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The paper was crumbled in his hand, fingers curling inwards and pressing the flyer against the large cut stretching across his palm. Today had been the first day Miya took off the bandaid and in all honesty, he had been expecting to see the laceration inflamed and oozing with pus– a hospital visit he for sure couldn’t pay for. Thankfully, only a thin red scar called his skin home. “... I should buy disinfectant soon,” he thought out loud, dropping his bag and the flyer by the back entrance cabinet.
Just as he was about to close the door, a small tuxedo kitten managed to squirm her way through his legs, shivering as she crossed the threshold out of the cold. Her fur was matted, sticks and leaves embedded into deep tangles. Miya bent down, picking her up and cradling her to his chest. He gave a soft kiss to her forehead before walking further into the restaurant. Once he got into the kitchen, he wasted no time in grabbing the nearest clean bowl, water, and kitten formula Joe always keeps on hand. The poor thing immediately pounced on the milk, chugging it down and leaving splashes to fall everywhere on her chin.
‘She needs safety. Joe can get her an owner from one of his stupid girlfriends.’
“Joe! There’s a kitten in your kitchen!” Miya walked over to the sink, looking at the man-in-question surrounded by the rest of their group in the glass hole from the kitchen to the reception desk. Part of his heart oddly sank seeing how happy everyone was. Without him. It’s stupid, childish, and utterly immature, he knows that. Yet his feet remain glued to checkered tile, the air feels like Antarctica leaving each hair on his body to stand up, his lungs are squishing together, the room is swaying back and forth, is he dying? Is this how he’s going to die? “...One, two, three… One, two, three… It’s anxiety– it’s not real… not real…”
Memories of his old friends flash in his head. He can hear their voices. “Worthless.” They chant, adding, “You’re just a clingy kid they can’t get rid of,” onto it.
He brings his hand to his scalp, gripping tightly and gritting his teeth on top of one another. Joe and Cherry seem much more relaxed, sipping on alcoholic drinks while Reki and Langa try to finish their homework. Shadow’s eating spaghetti, the pans still dirty below Miya. But their eyes, it’s in their eyes. They never look like that when he’s around. There’s always this sense of defensiveness, as if trying to prepare for some surprise attack. Not to mention the change of language used, it’s clear they never fully relax around Miya. Is it age? Personality? Or is it just because it’s him?
“Laaanga! Share your answers with me, man.”
“No, you’ll struggle on the test if you do that.”
“He’s right. This asshole always failed to get answers from me, and he passed his classes surprisingly.”
“I always thought Joe would fail health class.”
“What the fuck is this? Attack me day? And the ladies would disagree.”
Whenever he’s around, tones always seem more polite– more distant. Now? Talking like that barrier never existed, the tears fall before he can wipe them away. He rushes back towards the cabinet, stepping on the kitten’s tail and ignoring the cries as he throws his backpack over his shoulder. The chimes coming out of the small bell hanging from the door’s casing drown in his ears.
Everything becomes a blur of colors and the intense aching in his chest. His feet are burning, ankles begging for a break and wheels threatening to roll out of control. Eventually, he regained senses by a loud noise. One blink and he realized he crashed into the pavement. He was the loud noise. Brushing off dirt and grabbing his skateboard, he walks the rest of the way home in his head.
It’s Miya who creates the barrier, the tip-toeing around certain words or topics. Miya is an inconvenience. Miya isn’t needed. The people who he saw as fake family members were always one-sided. God, this hurts. Make it stop. Why can’t he be loved?
“Hey, did anyone hear that?” Joe turns his head to the kitchen door, before gazing back to the table. “Sounded like a kitten.”
“I think it was,” Reki is the one who gets up and comes back less than two minutes later with a cat in his hand and a crushed paper in the other. He sets her down on the ground, unfolding the paper before placing it on the table. Joe and Shadow coo over the kitten and how badly matted her fur was, picking off bits and pieces of the gunk. Langa and Cherry however, are more interested in the paper, only sparing glimpses at the creature.
