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Normal. That’s how this day had gone for Ritsuka Fujimaru.
He had gone to school normally. Talked with his friends normally. And had come home to a normal scene of his Mother making dinner with the help of his childhood friend.
“I’m back.” Ritsuka called out as he entered the kitchen.
“Ah, Senpai, welcome home.” Kyrie said, turning away from the vegetables she was chopping to greet Ritsuka with a smile.
“Yes, welcome back.” His Mother said as she also turned away from her preparations to greet him.
Ritsuka briefly looked around.
“Where’s Liona? At a friend's place?” Ritsuka asked.
“Nope.”
As if on cue, his little sister popped out from where she had been hiding to grab on to him, giving Ritsuka a bit of a start.
“Hey, careful there, you’re going to give me a heart attack if you keep doing stuff like that.” Ritsuka said as he ruffled his little sister's hair.
“Sorry senpai, she asked us to keep quiet about her little joke.” Kyrie apologized as she came up to the pair of siblings.
“Hey, it’s OK, it can be pretty tough to resist her.” Ritsuka said, laughing off her concern.
“Very true.” Kyrie nodded in agreement. “When she looks at you with those pleading eyes, it’s like she casts a magic spell on you.”
“Yeah,” Liona said with a very sly grin on her face. “Plus, Kyrie probably wanted to keep a good relationship with her future sister-in-law”
Both teens found their faces turn scarlet immediately upon hearing that remark.
“B-b-but Senpai and I aren’t even-“
“Alright, alright, that’s enough teasing, Liona.” Ritsuka’s mother said, cutting off Kyries' panicked stuttering as she came over to join the three.
“Are you sure it’s not enough teasing?” the precocious little child asked.
Ritsuka couldn’t help but laugh at this entire scene, his embarrassment over his sister's remarks forgotten.
“Oh, Ritsuka,” His mother began, “I think I heard someone at the door. Can you go see who it is?”
I didn’t hear anyone.
“Sure, Mom.” Ritsuka said, a little confused.
Ritsuka went to the front hallway and opened the door. Outside, he saw…just the usual scene whenever he opened the door. He could look out onto their front steps and from them onto the street, and couldn’t see anyone. He briefly stepped out of the house itself to try and get a better view down the street, but still couldn’t see a soul.
Mom must have imagined it.
With a shrug, Ritsuka turned around to go back inside…only to find that the door was closed. He knew that he had left it open when he stepped outside, yet….
There was certainly a perfectly logical explanation for how this happened. He probably just accidentally closed the door without noticing. That’s something that could easily happen. So why did he feel so much anxiety as he reached out to the door handle? Why did his breathing get so heavy? Why did his vision begin to blur?
His shaking hand wrapped around the door handle.
He hesitated to open it.
But there was no reason to hesitate.
He knew that.
This was a normal day.
It was normal.
Like every other day.
He would open the door and despite the fact that every fibre of his being was screaming at him not to open it, he knew that inside it would just be the normal scene of the people he cared about going about their day. Like every other day.
Because it was normal.
Everything was fine.
Everyone was fine.
He opened the door.
The lights were all off.
He could hear nothing coming from inside.
He stepped into the hallway.
There was a shape near the end, lying on the floor next to the door to his father's study.
He could not see what the shape was. Not because of how dark it was, but because he already knew what it was. He had seen it before, and his mind so desperately never wanted to see it again. And yet somehow, he never stopped seeing it.
Over in the living room, there were two more shapes that he could not see, yet never stopped seeing.
The fear and anxiety were gone.
They were replaced with Sorrow and rage and sadness and anger and hate and hate and hate and hate for the one who did this, hate for the man that Ritsuka wanted to kill.
He felt a heat grow in his chest, as if a match had been struck inside it.
His breathing became heavier, and shallower. His teeth ground together. He felt a scream begin to tear it’s way out of his lungs and up his throat, burning all the way like it was raging fire.
Before it could leave his mouth, an alarm blared in his head.
Ritsuka Fujimaru opened his eyes and sat up with a start.
