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The first time Shinobu saw those deep blue eyes, she grew a natural desire to learn about them.
It was in her nature as a human.
And as a scientist.
Curiosity is a queer thing, drawing people, many, many great people, into its clutches, slowly eating away at the mind while it desperately searches for its answer.
That was the start of all her pain and devotion then, those eyes.
Still, unchanging, they had lingered in her mind long after their first meeting.
They still do.
She was the corps’ doctor back then, not exactly fighting in missions, so she got to meet a variety of demon slayers, including ane-san’s special.
But still, none of the variety of boys, men, inbetweens, struck her this way.
The boy didn’t look much different.
Soft black hair, dark eyes.
Yet when Shinobu’s light pupilless eyes met those pools of ultramarine, something struck her.
She, of course as always, kept herself composed, yet the moment she stepped out of the room she was treating the boy in, she burst straight out of the mansion and into the gardens where ane-san spent most of her time.
Ane-san was taken only a small bit off guard, then after more careful scrutiny from ane-san’s side, she burst out laughing, landing on her back in the dirt.
Shinobu worried more about the laundry she would have to deal with considering the white haori.
When she voiced this, ane-san fell into even deeper laughter, choking on her own saliva and clutching her stomach as it cramped.
The shorter girl frowned at her older sister, asking why she was laughing at her.
Ane-san coughed out some more saliva, and answered with a simple ‘Shinobu is growing up so fast!’ and two or three more fits of laughter.
Shinobu had run back to her room pouting, and it wasn’t even three minutes before ane-san was at her door and asking to be let in.
Another minute passed, and Shinobu caved in.
A meek ‘come in,’ was heard by ane-san, and surprisingly, she didn’t barge into the room like the usual bright ball of optimism she was.
She slid the door open slowly, giving Shinobu enough time to come out of her many blankets, and kept it open, leaving enough space for Shinobu to bolt at any time.
“Shinobu is mad at me, ah?”
“Hmph.”
“Shinobu-chan, I told you how I feel about Shinezugawa-san, hm?
Shinobu must have realized how ane-san reacts when I see him.
You see the similarities, even just biologically, right?”
It made the younger girl a bit miffed that ane-san was right, but she stayed silent.
Ane-san took this as a confirmation.
“Ane-san is here as your emotional response, okay?
You notice, biologically, there are signs-”
“Ane-san!
I met him once, why would I even like him!”
“Shinobu~
Have you ever heard of love at first sight?”
“Uh-huh.
Like that would totally exist.
Scientifically you-”
“Can.
You can fall in love at first sight.
At least, I did.
That was what got me into talking with Shinezugawa-san, isn’t it?”
“He’s still a hot-headed motherfu-”
“Shinobu!”
“M’sorry.
Not really but-”
“Kocho Shinobu!”
“Hmph.
I can’t see how you’d like him.”
“Well, you fell in love for a boy with nothing but pretty eyes~”
“Ane-san!
How would you even know!”
“Oh!
He’s a hashira!
Isn’t it neat?
He is crazy strong too, and he’s young enough…I think he is younger than I am, actually…”
Shinobu made a weird face when she heard he was a hashira.
The boy looks no more than two years, maybe three older than she is, yet he was already ranked hashira.
She could only reflect on her incompetence.
Her sister was perfect.
A strong hashira.
Beautiful, reliable, not to mention tall.
She is the best wife any man could ever imagine.
Shinobu would’ve killed anyone who thought otherwise.
“Don’t think you are weak.”
The sudden scolding from ane-san wiped the frown off Shinobu’s face immediately.
“Shinobu, you don’t need to be a hashira to be called strong.
Looking after the weak and injured deserves the title of strong, too.”
Ane-san smiled at Shinobu back then, with the most beautiful and bright smile that a human could possibly make, and dragged her to the kitchen to watch her stupid motherfucker cook.
He was decent at it, actually, making meals taste almost as nice as ane-san’s.
That couldn’t really matter less in the end.
When ane-san died, no one else was there.
No one but Shinobu could've done anything either, but still, ane-san died alone, in the hands of her younger sister.
