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The sun began its descent over the bustling city skyline, painting the sky in streaks of orange and purple as night began to take hold. Cars and people swarmed the streets like ants, darting between the towering buildings and stores that filled the space. It was lively and involved, the air filled with commotion in every direction from people conversing, cars speeding by and the general bustle of life.
Joey and Paul followed behind Corey as he led them through the crowds. They had been here all afternoon, spending hours looking through the variety of stores and exhibits that were spread through the area, not exactly with the intention of buying anything. It was more just to have fun with each other, and the liveliness of the city offered the perfect backdrop.
But they had been doing this for hours, and the constant energy was starting to weigh on Joey. He felt his patience starting to wane from the infinite noise, movement, conversation and overall being, like his soul was slowly growing heavier with each moment. His head felt constricting, and his mind felt raw and deflated from being continuously overloaded from the shifting surroundings. It had been a wonderful day, of course, but a break sounded really nice right now.
“You guys want to find some place to get dinner?”
Corey had fallen back to match his step with the other two, watching them questioningly. Joey hadn’t even noticed him, being too focussed on his exhaustion.
“Yeah, that would be nice. What kind of food do they have around here? I’m starving,” Paul answered first.
“I could really go for some sushi right now,” Joey added.
“Yeah, sushi would hit nice,” Corey said. “I’m pretty sure there’s a food court at the end of this street. There’s bound to be something there.”
Paul nodded in agreement, and as the short conversation came to a conclusion, Joey’s attention slipped back into his surroundings as he bundled his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Just left of the footpath they were walking on, the main road roared by. Cars sped past, twisting into a labyrinth of other streets that mazed all around them. Hundreds of vehicles passed by every minute, each with their own destinations and reasons and needs. Wasn’t that weird to think about? Everyone having their own life and thoughts and necessities. It hurt if you thought about it too much.
In the distance, in the middle of a gap between two larger buildings, Joey saw a flash of red drive by. It was gone in no more than a second. His muscles tightened instinctually, and he felt his skin prickle with unease. Even from that mere glance of that particular colour, his body still flickered with anxiety.
It’s fine, He told himself. There are tons of cars that colour. You need to stop overreacting so much.
He shook off the trickle of fear that had started to run through him. It had been years since he had even seen his dad, and he didn’t have to worry about things like this anymore. But why did he still get so paranoid, even after all this time? It was like a final mockery from his father, still haunting him with these scars even after Joey was finally free.
Joey glanced away from the road, watching the cement floor pass below his feet instead. There was no point thinking back on the past now. He didn’t want to ruin such a nice day with his friends by upsetting himself.
Still, his stomach was tight with anxiety, and the air felt a little thicker than it had only minutes before. Just ignore it.
A bright colour caught the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw a red car start to drive up the street towards him. A red Toyota Camry. The same red Toyota Camry. The same one his father owned.
Joey froze as he met eyes with the car. It felt as though all the blood had dropped from his head and twisted into a knot at the bottom of his stomach. Fear gushed through him and his legs refused to work anymore. His hands started to shake, following with his arms. He released a quivering breath and willed his heart to stop beating so fast and his lungs to loosen and skin to stop prickling.
He wanted to turn around and run and hide in the shadows where nobody would ever find him. Where he would never find him. He wanted to look away and keep walking and pretend nothing was there and just follow his friends and ignore it ignore it ignore it.
But his body wouldn’t move. His muscles were stunned. His heart raced harder. His eyes kept following the red car as it slowly stalked closer to him. The world started to twist and turn around him. Was that from hyperventilating? Or maybe he wasn’t breathing enough. The buildings moved all wobbly and dizzying beside him, and the sky started to bleed like a watercolour painting.
The car crept closer. Now he could see the driver. Did they have a beard? God, they did. It was him. It had to be him. He had found him. He could never escape him.
Then the memories began to cut back into his mind. They clawed out of the shadows where he had pressed them down and ripped into his head. He remembered the fear that would fill him when he saw that car parked in the driveway when he finally came home from school. It would be a sign that he was home, and that he would certainly have something to accuse Joey of.
He remembered sitting in the backseat, holding back tears as his father screamed at him, enraged that he had been late. It had only been by five minutes, but it had never even been about the time, had it? It was just a new excuse for why he could yell at Joey again.
He remembered how the floor of that car was always coated in empty food packets and soda cans - many of them beer, as well - and the reek of cigarettes that were embedded into the leather seats. He remembered how he was forced to clean them all out, even though he hadn’t caused any of it, and how he was berated for not doing a good enough job.