It took about half a second to remember that he was in his bed, that he was in his bedroom. It took him a few more half seconds to calm his breathing down.
He turned around to look at the desk positioned at the head of his bed, where his phone was located. The phone that was making the offending alarm sound. He reached over and turned it off, before letting out a sigh and getting out of bed to go get ready for school.
As he got out of bed, he briefly caught sight of himself in the mirror. For a few seconds, he held his own gaze, as if he expected his reflection to speak to him. But it didn’t. And so he returned to getting ready.
After showering and putting on his uniform, Ritsuka came downstairs to find a pleasantly unburned smell.
“Ah, Ritsuka, good morning.”
The boys Aunt, Shiho Jouji, stood at the stove top cooking what appeared to be her first edible batch of pancakes she’s attempted since she started living here.
“Morning Auntie.” Ristuka replied as he was moved to take a seat at the kitchen table. “Looks like you finally got the hang of pancakes, huh?”
“Of course, it was only a matter of time, really.” The purple-haired woman crossed her arms in self-satisfaction at her achievement. Calling it an achievement might be overstating things a bit, but the woman had come a long way, given she’d never cooked her own food before she had to step up and raise Ritsuka. Shiho then turned around and moved the last of the pancakes over to a plate where the previous ones she had made were, stacked them together, and brought them over to the table.
“I hope you’re hungry.” She said.
Ritsuka simply nodded and moved a few of the pancakes from the serving plate onto his own personal plate, with his Aunt taking a seat at the table and following suit. Really, it seemed like any other perfectly normal family breakfast.
“How do they taste?” She asked as the teenager took his first few bites.
“Not bad, Auntie.” Ritsuka said. The pancakes were, in general, only OK. They really weren’t bad by any means, just sort of bland.
…I guess most food seems to taste a little bland right now.
“How are you doing today?”
The question snapped Ritsuka out of his thoughts.
“I’m doing fine.” He replied.
“And you slept well?” Shiho asked.
Ritsuka nodded.
“No dreams?”
“Nope, no dreams, Auntie.” Ritsuka lied. It disturbed him how easily lying came to him, especially when it came to his Aunt. But if he told her the truth, then…well, it would just complicate things.
“That’s good.” She responded, a smile on her face, but one that couldn’t hide her concern. “But if you do have those dreams again or you have trouble sleeping, or you just need to talk at al-“
“Thanks, Auntie.” Ritsuka cut her off, with a reassuring smile on his face. “But I’m fine. Really.”
Shiho simply nodded in response and returned his smile.
And so, the two returned to this normal breakfast.
After breakfast, Ritsuka began his walk to school.
It was, well, something that might seem normal to most people, just a high schooler walking early in the morning, waiting for the moment he’d arrive at the spot he always met his friend on his way to school.
But it wasn’t normal.
Because normally, there were two other people already walking with him.
Nothing was normal for Ritsuka nowadays, no matter how much he looked like a normal high schooler going about his normal day.
But how could he be normal?
How could anyone expect a boy who walked into his home to find the bloodied corpses of his mother, sister and friend to be normal? What meaning did that word have to someone like him? What meaning could it have? For the last two months, the entire concept of “normal” felt like nothing more than a fantasy to Ritsuka Fujimaru.
“Hey, Ritsuka.”
From up ahead, he heard Himeko call out to him. The bespectacled girl was standing there next to Ricardo, the two waiting for him like they always did.
Because to them, things could still be normal.
“Hi Ricardo, hi Himeko.” The words left his mouth as a smile came across his face.
It was a forced smile, of course. You wouldn’t need more than one hand to count the number of times Ritsuka’s had a genuine smile in these past 2 months.
This, if anything, could be considered his new “normal”. Pretending that he was OK. Pretending that everything was alright. Pretending that he didn’t find his emotions constantly swinging from this horrid sense of emptiness, to this sadness that weighed him down like an anchor, to this sickening sense of failure and guilt for failing to protect them, to this overwhelming and burning anger at the one who killed them.