Two months later, Shinobu becomes the Butterfly hashira, and ane-san’s estate becomes the Butterfly Mansion.
It goes from a small infirmary only for the strongest, to the central hospital of the entire corps.
Shinobu took ane-san’s haori with her, too.
The same haori she had only worried about getting dirty in a petty conversation about a boy.
A boy with blue blue eyes.
The second time Shinobu met the boy was the hashira meeting to announce her succession of ane-san’s position.
She knew all the hashira there, which were few, not filling all the nine pillar spots.
Ane-san had once told her it was because of the few rare cases of retirement among the hashira.
One was Rengoku, the flame hashira.
One was Kuwajima, the thunder hashira.
One was Urokodaki, the water hashira.
His spot was succeeded by the boy with blue eyes.
Ane-san then launched into a two hour long rant with lots of useless information about the boy.
He was cold and distant from everyone, rarely talking, and seems to have also lost someone.
According to ane-san at least, but Shinobu for the life of her, could not figure out how she could read this much from a blank face.
But the one piece of diamond information among all the coal ane-san had given Shinobu was the boy’s name.
Giyu Tomioka.
She held onto this name for a while, before having it slip back into her files of useless memories.
After ane-san died, Shinobu only drowned herself in her poison research and demon slaying.
She wouldn’t even have remembered her promotion was that day had Oyakata-sama not reminded her with a crow.
So theoretically, she should not have been able to remember that name.
But she did.
And she accidentally said it out loud, in front of the small crowd of hashira.
Shinobu panicked.
If only she were ane-san.
She would be able to handle this situation perfectly.
She would’ve had this misunderstanding blossom into what she calls a ‘friendship.’
But she wasn’t ane-san, and never will be.
It was either she had to come up with some shitty remark, or she was to try being the benevolent saintess ane-san was.
Quickly observing the crowd around her, who was expressing their grief at the loss of ane-san before her outburst, she came up with the easiest, quickest, and most logical solution.
Mock him for not feeling anything when one of this man’s co-workers died.
Mock him for his expressionless demeanor, and oh, ane-san was so beautiful, how could anyone feel no grief or pain.
Ane-san was so nice too, probably one of the few people who could talk to him with that uncaring and emotionless mug of his.
Shinobu watched as the man’s eyes quickly darkened from their usual ultramarine into this inky, near-black shade of blue.
She gave him a sweet smile, the closest she could to ane-san’s.
In the corner of her eye somewhere, she could see the shithead’s mouth drop while watching all this.
He was the closest he was to apologising to her, ever, for not being here when ane-san was dying to the hands of those creatures that would be the only ones viler than he was.
The dick ass should.
If he cared for ane-san, why didn’t he come for ane-san when she died?
Why did ane-san have to die alone, so close to sunrise, with her weakling of a sister?
Shinobu’s eyes also started to darken when she thought of this.
The boy noticeably frowned when he saw her eyes, and turned away, to an angle in which he can see the engawa but not have to look at Shinobu.
Shinobu obviously saw this, but she decided to not comment or act like it.
The hashira around her have all become quiet.
The sudden appearance of the master washed away all the previous awkwardness.
The meeting was simple, an announcement of the new insect pillar, and possible plans going onwards.
Shinobu latched onto every single one of Oyakata-sama’s words, keeping her interaction with Tomioka out of her mind.
Tomioka-san.
Right.
The meeting was wrapped up quickly, luckily not announcing any major deaths.
Sanemi caught up to Shinobu as she made her way out of the mansion.
“Hey.
Kocho.
I just wanted to say, Tomioka doesn’t feel much.
Don’t feel all that bad.”
“Mhm.
Like I would feel bad for a guy like him.”
The two stopped their walks, staring right at each other, purple to purple.
A smile of mutual understanding cracked open on both of their faces.
Shinobu meets Tomioka again, no, Tomioka-san again when the master assigns them both on a mission.
It was not specifically stated, but very very very heavily implied that Tomioka was Shinobu’s partner, not the other way around.
Shinobu’s face soured, despite the excitement of a new mission.
She still wasn’t strong enough for a solo mission as a hashira, huh.
Damn it.
The two finished the mission in pure silence.