“These words… Is he getting bullied?” Cherry mumbles, reading each hateful scribble written on the school festival flyer. “Control freak. Egotistical. I’ve encountered rocks with better emotional intelligence. Loser. Arrogant. The world would be a better place if you died in a ditch somewhere… God, I forgot how mean kids can be.”
Joe and Shadow stop giving the kitten attention, both reading over each mark leading to brows furrowing more and more. The silence bolsters the infinite possibilities, each worse than the other. It’s Langa who speaks up first, clutching the paper and throwing it on the floor while doing so. “He must’ve ran out and left the paper. He didn’t want us to see it.”
“He probably brought the cat inside too, a bowl of milk was left out on the floor.” As an older brother himself, he wants nothing more than to hug the kid tightly. He wants to erase all the comments from Miya’s memory, replace them with positive ones and make sure he knows he’s irreplaceable.
“You don’t think he’s ever considered… you know?” The moment Joe finishes that sentence, the kitten begins to hiss at Shadow– who had only removed a leaf caught in her ear.
“I hope not. Why haven’t his parents done anything? I can use my connect–”
“I don’t think that’s a smart move, Cherry. Miyas told me a bit about his parents and, let’s just say, money brings out true colors.” Shadow rubs his new injuries with a gentle motion, staring at the evidence by Langa.
“What if we get him some gift? From all of us. That way he’ll know that even if the whole world wants him gone, he still has people who care.”
“That’s a good idea, Langa. I can pay and go on Saturday. Thirteen, meet here. Shadow you’re the driver. Joe, if you don’t show up I will personally message all your past exes in one group chat and make sure they know all the lies you used to get them under your sheets.”
“Oh my god, language. And second, I don’t do that anymore. That was fresh out of high school.”
“That doesn’t make it better.”
“Is someone jealous? All you had to ask, love. Say the words and I will give you a night to remember.”
“Not in front of us! Ew! Shadow do something!”
It’s dark. The trees outside Miya’s window pound against it, synchronizing with the beat of the raindrops also dancing across the pane. He glances over at his bedside clock, sighing at the bright numbers indicating one in the morning. His nightmare hit closer to home than ever before.
“I can’t keep doing this anymore… I just want somewhere to call home. Does that even exist for me?” It’s only whispers, but for Miya, it feels like gut-wrecking screams only pure agony could birth. The memories are vivid, and the fact that it’s only fiction, not real, only increases how pathetic he feels. All this emotion over what, a bad fantasy?
He had been running up a mountain with weather just like tonight. His body was covered in bruises, hair stained with blood– likely his, and hands shivering. Gripping ledge after ledge, he wanted to stop. He wanted to fall. But at the top, he could make out five familiar silhouettes. It took hours, but he made it to the top. Relief had left his heart as soon as it could form.
He had been slaving away, miserable. And their hand is held out towards a stranger, who was climbing at the same time. They had a rope around their waist, and a body void of injuries. He went through so much, for them, and yet, someone who had it more fortunate is the one they pity?
“Wait! Guys!” He yelled, watching them begin to travel along the hike down together. He woke up as soon as he fell off the cliff.
That morning, he skipped breakfast. Straight to school, rolling his eyes at the note his parents left. Another business trip. Another month of struggling. His stomach was grumbling, the pain of hunger a comforting sensation. It combines well with the beautiful gloom of a winter morning, so cloudy the streetlamps are on to provide light to the sidewalks. Miya smiles, and he keeps that smile as he walks through the campus doors and to his classroom.
His desk is littered with marked words, the usual. This time, he doesn’t know who it’s from. The handwriting is so neat, it could be one of ten people. Messy handwriting is a normal give-way. He traces a finger over letters spelling out: loser, no gives a damn because everybody hates you.
He skips lunch as well, choosing to sit on the rooftop and think. His parents were never the best, like the bird he’s staring at. Choosing to steal food from a mother bird, resulting in a fight. He used to have a normal childhood, then the money came in. And the desire for more succeeded the desire to actually be a parent. Miya can’t remember the last time he heard the words “I love you.”