Because if he didn’t pretend, then the people around him would know something was wrong. They would try to help him. But how could any of them even begin to try? None of them understood what he was dealing with. Sure, by this point everyone he knew had dealt with death and loss in some form or another, but a grandparent passing away from natural causes after a long life was vastly different from what had happened to his family. Even his Aunt couldn’t understand. She may have lost her sister and niece, but she never had to see the bodies. She never had to see the blood.
Ever since that day, he had felt a burning hatred for the world that allowed his family to be taken away like that. He had felt a burning hatred for the man who killed them, a man that Ritsuka had dreamt of killing many times by now. A burning hatred for himself, for not being there when his family needed him most, for being unable to protect them, and for having these horrid and terrible and wrong feelings.
And so, it was much easier to pretend. Because then they wouldn’t try. They wouldn’t try to help someone they didn’t understand. Because if they did try, they would be horrified by what they found that fake smile of his was hiding.
“Your morning been alright?” Ricardo asked as Rituska approached them.
“Yup.” Ritsuka replied, the cheerful tone in his voice just as fake as the smile he wore.
“That’s good.” Ricardo said.
A pang of guilt spread through Ritsuka’s heart, but he ignored it. Yes he was lying to his friends, but he knew the truth would just make things worse. So he just pushed that guilt down, as something to try and deal with later.
“We should probably get going, or we might be late.” Himeko noted.
The other two agreed, and the trio began their walk to school.
“Ah, have you guys been playing the new Tekken?” Himeko asked.
“Not really.” Ricardo answered.
“Eh! Why not, it’s so good.”
“Fighting games have never really been my thing.” Ricardo answered with a shrug.
“You probably just say that because you suck at them.”
“I do not.” Ricardo answered indignantly. “Not everyone has to like every game ever.”
“But fighting games are so fun. I don’t see how can anyone not like them” Himkeo complained.
The two continued their conversation, and Ritsuka would nod along whenever possible to make it seem like he was paying attention. He didn’t mean to ignore his friend. It was just…so much harder now to pay attention to stuff like this…this meaningless chatter.
…No, no that’s too mean. It’s not meaningless it’s just…normal conversation, I guess. What’s normal for them.
And what was normal for other people, had long stopped being normal for Ritsuka.
Whatever label you wanted to place on Himeko and Ricardo’s conversation, it was one that two became so engrossed in that they didn’t seem to notice how quiet Ritsuka was. Or perhaps him being quiet during these walks had just become part of their normal. Either way, Ritsuka was able to get away with simply nodding along and injecting the occasional “yeah” or “sure” into the conversation without anyone asking if he was OK.
And so he was able to ruminate on his various thoughts and emotions without interruption as they made their way to school.
As they approached the school, however, Ritsuka was pulled out of those thoughts by one voice.
“Ritsuka, good morning!” A cheerful voice called out.
He looked up to the school’s entrance gate to see a girl waiting for him. She was an underclassman, a few inches shorter than him, with beautiful blue eyes and long, ash gray hair tied into twin tails. Her uniform was a little different from his, with a sweater vest being worn in addition to the uniform's jacket, one of the main differences between the boys and the girls uniforms, and she also wore a lanyard with an ID tag, something that all members of the student council wore.
The beautiful girl standing and waiting for him was the student council president and idol of the whole school, Marie Towano.
She was also, to the displeasure of almost every guy and several girls in the school, Ritsuka’s girlfriend.
“Morning Marie.” He answered back, fake smile still plastered on his face.
“Ah, and good morning to you too Himeko, Ricardo.” Marie said, smiling sweetly at Ritsuka’s friends.
“P-President Marie just said hi to us!” Himeko squealed out in nervous excitement.
“…She’s been doing that every morning since she and Ritsuka started going out, how are you not used to it by now?” Ricardo asked.
“The real question is how you can get so used to it in only a couple of months! This type of thing needs at least a decade of exposure for the incredibleness to start wearing off!
Marie giggled at the two’s unintended comedy routine before turning back to Ritsuka.
“Are you feeling well today?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Ritsuka replied.
“That’s good.” Marie replied, sounding a little relieved, before an apologetic smile came over her face. “I’m sorry to say that I don’t have much time to talk to you this morning, I’ve got a few duties for the council that I’ve already put off to come greet you today, but if you wait for me after school, we can walk home together.