Neither spoke of the incident at the manor.
Shinobu felt a squeeze in her heart for the first time.
Heartache.
She really really wanted to talk to Tomioka.
For whatever reason.
But all the words that come so close to her mouth get immediately sent right back to where they came from.
She supposed Kanae would force her to apologize if she were here.
Clear up the misunderstanding with that saintly smile.
But this Kocho isn’t that Kocho, and Shinobu could only wait until the blue eyed boy comes to reach her first.
Which did end up happening, by the end of their mission.
The two easily found and killed the demon within thirty minutes, and on their way back to their respective mansions, the boy decided to start to talk.
“Why did you do that at the master's mansion?”
Shit.
Bad start.
Shinobu had not made up a cover story for herself yet.
Improvise, Shinobu!
As the person who designed her own nichirin blade, she should be able to handle this stuff with a breeze.
Should.
“Well, what do you think?
I hate you, obviously.”
Shit.
Oh three suns that fly across the sky.
How could a supposed scientific genius be so socially stupid.
Shinobu bitterly bet even Kanao could do better than she is right now.
She observed the boy's face wash with hurt, then it washed right off his face.
Oh shit.
“Why?
I didn’t do anything to you?”
Shinobu was shocked.
This boy was more persistent than she had expected.
His eyes were dark, not dangerous.
They would strike empathy in anyone who looked at them; so, so lonely, as Shinobu’s reflection danced in it, as if her world was one he could only be the spectator to.
Another feeling of that clench rose in Shinobu’s chest, squeezing and knotting.
She genuinely wondered if she needed to check herself for symptoms of a heart attack.
“I…
I-
No.
You.
You…ane-san talked about you a lot.”
Only because ane-san found Shinobu panicking about his eyes, of course.
“She…said you were soft, under your icy face.
But, you, you, you didn’t show half a bit of sadness, anger, anything!
Anything!
Nothing at all, when she died!”
Shinobu drew out all the reasons she could find avoiding her own feelings from being exposed.
The man, or boy?
He was too tall now, to be a boy still.
The man turned away from Shinobu, facing toward the path again.
“I…
Okay then.”
It worked!
Shinobu rejoiced at fending the man off for a while, but tears seemed to well up in her eyes without any of her control.
Warm and stinging, they flew behind her as she picked up her speed.
Perhaps her tears had hit the man in the face, or he had noticed the change in Shinobu’s speed, but he stopped.
Shinobu doesn’t notice, and keeps running.
So when she heard the man calling out to her, she almost tripped on flat ground.
“Kocho.”
Shinobu caught herself, then froze up.
“Why are you crying?
Kocho?”
Shinobu’s hands felt their way up her face.
The purple-eyed girl, only fourteen, stood facing an empty dirt road and the moon above it.
She hadn’t even realized she had started sobbing.
Her eyes were dead in the way as if they only looked upon this world, and no longer cared for it at all.
Those pupiless purple eyes, usually dully grey with apathy, were now glistening under the moonlight as tears flowed freely from them.
The moon is beautiful tonight, Shinobu thinks.
So beautiful, ane-san.
Ane-san should see her like this.
Shinobu would end up laughing after the two or three scoldings ane-san would give her.
A dual patterned haori entered the girl’s vision.
Tomioka slowly squats down to face Shinobu.
“Kocho.
Don’t cry Kocho…”
Shinobu only sobbed harder hearing that.
She didn’t even know why she started crying to be honest.
Was it because she missed ane-san?
Was it because she realised she never really told Tomioka how she felt?
Oh.
No.
The woman dangling limp watched herself slowly lose all feeling.
First, her legs.
Then her arms.
Somewhere distant, she hears the clatter of a sword.
Kanae…
She can win now.
Ane-san can rest in peace.
But…
Tomioka…?
Would he be lonely?
No one would talk to him anymore…
No, Kamado would.
The boy was bright, in the way she could never be.
Huh.
A little brother would do him more good than a lover would.
The anger of Douma melts away from Shinobu’s face, leaving a smile.
The last act before she completely dies.
Shinobu dies seeing blue, blue like the depths of the ocean, blue like the freedom of the daytime sky.
[2376 words]