So when five individuals entered his life, he selfishly used them to fill the gap his parents couldn’t fill. He got used to the idea of a sibling and their partner, parents, and an odd uncle to tease. At the end of the day, it was only himself he would hurt. It was okay. Apparently not. The way the vibe felt, watching everyone in a way they weren’t with him, it was clear who he was.
“An arrogant, self-absorbed, clingy, bratty kid who can’t take a hint.” The view from the rooftop is quite far. Likely a good distance.
“Look, there’s this cat thing.” Reki picked up a small figurine of a calico cat, lifting it up and dangling it in front of Cherry.
“That’s an option, we should each pick something out for him.” Cherry chose to look at the sweaters in the store, browsing through different ones and judging the sleeves. Cherry knew how Miya tended to be picky about sleeves, claiming that tight sleeves on hoodies or jackets felt suffocating. There was this muted lavender and green one, baggy sleeves and hood. It was like a yin and yang but with cats, on the front and the back. Once Cherry found the kid’s size, he went back to where Reki was helping out Shadow.
In Reki’s hands was a pair of cat slippers, and in Shadow’s, were different kitten stuffed animals. “This is hard… maybe this one, it has a flower?”
“Yeah, then it will be obvious it’s from you. There’s even a pocket for a photo on the overalls.”
Langa and Joe had wandered away from the group, choosing to visit a stationary store instead. It was small, with various items in cute illustrations and matching socks or stuffed animals to go with them. From the second Langa entered the store, he felt a pull towards the back wall with notebooks, immediately picking up a soft green notebook displaying a green graphic design of a gaming system.
“I think this is it for me, he likes math doesn’t he?”
“Yeah, I think this food log and sticker sheet is what I'll get. Kid always talks about needing a diet, if he actually uses this, then I can see what he’s eating.”
“So your gift is actually concern about his underweight issues?”
“Yes, but we disguise it as a set. It’s already in the same packaging.”
The sun had begun to set when the group met up at the restaurant, everyone placing their items in a large basket Cherry bought the day prior. Freshly baked pizza was on the counter nearby, the smell of tomatoes and cheese wafting through the air.
And despite the shopping trip distracting everyone from the truth, within these walls it struck them again. This wasn’t a birthday gift. It was a gift to remind Miya they care, because it’s clear by his classmates and parents that their love is superficial. Joe shed a tear, quickly wiping it off and helping Cherry bring it to a closet. A hand was placed on his back, a light kiss to the head as well.
“I know, it’s hard. He’s so young, practically like our kid…” The artist’s voice was gentle, soothing. It made Joe want to cry even more, knowing he won’t be judged when it’s just them.
“He… How long has he been receiving these comments? Why haven’t his parents done anything? Hell, what if he starts believing what they say? I… I don’t know what I’d do if he committed suicide.”
“He won’t, we’ll be there. God, this whole thing hits hard doesn’t it? Reminds me of high school.” Cherry’s eyes slightly watered, “I remember my own parents telling me similar things. That pain doesn’t ever really fade away, you just live your life and hope time really does heal. He’s only twelve.”
“Fuck. I wish we could adopt him. But he has all his physical needs met.” Joe took Cherry’s hand in return, kissing it lightly in a silent attempt of comfort. The longer they took, the more the others would get suspicious.
It had been a week since Miya last ate. He’s been surviving off water and smoothies. It’s not the healthiest, but at least it’s something. That’s what he thinks, walking down the sidewalk staring at all the happy families.
“Haven’t been to S in a while.” He mumbles out loud, sitting down on a bench directly in front of the park’s playground.
His hands are shaking, skin pale as he glances from his right palm to the couple in front of him. Clearly in love, each holding onto their toddler’s hand. The kid in mind, wearing a beautiful light pink dress made for a princess, was smiling and giggling. That look in her mom and dad’s eyes, like they’d go to war if anyone dared to hurt her, unleashed tears from the rusted gates of Miya’s eyes.