Marie then stood up on to the tips of her toes to whisper into Rituska’s ear.
“We can even go to my place today.”
The tone of Marie's voice completely changed with that one sentence. It had gone from something that was as sweet as honey and adorable as a baby animal to something…darker. Something almost venomous. To most people, that sort of tone accompanying the sweet Marie’s voice would be disturbing.
Ritsuka, however, had gotten used to it quite some time ago.
When she pulled away from Ritsuka's ear, however, she looked perfectly normal. No different from how she would be on any other day at school. She simply smiled that sweet smile at Ritsuka, as she always did when they were at school.
“Yeah, sure I can wait for you.” Ritsuka replied.
“Ah, I’m glad.” Marie replied, almost sounding relieved that he’d agree to wait for her.
The two then turned to Ritsuka’s still-bickering friends.
“Just because she’s a school idol doesn’t mean you need to treat her like a real idol.” Ricardo said, exasperated by Himeko’s…Himekoness.
“To a high schooler, the school idol is even more of an idol than a real idol!”
“Himeko, Ricardo.” Marie called out, pulling the two out of their argument. “I have to go take care of a few things, so have a good day.” She said sweetly.
“You too.” Ricardo replied calmly.
“Th-thank you so much president.” Himeko replied very uncalmly while bowing to Marie.
“I’ll see you latter Ritsuka.” Marie said to her boyfriend, before once again standing on her tiptoes. Not to whisper in his ear this time, but to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek. The student council president then pulled away, let out a cute little giggle, and ran off towards the school entrance, waving goodbye to Ritsuka…
…who could feel the embarrassed looks of his friend being directed at him, along with the venomous and envious glares of all of the other male students around him.
Ritsuka sighed and began making his own way to the school entrance.
Ritsuka didn’t have to wait long after school for Marie to be ready to leave. While there may have been some student council business that morning, there was only a few small tasks that Marie was able to get through rather quickly at the end of the day, and the two were able to begin their walk to the Towano house while the sun was only beginning to set.
“I hope you had a good day today.” Marie said as the two walked.
“It was fine.” Ritsuka answered, a bit more curtly than he had intended.
“Oh my, it doesn’t seem like you had that good of a day.” Marie said. The face she made suggested that she was worried about him not doing well.
Ritsuka knew full well, though, that she wasn’t.
“It was fine.” He repeated. He sounded even more curt this time.
The truth was that he could never feel comfortable around Marie. Not when she was like this anyway.
Marie’s expression seemed to change into something of a pout as they continued to walk. Things continued like this for a while longer, Marie attempting to start a conversation and Ritsuka giving short, curt answers back to her, this pattern only ending when they finally reached Marie’s home.
The house was large, larger than any Ritsuka had ever seen. It was a two-story building, done in a Western aesthetic and at least two or three times bigger than Ritsuka’s own home. It had a large garden, with a fairly long cobblestone path leading up from the street, through a front gate and to the front entrance. The outside looked like it was made of white bricks, with the shutters of its many windows painted a light brown. The roof itself was covered in black shingles, and a fake chimney protruded from it.
It made sense that it would be so big and fancy, Marie’s family was rather well off after all. Ritsuka wouldn’t necessarily call her rich, but that was probably because his conception of rich included maids, and butlers and personal drivers. Still, Marie’s family had a lot of money from a company her father ran, enough to have such a large house.
Not that her father actually lived in that big house. He and Marie’s mother both lived overseas in Paris, his hometown and where the company’s head office was located. His family had moved to Tokyo when he was in his late teens, where he met Marie’s mother. After the company was established with its head office in Paris, Marie was left to stay in the family’s Tokyo estate, under the care of her Uncle, Cagliostro Towano. Cagliostro worked as the Vice-Principal for their school, but often assisted Marie’s Father, his brother, with handling things for the company’s Japanese branch. This often meant he was called away from home, and there were roughly 1 or 2 nights a month that he wouldn’t actually be home.
Tonight, of course, was one of those nights.