Everything came crawling back: every word, every punch, every cut, every scream, every scar-
His heart felt like it might shoot out of his chest with how fast it was beating. His face started to feel numb. His lungs pressed inwards on themselves. He had to get out of here.
Finally, his body moved. He darted over to Paul, who had paused at realising that Joey had strayed behind, and grabbed his friend's wrist. He pulled Paul aside and dragged him into the closest alleyway, hardly noticing the confused pedestrians he accidently bumped into on the way.
“Joe? Joe, what’s wrong-”
“He’s here. He’s here!”
“What? Who’s here-”
The rest of his words were drowned out as pure terror filled Joey’s mind. His head started to spin, and he fell against the brick wall behind him in a haze. His breathing was erratic, in and out and in and out so rapidly it hurt, but his lungs wouldn’t fill. His heart kept racing, trying to catch up with his lungs. It rattled against his rib cage. What was happening? Was he dying? Oh, god he was dying. This was what happened in a heart attack, right?
His head kept screaming.
RUN! GET OUT! DANGER!
He had to get out of here right now. He had to get out before his dad found him. But where could he go? He had to leave. But he couldn’t leave. How could he leave? Where even was he? He was gonna find him if he didn’t leave.
A sharp, splintery sensation rolled through his body. It cut through each of his limbs and down his spine like shards of glass stinging through his veins. It ran up his neck and pricked at his brain, little knives fighting to break out of his skin. They continued to run throughout him, cold and jagged.
The world fell away, leaving Joey with nothing except for the panic rotting through his body. Someone was in front of him. Who was it? Were they there before? No, they hadn’t. Had they? They were reaching for his body but he couldn’t feel them. Their hands were like whispers in the wind, hardly brushing against his numb skin. Why couldn’t he recognise them? Had he been found already?
All the noise was rattling in his ears. It was like being caught in a thunderstorm, completely encapsulated in a deafening sound. Thunder shot through his ears and shook the world while rain flooded his ears, but the sky was clear. Why was it so loud? He wanted to cover his ears, but he couldn’t move. His body was frozen and he could do nothing about it.
Get out get out get out get out get out get out-
Why couldn’t he think straight? His head felt cold and lobotomised. He had to get out. Get out. Get out. GET OUT.
His dad would find him. He would see him like this and yell at him. Then he would hit him. Again and again. And there would be nothing that he could do to stop it. He was frozen in place. Quick, he had to get out before he found him. Get out!
His hands shook- His whole body shook. Was he dying? Of course he was dying. What else could it be?
His eyes darted around, searching - begging - for an exit, for an escape. But the world was all blurry and distorted, like he was far away, looking through a fish-eye lens. Why couldn’t he leave? Where was he? He had to leave right now. His dad would find him and he would be forced back there. He wouldn’t have the chance to escape again. A memory flickered behind his eyes, with his father standing above him, screams echoing the room as he kicked his heavy work boots against Joey’s bruised ribs. Which time had that been? It had happened too many times to count.
“I can’t go back, I can’t go back-”
His throat was dry as sand. Were any words even coming out? Who was he speaking to? Was anyone there? Was he talking or was that just in his head again?
Oh, god, he couldn’t go back there again. His chest burned and his head spun. The floor sat beneath him now. Hadn’t he been standing? His heart kept beating beating beating beating-
Suddenly, a warm body wrapped around him. It enclosed him in an embrace of comfort and security.
He flinched at the initial touch, but soon found himself melting into the warmth. It felt safe. It was completely different from the sharp panic splintering in his veins. He felt his body collapse against its stability, finally thawed from its cryonic state. The jagged needles poking through his chest grew dull and padded, slowly disappearing alongside the spiking fear.
A hand brushed against the back of his head, but it didn’t feel restraining or imprisoning. It was gentle and consoling, holding him close like a pair of shadowy wings enclosing around him.
Slowly, Joey’s heart started to slow down its beating. His lungs let more air in. His body stopped shaking as much. The air grew quieter. The world stopped spinning.
Time felt irrelevant, nothing mattered except the sanctuary of the embrace enclosing around him. He stayed like that, slumped against the warmth for what could have been millenia.