Why couldn’t he have had that kind of life? Loved and adored? Why couldn’t he have people who would protect him with all their lives? What made him different? He thought he could play pretend, act like Joe and Cherry were his version of picture perfect parents; Shadow as the odd yet reliable uncle and Reki as his brother with Langa as the best brother-in-law.
In his mind, they never argued.
He would go down the stairs, receive a couple good mornings, listen to light hearted banter, get changed, brush his teeth, and spend the rest of the day relaxing in another’s presence. They could watch movies, play games, or simply sit and talk. Miya would gladly listen– he’d give anything for that.
“- watch out!”
A voice yelling snapped Miya out of his mind, wiping tears as he looked up from his gaze at the ground. There was a car speeding, out of control. Headed straight towards him. He tried to jump over the bench, but his jeans got caught on a nail. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He yanked and yanked, heart beating faster and every thought in his mind panicking and trying to find an outcome where he won’t be on the receiving end of the collision's force.
“I’m stuck!” He yelled, seeing a good look at the driver– passed out. A bottle of beer was in his hands. Screams surrounded him, the eyes of people too afraid to step in and risk their own lives set the realization. He was going to die. Oh god, this was actually it. He had so much to live for– he hasn’t graduated, so many world skating records to break, relationships he isn’t currently ready for but will be some day. “I don’t want to die!”
He got free a second too late, the car ran over most of his leg, Miya having to slam his body on the ground to only get his leg injured by the vehicle. A weird popping noise echoed, his legs immediately overwhelmed with heat and numbness. His arm however, hurt like hell. His shoulder immediately made contact with the ground first, falling and bearing the weight of a jump from the top of the bench– not too high up, but far enough for a bad landing. Blood pooling, a piece of bone showing and poking from his epidermis into the fresh park air.
Someone came rushing over to him, pulling out his phone and dialing a number furiously. He let it ring and handed it to someone nearby, pulling out an old receipt and a pen from his pocket. “Hey, kid, it’s going to be alright. Can you tell me a phone number to call? For the hospital, I can let them know to meet you.” His voice had fear written into it’s bones. “Stay awake.”
“ ## - ### - ## - ####...” The only number he could think of, was Joe’s. He would’ve mumbled Cherry’s but the man has yet to give it to him and Reki, Langa, and Shadow all have somewhere to be at this time. His parents are gone, they can’t pick him up. God, his arm hurts. Someone make it stop, please make it stop.
“And who is that?”
“My… His name is Joe– no, Kojiro Nanjo.” There was this urge to fall asleep, hard to push back. Twenty seconds if Miya had to guess before he would actually cave in. “Tell him I’m sorry for being a burden. And that, I enjoy his company. I always wanted to get closer to him, didn’t realize I was an issue. Cherry too, he’s…”
“Kid!”
It had been quiet, only the sound of Cherry’s read a loud of clients and why they’re banned to fill up the empty space. It’s interesting, takes up Joe’s attention and helps him forget how empty the restaurant is.
“-and she’s banned because her boyfriend thought I was being disrespectful and came to fight me. Apparently, I gave him a better piece and it was also apparently because he was a man.” He scoffed, “And I got water thrown on me.”
“My god, that soun-” Joe’s phone started ringing, “Hold that thought, hello? Kojiro Nanjo speaking.”
Through the speaker, the words of the other line were clear. Frantic and wind blowing past the microphone. “Your son, Miya, I think his phone said, got hit by a car. Leg bent, bone sticking out from his arm. He almost made it, the car hit his leg and caused him to tumble. He’s heading to the hospital near that one university. I think it starts with Ko…? Not sure.”
“Oh my god, yes I’ll head straight there. Thank you so much sir.” He hung up, seeing Cherry already ready to leave and packing up Carla.
Walking into the hospital, a group chat panicking and another three people on their way to the hospital, Cherry didn’t know how to feel. Miya was a troubled kid, trying to balance running out of years to be considered a child prodigy along with puberty and the stress of school. But getting hit by a fucking car? He will be helping the kid and his parents sue the driver, if the parents even care enough to sue.
The nurse showed the pair to his room, knocking softly and opening the door to the kid in the hospital bed with IV’s and heart monitors hooked to him. His free hand was used to hold the popsicle he was given, something blue and dripping onto his gown below.