“We’re here.” Marei announced brightly.
Ritsuka simply nodded in response as he stepped inside the building along with the girl with blue eyes.
The front entryway was large, dwarfing the small entryway of Ritsuka’s own home. It was to be expected, of course, why would a house some other would call a mansion have a small entryway? Once inside, Ritsuka looked down and away from Marie for only a few seconds to take off his shoes.
When he looked up, however, Marie’s eyes were no longer a beautiful blue. They were instead a striking gold.
“…Seriously, how are you able to take those contacts out that fast?” Ritsuka asked.
“Practice, of course” Marie replied, that sweet smile on her face now looking far more smug and teasing. She started playing with her twin tails, so that the long, singular tails that her hair was carefully arranged into were now wild and free and revealed the stands of her hair that had been dyed the same gold as her eyes.
This was Ritsuka’s real girlfriend. The sweet and adorable school idol that everyone knew was nothing more than a mask that she wore. This was the face of the real Marie Towano.
And Ritsuka hated the real Marie Towano.
“So, are you feeling honest enough now to say how your day actually was?” the white-haired girl asked
“…It felt empty and stifling, like always.” Ritsuka replied. He may hate the real Marie, but he could certainly be a lot more honest around her like this.
“Hm, well, it wouldn’t be like always, right?” She noted. “It would really only be since that day you became like this.”
Ritsuka glared at her.
“Ah, I suppose I went too far, huh? I’m sorry.”
Ritsuka didn’t believe she meant that apology at all.
Marie was far more genuine and honest like this, but he was never quite sure if she meant those little apologies she threw in whenever she made comments like that. The real Marie was, frankly, horrid. She had this smug smile, this selfish demeanour, and hated everything and everyone around her. And she made sure to spend as much time as she could teasing Ritsuka with these little comments and jokes that all crossed the line, like she was trying to drive him to snap completely. Even if she’d never pushed him quite that far yet, those comments did drive him utterly mad and further fueled the hatred he had for her.
…So why am I still here?
“So why did you ask me over?” the dark-haired boy asked with a sigh.
“Can’t a girl just want to spend time with her boyfriend?”
Marie’s voice was another thing he hated about her. It was, by all accounts, beautiful and melodic, whether she had her mask on or not. But there was a key difference in the tone and inflections she used when speaking, which turned the sweet voice of everyone's beloved student council president into this dangerous weapon hiding under all that sweetness and beauty. Like a flower whose petals were as sharp as a knife, or honey that was laced with poison.
“…Yeah, but what do you want to do to spend time with me?”
“Well…” Marie began as she walked closer to Ritsuka, grabbed onto his tie and pulled him ever so slightly down towards her, “There are a few things I can think of that I’d like to do…” She said with half-lidded eyes. Then she unexpectedly let go of his tie, allowing Ritsuka’s upper body to lurch backwards. “But to start with, why don’t we watch a movie. We have such a good time watching those together after all.”
Ritsuka took a deep breath to steady himself.
“Fine, but I get to pick the movie.”
“hmm, I suppose that’s fair.” Marie said, smirking. “You do sometimes get really angry over the movies I pick.”
“That’s an understatement.” Ritsuka whispered under his breath.
“Come on,” Marie said as she grabbed his arm, “we can go watch it in my room.”
Marie led Ritsuka upstairs and into her spacious bedroom. The décor was all a mix of various reds, golds, and white and black, with the walls themselves being red with gold patterns, and light fixtures and black wardrobes and armoires with a gold trim. In the center of the room was a king-sized bed with black sheets and a white cover with a floral pattern, also in black. The bedframe itself was white, as were the edges of the headboard, though the majority of it was made up of black velvet. Surrounding the bed was a white curtain, tied up at the four corners of the bed. Across from the TV, hanging on the wall, was a television.
As Ritsuka took a moment to look around the now familiar room, Marie left his gaze only for a second. When his head turned back so that she was once again in his view, her stockings were on the floor, her uniform jacket was in her hands and she was in the process of removing her sweater vest.
Seriously, how can she change so quickly?
