees at first because at least he has a soulmate, at least he knows who it is. But once he starts developing feelings for Jonny he’s not so sure about waiting.
It’s not like the feelings are one sided either. He’s caught Jonny staring longingly at him plenty of times to know that the feeling is mutual. Jonny just won’t do anything about it. Patrick doesn’t know how long he can bear not being with him.
Patrick’s almost in tears when he hears about Savvy’s firing. He’s sitting in front of his locker with his head in his hands. He knows he’s an emotional guy, but he doesn’t want his teammates knowing that.
Someone sits next to him and rubs a hand up and down his back. “You okay?”
Patrick feels the sadness and hurt slowly leave him. He looks up to see Jonny, of course he’s the reason why Patrick’s already feeling better. Being around your soulmate and any physical contact with them helps alleviate pain and keeps you healthy, it’s nature’s way of making sure you stay with the person destined for you.
Jonny gives him a faint smile and pulls him closer so that he’s practically sitting on his lap.
“No,” Patrick croaks out.
Jonny cards his hands through Patrick’s hair and continues rubbing his back with the other. “He’ll be fine, Patrick. I’m sure he’ll get a job somewhere else and we’ll get another coach you’ll love. “
Patrick sniffles. “You don’t know that,” he whispers.
Jonny hulls him into a hug. “No, but logically, it’s very likely.”
Patrick feels a lot better than he did a few minutes ago, thanks to his soulmate’s proximity. It’s convenient that his soulmate is also his teammate, especially when they go through tough loses and can make each other feel better by simply being in the same room at the same time.
“Thanks,” Patrick mutters, pulling away from the hug.
Jonny nods. “Of course,” he says, as if it’s his duty to make Patrick feel better. As Patrick’s soulmate, it is Jonny’s duty, but his refusal of the title should strip him of the responsibility, yet he keeps it up.
*
Jonny’s toweling off his hair and putting on his boxers when the decision box flies up to him. He opens it without paying attention and picks NO. As it starts to leave, he catches a glimpse of Patrick’s answer: YES.
The box flies away with Jonny’s answer. He’s confused as to why Patrick would randomly pick YES today. He should have known something was going on with Patrick judging by the way Patrick hesitated to pick NO the other day in Jonny’s living room. A pit forms and settles in Jonny’s stomach, it feels like things are going to change.
He doesn’t talk to Patrick about his decision that day, assuming Patrick will come to him if there’s a problem. This goes on for a few days, Patrick always picks YES and Jonny always picks NO.
Jonny’s in bed watching game highlights one night when Patrick lets himself into his apartment and stomps into his bedroom.
“What the hell, Tazer?” Patrick asks, hands waving around in frustration. “Just pick YES for fuck’s sake.”
Jonny’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Pat, we’ve discussed this I don’t want –”
“Yeah, yeah you don’t want a soulmate, I know and that’s fine but I do and this isn’t fair anymore,” Patrick says. “So pick YES, we’ll ‘meet,’ not change anything about our relationship, and move on. Then, hopefully I’ll get a real soulmate.”
Jonny shakes his head, he doesn’t understand. “A real soulmate?”
Patrick sighs, “You know what I mean, one that can love me.”
Jonny feels like someone sucker punched him in his stomach. “I-”
“One that will love me, one that chooses to love me,” Patrick says.
Jonny swallows the bile that’s threatening to come up and asks, “You think that’s the answer? Someone else?”
“What is, then? Waiting?” Patrick asks, anger clearly evident on his face. “I can’t wait forever, Jonny. You know as well as I do that our bond is already getting weaker. Being around you isn’t enough anymore, the hugs and touches barely even do it, I need more from you, Jon and if you can’t give me that, then I think I deserve someone who can.”
Jonny scrambles off his bed and rushes over to Patrick. The simple idea of Jonny not being enough for Patrick and someone else replacing his fate makes his heart spin out of control.
Before he can think, he reaches over and pulls Patrick into a kiss.
His lips slot in between Patrick’s and a spark of happiness and relief floods him almost instantaneously. Patrick moans and opens up his mouth enough for Jonny to slip his tongue in. He licks at the inside of Patrick’s mouth as he wraps his hands around Patrick’s waist.
Patrick responds by cupping Jonny’s face in his hands and making obscene noises into Jonny’s mouth.
The connection Jonny feels to Patrick is stronger than he’s ever felt. In the back of his mind he thinks he should have been doing this from the start, but he knows that this can’t happen again, not anytime soon. Jonny hopes this will be enough to tide Patrick over for a while, as selfish as that sounds.
They pull away and pant in each other’s faces, arms still wrapped around one another.
Patrick blinks up at Jonny and his face changes from an expression of shock and happiness to anger and confusion.