He practically ran to the kid, hugging him lightly and caressing his head. “You’re alive. You’re alive. Oh my god, I’m never letting you out of my sight.”
Joe followed, having chatted enough with the nurse. He went to the other side of Miya, holding his non-broken hand with a grim expression. “The nurses are going to be getting you ready for surgery soon. We can’t get a hold of your parents, but thankfully, since I’m an emergency contact at your school– they’ll let me count as a guardian.”
“You.. You actually came?”
“Why wouldn’t we?” The artist said, kneeling down and making eye contact. “You practically live at the restaurant, it’s not like you’re a random stranger.
“I… don’t I just annoy you guys?”
“Of course not. Why would you even think that?”
“I’d like to mention I’ve never once charged you for the food you eat and don’t eat or take one bite and then feed it to Shadow.”
“... It’s a stupid reason.” His face began to flush, “I… I overheard a conversation and everyone seemed so happy without me and… and I just put two and two together.”
“Is it the kids? The ones making fun of you?” Cherry put a hand on his thigh, glancing over at the nurses making their way towards the room. “Out of time, they need to prep you. We’ll be here the whole time. See you on the other side.”
“Love you so much, kid. We will be having a talk later.”
Despite being in pain, wearing not one but two casts, sitting and feeling the warm embrace of Joe and Cherry running his hands through Miya’s hair– everything felt worth it. The basket of gifts sat near Shadow, who was busy arguing with Reki over what movie was a better choice. Langa simply rearranged the snacks on the coffee table by color order. All this love, all this comfort, all this reassurance, it was amazing. Miya could let down his walls and not have to worry about being a nuisance.
“How’s the arm?” Cherry’s voice was soft, hands stopping and moving over to carefully hover over the bruises peeking out from the white plaster.
“Can’t really feel much,” He leaned back, letting Joe’s arms shift him a bit. “Can’t believe it took getting by a car to fix a misunderstanding.
“Don’t even start. Why on earth would you think that you’re not wanted?” Reki turned around, pretending to be angry as he walked over and ruffled Miya’s hair. “Seriously, I sent you an entire reenactment of Cinderella but with me, Langa, and our classmates. I don’t show that to just anyone.”
“That was fun to film.”
“You did what?” Joe almost spilled his drink, Cherry swatting his head and mumbling something about being careful. “Wait, can we watch that first and then what was it– Spiderman next? Or did you guys agree to watch that horror movie?”
“No, Reki is too chicken-shit to handle it.”
“Excuse me if I refuse to witness people getting murdered by stupid decisons.”
Langa took his phone and began to type something, leading to Reki trying to take the phone away. Langa simply put his palm on Reki’s cheek and hit send. “Too late. Cherry has it.”
Miya let out a small laugh, a wide smile on his face as he watched Reki’s dramatic acting combined with Langa’s undramatic acting and their classmates trying to be serious. Reki wore an actual wedding dress instead of the classic blue for the royal ball scene, running away and forgetting to leave the shoe so he went back into frame just to leave it and run away again. But what took everyone by surprise, was the fact that Langa actually kissed Reki.
“That was supposed to be fake!” Reki panicked, the camera still rolling.
“Oh, was it?”
“He’s asleep. Shh, grab a blanket…”
“Reki and Langa too, you big oaf. Don’t play favorites.”
“I don’t think anyone will believe that there aren't favorites. Miya’s the baby, he gets special treatment.”
“Shadow, don’t worry. I’ll cuddle you next.”
“Not what I meant!”
Shadow grabbed a large blanket, placing it over the soon-to-be lovers and tucking them in. He then tip-toed around and handed Cherry the blanket, who then forced Joe to lay on his back. It was draped up to the boy’s shoulders, which was Joe’s mid-chest. The lights dimmed before Shadow made his own bed on the floor with a sleeping bag and pillow. Cherry, of course, had an entire sofa to himself, dressed in silk with a matching sleeping mask and socks.
They were family, that was sure.