Once the vest was removed, she put the jacket back on, with it hanging loosely off her arms. Ritsuka could also see that she had unbuttoned the first few buttons of her shirt and loosened her tie. This was how Marie preferred to wear her uniform when she wasn’t in school. Well, mostly at least, she was missing the fake suspenders and the belt that she liked to wrap around her skirt when they went out on proper dates, but otherwise this much looser style was how she preferred to look.
Honestly, while Ritsuka had gotten used to how different she looked outside of school, he never understood why Marie put so much effort into pretending to be someone else. If she didn’t want people to know what she was really like, why not just go there with a fake smile on your face like he did? Why bother with all the extra trappings like running for student council president, or styling her hair in a particular way or adopting a completely fake personality? He’d asked her before, but the most she’d explain was the contacts, that she wore them because people didn’t seem to believe her act as much when they could see her real eyes.
Maybe that was part of the reason. They both had felt the same horrid feelings of anger and hatred and loss, but maybe Ritsuka just had an easier time of hiding it than her. She had said that she hated him for how easily he could pretend those feelings didn’t exist one time, after all. Maybe these were just the lengths she had to go to in order to hide her real self.
“So, what do you have in mind to watch?” Marie asked.
“Not sure. Let’s just see what’s available for streaming.” Ritsuka answered, moving towards the bed.
“Hmmm, you know, if you don’t have anything in mind that you want to watch, I could always pick-“
“You’ll just pick something designed to get me mad.” Ritsuka said, cutting her off.
“…You act like there’s a problem with that.” Ritsuka wasn’t even looking at Marie, but he could feel her smirking through her voice.
This girl was insufferable.
Instead of responding, Ritsuka simply let out a sigh, grabbed the TV’s remote and got on the bed, Marie following him and cuddling up next to him. Ritsuka turned on the TV, looked through what Netflix had to offer, and, after several minutes, settled on a film that he recalled Ricardo mentioning a couple of weeks ago.
It didn’t end up being a particularly interesting move if Ritsuka was being honest. He mainly settled on it since he knew Marie would just grab the remote from his hand and pick something if he kept procrastinating. The movie was a trite drama about a police officer who had lost his wife and daughter in an accident, being charged with protecting the illegitimate daughter of a high-ranking Yakuza boss from her father and coming to see her as family.
The film was really rather dull. The acting was fine, the cinematography was fine, the score was fine, really everything about it was just fine. Not bad, but never really rising to the level of “good” either.
And yet, they continued watching it. They mostly watched in silence, lying next to each other. Marie hugged herself to Ritsuka’s body, and Ritsuka’s arm wrapped around her on instinct to pull her closer. They would make the odd comment or two throughout the film that the other would chuckle at or agree with, but they didn’t really have a proper conversation. They just lay there next to each other in a silence that never felt uncomfortable or awkward. Instead, it felt…well, Ritsuka wasn’t sure what he felt. Several words came to mind for what he felt in as they watched the film, but none of them seemed right to Ritsuka. None of them seemed to describe how you should feel when spending time with someone you hated.
As the movie finally came to a close with the Yazuza boss dead and the policeman official adopting the daughter, Marie sat up and stretched her arms up.
“Ah, I knew there was a reason that I didn’t let you pick what we watch.” She said, showing a teasing smile to Ritsuka.
“Didn’t like it then?” Ristuaks asked.
“Not particularly. You?”
“Honestly, it was pretty dull.” Ritsuka commented as he sat up and then stood from the bed and began walking towards the bedroom door. “We should probably go get something to eat.”
Instead of getting up to follow Ritsuka towards the bedroom door, Marie sat on the edge of the bed.
“What made you pick that movie?” She asked.
At that, Ritsuka stopped, and turned back to Marie.
From anyone else, that question would have sounded innocent. From Marie, it sounded like she was slowly unsheathing a dagger. Ritsuka knew that she was fishing for some sort of answer from him, but whatever angel she had in asking it was beyond him.
“…Ricardo mentioned it a while back.” He answered, cautiously.
“Hmmm, and it just stuck in your head?”
“…I suppose.” Ritsuka responded.