“You-you can’t do that unless you mean it!” Patrick shouts as he shoves Jonny away. “You can’t use me to make yourself feel better.”
“Pat, that’s not why I kissed you,” Jonny tries to reason.
“Then why did you?” Patrick asks.
Jonny doesn’t answer him. Patrick shakes his head in disbelief. He stomps out of Jonny’s room and then out of his apartment, in the same manner he came in, angry and frustrated.
Jonny crawls back into bed and curls up under the covers. He can still feel the puff of Patrick’s breath against his lips, the taste of his tongue –strawberry sweet.
Kissing Patrick made him feel stronger, happier, more relaxed then he’s felt in years, but he knows it’s not something that can happen again. He can’t let this distract him from hockey.
*
Patrick’s drenched in champagne. He’s scrambling around the locker room looking for Jonny, feeling euphoric. He spots him in the corner laughing with Bur.
“Jonny!” Patrick shouts as he rushes over to him. “Jonny! We fucking won!”
Jonny turns to him and pulls him into a hug. “We did, Pat!”
Patrick’s overjoyed. He’s a Stanley Cup champion.
Patrick hugs Jonny back and nuzzles his neck. He’s already feeling amazing about scoring the overtime goal that secured the Blackhawks the Cup, but being this close to Jonny intensifies that feeling.
“When the box comes,” Patrick whispers into Jonny’s ear. “We’ll pick YES, right?”
Jonny sharply pulls away from Patrick and stares at him with a confused expression. “Why would we do that?”
“Because we won,” Patrick says, his smile waning. “You said when you were a more established player. We just won the Cup, you can’t really get any more established than that.”
Jonny frowns at him and shakes his head. “One isn’t enough, Pat. We’re going to be an amazing team for years, there’s still so much more to do in the league. If we meet now and people find out, they’ll blame any scoring slumps or shitty seasons on our bond. But if we meet later, when we’re both on our way to the Hall of Fame, then no one can say shit about our bond making us bad players.”
Patrick’s stomach churns, his previous bliss dissipates. “How long are you going to make me wait?” he asks with a small voice.
“Pat, fuck,” Jonny mumbles. “Don’t start this.”
“Are you being serious right now?” Patrick hisses. “You’re the one who’s making me wait forever. This isn’t fucking fair! Why did it have to be you?”
Jonny tenses up and glares at Patrick. “Don’t get mad at me. You’ve known this from the start. A Cup isn’t enough, I need more.”
“Yeah, Jonny,” Patrick whispers. “So do I.”
Before Jonny has a proper chance to react, Sharpy drapes himself over Patrick’s back.
“We did it, boys!” Sharpy shouts at them. He must notice their grime faces because he pulls them both into a group hug. “We won the fucking Stanley Cup, you shouldn’t look this sad. C’mon, let’s go drink out of what’s ours!”
*
Jonny’s been actively avoiding Patrick since the kiss. He thinks Patrick’s probably avoiding him too. He just doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know if there’s anything that needs to be said.
The blissful feeling he got from kissing Patrick a few weeks ago still lingers.
They’re a week away from the playoffs so Jonny decides they need to talk before it really starts affecting their hockey.
He asked Patrick after practice to come over. Patrick had looked at him, all hopeful, but it quickly turned in to anger and doubt.
Patrick knocks on his door and Jonny goes to let him in.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” Jonny says as Patrick shoulders past him.
Jonny joins him in the living room. “I don’t want to fight, Pat,” he says with a sigh.
Patrick looks over at him and bites his lip in worry. “Me neither.”
“I decided, maybe we should meet. If that’s what you really want, then let’s do it.”
Patrick looks skeptical. “You mean to be together? Or?”
Jonny winces, he should have been clearer from the start. “No, I mean we meet so you can be free to have another soulmate and move on.” It pains him to say those words, it leaves him feeling empty and broken, but he knows it’s the only choice he has now.
“Right,” Patrick says, shutting down.
“Pat-”
“No, it’s fine,” Patrick assures him. “I don’t know why I expected anything else. This is fine. We’ll meet and move on.”
“Alright,” Jonny agrees. “Guess we just wait for the box now?”
“Yeah,” Patrick mumbles.
Jonny impulsively reaches for Patrick’s hand. “I care about you, Pat. If I could have anyone in the world as my soulmate, I’m glad it was you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough for you to wait for.”
Patrick squeezes Jonny’s hand, but refuses to meet his eyes. “You are enough to wait for, but I’m miserable. I can’t do it anymore, it hurts too much.”
Jonny shuffles closer to Patrick on the couch so that they’re leaning against each other. “I don’t want you to feel like that. You deserve to be happy, Pat.”
“Just not with you?” Patrick asks with a small voice.
