Chapter Text
Machan was never mentally stable as much as she wished to, her stubborn mind is still stuck within the idea that you’re alone in a boat, and it will always be for one person, if it leaks, then you will end up sinking along with it, which meant that Machan had to deal with it alone.
Even if her trainer had shown her the opposite, how would she explain such emptiness to them? It felt childish, even sickening to even think of talking about it.
Machan didn’t want to be ungrateful, she had friends, sure she didn’t always feel them near her as much as she tried to, yet, she still had them, right?
Then why did she feel so alone? So empty…
This wasn't normal was it? She was feeling warm before, yet that was 4 months ago, before it all went away.
Seems like her progress was yet again, ruined.
It was 3 am, Machan’s eyes suddenly opened, she kept waking up at random times, so her sleep was always disorganized. She sighed before uncovering herself from the blankets that were over her fragile body, the cold wind hit her quickly, making her shiver from her head to her toes.
She looked out the window, it was a very starry night. It should’ve felt nice for her, but it didn’t, it only felt unreal, she hated it, she always wanted things to feel real to her.
Yet it all felt fake, even if her mind rewinded back towards those soft words from her friends, they didn’t feel real. Machan started to feel scared, scared for herself, how is she supposed to keep on living if nothing around her feels real?
This couldn’t be happening to her, she quickly took out her camera to look back at the photos she took, all the memories displayed there, were now only blurry memories.
Machan’s eyes filled with tears as she desperately held her camera, looking through all the photos, none of them were there.
She let out a quiet shaky sob, before looking over at her roommate, North Flight, whose body laid in the bed, peacefully, looking like she didn’t hear Machan.
Machan looked around the room, fiddling with the camera, that’s when she thought of going outside, just for a walk, surely.
Before Machan sneaked out, she wrote a letter, for who? She doesn’t even know herself, she just needed to leave something behind.
She left it on her desk with a photo of the beach next to it.
After sneaking out successfully, her pace quickened, almost desperately as if she was running from something, yet no one was chasing her.
It wasn’t long enough before she ended up at the beach, despite having no clear direction when she ran, she always ended up there.
Despite such cold wind, freezing her body, she pushed forward and approached the sea.
She sat down on the sand, hugging her knees as she waited.
For what? No idea, yet she waited, around 7 hours yet nothing happened, only a deepening hunger within her stomach, it felt extremely uncomfortable.
She stood up, took off her shoes as tears built in her eyes, yet her figure didn’t even bother looking back.
1, 2, 3 and her feet took steps, she began to feel the water on her toes, it was horribly cold which made a hiss slip out from her lips, yet she continued forward.
The water was soon reaching up to her waist, yet she didn’t stop, due to the extreme coldness from the water, her heartbeat started to rise quickly but her head was now fully in.
For a quick second, she gasped out for air, like she regretted her decision, yet it almost felt too late for her.
Machan doesn’t remember what happened after, only the blurry vision and voices near her, she couldn’t exactly recognize them, but it was two people, pulling her body out of the water.
Her vision was desperate to see them clearly, but she couldn’t, all she knew was that their eyes were teary and even one tear from them dropped onto her freezing cheek.
The two other figures desperately held onto Machan and for the first time in months, she felt a sudden warmth fill in her heavy heart.
Yet she doesn't even know if the feeling will last, once more.