“Why?”
Ritsuka was honestly starting to get annoyed at whatever game Marie was playing, and he couldn’t really see what her end goal was.
“It just…it just did I guess.” Ritsuka answered before he turned back to the door.
“Did the fantasy of it appeal to you?”
Ritsuka stopped in his tracks and blinked, but didn’t turn around.
“Fantasy?” He asked.
“Yes, the fantasy of being able to protect people you love.”
Ritsuka’s teeth began to grind together.
“I mean, of course, being able to protect people you care about is a fantasy of yours, right?”
Ritsuka’s blood boiled as a fire began to rage in his chest.
“Ah, I’m sorry, that was too-“
“Don’t.” Ritsuka interrupted her as he bit down on his lip to try and hold back the inferno that was building inside his chest.
Marie stared at his face, a smirk on her lips.
“Don’t what? I’m just trying to apolo-“
“We both know what you’re really trying to do, now stop it!” Ritsuka snapped as he turned around to face her.
“…Or what?” She said, her golden eyes daring him to do something even more than her words already were
Without even thinking, Ritsuka lunged at Marie, his hands grabbing onto her shoulders, just below where they would meet her neck, and pushed her back onto the bed. He hovered over her, his face twisting and contorting in rage as he stared down at her. Even with his hands squeezing down hard enough that she would certainly be bruised tomorrow, Marie’s face didn’t indicate that she was in any pain or distress. No, she instead had an inviting smile on her face.
“Well? Is that all?” She asked.
Ritsuka wanted to strangle her.
He wanted to move his hands just a few inches higher so they were actually on her neck and start strangling her.
He wanted to watch as her breathing got shallower and shallower.
He wanted to see as the life left her eyes.
But instead, he leaned down and kissed her.
It was a rough and aggressive kiss, one that would likely leave their lips bruised by the time they were done, especially with how aggressively Marie returned it. Ritsuka’s tongue pressed into Marie's mouth only a few moments after their lips first connected, and their tongues began what could either be called a dance due to how intricately they moved together or a battle from how aggressive they both were. Marie’s arms moved to Ritsuka’s back, and her nails began to dig into him, the teenager feeling the pain even through his uniform's jacket. The moment that Ritsuka moved away from her lips to catch his breath, the golden-eyed girl reached her head upwards to bite his lip, hard enough to draw blood. In response, he grabbed her arms, roughly moved them above her head and held them there as he went in for another kiss. As the minutes drew on, the two’s bodies began to intertwine even more as they began to shed their clothing.
It was always like this with the two of them. This intense hatred that turned into…something else. Something that Ritsuka didn’t understand.
Something that he didn’t think he’d ever understand.
How could he really? How could he ever understand how this intense hatred turned into such intense…yearning.
He just didn’t get it. But he at least had some theories about why.
Perhaps this hate was what drove them. They both had been through absolutely horrible tragedies. Tragedies that had gone unavenged. They needed someone to let that hate out on to. And in truth, letting that hate out onto her felt good to Ritsuka. It felt too good. It was like some sort of addiction, one that he couldn’t help but give in to whenever he was around her.
But it wasn’t just hating each other that they were addicted to. They both didn’t just hate each other, they hated themselves as well. And so having someone who hated them fed into that self-hatred as well. Being hated by Marie felt just as good and intoxicating to Ritsuka as hating her did.
And so, they would continue to bask in this intoxicating hatred, in this addiction that no one but them could possibly understand. Because despite everything, neither was willing to give it up.
Even if Ritsuka knew that if they kept at it, they would likely kill each other.
There was a light growl from Ritsuka’s stomach as he stood in front of the stove. After his and Marie's…activities the previous night, they had fallen right to sleep, skipping dinner entirely. Ritsuka woke up a bit late, which was fine since it was Sunday and they wouldn’t have school, but he also woke up hungry. He figured that Marie probably would be hungry when she woke up, too, and that it would be best to make a couple of omelets to remedy that. He was hardly an amazing chef, but he at least knew enough to cook a decent breakfast for himself and his girlfriend.