Jonny resists the urge to kiss him. He’d do anything to keep that look off of Patrick’s face, anything except be with him.
They watch TV for a few hours before the box finally arrives in front of Patrick. He picks YES and then it swivels over to Jonny. When Jonny picks YES, the box returns to Patrick to inform him of the decision and then expands a few inches.
Jonny looks at it in awe. He’s only ever seen this happen in movies, it’s even better seeing it in person.
The next thing he knows, he’s sucked into the box. He’s deposited in an room that’s white all over expect for one black wall that looks almost like a garage door. He waits impatiently as it slowly goes up.
As it’s being retracted into the ceiling, it slowly reveals Patrick who is waiting on the other side.
“Hey, stranger,” Patrick greets him.
“This is weird,” Jonny comments, looking around the room.
Patrick walks closer to him, crossing the threshold of where the black wall used to be.
“We just have to touch and then we’ll be transported back outside,” Patrick says, reaching out a hand towards him.
Jonny backs away for some reason. “Um, I-”
Patrick quirks an eyebrow in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“Can we just stay here for a little longer?” Jonny asks. He likes the room, he likes that it’s away from the real world, he likes that it’s just him and Patrick in it.
Patrick slowly smiles. “Sure, Jonny.”
They slide down against a wall and sit next to each other in companionable silence for a while.
The silence turns into conversation. They discuss hockey a bit and then move onto their familes.
Eventually, Patrick yawns and stretches his arms, accidentally knocking his elbow into Jonny’s shoulder. This of course causes them to be spit back out of the box and into Jonny’s living room.
“Whoa,” Patrick whispers. “Oops.”
Jonny blinks a few times and takes in the abrupt shift in settings. “It was getting late anyway. We should probably get some sleep.”
Patrick nods his head in agreement and starts to make his way to the door.
“Are we-are we okay?” Jonny asks.
Patrick slowly turns around and gives Jonny a weak smile. “Yeah, we’re fine, Jonny.” He turns back around and leaves.
Jonny stares at the door for a long time as he thinks about what they did. Patrick is no longer Jonny’s awaiting soulmate. They could both have a new one anytime now. They’re free of each other if they choose to be.
*
Patrick misses Jonny an overwhelming amount. He knew going to Biel without him would be hard, but he didn’t think it would be this torturous. He has half a mind to quit and go back home, but he knows how bad that would look on him.
So instead, he mopes around in his apartment until his mom finally caves and comes to live with him. He hangs out with Tyler Seguin as much as he can when they’re not at practices or games. It’s the only way he can keep his mind off of Jonny.
He wonders what it would feel like if he didn’t know that Jonny was his soulmate. If they never figured it out in their hotel room years ago, would he still feel this uncomfortable and unbalanced? According to what he knows about soulmates, he would, but he just wouldn’t know why. He thinks he’d probably self-diagnose himself as homesick which isn’t that far off from the truth.
The happiness and strength he used to receive on a daily basis from Jonny is no longer there. It’s worse than an offseason because this time he had to deal with an offseason away from Jonny and these months away from him.
“Happy birthday,” Jonny greets him when Patrick accepts his skype call.
“Thanks,” Patrick says. “D’ya miss me?”
Jonny crinkles his faces and lets out a chuckle. “’Course not, why would I miss your ugly mug?”
“You’re a terrible liar, Jon,” Patrick says with a smile. “Try that again.”
The amusement from Jonny’s face disappears as he sighs and glances away from his laptop screen. “Yes, I miss you,” he mumbles.
Patrick grins. “I miss you, too.”
Jonny meets his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yup,” Patrick says. “It fucking sucks, man.”
“You feel it too?” Jonny says.
Patrick knows what Jonny’s referring to. It’s a frenzied feeling, like he’s lost or missing something.
“Worse than the summer.”
“Way worse,” Jonny says. “I think it’s because there’s more distance this time.”
“Maybe,” Patrick sighs.
“Fuck this lockout,” Jonny scowls. “I wish you were home. I want you back here.”
Patrick starts to smile, but catches himself before he gets too hopeful. “Do you wish I was home because that means the lockout is over and the season can start or because of other, more personal reasons?”
“Patrick,” Jonny groans. “Don’t start.”
Patrick lets out a forced laugh. “Do you know you always say that? ‘Patrick, don’t start,’” he says, changing his voice to Jonny’s monotone one for the end.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“You do know,” Patrick says, frustrated. “You know exactly what I want you to say, you just won’t for another freaking twenty years.”
“Can we change the subject or else we’re going to end up fighting and having the same conversation over and over,” Jonny says, sounding defeated. “How are you going to spend your birthday?”
It hurts Patrick to see him look so dejected and uncomfortable so he lets it go, again.
