Chapter Text
The Undead Popes of Henderson Ave.
FEB 18th 2021 14.12
Robert
I just witnessed the funniest fucking thing 🤣
I was going to the RBC on Richmond Road when I saw Ilya Rozanov standing on the sidewalk
He was standing with his arms crossed by this bright orange Porsche
I’m assuming that’s his car
Staring at this other guy who was trying to parallel park in the spot behind him
I say trying, it wasn’t going very well
Rozanov stood there staring at him for like three minutes, the guy was getting more and more flustered, and then he got angry and told Rozanov to fuck off
Rozanov blew a raspberry at him and gave the guy a thumbs down!!! 🤣 Then told him to get out of the car and that he’d park for him bc he didn’t want his own car to get scratched
Nicole
Omg??!
WHAT
ARE YOU SERIOUS
MY ROZANOV??
He's a menace ❤️
Robert
The guy started yelling and cursing him out but eventually got out because he was blocking traffic
Rozanov got the car parked perfectly on the first try, tossed the guy his keys, then got into his own car and DROVE OFF 😂
Nicole
I’m dying!!
Please tell me you got that on video?
Robert
No I didn’t 😭
Someone was filming though, maybe it’s on twitter?
Found it!!
OH my god he looks good in that outfit 🥵 The backwards cap and the muscle tee?
Munch munch munch yum yum yum 🥵
I retweeted it
That’s my Rozy ❤️❤️
Nicole
Can I be honest for a sec?
Don’t you dare
Nicole
The man? Fine as fuck
The car? Absolutely hideous!
Robert
Hotel? Trivago
Blasphemous
I’m kicking you both out of the chat
MAR 2nd 2021 12.46
I’M SHAKINF
SOMEONE COME HOLD ME 😭
Nicole
What’s happening??
Robert
Who are we fighting?
I’m visiting my mom’s and you know i hate parallel parking at the best of times but this cul de sac is CURVED
The devil himself designed it, I swear!
So I was struggling so hard and there was this beautiful orange car parked outside her neighbour’s house
I’d been at it for ages and I was terrified of scratching the car
Nicole
ORANGE CAR
IS THIS GOING WHERE I THINK IT’S GOING
when Ilya!! Fucking!!! Rozanov!!!!! Walks out of the neighbour’s house!!!!
He looked at me struggling and I was so scared I was going to get a thumbs down 😭😭
Nicole
HE BETTER NOT HAVE
HE DIDNT 😭😭
He came up to my window and motioned for me to roll it down and then directed me on how I should check the mirrors and turn the steering wheel to get in correctly 😭
I said I was scared of scratching his car because I didn’t learn parallel parking for the G test
And he, and I quote, went “is scary, but you’re brave. If you scratch it, it’s only a wrap. It can be rewrapped, no problem. But you should know how to parallel park, so you can do it on your own in the future.”
Who is this man 😭 Why is he literally perfect 😭
Nicole
Jessica!! What the fuck!!?
“Is scary, but you’re brave” ARE YOU KIDDING ME
He’s the sweetest, I didn’t expect that from him, he looks so scary on the ice!
What did he smell like? 👀
He really is 😭❤️ He made me pull back out and do it again and it went much better the second time around
I didn’t get close enough to smell him 😫 But I’m sure he smells wonderful
Kind of wish he’d offered to park the car for me so I could say that THEE Ilya Rozanov has sat in my car…
I’m sure I was beet red and I kind of choked and told him I’m a huge fan and he said he hopes he’ll see me at the game on Saturday
Nicole
Are you going to the game? 👀
Robert
Maybe he’ll give you something to choke on if you do 😏
Nicole
ROBERT
Of course I’m going to the game!!
Lmao Robert it’s not like he asked me out or anything (I wish 😭)
I must have looked so stupid 😭 At least he was nice to me, although I do kind of think he’s hot when he looks mean 😈
Robert
What was he even doing at your mom’s?
Idk, mom’s neighbour runs some kind of dog boarding business
And as we all know, Ilya just got a dog!!
Robert
Yes. As we all know.
Because you’ve sent us one million pictures of a dog that isn’t even your own.
Shut it
Anyways, I’m assuming she will need somewhere to stay when her daddy is on the road
Nicole
You should have told her *Daddy* that you can watch her instead 👀
Free of charge, of course. Can’t get a better deal than that!
I totally should have
Fuuuuuck, why didn’t I??
I’m going to lay awake regretting this foreverrrrr
MAR 4th 2021 13.21
DECEASED
Nicole
What??
IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!
I went to drop off some groceries at mom’s and Ilya was there!!
He was picking up his dog this time, Anya’s so cute!!
Nicole
Ooh you’re on a first name basis with his dog 👀
Everyone is, she’s all over his Instagram
BUT that’s not the best part!!
He saw me parallel park! And it actually went well this time!!
AND he gave me a thumbs up!!!!
Nicole
Proud of u!! ❤️
Robert
👍
Robert changed your name to 👍
Robert!!!
I’m kicking you out of the chat
You changed your name to 👁️👄👁️
You changed Robert's name to 👎
👎
You wouldn’t dare
You removed 👎 from the chat
Nicole added Robert to the chat
Bonus:
The Undead Popes of Henderson Ave.
MAR 24th 2021 08.13
WHGAT THE FUCK
Link:
Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov making out in the background of Hayden Pike’s FanMail video
Watch on YouTube
Nicole
Maybe it’s good that you didn’t offer to watch Anya
The only player in the MLH that’s scarier than Rozanov is Hollander
Can’t get caught trying to steal his man
Robert
Maybe they’d be up for a threesome? 👀
Nicole
ROBERT!!
I’ll ask next time I see Ilya 😏
Robert
👀
No you won’t
No I won’t 😫