Chapter Text
Soobin was about to throw himself out of the window if he heard the words “put your arms around yeonjun-ssi please” again. It had been 2 weeks since their last serious talk. Now the only words they exchanged were a simple “hello” and sometimes a “what’s the schedule for today?" Soobin didn’t know why the shift happened; he just knew he was going insane.
What he didn’t expect was that fans started to notice. He really tried his best to not make it obvious. But of course, the tension and awkwardness were palpable in the air. There was a clip going around of the group doing their standard shake, and it's clear as day that he and Yeonjun couldn’t even touch hands. Soobin cringed when he first saw it.
How could this even happen?
Well, Soobin may have an idea of what happened.
It all started, well, he thinks it started just before preparing their new comeback, dejavu. He and Yeonjun began disagreeing a lot. Of course it is normal; they don’t always have to agree on everything. But this time it felt weird. They were starting to realize that they weren’t those little kids who debuted anymore.
Soobin was starting to feel burnout from all the things they needed to do: recording songs, learning choreo, rehearsals, makeup, behind the scenes, variety shows…
It was all catching up to him. And sadly, that affected his relationships too. He started lashing out easily, even for the smallest things. But that wasn’t all there was to it.
There were also the fans. Well. The content that fans made about them. Soobin knew that he and Yeonjun were super touchy before this. And of course fans liked it. Especially during the promotions of blue hour. Yeonjun noona awoke something in everyone. But after temptation, it all got worse.
He only saw clips of him and Yeonjun. And some left little to the imagination.
It’s not that these kinds of things repulsed him. But they made him think. And he really didn’t want to add to his stress by thinking about what all those edits really made him feel.
So, really, the only option was distance.
But of course, since it’s Soobin we’re talking about, the shift couldn’t have been subtle. And even though his members noticed and didn’t say anything, there was one who just couldn’t keep quiet.
──── ݁ ˖Ი𐑼⋆ ────
The dam breaks at the end of practice. Things always happen at the end of practice. Everyone’s tired, sweat-drenched, and too exhausted to pretend they’re in a good mood.
“Let’s run it one more time,” one of the choreographers says
Soobin nods automatically, even though his legs feel like they might give out.
Music starts again.
Halfway through, Yeonjun stops.
“Wait.”
The music cuts.
Soobin closes his eyes for a second. He really doesn’t want to have another disagreement with Yeonjun. Especially now. All these weeks of pent-up resentment towards him are making it hard to stay quiet.
“Timing’s off,” Yeonjun says, glancing at him. “We’re rushing the second part.”
Soobin exhales. “We’ve done it like five times already.”
“I know, but it still looks messy.”
Soobin really is doing his best to not say anything that might sound harsh, but the fact that they’re almost done with practice and Yeonjun is making them late because of some timing issue only he is seeing is really pushing his buttons.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
That does it.
Soobin lets out a short laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “Then fix it yourself.”
The room goes quiet. Taehyun, Beomgyu, and Kai look at each other, fearing what could go on next. They’ve noticed a shift in their eldest group members' dynamic, but they were hoping it was going to be resolved soon.
Yeonjun frowns slightly. “What?”
“You keep pointing things out,” Soobin continues, voice tight, “so just… just do it yourself if it bothers you that much.” No one misses the frustration coming from him.
“I’m trying to help,” Yeonjun says, slower now.
“I didn’t ask for help.”
There it is. What led to all this. The burnout and stress in Soobin speaking for him.
A pause stretches between them.
“You never do,” Yeonjun mutters.
Soobin’s head snaps up. Vision blurry from the exhaustion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’ve been like this for weeks,” Yeonjun says, frustration finally slipping through. “I can’t say anything without you shutting me down.”
“I’m not shutting you down.”
“You are.”
“I’m just tired.”
“So am I.”
Those words seem to have a deeper meaning. But Soobin really doesn’t want to do this now. He can only focus on how his sweat-drenched shirt is clinging to his skin. How his mouth feels dry from not being allowed a break. He really does not have time for this.
For a second, neither of them speaks.
Then Soobin scoffs quietly. “Right. Of course you are.”
Yeonjun’s expression shifts. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Say it.”
“I said it’s nothing.”
“Then stop acting like I’m the problem here.”
Something in Soobin finally snaps. Finally, the frustration, the stress, the unresolved feelings. It all catches up to him.
“I’m not acting like anything,” he says, his voice rising despite himself. “You’re the one who keeps pushing everything. Every little thing has to be perfect with you.”
“That’s our job,” Yeonjun shoots back.
“No. Our job is to perform together, as a group. To connect with fans. You seem to have this standard for being perfect, and none of us are capable of meeting it."
Another silence. The members are starting to give them more space. The choreographers aren’t anywhere to be seen.
Yeonjun stares at him. “So now I’m the problem because I care?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Soobin shakes his head, already overwhelmed, already regretting this but unable to stop. Stop all the spiraling thoughts from his head from coming out. “You don’t get it.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I don’t have time to explain everything to you, Yeonjun.”
That seems to do it. Everything. What does it even mean? Soobin doesn’t know himself. Before he can apologize for it, Yeonjun's hurt and confused eyes stare at him.
“…everything?”
Soobin realizes it too late. But this is the moment that’s going to put distance between them.
“I didn’t mean—”
“No, you did.”
Yeonjun lets out a quiet, humorless laugh, stepping back as if being so close to Soobin was burning him. “Right. Sorry for taking up your time, then.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Just forget it.”
His tone changes. Flat. Closed off. He no longer seems to have an ounce of comprehension in him.
“I’ll stop.”
Soobin freezes. Maybe realizing that this is going too far. “Stop what?”
“Talking. Helping. Whatever you think I’m doing. Because from what I gathered, my presence is a burden for you.” Yeonjun finally snaps, letting all those weeks of awkwardness and tension go.
“That’s not what I want—” Tears of frustration and tiredness are starting to build up in his eyes. He no longer wants practice to end. He just wants to rest. To figure things out with his only hyung.
“Then what do you want?” Yeonjun cuts in, hurt being the only thing that can be heard in his voice. “Because I can’t figure it out anymore.”
Soobin opens his mouth.
Nothing comes out.
And that’s the problem.
Yeonjun watches him for a second longer, like he’s waiting.
Like he wants an answer.
He doesn’t get one.
“…okay,” he says quietly.
And this time, it doesn’t sound like agreement.
It sounds like something ending.