“Fine,” he grumbles. “Segs’ gonna come over and we’ll probably get plastered and play some Xbox for a while.”
“Right, Seguin,” Jonny practically growls.
“You’re not allowed to do that,” Patrick says, recognizing the look on Jonny’s face as jealousy.
“I’m not doing anything,” Jonny says. “How is that going? Don’t let him get you into too much trouble, eh?”
Patrick rolls his eyes. “I won’t, mom. We don’t even leave the apartment much, it’s still hard to get around the city. Besides, Segs has his own soulmate issues to sulk over.”
“Oh yeah, he has one?” Jonny asks, perking up at the idea.
“Yes, Mr. Busybody. He says it’s complicated, doesn’t really talk about it much,” Patrick says, shrugging his shoulder.
“That’s,” Jonny says struggling to find the right word, “relatable.”
Patrick clears his throat and diverts the conversation before they do indeed fight. He asks Jonny about his own day which leads to the topic of the lockout and how his meetings are going. He mentions something about gardening, but Patrick’s too busy memorizing Jonny’s face to pay attention. He feels like he has to commit the image on his laptop to memory, something to hold on to through this winter in Biel.
He tries to interject and continue the conversation as best as he can. He doesn’t want to stop talking to Jonny, he never wants to stop talking to him.
At some point, Jonny stretches and Patrick’s eyes hone in on the sliver of skin that gets exposed when his shirt rises with his arms.
“I should probably head to bed, must be really early there,” Jonny says.
Patrick glances at the clock, it’s almost six in the morning. Patrick shurgs, “Not that early.”
Jonny rolls his eyes. “It’s six in the morning, Pat. You think I didn’t look up the time difference the second you told me you were leaving?”
Patrick smiles at the admission. “Dunno.”
“Well, I did,” Jonny says. “I know it might not seem like it all the time, but I care. I-you mean a lot to me, okay?”
“Okay,” Patrick says, softly.
“Good morning, Pat. Happy birthday.”
“Thanks. Good night, Jonny.”
Patrick ends the skype call and flops back onto his bed. They don’t skype all too regularly because of the time difference, Patrick’s hectic game/practice schedule, and Jonny’s own meetings, but they managed to squeeze in a call at least once a week. They waited it out this week so they could talk on Patrick’s birthday.
He turns twenty-four today and he’s in a foreign country playing on a team with strangers half way around the world from his soulmate. His soulmate who doesn’t want him.
Patrick sets an alarm for later and pulls the covers over him. He closes his eyes and lets Jonny’s face, animated as he speaks of his blooming basil, take over his mind.
*
Jonny spends the first few weeks of the summer sulking in Winnipeg. His parents come and check on him every now and then and his brother spends a few days out on the lake with him.
He tries to keep himself from constantly thinking about Patrick and how he let him go, but it’s hard when he keeps texting Jonny as if nothing happened.
Patrick
dude my sisters are making me go shopping with them
help me
Jonny
what do you want me to do?
Patrick
keep me entertained
Jonny
how?
Patrick
nvm I’m clearly asking the wrong person
Jonny
wanna see the fish I caught this morning?
Patrick
sure bud
The lively feeling Jonny always gets from being around Patrick has started to wear off. This happens every summer and he’s always left feeling uncomfortable and off. Their kiss had reignited something stronger in him, but even that has weakened. These weeks apart are even tougher for Jonny because he got to kiss Patrick, he felt what that was like, and now he knows he’s lost it forever.
Kissing and any physical intimacy strengthens a bond, so not kissing Patrick again and being so far away from him leaves a bigger hole in Jonny’s chest.
“Jonathan, I haven’t seen your decision box show up lately,” his mother comments one day when he’s over for dinner. “Everything okay?”
Jonny sighs. He knew he’d have to tell his family eventually. Luckily his father and David were out camping for the weekend, he had immediately declined the invitation to join them. He didn’t want to spend any time in the wilderness alone with his thoughts and nothing there to distract him.
“Pat and I decided to ‘meet’ so that way he could move on and maybe get another soulmate,” Jonny explains, preparing himself for what she’ll say next.
“Jonathan!” she admonishes.
“Maman, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well too bad, this is unacceptable. I did not raise you as a quitter,” she says, clearing their plates.
“I’m not, he’s the one who wanted to move on, so I gave him what he wanted,” Jonny says, following her into the kitchen. “I think that actually makes me a good person.”
“It does not. That boy doesn’t think you have any feelings for him, of course he wishes to move on,” she says.
“He knows about my feelings,” Jonny says. “He knows, he just doesn’t want to wait anymore.”
“Why did you want him to?” she questions. “It has to be more than just protecting yourself and him from the media.”
After his mother loads the dishwasher, she guides them to the living room.