Eventually, the body pulled away from him. Joey opened his eyes, suddenly sparking back into the city. He glanced around at his surroundings, which had reverted back to their normal state, and realised that it was dark and shadowy. The sun had almost completely set, only a few strands of golden rays brushing past the indigo sky. Tall brick walls climbed around him, covered in graffiti marks and old posters. But he didn’t worry too much about that. Joey looked at the face in front of him, letting the sweet brown eyes lock with his gaze.
Paul sat just before him, hand still partially holding him from the shoulder, face etched in worry.
“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, voice warm and rich in emotion.
Joey opened his mouth to say something, but his throat felt like barbed wire was wound through it. A sudden prickle of fear poked at him, as he quickly remembered what had happened.
“Paul, it’s him!” He cried, rapidly pulling himself forwards in an attempt to flee as fear spiked through his chest yet again. “He’s-”
“Joey, he’s not here,” Paul rested his hand gently yet firmly on the other’s shoulders, setting him back down before he could move anymore. “It’s not him. Corey checked, and it was just a similar model of car. You don’t have to worry. You’re safe.”
Joey backed down under Paul’s touch, the abrupt fear ebbing away. He let out a shaky breath and glanced away. Corey was crouching to his right, a little further away than Paul but still close enough for comfort. He looked concerned, which was weird to see on somebody as tough as him.
A ripple of shame ran through Joey as he thought back on what had happened. Why did he overreact so much over simply seeing a car drive past? And now he had ruined the amazing day he and his friends were having because of it. Of course he did.
Corey must have noticed the expression change in Joey’s face, because he edged closer towards his companion.
“Hey, it’s not your fault, dude,” Corey spoke gently. “You just freaked out a little, that’s all. It’s okay, though. You’re okay, now.”
Joey nodded silently, warmed more from the peace in his voice. A tickle ran down his cheek, and he wiped his face to find that it was stained in tears. He hadn’t remembered crying, but clearly he had at some point during the panic attack.
Paul gently pulled Joey slightly closer to him and reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers together.
“I’ll never let him hurt you again,” He whispered softly.
Joey melted into Paul’s body again, the warmth of his words lightening the weight in his chest. He knew that he was safe now, safe in his friends embrace, safe from his father, safe from any threats the world could possibly throw at him. He loved Paul, and he knew Paul loved him just as much back.
More memories flickered back in his mind. Warm ones, nothing like the scars his dad had inflicted on him. He remembered all the times Paul let him stay at his house for the night because it wasn’t safe to go back home. He remembered feeling empty and frightened at school because of something his dad had said that morning, and Paul was always there to comfort him. He remembered when his wounds still stung and bled, Paul would dress them all with his tender care. He remembered waking up screaming in the night from the nightmares, and Paul was always right by his side within moments.
Joey drifted back, watching Paul’s gentle gaze seep into his own.
“Thank you,” He said softly.
Paul smiled and squeezed his hand in response.
Corey spoke up from his place beside them. “Would you like to go home?”
Joey turned to look at him. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be alright now.”
Corey watched him skeptically, but Joey nodded firmly to show he was sure. “Let’s get something to eat.”
He moved to sit up, but his legs still felt weak and tingly beneath him. Paul grabbed his shoulder to help stabilize him as he regained balance, delicate but supportive. Together, the three slowly walked down to the end of the shadowy alleyway and towards the bustling streets. The sun had completely set, but the world was now alight in bright neon signs and streetlamps, contrastingly colourful against the inky night.
Even before they had emerged back onto the main street, the noise was overwhelming. It pounded against Joey’s senses, which were still raw and exposed from earlier. He winced as a truck roared past them down the road, flinching from the sudden sound.
Paul noticed, and reached into the pocket of his baggy jeans. He pulled out his small tape player, wired to a pair of headphones, and passed it to Joey.
Joey looked up at him. “Oh, no, it’s fine, really-”
“Come on,” Paul smiled. “It’s loud. It’ll help.”
Joey returned the smile before taking the headphones and clicking play on the walkman. A pounding guitar riff opened, one he recognised off by heart, and drowned out the obnoxious tumult of the city. Slayer filled his ears, the sweet music shining into his soul. It was his favourite album, which Paul certainly must have chosen just for him.
As the trio entered the bustling city streets once more, Joey looked up and smiled at Paul whole-heartedly. He was glad he had someone like him. Someone who was always there for him. Someone he knew he could trust with anything.
He gently reached for Paul’s hand, who eagerly accepted it. Together they walked into the beautiful night of the city, shining in the fluorescent lights. The stars and moon twinkled down on him as he traversed through the cool night air, warmed by the comfort of his friends.
He felt safe.