Speaking of which, he could hear the footsteps of that girlfriend walking into the kitchen.
“That smells good.” Marie said, still sounding a little sleepy. Her hair was no longer in twin tails and was instead simply worn loose, and she wore…well, she wore nothing but the shirt Ritsuka wore yesterday. He had figured out from their first night together that she liked to wear his shirts the morning after, so he had made sure to leave a spare shirt at her place so he’d have something to wear in addition to his pants.
“They should be ready in a minute. The coffee’s already finished.” Ritsuka said, averting his eyes from the cooking omelettes to look at his girlfriend for only a moment before turning them back to the stove to make sure the food didn’t burn.
Marie hummed out a thanks before lazily strolling over to the coffee maker and pouring herself a cup. After she took a sip and let out a satisfied sigh, she walked over to where Ritsuka stood, placed a kiss on his cheek, and walked over to the adjoining dining room to sit down. About a minute later, the Omelets finished cooking, and Ritsuka placed the food onto a pair of plates, picked them up along with his own cup of coffee and walked into the dining room.
Marie was sat at the end of the large dining table, her eyes seemingly watching the entryway for Ritsuka.
“There you are.” She said, her face something between an inviting smile and a smirk.
“I didn’t keep you waiting that long.” Ritsuka said.
“Keeping me waiting at all is too long.” Marie replied back, that smile on her face changing into a full-on teasing smirk.
“Well, I hope bringing you breakfast is enough to make up for it.” Ritsuka said, setting down a plate in front of her.
Marie looked at the omelette and let out a satisfied sigh as Ritsuka took his own place on the side of the table so he’d be sitting next to her.
“It’s so nice to have a gentleman for a boyfriend.” Mare said as she looked up at Ritsuka, that teasing smirk still on her face, “One who knows how to spoil me rotten after all those things you did to me last night.”
It still shocked Ritsuka that Marie could say those sorts of things without blushing. Not because of any part of him still thought of her as being like that mask she wore at school, he just had a hard time believing that anyone could speak like that without blushing.
…No, it wasn’t just that she could do this sort of teasing without blushing that he couldn’t believe. It was that they could interact like this at all after he just stopped himself short of killing her last night.
He hated Marie. He truly hated her and there were many times of the last 2 months they’d been dating that he’d wanted her dead. It was to the point that his best theory for how they stayed together as a couple was this idea that they were addicted to hating each other and being hated by each other.
…But if that were true, then how would he explain this? How could he explain this scene that was so…domestic. How could he explain how this sort of scene had happened before? How could he explain how unbothered he was to just sit and watch a movie in silence with her? How could he explain why most of the few genuine smiles he’s had since losing his family have been when he was around Marie?
Ritsuka didn’t get it. He didn’t get it all. How could they possibly go from scenes like last night or their first date to…this. And if he didn’t feel hatred for Marie in this moment, then what did he feel for her?
“Should we go somewhere today?” Marie asked as she cut off a piece of her omelette. “There’s a mall in Shibuya that I was wanting to check out.”
“Yeah. That sounds fun.” Ritsuka replied.
Going there with Marie actually did sound fun. And a part of him still couldn’t believe that he could say things like that about her.
“Good.” Marie replied as she took another sip of her coffee.
What in the world was it that Ritsuka felt around Marie in times like this?
He felt…was content perhaps the right word? But why? What about this girl, whose hobby seemed to be driving him into a murderous rage, could ever make him feel content? What was it about her that drew him to her? Heck, what was it about him that drew Marie to him?
Maybe his idea of an addiction was accurate. But maybe it wasn’t to hating or being hated. Maybe there was just something about Marie that he found addicting, and something about him that she, in turn, found addicting.
Maybe.
It was another theory, another bit of speculation that he could add to the pile of possible answers about why he and Marie were together.
But as he looked at Marie, the light from the morning sun shining through the window and illuminating her, making her look so beautiful it was genuinely breathtaking, Ritsuka knew only 2 things for certain.
The first, was that he had no intention of breaking up with this girl that he hated.
The second, was that their relationship was as far from normal as possible.
…and perhaps he was starting to become okay with that.