“I guess I just think the whole concept of having a soulmate makes no sense. It causes you to fabricate feelings and make you like, no love, someone you might not otherwise. None of it is real,” Jonny explains.
“Oh, mon cher, that’s not true. Your soulmate is destined for you for a reason. Jonathan, as you grow into the person you are supposed to be, you’re supposed to find the person who will grow with you and share a life with you. It’s never written in stone and life events can easily change your soulmate, but how you live your life and who you are will determine who you will be with which is why it is so common for soulmates to already know each other, they grow together.”
Jonny knows a lot of this, he’s learned about in school and seen movies explaining it, but the fact that he didn’t start liking Patrick until after they found out they were soulmates still irks him. He tells his mother this.
“Are you sure you didn’t have feelings for him until after?” she asks, patting his knee.
“Yes, maman,” he says, frustrated. “I just felt like I always wanted to be around him. At the time I thought it was because he was fun but I know now it was because he was my soulmate and we just gravitated towards each other.”
“That was fate guiding you to your soulmate,” she says. “You don’t feel this way about Patrick because he is your soulmate, but rather Patrick is your soulmate because you feel this way.”
“But he was my soulmate before I properly knew him,” Jonny says, confused. “I got the box before we were even rookies.”
“Right, but the boxes know more than us. It’s almost like they can predict the future. They don’t give us our soulmates because they pick compatible people at random. They go to the people made for us, destined for us to feel safe, happy, and alive,” she further explains.
“So you’re telling me that the box looked at my life and thought ‘hmm Jonathan and Patrick should be together forever?” Jonny asks, scoffing.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Is that so bad?”
“I-I don’t know,” Jonny says, mind and heart racing.
Why is being Patrick soulmate so bad? He knows he used the excuse of hockey for a long time, and while it’s still valid, he also knows that that’s not the only reason he wanted to put it all off. He assumed having a soulmate forces you to fall in love because of the way you feel around them, at ease and happy, but he was wrong. He knows now that he would have fallen in love with Patrick Kane regardless. Looking at his life he sees that his mother is right. He needs Patrick as much as Patrick needs him, they did grow up together and they’re supposed to continue doing so.
“Your soulmate is supposed to help you, not hinder you. Love is supposed to help you, not be a burden,” his mother says.
“I don’t think Patrick’s a burden,” Jonny blurts out. He’s upset at his mother implying otherwise.
“Is he aware of that?” she asks.
“No,” he mumbles.
Jonny heads home after their conversation. He spends the night reevaluating the last few years in his head. He knows his mother’s right about soulmates, it’s not all contrived feelings, but there’s still the obstacle of his hockey career that’s in the way of being with Patrick.
They have three Stanley Cups, he has two Olympic gold medals. Is that established enough? If people find out about them being soulmates, will they attribute a scoring slump to their bond? Even if they do, does he really care?
At some point he knew he had to pick Patrick or hockey. It was clear he picked hockey the day they met as soulmates and he let Patrick walk away. But when he thinks about it now, he would rather have Patrick by his side for the rest of his life than have an illustrious career in the NHL. He worked so hard to get to where he is, but how can he possibly enjoy it when he’s always feeling miserable.
He understands now that it’s okay for his priorities to change. Hockey was always the most important thing to him, but he has to let that go. He got to the NHL, no one can take that away from him. He also got Patrick, but like an idiot, he let him go.
He’s determined to right his wrongs. Jonny grabs his phone and rechecks the dates for the Blackhawks convention. He’s going to get his soulmate back.
*
The convention starts on a Friday. Jonny’s there early to catch up with his teammates and meet the new players. He’s also hoping he can get a few minutes alone with Patrick.
Patrick strolls in when they’re about to walk out on stage for the opening ceremony.
They’ve texted a few times after his realization, but he’s kept the conversations free of feelings. He thinks it’s something that needs to be said in person.
After Jonny says a big speech about this being their year to the fans, they all get shuffled towards backstage and are given their own schedules. He has a panel in the morning and a signing right after. He also scans the program to see when Patrick’s panel and signing will be.
Jonny shoves the program into his back pocket and power walks over to where Patrick’s talking with Duncs.
“Hey guys,” Jonny greets them.
“’Sup, cap?” Duncs says.
Patrick smiles and holds his fist out for Jonny to bump.
Being this close to Patrick immediately puts Jonny at ease. He takes this to mean they’re still soulmates, that he hasn’t completely fucked everything up.
“I’m gonna head out, see you guys tomorrow,” Patrick says, skirting around Jonny.
Jonny’s about to follow him but Hammer comes over at that exact moment and starts talking about his summer and shows them pictures of Theo and Sweden.
Jonny politely smiles and coos over his kid while he watches Patrick leave from the corner of his eye.
The next day, Jonny’s panel and signing go well. He’s met a lot of enthusiastic fans, it’s always fun to see who he’s playing for every night.
He sees Patrick before he’s set to go out for his own panel.
“Hey,” Jonny says as he approaches him.
“Hey, Jon,” Patrick says. “Can’t talk, gotta go.”
Jonny stares after him, confused. Patrick’s panel doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes.
Jonny sticks around until after Patrick’s panel is over so that they can finally talk.
“You were great out there,” Jonny says, sliding up to Patrick as he walks towards the small selection of food they have out for the players and staff.
“Thanks,” Patrick mumbles.
“Listen, do you think we can-”
“I have a signing right now, gotta go,” Patrick says, abandoning his plate of food on a nearby table and rushing out the room.
Jonny groans in frustration.
He finally corners Patrick in the lobby after his signing.
“We need to talk,” Jonny says.
Patrick sighs in defeat. “Fine. What do you want?”
Jonny feels nervous all of a sudden, he’s not sure where to start. He’s practiced a whole speech about how much Patrick means to him and how stupid he’s been this whole time, but he can’t remember any of it now.
“About everything that happened before the playoffs…” he trails off.
“Don’t worry about it, Jonny,” Patrick says, patting him on the shoulder. “Water under the bridge.”
“Um, I think we should talk about it. I want to talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, man. We’re good,” Patrick reassures him.
“I know that, but um,” Jonny still doesn’t know where to start, probably with an apology. “I’m sorry about-“
“Jonny, it’s okay, seriously. It worked out for the best anyway, I have a new soulmate,” Patrick says with an easy smile that has his dimples on display.
Jonny’s stomach drops. “What?” he asks. It feels like Patrick stabbed his heart with a knife.
“Yeah, uh, a decision box keeps showing up for me,” Patrick explains.
“I-oh. That’s, that’s great. Um, have you met them?” Jonny’s not sure how he’s coherent right now.
“Not yet, I don’t think I’m in the right place to actually meet them. But they keep picking YES, so I guess I’ll see.”
“But you want to?” Jonny asks because he’s the biggest masochist on the face of the Earth.
“Yes, Jon, I want to meet them soon. I’m not like you,” Patrick says, twisting the knife a little more.
Jonny flinches.
“Fuck sorry, that was unfair,” Patrick says.
“No, no, it was…you’re right. As long as you’re happy, that’s all I want.”
“That’s such a clichéd thing to say.”
“Well, it’s true.”
Patrick narrows his eyes and searches Jonny’s face for something. He seems to find what he’s looking for after a while because he nods slightly.
“Okay,” Patrick says with an air of finality to it.
Jonny gives him a weak smile and turns to leave, there’s nothing more left to say.
He was too late and he has no one to blame but himself. Meeting in the box allowed Patrick to actually move on. Clearly the box decided Jonny wasn’t good enough for him, that there was someone else out there that better suited his life.
Jonny wonders if he himself will ever get a new soulmate. If they’ll be anywhere near as great as Patrick. If he’ll be able to love them as much as he loves Patrick.
*
Jonny spends the rest of the summer in Winnipeg. His mom doesn’t even ask him how his conversation with Patrick went, one look at his sullen face and she knew. She must have relayed the news to his dad and David because they don't mention Patrick or soulmates to him for the rest of the summer.
David met his soulmate a few days after he called Jonny in a panicked haze. Her name is Stephanie and she's perfect for him. She gets along great with their family. Every time they have family dinners, Jonny can't help but feel like someone's missing, and it's all his fault.
He tries to get lost in reading and catches up on popular TV shows and movies. He works out a lot too which helps keep his mind off of things. Before he knows it, training camp comes along.
Things with Patrick are seemingly normal. There's still some awkwardness between them and they don't talk as freely as they used to, but it's getting better.
Jonny desperately wants to ask him about his soulmate but knows he can't because it's not entirely appropriate, especially coming from him.
He’s out to lunch with Seabs and Duncs when he tries to get information out of them.
“Have you guys heard anything about Kaner’s new soulmate?” he asks, trying to sound like he’s casually curious.
Seabs looks at him cautiously. “Uh, what?” he asks.
Duncs doesn’t say a word and focuses all of his attention on his food.
“Have you?”
“You’re his soulmate,” Seabs tells Jonny as if he’s forgotten it.
“I was,” Jonny corrects him. “I guess he didn’t tell you guys, but um, we met last April and at the convention he told me he got a new soulmate.”
“You’re fucking with me, right?” Seabs asks.
“I wish I was,” Jonny says. “Please refrain from saying ‘I told you so.’”
“What kind of a friend do you think I am?” Seabs scoffs.
“A good one who will ask Kaner about it and relay the information back to me?”
“Nah, that’s his business,” Seabs says. “I’m not interfering. If you want to know something, ask him yourself.”
“Fine,” Jonny grumbles.
He notices how quiet Duncs has been during their conversation.
“Do you know something?” Jonny asks him.
Duncs looks up from his plate and shrugs. “He looked miserable before a practice last playoffs and I confronted him about it. He told me what happened between you two.”
Jonny sits up and leans closer to him. “What exactly did he say? Did he say anything about having a new soulmate? Did he meet them yet?”
“I’m not telling you shit,” Duncs says. “I’m with Seabs on this one, you wanna know, ask.”
Jonny glares hard at the both of them. “Where’s Sharpy when I need him?” he mutters.
That gives him an idea. Surely Sharpy would know, right?
After lunch he calls Sharpy up, inquiring the same thing.
Sharpy laughs for a solid thirty seconds. “Not gonna tell you, nice try though.”
“Look I know I fucked up, okay?” Jonny says. “I tried to fix it, I tried to get him back, but apparently I was too late. Can you please tell me if it’s true? Has he met this person yet?”
“I don’t know where you’ve been for the past ten years that makes you think I would choose your side over Kaner’s,” Sharpy says. “Sorry, bud, but if you want to know, ask him.”
Jonny growls in frustration. “You’re all fucking useless,” he mumbles before hanging up.
Jonny just wants confirmation that Patrick has a new soulmate. He still feels a connection to him and he wants to know why that is if he’s no longer meant for Patrick.
He searches the internet to find out if that’s even possible. He reads a few articles that mention how if you receive a new soulmate, your connection to your last one goes away on both sides. It never lasts for one and not the other because the bond is either there or it’s not.
After people meet in the box, they tend to stay together. If, for some reason, they choose not to, then they might get a new soulmate. But more often than not, their original soulmate remains and they just date other people. In this case, they will never feel fully happy with anyone but their soulmate.
As Jonny reads this, he knows Patrick is lying about having a new soulmate, it’s not possible when their connection is still there.
*
Patrick answers the door and Jonny shoves right past him.
“Hello to you too,” Patrick mumbles.
“You lied,” Jonny says. “You don’t have a new soulmate.”
“How the fuck do you know?” Patrick asks, taken aback.
They’re standing in the middle of his apartment, the area where his living room, foyer and dining room all meet.
“I still feel happy around you, the bond is still there. That disappears when one of us gets a new soulmate,” Jonny explains.
“Shit,” Patrick mutters. “Didn’t count on you knowing how to google.”
“Patrick, why did you lie?” Jonny asks.
Patrick crosses his arms over his chest. “I didn’t want things to be awkward. I didn’t want you to think I was still hung up on you. The whole point of meeting was so that I could move on, but I spent the whole fucking summer missing your stupid shark eyes.”
Jonny smiles slowly. “I spent it missing your stupid dimples.”
“See that’s why I can’t keep doing this with you,” Patrick says. “You’re always hot and cold.”
“I’m going to be hot from now on, always be hot,” Jonny says, trying to reassure him.
Patrick squints at him. “I’m gonna ignore that double entendre and say ‘fuck you.’”
“I deserve that. You have every right to hate me, but can you please give me a chance to explain myself?” Jonny asks.
Patrick glares at him, intending to look angry but Jonny can see that there’s no fire behind his eyes. He self-consciously uncrosses his arms and stuffs them in the front pocket of his sweatshirt. “Fine,” he says, biting his bottom lip.
“I love you,” Jonny blurts out. “Fuck, I-I was supposed to say that at the end.”
Patrick blinks at him, his glare softens.
“Um, what I meant to say is that I talked to my mom a lot this summer.”
“Good for you, Jon,” Patrick says.
Jonny frowns at him but continues. “It wasn’t only about thinking hockey was more important than you, which, side note: it’s not. I thought you were forced on me, like we were forced to like each other. I used to think that about all soulmates. If we lived in a different world where soulmates and bonds didn’t exist, I assumed we would never have had feelings for one another. But my mom explained a lot to me. She told me that we were made for each other and that you’re in my life for a reason and I shouldn’t just toss that aside for something as trivial as hockey.”
“I can’t believe you just said hockey is trivial, are you feeling okay?” Patrick asks, stepping closer to him.
Jonny cracks a smile.
“Being in the NHL was my dream growing up. Once I got that, I dreamt about the Cup. After that, I wanted another one, and then another. But now, I want you. I know my priorities now, I should have known a long time ago, but I was too stubborn to actually think about it.”
“What exactly are you saying, Jonny?” Patrick asks, his voice sounding small.
“I’m saying that I want to be with you. I didn’t understand the real meaning of having a soulmate and I was stupid to think that you would ruin hockey for me when in reality, you already make it so much better.”
“So you want to be with me now that you’ve realized you’ve got nothing left to lose?” Patrick asks, anger seeping into his voice.
“No!” Jonny shouts. “No, that’s not-no. Fuck, I’m not explaining this right.”
Patrick doesn’t say anything, he gives Jonny time to complete his thoughts.
“Before I found out you were my soulmate, I always thought my soulmate would fuck everything up in my life that I’ve worked for. They were the one anomaly that I didn’t and couldn’t plan for. So I thought I could put off meeting them until I had things under control. But then I found out it was you and that made things even harder. All of a sudden I was feelings things for you, I gravitated towards you. I thought it was our bond that was causing those feelings, that I was forced to like you. I know now that that’s not what was happening. I was going to feel that way towards you whether you were my soulmate or not. The box knew all along that I would, I just didn’t trust it. And I regret that, I regret everything. I’ve treated you like shit and I know there’s nothing I can say that can erase that, but I’m so sorry, Pat. I know that this might be too late, but I love you, so much.”
Patrick takes another step forward. He looks cautious and skeptical. “Say it again.”
“I love you,” Jonny says.
“Don’t hurt me like that again, Jonny,” Patrick says, voice on the verge of trembling. “It’s not fair.”
“I won’t,” Jonny says, frantically as he closes the space between them and wraps his arms around Patrick’s waist. He instantly feels a weight lifted off his shoulders at the contact. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Patrick presses his face into Jonny’s chest and breathes in deep. “Ah misthed eu.”
“What?” Jonny asks, looking down at him.
Patrick leans away from his chest and meets his eyes. “I missed you.”
Jonny smiles and leans down to kiss him on the cheek. “I missed you too, Peeks.”
“You’re forgiven for being a giant dickhead,” Patrick says, blushing. “I get where you’re coming from. And I kind of knew that’s what you thought, but I just wished you talked to me about it more, we could have worked through it.”
“I’m sorry, I-”
“It’s okay, Jonny,” Patrick cuts him off. “It’s done, it happened. Let’s start over.”
“It’s not okay, but I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you,” Jonny whispers.
“Good, because I’m not letting go of you again,” Patrick says, leaning closer, standing on his tip toes.
“I don’t want you to,” Jonny murmurs against Patrick’s lips.
He slots his lips in between Patrick’s and presses into them. Patrick sighs of content and opens his mouth up enough for Jonny to slip his tongue inside. He lightly licks at Patrick’s tongue before sucking on his bottom lip.
The intimacy of kissing his soulmate causes Jonny to feel even more relaxed and pleased. The kiss starts to become desperate as Patrick pulls Jonny even closer with a hand on his neck. Jonny retaliates by grabbing Patrick’s ass and yanking him closer.
Patrick groans and trails his hands down to the hem of Jonny’s shirt. He slides his hands under it and rubs his bare chest.
“Wait, wait,” Jonny says, panting as he pulls away from Patrick’s lips.
Patrick mewls at the loss of contact.
“Can you say it back?” Jonny asks. “Just for my sanity I need to hear you say it.”
Patrick rolls his eyes and tries to close the space between them again. “You already know, don’t be an idiot.”
Jonny gently keeps him at arm’s length. “You’ve never said it, I just-I need to hear it. Please?” he practically begs.
“I love you,” Patrick says, slapping Jonny’s arms away and pushing up close to him. “Now can I please ride you?”
Jonny lets out a startled laugh. “Yeah, yes. Let’s um, let’s go do that,” he says, grabbing Patrick’s hand and pulling him down the hall towards his bedroom.
*
Patrick’s tucked into Jonny’s side, slick skin touching slick skin. They’re both sedated and still slightly out of breath when Jonny realizes how immortal he feels.
“I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this feeling,” Jonny says, carding a hand through Patrick’s hair.
“It feels amazing, huh?” Patrick asks, smiling up at him from where his face is pressed into Jonny’s chest.
“Like I’m on top of the world.”
Patrick brushes his lips over Jonny’s nipple and sticks his tongue out to catch on the bud. “Let’s grab a snack and then you can be on top of me,” he says, leisurely getting out of bed.
Jonny’s still left shuddering at the sensation of Patrick’s everything. Eventually he gathers himself long enough to follow Patrick to the kitchen.
*
Jonny’s mother is relieved. She was not looking forward to dealing with Jonny’s angst again.
Patrick’s family is not impressed. There’s a lot of glaring at first and crossed arms, but after a few scolding words from Patrick, they ease up on Jonny.
*
Patrick spends his twenty-eighth birthday in the arms of his soulmate. It only took ten years, but he finally has him.